Latest news with #healthyrelationships
Forbes
02-07-2025
- General
- Forbes
3 Red Flags You Are Romanticizing As Love, By A Psychologist
These three red flags might look like love, but in reality, they're clear signs that someone isn't ... More right for you. Here's how to learn the difference. When a relationship ends despite your best efforts to make it work, you might think 'I just wanted to be loved.' Perhaps you even convince yourself that you're not meant for the love you're seeking. You may even start to feel that relationships never work out for you, and no matter how much you pour into them, you always come out empty-handed. If this pattern holds true for most of your relationships, it doesn't mean you don't deserve healthy love. Instead, you may be replaying certain relational patterns that land you the same outcome each time. More often than not, we mistake familiar pain for love. This is often a childhood dynamic that follows you into adult relationships. With each cycle of seeking love and failing to get it in your life, you might notice that what you've been drawn to isn't a form of love after all. Here are three red flags we tend to misinterpret and romanticize as love, and how to identify them. 1. You Mistake Emotional Intensity For Passion Emotional intensity in dysfunctional relationships manifests as extreme lows followed by extreme highs. You may experience intense feelings and a preoccupation with your partner that borders on obsession, or may be drawn to partners who feel this way about you. In such a dynamic, every fight threatens to break your relationship, shake your foundation and make you question your self-worth, but every make-up comes with the certainty of forever — a mindset where you believe love will win it all no matter how hard it gets. In such relationships, it's hard to find your footing or make space for what matters because you're always on damage control. You forget that true love offers safety without unrealistic expectations, acceptance without conditions and validation without needing to earn it. Individuals with an anxious attachment style are especially prone to this dynamic, as emotional inconsistency can magnify their longing. This is where people often mistake unpredictability for love. A 2018 study published in Interpersona investigated the link between emotional intensity and romantic feelings in 80 young adults. It found that moderate stress in romantic relationships can heighten romantic feelings, creating a cycle where instability feels more compelling than peace. In contrast, feelings decreased under both low and high levels of stress. The next time you are ruminating about your relationship, ask yourself, 'Is this really pushing me toward connection or am I just addicted to intensity?' 2. You Are Chasing Validation, Not Love When you're stuck in a romanticizing pattern, you often chase validation instead of love. What drives you — often unconsciously — is the belief that, 'If I can finally get this person to love me, then I'll be worthy.' You seek their validation because, deep down, you may believe, 'I am not enough' — a belief that likely formed in childhood when your needs were dismissed or you were seen as too demanding. This internalized shame shows up in relationships as striving for approval, blaming yourself when things go wrong and surrendering your agency to avoid rejection. You don't look for someone who gets you — you look for someone to save you from addressing the aspects of yourself that you are too embarrassed to look at. A 2019 study published in the International Journal of Psychophysiology concluded that emotional neglect was associated with reduced oxytocin levels and insecure attachment patterns which collectively predicted higher social fear and avoidance. That is, when your need for safety is not met, it can impact you at both physiological and psychological levels, fueling the need to gain validation, avoid confrontation and re-establish a sense of safety. So, in relationships, whenever you catch yourself overdoing it — trying too hard to show your worth or overperforming for others — it's not love you may be seeking, but validation. Ask yourself, 'Do I really want this person to love me or do I just need them to see me — so I can finally feel worthy of loving myself?' 3. You Are Mistaking Control For Security When people think of security in love, they think of someone they can rely on in times of need. Someone who can take the wheel from them when they are too tired to drive, take over household responsibilities while they rest or support them through a difficult time. Emotionally, it's the equivalent of them drawing a blanket over you as you sleep. You know with certainty that they're there for you. That's what security looks like for most — the sense that no matter what life throws at them, they won't be facing it alone. That's often not the case when you end up romanticizing control as security. These dynamics look subtle. It could be your partner: You may mistakenly start to believe that such signs of manipulation are care. A 2016 study published in Sex Roles investigated how certain romantic beliefs — such as idealizing love at all costs, viewing jealousy as a sign of commitment or believing that romantic relationships should be intensely emotional — are related to the tendency to romanticize controlling behaviors. The researchers surveyed 275 heterosexual women aged 18 to 50 and found that women who endorsed these beliefs were significantly more likely to view controlling behaviors (such as jealousy, possessiveness or making decisions for the partner) as romantic. This romanticization, in turn, was related to higher reported rates of both psychological and physical intimate partner violence. Instead of acknowledging these red flags, people may interpret them as signs of love. What feels like security may, in fact, be the normalization of control. When you're torn between love and what's right, ask yourself, 'If my closest friend were going through this, would I still think it's okay?' When you recognize that you may have been romanticizing red flags all along, you can finally begin to choose a connection that feels safe, steady and real. Want to know if control dynamics are shaping your relationship? Take this science-backed test to find out: Relationship Control Scale
