Latest news with #politeness
Yahoo
3 days ago
- General
- Yahoo
5 Unintentionally Rude Things People Do
A lesson for the faux polite people of the world. Rude people either live in a vacuum of self-awareness — or just don't care. I fear I have been 'that guy' a few times. I've unintentionally ruffled feathers and burned bridges in my wake. Heck, I'm sure a few people have said, 'If Sean does that one more time, I will reach across this table." By the end of this article, you will know what to look out for — and how to avoid being an accidental fool. It will help you preserve friendships, and live a better, more seamless life. Getting a gauge on where they are 'really' from Some people are as subtle as a brick through a window. Especially here in the US. If someone is non-white, don't make it into your mission to find out where they are 'really' from. I see this cringefest commonly with Asian-Americans, some of whom have been here for two generations. They talk with no accent and couldn't be more American. But some stranger begins interrogating them like they just stepped off the boat on Ellis Island. The stranger stops just short of asking for their green card. And look — I'm not Mr. Perfect. I'm sure I've done this at some point. It's more out of curiosity as I'm into family heritage stuff. I've now seen it from the outside and realize it's generally a bad look. Questions about a stranger's heritage can wait until you know them a little better. A question that implies there's something wrong My spouse, Laura, says that men used to always ask her, 'So why are you still single?' They often asked it in this curious and doubtful tone — that implied something had to be wrong. 'She must be crazy or have some type of baggage.' If you think about it, that question is loaded with assumptions: that she is looking for a boyfriend, that she's getting rejected because she's broken, and that you know her well enough to ask that type of question. For the record, Laura was one of those women who spent most of her 20s single by choice. Their question was probably just their awkward way of saying she was super attractive. But they unintentionally send bad vibes. Commenting about anything bizarre on their appearance One of my guy friends has dark circles under his eyes naturally. That's just how he looks. Too often, people comment, 'You look tired.' 'Have you gotten sleep, buddy? You look sleepy.' He plays it off like it doesn't bother him. But I can tell it makes him insecure. In general, I'd refrain from commenting about someone's appearance in any negative or neutral light. Don't point out irregularities about their face. That includes telling them they should smile more. This is especially true with women. Years ago, my dad was in the car with me and I was only 10-years-old. We weren't even talking. And just out of the blue he said, 'I don't care how tall, beautiful, ugly, skinny, or fat a woman is — don't ever make a joke about her weight.' I suspect he'd witnessed some cringe. Dining habits from hell There's this habit of slurping amongst otherwise civilized people. They sound like a toddler using a straw for the first time. And I'm not just talking about soup. Literally, any liquid is grounds for a mouth concert. It's the drinking version of hearing someone chew with their mouth open. It also makes the person seem like they are finishing their drink in a frenzy of dehydration. Some people are repeat offenders. They moan in pleasure as they eat and smack their mouth like a cow and then unleash burps. One of my coworkers had this big bag of tortilla-style Doritos. Every day around 11, he sat behind me and spend a solid 20 minutes each day slowly crunching through these chips. Now granted, I know in some countries in Asia, slurping is normal — while blowing your nose in a restaurant would be hugely rude (it generally isn't in the US). I hate hearing the sound of other people eating and consuming food with no effort to conceal the noise. Please have the courtesy to limit the mouth noise. Culture math on our arrival time Years ago, one of my marketing professors, Professor Eric Ritter, told me people judge you by three things: Your personality. The quality of your work. Your punctuality. And it makes sense if you think about it. Some people are on time, have great personalities, but do shotty work. Others do great work, are on time, but total jerks. And there have been plenty of people who I liked and respected greatly, who drove me nuts on their habitual lateness. It's particularly aggravating when meeting someone for lunch or dinner. I don't like writing their tardiness off as being on Island Time. Perhaps this is my military upbringing making me a bit of a stiff. I don't like sitting alone at a lunch table for 15–20 minutes every time we get together. It tells me the other person doesn't respect my time. A friend suggested, 'Just lie to them and say you are meeting 15 minutes earlier than you actually are.' That feels convoluted and dishonest. I don't like doing culture math on the appropriate level of lateness to be. If we are meeting at 6, let's meet at 6. Cool? The worst one of all The Kingslayer unintentionally rude thing that I've had the non-pleasure of witnessing. Asking a woman how 'far along' she is—when she isn't pregnant. If you have to ask, go with something safe like, 'Do you have children?' Or make sure I'm out of earshot so I don't have to cohabitate the cringe grave with you. Stupid Bob to the non-pregnant girl: 'Wow! you look so regnant. When are you gonna pop that thing out?' It makes me want to shrivel up into a ball. Unless you are her doctor, and she is in front of you, in labor, avoid that question. Recap for memory: intentionally rude things people do Slurping and being a loud eater (with cultural exceptions). Commenting on someone's appearance or pointing out any abnormality. Interrogating a minority stranger's 'real' homeland. Being habitually late with no valid excuse. Asking a woman how far into her pregnancy she is. Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
