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The Herald Scotland

See Glasgow? See that Still Game mural? Two points, quick...

Not everyone is in agreement, unfortunately. Diary correspondent David Donaldson has been perusing social media, and was shocked to discover mountains of mutinous invective heaped upon the innocent mural. 'Some of the comments are genius,' concedes David, though he says the one that sums up Glasgow best was posted by the person who wrote: '…traffic cones, murals, traffic cones, murals, traffic cones, murals, traffic cones, murals, traffic cones, murals, traffic cones, murals, traffic cones, murals, traffic cones, murals…' Mind your language A colleague of reader Karen Hughes arrived at work with a beatific grin slathered across his face, which he explained by saying: 'My daughter bought me a lovely waterfall pen for my birthday.' For a moment Karen was confused by this ambiguous statement, then she replied: 'What I think you mean is your daughter bought you a lovely fountain pen.' Slim pickings The Diary is intrigued by the English language, and one day we hope to master it. Though, of course, first we will have to understand it. Which might prove tricky, points out Keith Billingham from Newton Mearns, who says: 'Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?' Foster Evans says that as you are heading towards Amarillo, you'll pass Elk City, where birds are safe unless… you're a chicken. Then you're just a meal. (Image: Contributed) The name game Our American cousins are a daring bunch, especially when it comes to the naming of their progeny. Reader Nick McFarland knows a chap in the States who has a kid that, for some reason, he decided to name… Kid. 'What happens when he becomes an adult?' Nick asked the visiting pal, when they were enjoying drinks one evening. 'Guess he's stuffed,' shrugged the pal, and had another sip of his whisky. Hot and bothered The sun did its big glittering ball in the sky thing, at the weekend. Lots of folk enjoyed the heat treat, though others, not so much. Susan Lamb was in her local supermarket in Glasgow's southside, and overheard an elderly woman say to one of the workers: 'Ooh… lovely air-conditioning you've got. I might stay here all night.' 'You'll never get away with it,' replied the worker, hopefully in jest, for he added: 'If I find you hiding in the frozen peas, I'll be punting you right out those sliding doors.' Game on Exasperated reader Liz Price gets in touch to tell us: 'Autocorrect keeps making me write things that I didn't Nintendo.'