Latest news with #healthyrelationship
CNA
a day ago
- Business
- CNA
What happens when she earns more than him? High-earning women get real about dating, money and relationships
There is no point skirting around the issue: Money plays a significant role in the foundation of a healthy relationship. It is not about how much money you have. Money, or rather the process of earning it, brings other pertinent relationship topics into the spotlight – topics such as trust, communication, shared values and maturity. 'I have never been in a relationship where the man was more financially successful than I,' said Jo-anne Peng, a 46-year-old business development manager who earns a monthly salary of S$18,000. 'In each new relationship, I convinced myself that as long as I am financially comfortable and that the guy isn't expecting me to give him money, it's all good.' Peng has never asked her partners how much they were earning, but she guesses it was 30 to 50 per cent less than her. She told CNA Women that although this mentality meant she was never dependent on her partners, it also created a situation where she found it difficult to 'be a woman'. 'Over time, I forgot how to bring my feminine self into the relationship. The practical matters took over, and I neglected my emotional needs. And always, the love would die,' said Peng. Is Peng being dramatic? According to Aloysius Tay, principal psychologist at The Psychology Clinic, she is not. 'Jo-anne's feelings are completely legitimate. She is expressing how others in similar circumstances would feel but stay silent about. When one partner carries most of the financial load, it can lead to emotional burnout because they are expected to take care of the home and meet the other person's emotional needs.' While men also feel this strain, Tay said women often feel additional pressure because of expectations that they have, to be both strong providers and nurturing partners. 'They are stuck in a 'be everything' mode and this makes it hard for them to relax, feel supported, or even connected to their emotional selves,' he said. FINDING THE RIGHT BALANCE IS KEY But financial equality can present itself in another form. For Jessica Lim, a 41-year-old communications manager who has been with her partner for almost 23 years, financial success is not the same thing as financial values. She said: 'The more important thing is we need to have the same financial values. For example, we should have the same attitude towards spending and saving.' Lim believes both her husband and her are financially compatible despite the difference in the sizes of their pay cheques. The balance, she said, comes from the level of job security they face in their respective fields. She said: 'In my situation, layoffs are not uncommon in my industry. I've been made redundant twice but my husband's job is pretty secure and pays a decent bonus. So even though I earn more, I know I can lean on him for financial support when times are uncertain.' Amy Ang, a 35-year-old working in finance, holds the same belief that a man can make up for his lack of earning power in other ways. 'Emotional safety is what I look for at this stage in my life,' she said. Ang, who is single and earns about S$13,000 a month, feels that men who are financially successful may not be ready to commit so easily to one woman. 'I'm fine with dating a man who earns less but not to the extent that I have to change my lifestyle. What I look for is a man who has a plan for his finances and lives within his means.' Tay, the psychologist, added: 'The success of a relationship depends on more than income dynamics. It is about mutual respect, emotional intelligence, and shared values. What matters most is the willingness to share responsibility and power, and show each other appreciation for what they bring to the table.' "I DON'T NEED A MAN'S MONEY BUT I NEED A MAN WITH MONEY" In recent times, social media has presented content talking about 'feminine energy' and how women need to be in their 'feminine selves' to thrive in a relationship. 'Indeed, this observation has psychological support but it's more about people feeling emotionally fulfilled when they aren't weighed down by outside pressures, like financial strain,' Tay said. Peng, who is recently divorced, is adamant that for her next relationship, she wants a partner who is equally or more financially successful. 'I don't need a man's money but I need a man with money.' She explained that money is the result of a person working hard to build their career and ultimately, their legacy. 'I want someone who knows what it is like to worry about security, to acknowledge my worries about the future. When I'm tired, I also hope that my partner would be there to support me.' For Peng, money is not just a symbol of security, power, identity, and the ego – it is also about a person's mindset and how her partner can show up effectively in their relationship. It may look like she is fixated on 'who is earning more' but in reality, she is looking for a person who can support her goals and wellbeing. ARE HIGH-EARNING WOMEN PERCEIVED AS "TOO MUCH"? In Singapore, hypergamy (marrying up) is still very much a social expectation. However, rather than seeing high-earning women as 'picky', we should understand that they are likely being 'self-protective'. 'Some women may internalise the notion that their success restricts their 'romantic eligibility' and when they are with a man who is less successful, the man's insecurity will negatively impact the relationship,' said Tay. The reality may not be as harsh as these women think. Hayley Quinn, a dating coach whose TedX talk Searching for Love to Escape Ourselves attracted over 3 million viewers, writes on her website that it's not that men don't like successful women, but they just don't have it high on their priority list. And, believing that men are intimidated by a woman's success disempowers women in the dating field. She writes that while many men may not have much money in the bank, they also don't discriminate against successful women. 'The right relationship gives you the support and stability you need to reach your goals,' she said. It doesn't matter if you perceive money to be the dealmaker/breaker. What matters at the end of the day is going into every relationship with authenticity and that your partner shares, not breaks, your vision of life. 'Success is not the punishment. How men, women and society react to it, that's the punishment,' said Tay.