07-07-2025
- General
- Yahoo
How To Be A Good Neighbor When Your Pool Party Gets Out Of Hand
I was raised in a home where manners mattered. Saying 'yes ma'am' and 'no sir' were required when speaking to adults at all times, no exceptions. Respecting friends and family went without saying, but respecting strangers and acquaintances was even more important. Last weekend, something horrible happened at my house. And when I say 'horrible,' let me put it in context—no one was injured, and no irreparable damage was done. But as a person who grew up in a home where politeness was paramount, 'horrible' is an appropriate word to describe what occurred. Other accurate adjectives include 'embarrassing,' 'ridiculous,' and 'disrespectful.' Here's what went down. We are fortunate to have a pool in our backyard (I say fortunate, but if you own a pool, you understand that it's equal parts luxury and headache). And because of this pool, we host friends and neighbors almost every weekend during the summer. Our friends enjoy a poolside drink or two, but we don't get crazy. Sometimes we get loud, but we try our best to be respectful of our adjacent neighbors. But at this particular party, unbeknownst to us, things got out of hand. After a thunderstorm chased all the guests away, we received a text from our neighbor. The text included two pictures of a half-eaten hot dog, and a polite plea to ask our guests not to throw half-eaten food into their yard. I'm clutching my pearls at the memory. I tried to think of some kind of excuse—maybe there were ants on the hot dog and somebody freaked out. Maybe a squirrel grabbed the hot dog and ran off with it. But no. As much as I wanted to pretend otherwise, somebody at our party threw their hotdog over the fence. Both my husband and I were deeply embarrassed. We did not witness the hot dog tossing, because had we seen it the behavior would have been addressed immediately. We were both brought up to respect others at all times. This breach of conduct was shocking and dismaying. We wasted no time in attempting to atone for the breach of etiquette. We immediately apologized for the incident via text. Repeatedly. We did not make excuses, or try to write off the bad behavior in any way. We just straight-up apologized. It was important that we expressed our remorse for the misconduct of our friends. As 'the sweet one' in our relationship, I didn't know how to address the misconduct with our friends. My husband, who is notoriously honest and direct, and who was the most embarrassed by the hot dog incident, pulled no punches. He sent a group text to all of our friends who were in attendance, attached the flung hot dog photos, and included this message: 'This is not behavior I will tolerate. We all make poor decisions from time to time, but in the future, please try to be mindful of others.' I was particularly proud of him at that moment. It's not easy to stand up to your peers, but he didn't bat an eye; he knew it was the right thing to do, coolness be damned. When a breach of conduct occurs, it's not enough to say you're sorry—you have to prove it by being better. The honest text reprimand was a start, and I sent our neighbor a screenshot of it as proof. Going forward, we're going to make an announcement (in a joking but serious way) that trash goes in the trash can, not over the fence. And I'm not above making a snarky 'Pool Rules' sign that hits the high points: "No Running, No Peeing, No Hot Dog Flinging.' Deep in my heart I know that whoever flung that hot dog meant no harm. They were just being careless. But carelessness doesn't cut it when it comes to being a good neighbor. There's only two things left to do: First, take my neighbors an Apology Casserole. Second, find out who actually threw that hotdog. And trust me—I will find out. Read the original article on Southern Living
The Guardian
02-07-2025
- The Guardian
Women in India don't want ‘safe zones' – they want to enjoy public spaces as equals
A couple of weeks ago, I was in an upmarket neighbourhood in Delhi for a photoshoot. The sun was already unforgiving, and only a handful of walkers and joggers had dared to step out in the heat. A few children, on their summer break from school, gave curious glances in our direction, but they quickly lost interest and returned to their games. Women walking by offered quick looks, but the men stared – every single one who passed us. Then one went a step further. Mid-shoot, he walked straight up and interrupted us. At first, we smiled – out of habit, out of conditioning – thinking that he would leave. But he didn't. Instead, his questions turned increasingly personal. From 'What are you doing?' to 'Do you have an Insta page?' and 'Where do you stay?', the questions grew increasingly intrusive. He even wanted photography tips. By then, the polite smiles the photojournalist Elke Scholiers and I were wearing had faded. We were irritated, even angry – but when we told him firmly that he was interrupting our work, we still said it with a smile, albeit a strained one. Did he get the