Latest news with #psychologicalmanipulation
ABC News
6 days ago
- Health
- ABC News
Popular culture brought us the word gaslight. What is it and what are the keys to a healthy relationship?
Gaslighting is a word that shows up on reality television. "When you sat there and talked at her, it was gaslighting 101," expert John Aiken told groom Tim on season 12 of Married At First Sight. "You deflected. You blamed her for everything. You said she broke your trust. "You said that you were the most honest of the two of you and, ultimately, you made her feel like she was going crazy. TikTok psychologists use the term, as do others who post on the platform. You'll hear it used in film and scripted television. And if you go back far enough in time, you'll find that popular culture brought us the word. Robin Stern is a licensed psychoanalyst and the author of The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life. "The term 'gaslight' comes from the 1938 play 'Gas Light' and the subsequent films, most famously the 1944 Hollywood version," Dr Stern said. "In the story, a husband systematically manipulates his wife into questioning her own sanity – one tactic involves dimming the gaslights in their home and denying it's happening when she notices. "It was a chilling portrayal of psychological control." Dr Stern says the word went on to become a common term in the lexicon. "Over time, 'gaslighting' evolved from a specific plot device to a widely used term for a form of emotional abuse in which someone causes another to doubt their perceptions, memories, or sense of reality," she said. "The popularisation of the term speaks to how many people recognised aspects of their own experiences in the story." But Dr Stern says the word is often misapplied. "Gaslighting is not just a conflict or lie — it's a sustained pattern of manipulation that erodes your trust in yourself. "When we overuse the term, we risk losing the depth and seriousness of what true gaslighting entails." Dr Stern says disagreements and even lying aren't necessarily gaslighting. "For gaslighting to be present, there must be an ongoing attempt to destabilise another person's reality," she said. "For instance, if someone forgets a conversation, that's not gaslighting. "But if they repeatedly deny conversations that did happen — or accuse you of imagining them to make you feel unstable — that's when it crosses the line." The short answer is yes. "Gaslighting has become a troubling feature of modern political life," Dr Stern says. "Leaders or institutions may deny facts, contradict previous statements, or manipulate language to sow doubt and confusion. "Political gaslighting erodes trust in institutions, the media, and even in one's own judgement. "It's especially dangerous because it can shape entire narratives, influence public opinion, and silence dissent." Dr Stern says gaslighting is a behaviour, not a clinical diagnosis. "It can be a tactic within personality disorders like narcissistic personality disorder or part of coercive control in abusive relationships," she said. "I believe what matters is recognising the dynamics and damage of gaslighting, regardless of whether it has a clinical label. "Naming it gives people language to make sense of their experience, and that's powerful in itself. Kayla Steele is a postdoctoral research fellow and clinical psychologist at the UNSW School of Psychology, based at the Black Dog Institute. "Experiencing gaslighting often leads to a person experiencing significant emotional and psychological distress," Dr Steele says. "This is in part due to the erosion of trust that occurs, both within the relationship and within a person's sense of self and their ability to discern what is real and what is not." Dr Steele says people gaslight "to gain control or influence over other people and their experiences, perceptions and reality." She's outlined the following ways to identify gaslighting in an intimate relationship. Dr Steele says gaslighting can unfold in stages. "The stages of gaslighting generally involve initially feeling idealised by your partner, followed by a period of devaluation that can leave you feeling confused," Dr Steele says. "This may then cause you to doubt your own perception of reality, which can lead to the other person taking control of the situation or the relationship and the person being gaslit feeling helpless, dependent and powerless." Dr Steele encourages people to seek out help when recovering from being gaslit. "Talk to someone you trust about your concerns, such as your partner, a friend, family member or health professional such as a psychologist, therapist, or relationship counsellor," Dr Steele says. "When leaving an unhealthy relationship, it is important to prioritise strengthening our sense of self, including our self-worth, our trust in ourselves and our perception of reality, and to seek support from trusted friends and family. "Establishing healthy relationships with others can provide a safe landing place where we can have our concerns listened to and our emotions and experiences validated. "[It] can also help us rebuild our sense of self and our capacity to trust." Dr Steele says a healthy relationship has some key characteristics that include: Yes, it can. Dr Steele says it can be unintentional "if it is an unconscious denial of reality and not a conscious behaviour used to manipulate or control the other." Dr Stern has some great advice if you think that's you. "Recognising that you've engaged in gaslighting behaviour is a meaningful and courageous first step," Dr Stern says. "Take time to reflect on what was driving those actions — were you trying to control the narrative, avoid responsibility, cover up a lie, or simply struggling to manage something difficult? "Understanding your motives is essential to making meaningful change. "Take accountability for the harm you may have caused, but also recognise that those you've hurt may need space, time, or clear boundaries. "Real transformation begins with ownership, empathy, and a sustained commitment to doing better. "Just as important is developing emotional skills — learning to regulate your feelings, communicate honestly, and sit with discomfort without resorting to control. "Building those internal strategies is not only possible, but essential for healthier, more respectful relationships moving forward."
