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Irish Times
3 days ago
- General
- Irish Times
Only children: ‘I have great colleagues, some are as close to me as any family members I could wish for'
Is the day of the big family in Ireland done? Faced with high mortgages and demanding jobs, more and more Irish people are opting to keep their families small, and for many, one is the magic number. In this respect Ireland is part of a global trend. Across the EU, nearly half (49.4 per cent) of European families are raising just one child, according to one survey . By 2031, it's estimated that half of all families in Britain will have a one-child family. But what is the effect of growing up without siblings? Should parents pay heed to surveys that tell us that only children are likely to be creative, successful self-starters ? Or should they give weight to age-old worries about only children feeling lonely or isolated ? Is being an only child a privilege or are only children missing out? The Irish Times asked six people how they felt about being an only child and how it has influenced them through the course of their lives. Matt Cooper Matt Cooper says he might have left Ireland in his 20s if he had not been an only child 'As a child, I never felt different or lonely: it never worried me that I didn't have brothers or sisters,' says Matt Cooper . But there have been trials for the Today FM broadcaster, author and podcaster as an only child, most notably when he was in his early 30s and his parents' health began to fail. 'When they got into their 70s and 80s and fell ill, I was left in the position of trying to care for them. That's where I struggled. I was extremely busy. I had taken over as editor at the Sunday Tribune: editing a national newspaper was a really labour-intensive, time-consuming job. Aileen and myself had got married. My mother fell ill when Aileen was pregnant with our first child. I felt it would have been great to have had somebody else to help out, sharing the burden of going up and down to Cork from Dublin. My father fell ill not long after my mother had the first stroke. He died two weeks before my eldest daughter was born. Over the next number of years, I was paying for care for my mother in her own home and as her health deteriorated, she had to go into care. That was a difficult time.' READ MORE Cooper also believes he might have considered emigrating in his 20s had he not been an only child. 'I felt a responsibility to my parents because they were ageing and I was the only one.' Did being an only child play a part in his decision to have five children himself? 'No,' Cooper laughs. 'It just happened that way. But as an only child who's now a father of five, I have been interested and amused by watching the dynamics of the interaction between the children and looking at the way that their individual personalities have developed. If I look and wonder how much of it is formed by their place in the family, then I suppose by extension the fact that I was an only child would have had an impact on me. One thing I would say very much in favour of my father, he was determined that I wouldn't be a spoiled child because I was an only child. So I would have been encouraged, even when I was in school, to get part-time jobs, to earn money for myself. Being an only child gave me a degree of independence. A degree of self-sufficiency is required.' Vicki Notaro Vicki Notaro Vicki Notaro loves being an only child. 'I have definitely benefited from being my parents' sole focus,' the novelist and journalist says. 'I was a very confident child because of [being an only child], and my dad taught me to read before I even went to school. I had an unusual situation for the late 1980s, in that there were two other only children on my small cul-de-sac in Tallaght and also a couple in my class. So we had one another in that way, and it never felt odd.' Did people ever make comments to her about being an only child? 'All the time and more so to my mum: 'Oh, you ONLY have the one', etc – that must have been irritating for her,' she says. 'My parents would have loved to have had more children, but it didn't happen for them. They were always pleased that I was happy as I am. I was very content it just being the three of us at home. But that said, I appreciate the family I have gained with my husband. I adore his sister and we are extremely close. She's about to become a mother and I am so excited to be along for the ride.' Marty Morrisey Sports presenter and commentator Marty Morrissey says being an only child may have pushed him towards the job he does. Photograph: James Crombie/©INPHO Marty Morrissey 's family circumstance is an unusual one. 'I'm the only child of an only dad and an only mum, which gives me that no aunts, uncles, first cousins situation,' the RTÉ sports broadcaster says. Morrissey didn't feel a sense of difference when he was a child, but in adulthood, his family situation has affected his outlook. 'It makes you independent, but dependent on good friends,' he says. 'In my work in RTÉ I have great colleagues, and some of them are as close to me as any family members I could wish to have.' While Morrissey wouldn't consider himself an assertive type – contrary to the common perception of only children – he did battle through four years of rejection to make it into RTÉ. 