message? No! He hung around for longer before finally, reluctantly, shuffling off. This incident got me thinking about several things. First, Elke, a Belgian woman, and I, an Indian woman, remained unfailingly polite the whole time. But we should not have had to do so. What we really needed to do was hold our boundaries – clearly, calmly, without guilt. Not rude, just firm. But we have been taught that even basic assertiveness in women can be too much. And it is here that the larger narrative strikes me – one that plays out across societies that raise women to be nice and polite under all circumstances. Studies back this up. In 2022 research found that incivility is considered a masculine trait and hence women are often judged harshly for being blunt, firm or unapologetically assertive. Furthermore, the institutional response to gender-based violence in India has mostly been to segregate women further. They want women to be confined to 'safe' zones – pink carriages in the metro, pink autos, pink bus tickets, pink parks, pink toilets, separate queues. This segregation does not make public spaces any safer or more comfortable for women – it only reinforces the idea that the public sphere belongs to men. In the process, women are not just isolated – they are exoticised; their presence is made exceptional, even unnatural, to the point of near-erasure. This also makes women's relationship with public spaces purely functional – they must move from point to point with a purpose. More than 50% of women in Indian towns and cities do not leave their homes even once a day – and only 48% of women in urban India are even allowed to leave home alone. With so few women occupying public spaces, our presence continues to feel unfamiliar – something to be stared at, questioned or interrupted. What is needed is to socialise boys and men to be more comfortable around women – as equals, not anomalies. Studies have shown that a majority of Indian boys grow up without meaningful interactions with girls or any kind of education that teaches respect, equality or consent. The idea that women belong at home, in the private sphere, is still deeply rooted. Sign up to Her Stage Hear directly from incredible women from around the world on the issues that matter most to them – from the climate crisis to the arts to sport after newsletter promotion But at the end of it, this isn't just about one man. It's about the culture that raised him, and millions like him. Take for example, a recent controversy where a video surfaced online of an Indian man in Venice making inappropriate comments about a foreign woman. His tone is condescending and lewd. This is not just misogyny; this is the discomfort of a society that believes in keeping its women at home – a society that does not believe women have the same rights to be in public spaces as men do. A society that is so violent towards its women that they prefer to stay away from shared spaces. India's own data backs this up. The latest report from the National Crime Records Bureau shows that 445,256 cases of crime against women were registered during 2022 – an increase of 4% over 2021. More than three-quarters of these cases were either domestic abuse, abductions, sexual assaults or rapes. Every time I am in a public space in India, I find myself unconsciously calculating – my safety, risk, attention, tone – even when I don't need to. And that man's behaviour? Just another periodic reminder of why we move through public spaces with caution, not comfort. Nilanjana Bhowmick is a writer based in Delhi, India. She is the founder of a platform dedicated to empowering women through honest, informed storytelling
Yahoo
26-06-2025
- General
- Yahoo
Polite People Would Never Say These Things In A Million Years
It's often the unsaid things that truly define the contours of our social interactions. In a world of constant connectivity and endless chatter, the words we choose—and the ones we don't—carry immense weight. Politeness, much like art, is about what you leave out, and the most eloquent among us know precisely which phrases to avoid at all costs. Here are 13 things that polite people would never say, not even in a million years. Pointing out someone's mistakes with a smug "I told you so" is like pouring salt into a fresh wound. It's a classic power move that serves only to elevate your ego while diminishing the other person's dignity. According to Dr. Jane Greer, a relationship expert, this phrase not only shuts down productive conversation but also fosters resentment, ultimately sabotaging emotional connection. The truly considerate understand that offering empathy and support during moments of failure is far more rewarding than scoring a cheap point. Instead of resorting to this verbal victory lap, consider expressing understanding or empathy when someone stumbles. Say something like, "I know this didn't go as planned, but I'm here for you," which paves the way for healthy dialogue and mutual respect. It shifts the focus from blame to support, allowing both parties to navigate setbacks more constructively. This approach fosters emotional intimacy, building a foundation of trust rather than triumphalism. Telling someone they "look tired" is a backhanded observation that often insinuates they appear unkempt or unwell. It places undue emphasis on their appearance rather than their comfort or well-being, subtly suggesting they aren't quite themselves. While intentions may be innocent, the underlying message is neither flattering nor supportive. Instead, ask if there's anything they need