How To Be A Good Neighbor When Your Pool Party Gets Out Of Hand

Yahoo

07-07-2025

I was raised in a home where manners mattered. Saying 'yes ma'am' and 'no sir' were required when speaking to adults at all times, no exceptions. Respecting friends and family went without saying, but respecting strangers and acquaintances was even more important.
Last weekend, something horrible happened at my house. And when I say 'horrible,' let me put it in context—no one was injured, and no irreparable damage was done. But as a person who grew up in a home where politeness was paramount, 'horrible' is an appropriate word to describe what occurred. Other accurate adjectives include 'embarrassing,' 'ridiculous,' and 'disrespectful.'
Here's what went down. We are fortunate to have a pool in our backyard (I say fortunate, but if you own a pool, you understand that it's equal parts luxury and headache). And because of this pool, we host friends and neighbors almost every weekend during the summer.
Our friends enjoy a poolside drink or two, but we don't get crazy. Sometimes we get loud, but we try our best to be respectful of our adjacent neighbors. But at this particular party, unbeknownst to us, things got out of hand.
After a thunderstorm chased all the guests away, we received a text from our neighbor. The text included two pictures of a half-eaten hot dog, and a polite plea to ask our guests not to throw half-eaten food into their yard.
I'm clutching my pearls at the memory. I tried to think of some kind of excuse—maybe there were ants on the hot dog and somebody freaked out. Maybe a squirrel grabbed the hot dog and ran off with it. But no. As much as I wanted to pretend otherwise, somebody at our party threw their hotdog over the fence.
Both my husband and I were deeply embarrassed. We did not witness the hot dog tossing, because had we seen it the behavior would have been addressed immediately. We were both brought up to respect others at all times. This breach of conduct was shocking and dismaying. We wasted no time in attempting to atone for the breach of etiquette.
We immediately apologized for the incident via text. Repeatedly. We did not make excuses, or try to write off the bad behavior in any way. We just straight-up apologized. It was important that we expressed our remorse for the misconduct of our friends.
As 'the sweet one' in our relationship, I didn't know how to address the misconduct with our friends. My husband, who is notoriously honest and direct, and who was the most embarrassed by the hot dog incident, pulled no punches. He sent a group text to all of our friends who were in attendance, attached the flung hot dog photos, and included this message:
'This is not behavior I will tolerate. We all make poor decisions from time to time, but in the future, please try to be mindful of others.'
I was particularly proud of him at that moment. It's not easy to stand up to your peers, but he didn't bat an eye; he knew it was the right thing to do, coolness be damned.
When a breach of conduct occurs, it's not enough to say you're sorry—you have to prove it by being better. The honest text reprimand was a start, and I sent our neighbor a screenshot of it as proof. Going forward, we're going to make an announcement (in a joking but serious way) that trash goes in the trash can, not over the fence. And I'm not above making a snarky 'Pool Rules' sign that hits the high points: "No Running, No Peeing, No Hot Dog Flinging.'
Deep in my heart I know that whoever flung that hot dog meant no harm. They were just being careless. But carelessness doesn't cut it when it comes to being a good neighbor.
There's only two things left to do: First, take my neighbors an Apology Casserole. Second, find out who actually threw that hotdog.
And trust me—I will find out.
Read the original article on Southern Living