'It was a thin line between being a pain in the ass and trying to get what you wanted,' he says. 'It's funny, but Ger Canning, Fred Cogley, George Hamilton, Jim Sherwin, all sports broadcasters, were all only children. I can only speak for myself, but maybe there was an element of we needed to perform to be noticed?' [ Nadine O'Regan: Nadine O'Regan: An only child is a lonely child? We're sure about our decision not to try again Opens in new window ] When Morrissey's mother died in a road traffic accident in Clare in 2021, grief hit Morrissey hard. 'I lost my Dad in 2004 and then I had my mum to myself, if I can put it like that, for 17 years. When that link is gone, you are dependent on your friends and colleagues to rally around, and that's when so many of them showed their loyalty and their love. You never recover but you try to move on. You don't want to be seen as weak, but it is a hammer blow. You just have to get back up and keep busy. That's the crucial thing.' Sonia Appelbe Sonia Appelbe wanted to go to a boarding school when she was growing up as an only child 'It was a lonely time,' says Sonia Appelbe (69), recalling her childhood in Cork. 'I wanted to go to boarding school. Arguments would occur: it was mum and I against dad, or dad and I against mum. I was piggy in the middle. I had cousins in Dublin – I'd go to them at Easter and the holidays. I used to cry for about half an hour in the car leaving them, and if they came down to Cork, when they left, I'd be crying. At 10, my dad gave me a little puppy, and this was brilliant. My mum suffered a bit from her nerves and she kept saying, 'I can't cope with this dog'. My father gave the dog away.' Now living in Wicklow, when Appelbe had her children, who are now in their 30s, she knew she would not have just one. 'I have two girls. When I had my first child, I was determined to have a second child no matter what because I just did not want her [to be an only child].' Appelbe believes that the strength of the parental relationship is what largely defines happiness in childhood. 'If your parents have a good relationship with each other, that is wonderful, but if they don't that is a very insecure feeling for the child all the way up through adolescence. And you tend to go from your home the minute you leave school.' Christy Laverty Christy Laverty says he is grateful for how being an only child shaped him Growing up in Coleraine, Co Derry, Christy Laverty (28) appreciated the privileges that stemmed from being an only child. 'Being an only child gave my parents the financial freedom to do their own thing and not have to worry so much about covering the cost of having a big family or having to upgrade a home or worrying about space for people,' he says. 'It also created an extremely close bond with both my parents, as 100 per cent of their attention and time was spent with me.' [ Geraldine Walsh: Yes, having 'just' the one child can make for a wonderful family dynamic Opens in new window ] Now based in Dublin, Laverty believes that being an only child has shaped him in ways large and small. 'I have no problem spending a Saturday wandering around a gallery on my own or taking myself out for lunch,' he says. 'I also reckon that being an only child helped me become more creative. Am I the best at sharing? Not always, but I'm generous. It's kind of: if I buy a bag of crisps, I don't really want to give you one, but I'll buy you a bag.' Laverty isn't ruling out becoming a parent in the future, but if he does, he says he will opt to have one child. 'Being gay, if I want to become a father I'm going to have to make the choice to do it. But the financial side of it is a really big factor as to whether or not I will have children. I know if I ever decide to have a child, more than one is not on the cards due to how grateful I am to how being an only child shaped me, my upbringing and my life beyond my family home.' Orla Gordon Orla Gordon says the idea that being an only child makes people unsociable does not tally with her experience 'As an only child, I have spent my life meeting people, getting to know them, and then watching their absolute shock when I say I'm an only child,' Orla Gordon says. 'They usually follow up with, 'You don't seem like an only child'. There is this weird idea that we're all self-centred and can't be sociable when, in my experience, only children are very sociable because they've been playing with and talking to strangers their whole lives.' Gordon, a professional from Dublin, had a very happy childhood and adored spending time as a kid around the kitchen table, hearing the banter between her aunts and uncles and feeling privy to an older person's world. 'Many only children spend more time with adults and get clued into things a little earlier in life,' she says. Gordon has one child herself and is satisfied with her family size. 'I felt my family was complete with one child,' she says. 'Like me, my son has lots of extended family and loads of other children his age to play with.' She can understand why more parents are deciding to keep their families small. 'Who can blame parents, with massive rent or mortgages plus creche fees and possible looming economic crises, for deciding one child is enough?'