Wall Street Journal
20-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Wall Street Journal
‘Creditors' Review: Liev Schreiber's Master Manipulator
New York The Swedish playwright August Strindberg was long dead before the term passive-aggressive was first coined during World War II, subsequently to become so ubiquitous as to be rendered almost meaningless. But his 1889 play 'Creditors,' being revived off-Broadway at the Minetta Lane Theatre in a sharp and stimulating production, offers a master class in the psychological manipulation the term loosely describes.
Daily Mail
14-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
EXCLUSIVE The surprising 1930s origin of the word 'gaslighting' revealed
It's a term every internet user has likely heard countless times, used to describe manipulative behaviour that leaves someone questioning their own reality. But 'gaslighting' is far more than just a buzzword thrown around online - its chilling origins lie in a 1938 play that explored psychological torment with eerie precision. The term comes from Gas Light, a stage play by British playwright Patrick Hamilton. Set in Victorian London, the story centres on a husband, Jack Manningham, who convinces his wife Bella that she is going insane. While he searches their attic for hidden jewels belonging to a woman he murdered, he repeatedly dims the gas lights in the house. When Bella notices and questions the change in lighting, her husband insists she's imagining it. This sinister act of manipulation, along with his other lies and dismissals, chips away at her grip on reality. The play was later adapted into the 1944 Hollywood film Gaslight, starring Ingrid Bergman, which solidified the concept in the cultural imagination. The story follows a husband as he slowly convinces his wife of her insanity by dimming the gaslights in their home and then denying it But it wasn't until the 1960s and 70s that it began to appear in psychological literature. Mental health professionals used 'gaslighting' to describe a specific form of emotional abuse, often in intimate relationships, where one partner systematically undermines the other's confidence and perception of reality. And the term gained further traction in discussions of narcissistic abuse and controlling behaviours. Multi-award winning narcissistic abuse recovery coach Ronia Fraser told FEMAIL that gaslighting is a highly effective form of 'manipulation and psychological torture.' 'The abuser distorts and undermines the victim's reality to such an extent that they think they are losing their mind, which in some cases literally happens,' Ronia said. 'Everything they remember doesn't seem to be true, leading to potentially severe confusion and self-doubt.' And while it may start out with small instances and appear initially harmless, it can very quickly snowball. 'Once destabilised, it becomes very easy for the abuser to erode the victim's boundaries and even identity, to a point at which they not only lose their mind but themselves.' Fast-forward to the social media age, and 'gaslighting' has exploded in popularity - so much so that Merriam-Webster declared it the Word of the Year in 2022. From TikTok relationship advice to impassioned X threads, it's become shorthand for everything from subtle deceit to outright lying. But as its use has spread, so too has concern that it's becoming watered down. Today, accusations of gaslighting can be found in contexts as mild as disagreements over dinner plans - diluting the gravity of what is a serious form of psychological manipulation. GASLIGHTING IN RELATIONSHIPS Gaslighting is a term that refers to trying to convince someone they're wrong about something even when they aren't. Most commonly, it takes the form of frequently disagreeing with someone or refusing to listen to their point of view. Many of us might be guilty of some mild form of gaslighting from time to time – refusing to hear what our partner has to say even if they're in the right or persistently disagreeing over some minor quibble, even when you aren't sure of your position. It can be a real form of abuse. When it's done repeatedly, over a long period of time, it can have the effect of making someone doubt their own ideas about things – or even question their sanity. Source: Relate According to Ronia, gaslighting is very common and can be found in abusive romantic relationships, as well as in dysfunctional family dynamics, friendships and the workplace. 