The Guardian
6 days ago
- General
- The Guardian
You be the judge: should my partner use a co-working space so I can have our flat to myself?
I want him to work away from the flat so we keep a healthy relationship and avoid a couple bubble Before Xavier moved into my flat in a sunny European city, I lived alone for three years. Ahead of him moving in, I said we could live together but that he needed to find somewhere else to work so we weren't on top of each other. We'd both moved here from other countries, and I think it's healthy to carry on meeting people and not just live in a couple bubble. I asked him to find a co-working space to help us keep a balanced, healthy relationship. Also, when I wake up, I don't want to speak for a while. Because I work remotely for a client who doesn't need me until 1pm, my mornings are my solo time. Having Xavier in my flat all day every day isn't an option. My job is 90% calls, so it had to be him that left. Also, it's my flat, and he was the one who proposed moving in. Luckily, we are super compatible as flatmates, but this was my condition. I like to have different spaces for work, sleep and socialising, but Xavier doesn't think like that. He can get up, start work straight away at the kitchen table and then leave the house when he's done. He likes to do all his work-related activities indoors, then socialise outdoors. It took Xavier a while to commit to a co-working space. Before that, he was hanging around at home. One day, a month after we started living together, he wanted to take a call at the flat. I said it was fine, but actually it was annoying. Later, we had to have a conversation about why I was irritated, and he joined a co-working space right after that. I like to talk about issues that arise right away, whereas Xavier will avoid things and hope they'll disappear. I need to be understood, whereas he can just suppress things. Luckily, there are no other issues between us when it comes to living together. But I think it's important to have boundaries. Xavier can work from home occasionally, but I'd prefer it if he stuck to the routine and came back in the afternoon while I'm working and not when I want to relax alone in the morning. It's important to have separation as a couple. I'm more productive working from home. I wake up, have a coffee and start straight away About a month after I moved into Claire's flat, she told me I needed to go to a co-working space. We both work remotely, and when I moved in she did mention this stipulation. We've only been dating a year, and she didn't want us to be on top of each other. I dragged my heels because I'd never been to a co-working space; I'd always worked at home. I'm more productive that way. I wake up, have a coffee and start work straight away. I like starting early and finishing by 2 or 3pm, and having my own space, with my food, snacks and a toilet all close by. Claire starts at 1pm, so I originally thought: great I'll work in our flat until she needs the office, and pop into a co-working space now and again. But then, about 10 days into this routine, she sat me down and said it wasn't working, that she wanted me to work outside of the flat consistently. So now I have to pack my bag, walk to a co-working space, and speak to people, all because Claire wants me out. I don't like it. I get up at 7am and my productivity starts at 100%. Every little thing I do before working detracts from that – it drops off bit by bit. Claire said she wanted her space in the mornings. She doesn't talk much, whereas I am a morning person. I didn't think I was disturbing her, but she said it was more about having space to just exist away from me in the day. I wasn't offended, but I didn't like having to find a co-working spot right away. I needed to work out what I liked and what I wanted out of one – it's not easy. I tried one place and it was way too social. Everyone said 'hi' every five minutes, and my productivity was affected. Claire is a very open communicator, and I'm glad she told me she wanted me out of the flat. And I have managed to find a more corporate, soulless co-working space that is less sociable and suits me. In some ways, my working there makes our lives more interesting, because I come home with news about my day. But sometimes I wish I had a bit more freedom to be in the flat because it's my home, too. Should Xavier let Claire have the space to herself? Claire wants Xavier to live on her terms and offers no flexibility. The mention of 'her flat' makes it feel as if she hasn't embraced living together as a couple. He is asking for more freedom in his own home, which seems a reasonable 35 If working elsewhere was a condition of moving in, Xavier needs to stick to it. But Claire needs to remember that this is Xavier's home too now – he's allowed to be there during the day. Flexibility on her side would help ease this 40 There seems to be a disparity in the equality dynamic and a disconnect in the relationship harmony. Claire is pulling rank because it's 'her flat' and seems to be insinuating that her needs are more important than his so Xavier should change. Compromise is called 72 Covid taught us that spending 24 hours together is not healthy, particularly for a relatively new couple. Claire could compromise and agree on some occasions when Xavier can work from home, but I am with her when she talks about needing space and quiet in the 53 It doesn't seem as if it would take long for Xavier to walk to his work space, so I don't buy the argument that every second wasted between waking and working drains him of productivity. It also sounds a bit awful to have your boyfriend get up at 7am and start working on your kitchen table. Alone time is good for a 48 In our online poll, tell us if you think Xavier should pack his bags and go to work. The poll closes on Wednesday 13 August at 9am BST We asked whether Wes should stop drinking from a water bladder while having sex with his girlfriend 89% of you said yes – Wes is guilty 11% of you said no – Wes is not guilty
The Guardian
6 days ago
- General
- The Guardian
You be the judge: should my partner use a co-working space so I can have our flat to myself?