Daily Mail
3 days ago
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
EXCLUSIVE How Joe Rogan became the world's richest podcaster: As he lounges on a £480k-a-week yacht, TOM LEONARD reveals secrets behind former delivery man's empire - and exactly how much he makes
A wise public figure would surely think twice these days before allowing themselves to be caught swanning around the Med on an ostentatious, fuel-guzzling, money-burning superyacht. Especially if the celebrity in question is 'man-of-the-people' commentator and comedian Joe Rogan, who didn't become the world's most popular podcaster without developing a reputation for no-frills authenticity and relatability.

News.com.au
14-07-2025
- Entertainment
- News.com.au
True crime obsession making us all heartless
COMMENT Social media has become a place for people to tell their own stories and amplify their voices — whether it's raising awareness about world events, something they have personally experienced or trying to raise money for a cause close to their hearts. But, often, in order to go viral users will need to censor certain words to ensure their clip doesn't get 'shadow banned'. So, they eventually found a way around it. Murder became 'unalive'. Rape and rapist became 'grape' and 'grapist'. Gun became 'pew pew'. Platforms such as OnlyFans became known as 'Schmonely Smans'. Some social media users are now calling this out. Why some people are angry One creator, known as @i_am_a_kar, said that 'censorship had gone too far' and words such as suicide and murder had a place on the app if used in the right context. 'Can you imagine how f***ing disrespectful it would be if you were raped, murdered and shoved into a garbage can, only to have your death novelised by some podcaster with a valley accent,' he said. 'And then, when they refer to your murder they refer to it like this; 'Oh my god, and then she was SA'd and unalived and then they did [gun noises] and then they put her inside of a garbage can'.' The content creator said the language was finding its way into everyday vernacular and soon, instead of saying cancer, we'll be saying things such as 'double plus alive unhealthy'. 'It is borderline offensive and spitting in the face of your user base if you do not allow certain phrases or words to be used if it is totally appropriate,' he said. Fellow content creator Ezra Butler, known as @ on social media, also took aim at censorship on social media. 'No, I do not consent to a podcaster casually saying I was graped and schmurdered with a pew pew if I was raped and murdered with a gun,' the content creator said. 'There's been a lot of discussion about censorship and whether it's appropriate to censor certain words — especially with topics such as rape and murder. These horrific incidents are no light matter and they're meant to be uncomfortable words.' The musician did concede that if you are trying to make money off of these topics, use of the true phrasing would likely have the video become demonetised. But, Ezra questioned whether people should even be making money off of talking about these topics. 'True crime is a huge genre. It interests the masses and creators make a lot of money from it. Netflix are constantly putting out new true crime documentaries and it holds quite a big platform in that space,' Ezra said. 'Now, as a creator I don't want to profit from that kind of content.' Why do we have censorship online? Kate Scott, a PhD candidate at the University of Sydney, told that platforms such as Meta and TikTok need to be selective when it comes to censorship. 'Social media platforms often construct themselves in such a way to absolve themselves of responsibility. You see it in the very name of 'platform' — they're a stage for users to engage in discussion, rather than actors themselves,' she said. 'Now we know that isn't true – they aren't these neutral platforms, at the end of the day, they are businesses and they are influenced by shareholders and profitability. As much as we may want the stage for public opinion and debate to be on some impartial public grounds, unfortunately, technology has made your local town square has become somewhat obsolete.' She said due to the fact these conversations take place in private servers moderated by corporate interest, it makes these platforms somewhat responsible. But, during the pandemic we saw platforms crack down on 'Covid misinformation' due to government pressure. Them, these were loosened again after Trump's re-election. When censorship is done correctly, it can safeguard marginalised groups and allow them space and freedom to share their stories or engage in connective action,' Ms Scott said. 'Social media has been incredibly influential in mobilising massive movements like BLM, #MeToo, even the Arab Spring. However, flawed censorship can have really horrific consequences. As a really clear example, we can look to Facebook's treatment of the Rohingya genocide in Myanmar. 'Instead of censoring violent commentary that encouraged ethnic cleansing, Facebook's algorithms allowed the vitriol to be spread across the platform. Not only that, but they profited off of the engagement. So there's absolutely a place for censorship online, as that often becomes one of the most effective management strategies for mitigating harms online.' She said that censorship can also lead to extremist content, such as during the pandemic many anti-vaxxers took censorship of information as evidence of a conspiracy. It led to the rise in popularity of alt-tech groups such as Telegram. She said platforms such as this allow for unmoderated free speech in echo chambers, allowing ideologies such as Nazism to thrive. 