or how their day is going; this approach respects their emotional state and encourages positive engagement. A polite person knows that commenting on someone's appearance in a negative light—no matter how benign it may seem—detracts from constructive interaction. Instead, they focus on offering genuine concern or support. This encourages a more authentic connection and reassures the other person that they're valued beyond superficial judgments. It's about prioritizing empathy over critique, fostering a climate of care rather than criticism. Telling someone to "calm down" often has the opposite effect, intensifying emotions rather than soothing them. It's a dismissive command that trivializes the other person's feelings, making them feel isolated and misunderstood. A study published in the Journal of Psychological Science found that such phrases can elevate stress levels and hinder effective communication. Instead, acknowledge their feelings by saying, "I can see you're upset, how can I help?" This approach creates a space where the person feels heard and valued, encouraging a more open and honest dialogue. It transforms a potentially volatile interaction into a cooperative problem-solving session. When you validate emotions rather than dismiss them, you cultivate a connection grounded in respect and understanding. The goal is to defuse tension, not to dismiss it, and to extend a hand instead of a barrier. This phrase often precedes a critique, cloaked as a respectful preamble, yet it rarely softens the blow. It's the conversational equivalent of a Trojan horse—offering politeness while delivering a potentially harsh message. When genuinely aiming to provide constructive feedback, focus on clarity and positivity without the hollow gestures. This allows for an honest exchange that values the other person's dignity without resorting to empty pleasantries. A truly polite person recognizes that honesty doesn't require a guise of respect; it demands genuine sincerity. By approaching conversations with transparency and kindness, they foster an atmosphere where feedback is seen as an opportunity for growth rather than an affront. This approach not only preserves the other person's self-esteem but also strengthens the relationship, making future exchanges more fruitful and less fraught with defensiveness. Remember, it's about collaboration over confrontation. This question is often posed with a mix of curiosity and misguided concern, overlooking its intrusive nature. It implies that being single is an anomaly rather than a choice, inadvertently placing the person on the defensive. According to Dr. Bella DePaulo, a social psychologist and author, singlism—the stigma of being single—is pervasive, and questions like these reinforce that bias. Instead, focus on the person's accomplishments or interests, areas where they thrive and feel validated. Polite individuals understand the importance of respecting personal boundaries and honoring diverse life choices. Instead of making assumptions about someone's relationship status, they celebrate their individuality. This fosters an environment where people feel empowered to share their stories and experiences without fear of judgment. Embrace conversations that uplift and affirm, steering clear of those that inadvertently undermine personal autonomy. While often used to assert authority, this phrase shuts down dialogue and stifles understanding. It reflects an unwillingness to engage with another's perspective, often leaving the other party feeling belittled. Instead, aim for transparency and mutual respect by explaining the reasoning behind decisions. This not only encourages open communication but also builds trust and cooperation over blind compliance. A polite person knows that leadership and influence are built on a foundation of mutual respect, not authoritarian mandates. By taking the time to articulate your reasoning, you invite collaboration and bolster confidence in the relationship. This approach transforms potential conflict into a learning opportunity, where both parties can grow together. It's about fostering a partnership, not asserting dominance, and encouraging dialogue over dictation. These words generalize behavior, ignoring the nuances and complexities of human actions. Research published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy suggests that such language escalates arguments, making resolution more challenging. Instead, focus on specific instances and use "I" statements to express how particular actions affect you. Polite people understand the importance of language in shaping interactions, so they strive for precision and empathy. By discussing specific behaviors rather than resorting to blanket statements, they nurture a climate of mutual respect and understanding. This approach minimizes defensiveness, allowing for more constructive discussions and effective problem-solving. It's about fostering connection through careful communication, prioritizing clarity over conflict. This phrase dismisses any sense of shared responsibility or empathy, potentially alienating the other person. It reflects a lack of willingness to engage or support, which can erode trust and camaraderie over time. Instead of distancing yourself from the issue, offer assistance or at least express concern, signaling that you value the relationship. This simple shift in approach can transform an interaction from dismissive to cooperative. Politeness isn't just about words; it's about creating a culture of mutual support and shared responsibility. By