I want him to work away from the flat so we keep a healthy relationship and avoid a couple bubble Before Xavier moved into my flat in a sunny European city, I lived alone for three years. Ahead of him moving in, I said we could live together but that he needed to find somewhere else to work so we weren't on top of each other. We'd both moved here from other countries, and I think it's healthy to carry on meeting people and not just live in a couple bubble. I asked him to find a co-working space to help us keep a balanced, healthy relationship. Also, when I wake up, I don't want to speak for a while. Because I work remotely for a client who doesn't need me until 1pm, my mornings are my solo time. Having Xavier in my flat all day every day isn't an option. My job is 90% calls, so it had to be him that left. Also, it's my flat, and he was the one who proposed moving in. Luckily, we are super compatible as flatmates, but this was my condition. I like to have different spaces for work, sleep and socialising, but Xavier doesn't think like that. He can get up, start work straight away at the kitchen table and then leave the house when he's done. He likes to do all his work-related activities indoors, then socialise outdoors. It took Xavier a while to commit to a co-working space. Before that, he was hanging around at home. One day, a month after we started living together, he wanted to take a call at the flat. I said it was fine, but actually it was annoying. Later, we had to have a conversation about why I was irritated, and he joined a co-working space right after that. I like to talk about issues that arise right away, whereas Xavier will avoid things and hope they'll disappear. I need to be understood, whereas he can just suppress things. Luckily, there are no other issues between us when it comes to living together. But I think it's important to have boundaries. Xavier can work from home occasionally, but I'd prefer it if he stuck to the routine and came back in the afternoon while I'm working and not when I want to relax alone in the morning. It's important to have separation as a couple. I'm more productive working from home. I wake up, have a coffee and start straight away About a month after I moved into Claire's flat, she told me I needed to go to a co-working space. We both work remotely, and when I moved in she did mention this stipulation. We've only been dating a year, and she didn't want us to be on top of each other. I dragged my heels because I'd never been to a co-working space; I'd always worked at home. I'm more productive that way. I wake up, have a coffee and start work straight away. I like starting early and finishing by 2 or 3pm, and having my own space, with my food, snacks and a toilet all close by. Claire starts at 1pm, so I originally thought: great I'll work in our flat until she needs the office, and pop into a co-working space now and again. But then, about 10 days into this routine, she sat me down and said it wasn't working, that she wanted me to work outside of the flat consistently. So now I have to pack my bag, walk to a co-working space, and speak to people, all because Claire wants me out. I don't like it. I get up at 7am and my productivity starts at 100%. Every little thing I do before working detracts from that – it drops off bit by bit. Claire said she wanted her space in the mornings. She doesn't talk much, whereas I am a morning person. I didn't think I was disturbing her, but she said it was more about having space to just exist away from me in the day. I wasn't offended, but I didn't like having to find a co-working spot right away. I needed to work out what I liked and what I wanted out of one – it's not easy. I tried one place and it was way too social. Everyone said 'hi' every five minutes, and my productivity was affected. Claire is a very open communicator, and I'm glad she told me she wanted me out of the flat. And I have managed to find a more corporate, soulless co-working space that is less sociable and suits me. In some ways, my working there makes our lives more interesting, because I come home with news about my day. But sometimes I wish I had a bit more freedom to be in the flat because it's my home, too. Should Xavier let Claire have the space to herself? Claire wants Xavier to live on her terms and offers no flexibility. The mention of 'her flat' makes it feel as if she hasn't embraced living together as a couple. He is asking for more freedom in his own home, which seems a reasonable 35 If working elsewhere was a condition of moving in, Xavier needs to stick to it. But Claire needs to remember that this is Xavier's home too now – he's allowed to be there during the day. Flexibility on her side would help ease this 40 There seems to be a disparity in the equality dynamic and a disconnect in the relationship harmony. Claire is pulling rank because it's 'her flat' and seems to be insinuating that her needs are more important than his so Xavier should change. Compromise is called 72 Covid taught us that spending 24 hours together is not healthy, particularly for a relatively new couple. Claire could compromise and agree on some occasions when Xavier can work from home, but I am with her when she talks about needing space and quiet in the 53 It doesn't seem as if it would take long for Xavier to walk to his work space, so I don't buy the argument that every second wasted between waking and working drains him of productivity. It also sounds a bit awful to have your boyfriend get up at 7am and start working on your kitchen table. Alone time is good for a 48 In our online poll, tell us if you think Xavier should pack his bags and go to work. The poll closes on Wednesday 13 August at 9am BST We asked whether Wes should stop drinking from a water bladder while having sex with his girlfriend 89% of you said yes – Wes is guilty 11% of you said no – Wes is not guilty
Yahoo
18-06-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
We grew up with food rules, guilt and shame. Our kids don't have to.