'Likewise, the subreddit r/incels was banned in 2017 for inciting violence against women, but now many dedicated and unmoderated forums exist that discuss violence against women in an even more explicit and horrific manner,' she said. The impact of censorship on social media Ms Scott said 'algospeak' refers to when influencers and online commentators adapt their language to appease algorithm guidelines to avoid being demonetised or banned. 'If you're on any short form video platform, you'll often hear things like sex referred to as 'seggs', rape referred to as 'grape', murder referred to 'unalive', and so on and so forth,' she said. 'Particularly, as a lot of moderation online is automated (and increasingly so), this becomes a relatively easy way for people to discuss acts of violence or harm in a manner that won't see retribution from the platform.' She said, unintentionally or otherwise, this kind of language sanitises the significance of what is being spoke about. 'At the end of the day, sexual assault isn't 'grape', it is rape and should be discussed in those terms, with the gravity of the language behind it,' she said. 'As an aside, I do believe part of the issue is the blurring of information and entertainment online, particularly when we talk about violence or the 'true crime' phenomenon. 'While we talk about these obscure algorithms controlling what the public sees and engages in, it's important to talk about how creators are rewarded for discussing horrific and shocking, in other words engaging, content. It has become increasingly common and desensitising as violent murders or crimes are discussed alongside someone's 'get ready with me'.' Ms Scott said while she empathises with the fact that 'algospeak' can increase visibility on important issues, there is a cultural by-product to it. Ms Scott said the internet is a modern Wild West, and people are starting to engage more with it than in real life. This means it is impossible to moderate. 'As much as I would love to be the person with the perfect solution to online censorship, I think as technology develops, platform governance and policy must evolve as well,' she said. 'Investing more in effective content moderation is obviously the first place to start – including acknowledging that AI is not a neutral moderator (there is ample evidence to suggest that robots can have bias as well).'


Fox News
13-07-2025
- Politics
- Fox News
Being single isn't a sin. The Bible says so and more Christians should agree
When I first walked away from years of voting Democrat and being atheist, I was desperate for voices to speak to the unexpected and organic transformation I was undergoing. One of the first voices I found was a Christian podcaster and commentator who espouses the goal of a great reconciliation between men and women, the ending of the seemingly never-ending battle of the sexes. His voice and mission resonated with me as I stepped away from the incoherence of liberalism and back toward God. It made sense to me that the answers we seek wouldn't be found in pointing fingers at the opposite gender, yet I rather quickly found that all too often — even among the Christian conservative right and especially online — that's precisely what we do. This podcaster's proposed great reconciliation between men and women — both of us working together to do our part to lay down arms and heal generations-old battle scars — truly seemed a breath of fresh air. So, you can imagine my surprise when several months later I read a post from him claiming women who are unmarried and childless past age 30 have lived in willful rebellion against God's design. Leaving aside the fact that, by all accounts, he himself is in his 40s, unmarried, and childless, this is a perversion of God's word to us — one that we see too frequently among the recent resurgence of "trad" accounts run by people (often Christians) who believe in traditional values, masculine men, feminine women, and who rail against the degeneracy of the modern West. These are all aspirational ideals and perhaps a much-needed balm in the backwards chaos of the modern era, an era in which no small number of people (including a sitting Supreme Court justice) stumble incoherently when asked, "what is a woman?", an era in which even those brave enough and sane enough to define "woman" biologically often have a challenging time articulating what a woman is spiritually and how her role in the home and in the world might be fundamentally different from a man's. In such a state of confusion, with men and women seemingly all but interchangeable, with birth and marriage rates plummeting, and divorce and suicide rates rising, it's no wonder there's a growing sect of people who yearn to revolt against the modern world. I myself would identify as a woman with traditional values, and — although I'm not yet homesteading on a farm knee-deep in toddlers and sourdough starter — I strive to be a feminine woman. There's nothing wrong with traditionalism or with exalting families or worrying about the declining birth rates in the West. But traditionalism without God is dead. And far too often in the "trad" circle, traditionalism supersedes God. There is nothing in the Bible suggesting singleness is a scourge, a necessarily transitory state, or something you must suffer through in order to get to the "real gift" of marriage. In God's eyes, singleness is not a second-class state — even for a woman, even past 30. According to Paul (a man with a horrible past who went on to become one of the greatest examples of Christianity — and incidentally remained single), singleness is a gift. As he points out in 1 Corinthians 