showing empathy and a willingness to help, polite individuals strengthen their connections and foster a sense of community. This approach not only enriches relationships but also encourages reciprocity, ensuring that support flows both ways. It's about building bridges, not walls, through mindful engagement. This phrase is often a precursor to an unsolicited critique disguised as honesty. It offers a flimsy shield against the impact of the words that follow, making it anything but harmless. Rather than using a disclaimer to cushion the blow, focus on delivering feedback in a constructive and kind manner. This involves emphasizing positive aspects and suggesting improvements without undermining the other person's self-esteem. A polite person knows that sincerity doesn't require a preemptive apology; it requires thoughtfulness and care. By being direct yet gentle, they foster an environment where feedback is seen as an opportunity for growth rather than a threat. This approach not only preserves the other person's dignity but also enhances the quality of communication, opening the door to more meaningful interactions. It's about offering insight with integrity, prioritizing support over critique. Telling someone they're overreacting minimizes their feelings, making them feel invalidated and dismissed. It's a phrase that often escalates rather than diffuses tension, turning a moment of vulnerability into a defensive standoff. Instead, try acknowledging their emotions and offering support, which can help to soothe rather than inflame the situation. This creates a space where feelings are respected, and solutions can be found collaboratively. Politeness involves recognizing and validating the emotions of others, even when they don't align with your own perceptions. By approaching situations with empathy and understanding, you cultivate a climate of trust and openness. This encourages honest communication and helps to resolve conflicts more effectively. It's about creating connection through compassion, fostering resilience rather than resistance in relationships. Telling someone to smile more is a presumptuous, often patronizing comment that places undue pressure on personal expression. It implies that their natural demeanor isn't enough, subtly suggesting they conform to external expectations. Instead, offer genuine compliments or express joy in their company, encouraging authentic interaction. This respects their autonomy while still promoting positivity in your exchange. A considerate person understands that everyone's emotional expression is unique and valid. By valuing authenticity over superficial gestures, they nurture an environment where individuals feel free to be themselves. This approach enhances connections by allowing genuine emotions to surface, fostering more meaningful and respectful interactions. It's about celebrating individuality, not enforcing conformity, and valuing substance over facade. This phrase often dismisses the experiences and insights of younger individuals, creating unnecessary barriers. It assumes a lack of understanding based solely on age, disregarding the validity of their perspectives. Instead of making assumptions, engage in an open dialogue that respects their viewpoint and encourages shared learning. This fosters mutual respect and enriches the conversation by valuing diverse insights. True politeness appreciates the wisdom that can come from any age, recognizing that learning is a reciprocal process. By approaching interactions with curiosity and humility, you create a dynamic where knowledge flows freely in both directions. This not only bridges generational gaps but also strengthens the bonds of understanding and respect. It's about embracing the richness of diverse perspectives, nurturing growth rather than hierarchy. Dismissing an idea or aspiration as "impossible" can stifle creativity and discourage optimism. It's a phrase that often reflects a lack of imagination or openness to potential rather than a true assessment of feasibility. Instead, encourage exploration by discussing possibilities and offering support, which can inspire innovation and determination. This transforms disbelief into opportunity, fostering a culture of encouragement and possibility. Politeness involves creating spaces where ideas are nurtured rather than negated. By fostering an atmosphere of possibility and support, you empower others to pursue their aspirations with confidence. This approach not only enhances creative potential but also strengthens relationships through shared enthusiasm and cooperation. It's about cultivating a mindset of potential, encouraging each other to dream and achieve beyond perceived limitations.
Wall Street Journal
06-06-2025
- Wall Street Journal
AI Doesn't Care If You're Polite to It. You Should Be Anyway.
I often catch myself prefacing my queries to ChatGPT with a 'please' and concluding with a 'thank you.' Apparently, I am not alone. A December 2024 survey published by TechRadar found that approximately 67% of U.S. AI users are also polite and show gratitude toward AI search engines. On April 15, an X user asked whether there's a cost to all this politeness: 'I wonder how much money OpenAI has lost in electricity costs from people saying 'please' and 'thank you' to their models.' OpenAI CEO Sam Altman saw the post and responded: 'Tens of millions of dollars well spent—you never know.' Altman's comment suggests, perhaps half-seriously, that polite behavior could be our salvation when AI systems take over the world in an apocalyptic future.