Diet culture is everywhere, often putting people in a perpetual cycle of restricting what they eat to try to lose weight, then indulging after feeling deprived, followed by heaps of guilt and shame — and then repeat. Whether parents realize it or not, those internalized messages many of us picked up while growing up — from unhealthy food rules to body dissatisfaction — can be passed down to our children if we're not paying attention. In the fourth episode of their podcast After Bedtime With Big Little Feelings, Big Little Feelings founders Deena Margolin, a child therapist specializing in interpersonal neurobiology, and Kristin Gallant, a parenting coach with a background in maternal and child education, along with Gallant's husband Tyler, discuss how diet culture shaped their own relationships with food and their bodies and how harmful those negative messages can be. For Yahoo's column , Gallant shares four ways parents can help break the cycle of diet culture and raise kids to have a healthy relationship with food and their bodies. For many of us, food wasn't just food — it was rules, guilt, restriction and confusion. Maybe you grew up watching your parents do SlimFast or Jenny Craig, talk about 'cheat days' or cut carbs before vacation. Maybe you were told to finish your plate, and then told to 'watch your attitude' in the same breath. Maybe you lived in a house where all the 'fun food' was off limits, so you snuck it when you could, eating in secret. Or maybe, like so many, you absorbed the quiet, relentless message: Your body isn't good enough unless it's smaller. For Deena, this turned into an eating disorder. For Kristin, it meant years of hating her bigger body. For Tyler, it was the shame of sneaking 'forbidden' foods at friends' houses. Diet culture was the air we breathed. And now, we're trying to raise kids in clean air. But how do you undo decades of conditioning while parenting in real time? Here are four concrete steps you can take. We were handed a script: Be smaller. Eat less. Look 'good.' Don't take up too much space. Today, we're writing a new one. We want our kids to have a relationship with food that's grounded in trust, joy and respect. We want them to move their bodies because it feels good, not to punish themselves. We want them to know, deep in their bones, that all bodies are good bodies. That starts by recognizing how we were shaped, so we can choose something different. You don't have to throw out nutrition to break up with diet culture. You can serve a variety of foods without labeling them 'good' or 'bad.' You can offer structure, like set mealtimes and cues that the kitchen is closing, without control or scarcity. You can also teach kids how different foods help them feel energized, focused and strong — without tying their worth to what's on their plate. This isn't about 'perfection.' It's about consistency, balance and a safe emotional environment around food. We want our kids to feel confident around food. Not obsessive or ashamed. Just … free. That means: Talking about food as fuel. Which foods help us feel strong, full and focused? Letting food be fun sometimes, without making it special or off-limits. Keeping food neutral. Food isn't a reward. It's also not a punishment or a bribe. It's just food. When the pressure is off, kids learn to listen to their bodies and trust them. Let's teach our kids that movement isn't about 'burning off' anything. It's about coming home to your body and feeling alive in it. So run because it clears your mind. Dance because it's fun. Stretch because your body deserves care. That shift? It's powerful. It tells our kids: 'Your body isn't a project. It's a gift.' Here's what we know: Body image isn't just shaped by what your kids hear; it's also shaped by what they see. When they see us treating our bodies with respect — feeding them, moving them, resting them — they learn to do the same. When they see us existing in photos, wearing the swimsuit, eating the cake, being present … they learn that worthiness isn't conditional. Let's build homes where all bodies belong. Where the goal isn't thinness — it's wholeness.