Forbes
17-06-2025
- Health
- Forbes
Emotionally Intelligent Men Are Choosing Better Partners; Here's Why
Two young people are sitting on the riverbank in New York City. (Photo by) In a dating landscape shaped by apps, emotional fatigue and shifting gender norms, emotionally intelligent men are standing out, and standing up, as the new architects of healthy love. From the first date to long-term commitment, the way men attune to emotional nuance is fast becoming one of the most potent predictors of relational success. Emotional intelligence (EI) refers to the ability to recognize, understand, manage and use emotions effectively. Its core components, self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy and social skills, are increasingly understood as foundational to intimacy, trust and secure attachment. A 2024 meta-analysis in Personality and Individual Differences suggested that EI significantly correlated with well-being, relationship quality and interpersonal satisfaction. Among men, EI was primarily associated with adaptive masculinity, lower levels of emotional suppression and greater relational clarity. The dating world is marked by emotional complexity. Singles are navigating burnout, digital fatigue and rising expectations around communication and emotional availability. Men who lead with emotional intelligence (think those who ask thoughtful questions, regulate their nervous systems, and value relational safety) are no longer rare but subversive, to say the least. A 2025 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that couples in which male partners exhibit high emotional intelligence experience greater satisfaction, deeper trust and more resilient conflict resolution; pivotal traits for emotional compatibility. For single men, emotional intelligence is both a personal compass and a relational screen. It enhances discernment, deepens connection and filters out dynamics rooted in chaos or codependence. A man with high EI doesn't just respond well. He chooses well. Rather than seeking validation or performance-based love, emotionally intelligent men are cultivating relational self-awareness; they value emotional reciprocity, nervous system regulation and shared communication capacity. In doing so, they are raising the standard not only for the partners they attract but for the relationships they create. Contrary to outdated stereotypes, emotional intelligence does not equal overexposure but regulation. Research from the American Journal of Men's Health shows that emotional fluency in men is linked to better mental health, lower rates of conflict and more secure attachment behaviors, leading to emotional clarity and mental health outcomes at large. The emotionally intelligent man knows when to speak and when to pause, when to open and when to self-soothe. This depth is not a departure from masculinity but a reintegration. In the context of relational self-awareness, emotionally intelligent men are no longer choosing partners based on aesthetics, status or performative chemistry. They're seeking emotional reciprocity: a partner who can meet them in-depth, regulate through conflict and communicate with curiosity rather than defense. The key relational questions have also changed: Can we co-regulate under stress? Can we stay grounded in discomfort without rupture? Do we repair with respect, not reactivity? This evolution is both personal and cultural. It reframes compatibility as a nervous system alliance, one rooted in mutual attunement, emotional maturity and psychological safety. In this new paradigm, emotional intelligence becomes the architecture of sustainable love, not just an accessory. As more single men lead with emotional maturity, the dating landscape is being recalibrated. The emotionally intelligent man is available, grounded and intentional. He chooses a connection that honors nervous system regulation, shared emotional labor and relational growth as a co-created practice. In 2025, strength looks like presence and attunement, an epitome of men embodying wholeness, depth and vulnerability, raising the emotional standard for what love, commitment and connection truly require.
ABC News
14-05-2025
- General
- ABC News
How do we raise boys to become good men?
With gender-based violence an inherent problem within many families and communities across the Pacific, how do we teach men to respect girls and women? How can boys learn to process their emotions and communicate effectively in order to have healthy relationships? If boys learn how to have relationships by mirroring their parents, how can parents be mindful of the behaviours they are role modelling as parents? With the strict, controlling and disciplinarian parenting styles of previous generations now recognised as being potentially harmful to boys, parents and elders need to be conscious of the dynamic in which they communicate with their children and each other. Listening, respectful communication, acknowledging emotions and having conversations about self and shared responsibilities, are all essential components of modern parenting. Allowing boys to develop self-confidence, initiative and character without emasculating or infantilising their behaviour is also critical. In this episode of Sista's, Let's Talk, Hilda Wayne discusses how parents need to first look deep within themselves and their own projections, in their journey of raising boys into well adjusted, responsible, resilient and caring 'good' men. This week's episode of Sistas, Let's Talk is a repeat of the show broadcast on 12th April 2023