7, it's better to remain single — if you can commit to celibacy. Most people cannot or will not commit themselves to this — and marriage is also good for those people. But singleness (meaning, in this case, the state of being both unmarried and celibate) is no less good. Paul goes on to call men with wives to "live as though they had none" (1 Corinthians 7:29), which isn't an encouragement to neglect one's spouse but rather to focus oneself on Jesus in the same manner that a single person can. Unmarried people are able to devote themselves wholly to God. There is no spouse or children demanding their time. Spouses and children are good and obligations to them–approached correctly–can sanctify you and bring you closer to God. But so too can singleness. As John Piper points out in a sermon titled, "Single in Christ; A Name Better than Sons and Daughters," "single people in Christ have zero disadvantage in bearing children for God, and may in some ways have a great advantage." Single people often have more time, money, and other resources to devote to advancing God's kingdom on earth. Married people with families necessarily put their time and resources to the family. Single people — or "those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of Heaven" — are good in Jesus' eyes (Matthew 19:11-12). He promises them "a memorial and a name better than sons and daughters; [He] will give them an everlasting name that will endure forever" (Isaiah 56:4-5). Indeed, throughout the gospel, Jesus — who came to establish a family of believers — emphasizes spiritual family over biological. When a woman exclaims that Jesus' mother is blessed for bearing him, he responds that those who hear God and obey are more blessed (Luke 11:27-28). Motherhood sanctifies, but women who cannot or will not be biological mothers are no less sanctified; likewise for women who may never be wives. Just look at C.S. Lewis' Sarah Smith in "The Great Divorce:" "Every young man or boy that met her became her son … Every girl that met her was her daughter. … Her motherhood was of a different kind. Those on whom it fell went back to their natural parents loving them more." Clearly, spiritual parenthood is not reserved only for a blessed few or only for women under 30. Not all of us will be married by a certain age or at all, but all of us are called to be spiritual mothers and fathers. That can be done in singleness. That can be done by choosing Christ right where we are now, for — whether or not anyone else ever chooses us — the one who matters most already has. Oftentimes, well-meaning folks will point to Genesis 2:18 and the fact that it's "not good for man to be alone" as if that's condemnation of singleness. It's true that God gave Adam his Eve, when he saw that he was lonely. It's also true that God sent Jesus no wife, and that was also good. Jesus — the new Adam and the perfect man, the Son of God — knows firsthand the full gamut of human emotions and is no stranger to loneliness, and yet he never had a wife. It is possible for us too to know deep and profound loneliness and perhaps never get married or get married much later. It's also worth noting that God gave Eve to Adam in marriage before sin entered the world — which isn't to say that marriage after the fall is sinful but rather that the world after the fall is sinful, and in our fallen state, not everyone will find a suitable spouse before the age of thirty or ever. Perhaps most significant of all: if you're saved, you have the Holy Spirit dwelling in you and so, while you may feel at times desperately lonely, you are never truly alone (John 14:16). None of the above is meant to excuse being single due to vanity, pride or worldly desires. If you're unmarried because you've been putting yourself first and not God, that's not good, and it's probably not blessed. But only you and the Lord know if that's the cause for your situation; random men on X (formerly Twitter) who are unmarried themselves don't — and frankly, they'd do well to account for their own singleness before accounting for others. I'm not dismissing very valid concerns over declining marriage and family rates. Particularly here in the states, strong families are foundational to our freedom and American way of life. This is a crisis not to be ignored. But nor are we to remove God from the crisis. Clearly, spiritual parenthood is not reserved only for a blessed few or only for women under 30. Not all of us will be married by a certain age or at all, but all of us are called to be spiritual mothers and fathers. We are not to pass judgment when we have planks in our own eyes. We are not to pretend we know better than him or to add addendums to his unchanging word. We are not to add arbitrary, secular cut-offs of 30 years when no such specifications exist in the Bible, nor are we to scapegoat women for all our problems when God's command for marriage and for sex is the same for men and women both. The world may go easier on unmarried, promiscuous men. God does not. And biological realities exist, of course, and they're different for women than they are men. But there's a difference between acknowledging biological realities and putting words in God's mouth. Singleness isn't a curse, a sin, or a failure. In the eyes of the world, it might be — especially for women. But not in the eyes of God. If we're ever to right this sinking ship in which we find ourselves all jostled about, it'll be by pointing to God instead of pointing fingers at each other. Marriage is good. But it's not required for repentance, salvation or to be in obedience to him. And the only real and lasting marriage is the one we find in him.