CTV News
15-05-2025
- Entertainment
- CTV News
Cassie Ventura and Alex Fine's powerful love story is rooted in a shared adversity
Cassie Ventura has Sean 'Diddy' Combs to thank, in part, for finding the true love of her life. Ventura's husband, Alex Fine, was Combs' personal trainer before he became Ventura's trainer, which led to them falling in love. The two wed in 2019, after her tumultuous relationship with Combs played out, off and on, between 2007 and 2018. Based on their social media posts and interviews, the relationship Fine and Ventura share is in direct contrast to the horror she says she suffered at the hands of Combs. As she has testified about those allegations in the federal sex-trafficking trial against Combs this week, Ventura's husband has been in court supporting her, much like he vowed to do in an open letter he shared on social media in 2019. 'I promise you that I will do every single thing in my power to support you and help you,' he wrote at the time. 'I promise that you will never be alone. I promise that you will be loved beyond expectation and we will show our children how to be in a healthy relationship.' Cassie Ventura and Alex Fine Cassie Ventura and Alex Fine in 2022. (Johnny Nunez/WireImage/Getty Images/File via CNN Newsource) Loving 'Poonie' Fine has a nickname he utilizes as his social media handle on Instagram. 'I'm Alex to everyone, but to close friends I'm 'Poonie,' a nickname I've had since I was young,' he told Zero magazine. In Fine, Ventura found a man who could sympathize with the violence she has said she was subjected to by Combs. Attorneys for Combs have said the violence in his relationship with Ventura was 'mutual.' In a March 2020 post on his Almost Home site, Fine explained why he chose to run a 50-mile marathon to raise money for his domestic violence charity, inspired by experiences his beloved mother had suffered. 'When I got the news that my mom had been the victim of domestic abuse and violence, I really didn't know how to handle it,' he wrote at the time. Fine said his 'anger' over the abuse is mother endured deeply affected him. 'I didn't want to give in to those paralyzing feelings,' he wrote. 'So, I decided to channel my anger and feelings of helplessness by running fifty miles to bring awareness and hopefully raise some money for other victims of domestic violence.' That type of sensitivity was on hand when he proposed to Ventura in 2019. 'I knew that Alex was designing a ring, but I honestly wasn't expecting a super elaborate proposal because we already had the wedding date set, but he planned such a beautiful experience for me,' she told Vogue. 'I was so surprised!' A cowboy at heart, the trainer turned model and actor was on location with the Compton Cowboys and asked Ventura to meet him for what turned out to be a surprise proposal. 'He told me to come ready because we were driving straight to dinner to celebrate my birthday early that night as my family was coming into town,' she recalled. 'I was running a little late, so he called me to check in.' Ventura said she heard a Stevie Wonder song playing and spotted 'the guys on their horses waving at me.' 'I looked up and saw our initials tied up above them, then Alex came around on his horse. When he got down on one knee, everything just stopped,' she told the publication. 'I felt like I lost my sense of hearing; I just saw his mouth moving, and he said 'I want to spend the rest of my life with you.'' They then went to Playa del Rey, where Fine had arranged for two of their friends to set up dinner and a bonfire on the beach. 'I will never forget how special Alex made me feel that night,' Ventura said. 'Being a dad and husband is the greatest thing I've ever done' Fine has continued to show Ventura that she is unrivaled in his affection. They are the parents of two daughters, Frankie 5, and Sunny, 3. Ventura is due to give birth to their third child soon. 'I'm a father, husband, and actor,' he told Zero. 'Family and work take the most importance and focus in my life. I became the man I am today a lot from the environment I grew up in. My mom and dad are the best.' 'Being a dad and husband is the greatest thing I've ever done and I don't know how I got to be so blessed,' Fine said. Ventura has returned the praise. In honor of Father's Day last year, she shared a series of photos and video of Fine. 'There is just no one like you,' Ventura wrote in the caption. Fine paid a public tribute to his wife on their third wedding anniversary. 'I'm so lucky that I got to marry my best friend and most beautiful wife in the world. Every morning I wake up and see you and the babies I get so happy,' he wrote in the caption of a series of wedding photos. On Wednesday, Fine appeared stoic as he left the Manhattan courthouse of the Combs trial, where his wife has spent more than eight hours testifying so far about her troubled past relationship with the embattled music industry vet. 'She's holding up strong,' Douglas Wigdor, Ventura's attorney, told reporters outside court. When asked how Ventura's husband was doing, he said, 'put yourself in his shoes.' Combs has pleaded not guilty to charges that include racketeering conspiracy, sex trafficking and transportation to engage in prostitution. His defense team has said they may call Fine to the stand to testify. A challenge he and Ventura will likely get through, together.