Daily Mail
09-07-2025
- Daily Mail
I ditch my boyfriend to travel solo - here's why every woman should do the same
A self-development coach has revealed she regularly leaves her partner at home to travel the world alone - and is urging other women to do the same. Tam Kaur, a 24-year-old author, podcaster and social media personality with more than 3 million followers, says solo travel has been life-changing - and believes women in relationships shouldn't feel guilty for prioritising their independence. Speaking on why prefers to travel alone, she said: 'Before I met my boyfriend, I made a promise to myself that I would still prioritise me, and solo-travel is what that looks like. 'So many women leave this behind when they get partners because we're expected to holiday with them, but that's just not necessary in my eyes.' Kaur, who lives in London, began her solo travel journey in late 2023 with a trip to Amsterdam. Having documented her first ever flight alone in a video posted to her YouTube channel, she recalled: 'I was terrified. I was so used to my boyfriend leading me through the airport, but solo travel was on my bucket list, so I did it anyway.' Kaur added: 'It changed everything for me. It helped me discover my love of solo travel.' Since then, she has visited major cities across the globe, including Paris, Cyprus and New York, entirely on her own - experiences she said have helped her build a deep sense of confidence. Kaur explained: 'You learn to be okay being alone with your thoughts. You learn how to book your own table, ask strangers for photos and talk to people you wouldn't otherwise meet. It's a huge confidence builder in the most unexpected ways.' Despite the excitement, freedom and fulfillment around solo travel, Kaur is quick to share the more difficult moments, too - such as dining in a restaurant alone and being approached unexpectedly by strangers. She said: 'Confidence isn't something I was born with. I built it, trip by trip, flight by flight, and it's still a work in progress. 'Originally I felt deeply uncomfortable about taking a flight on my own, staying in a hotel alone, traveling all alone in a foreign place where people speak a different language. 'It's scary, but I've managed to do it all multiple times and it wasn't half as scary as I thought it would be.' The YouTube content creator's advice to other women curious about travelling solo is to 'start small.' She suggested: 'Take yourself on a solo date in your hometown first, then build up to a staycation, and eventually travel abroad.' Kaur's message has since made a huge positive impact on her social media audience, with thousands of women commenting on her travel vlogs that they have been inspired to take their own trips. One person wrote, 'This video has literally motivated me to book the solo trip I've been planning for years now,' while another added, 'On my bucket list is to do a solo trip and this motivated me even more to do so.' Kaur added: 'Whether you're single, taken, or somewhere in between, every woman deserves to feel like she's enough on her own and a solo trip is a beautiful reminder of that. Alongside travel, Kaur creates content focused on solo dates, 'mindset makeovers,' and productivity hacks. She was also named on the Forbes 30 Under 30 list in the Media & Marketing category for 2025. Her debut book, Buy Yourself The Damn Flowers, became an instant hit with women across the country, and her advice now reaches millions across YouTube, TikTok and Instagram.