'In the age of pop-psychology and social media terms like gaslighting, narcissist and trauma are mindlessly thrown around,' said Ronia. 'The terms are often used completely out of context and as an excuse for people's own issues and behaviours, so they don't need to take responsibility for themselves, which is ironically a very narcissistic thing to do.' But the effect of minimising such terms is felt most profoundly by victims. 'The consequence of this is that people are getting fed up with it, they lose interest, they stop listening,' Ronia continued. 'Words lose their true meaning and therefore it diminishes the importance of the topic to the very detriment of actual victims.' Although the stigma surrounding abuse has drastically lessened since the inception of the term 'gaslighting', public awareness is not always positive. 'Not much in the real world has changed since I started this work as the UK's first Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach back in 2017,' Ronia said. 'Real survivors are still struggling with their mental health. Real survivors are still finding it impossible to get help. 'They are still fighting for their lives, they are still labelled "crazy" and put on medication for the rest of their days.' Ronia says the first indication of gaslighting is starting to feel like you're losing your grip on reality. 'Narcissistic abuse remains one of the most common, yet least acknowledged, forms of abuse with very little effective support available. 'It's emotional and psychological abuse on the most sophisticated level.'
Forbes
07-05-2025
- Health
- Forbes
2 Signs You're A Magnet For ‘Gaslighting' In Love, By A Psychologist
Are some of us more likely to be manipulated than others? New research shows that the desire to be ... More loved can make us tolerate even the worst kind of gaslighting. getty Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where one person makes another doubt their own thoughts, feelings or reality. No one wants to go through it, and no one deserves it, yet many of us encounter it — multiple times at that. Gaslighting is always the fault of the perpetrator, but some on the receiving end might ask, 'why me?' Given its devastating effects on one's relationships and mental health, it's worth asking, is there something that makes some people more susceptible to gaslighting than others? In a new study published this April in Frontiers in Psychology , researchers asked the same question — 'Why are we willing to tolerate manipulation?' and found an answer — an addiction to love. Love addiction is a compulsive need to be in love or in a relationship, often at the expense of one's well-being. People who struggle with love addiction may feel anxious, empty or even panicked at the thought of being alone, and they may cling to relationships because being without love feels unbearable. We all want to love and be loved, but when things go wrong, some find it harder to walk away than the rest. For some, love is too precious to lose, regardless of how unhealthy it might be. Researchers found that higher levels of love addiction are associated with greater tolerance of gaslighting and manipulative behavior in relationships. They suggest that such a dependence on relationships may stem from having an insecure attachment style, which is associated with fears of rejection and abandonment, and a need for constant reassurance and validation. 'Love addiction may also lead them to reinterpret manipulative and even abusive behaviors as 'stress' or 'displays of love,' thus turning a blind eye to the harmful effects of these behaviors. This makes it more difficult for them to recognize manipulation, increasing the likelihood that they will be affected by gaslighting,' the researchers explain. Here are the two primary reasons why an addiction to love can make us a magnet for gaslighting, according to the study. 1. You Feel You've Given Too Much To Walk Away When someone is addicted to love, they devote themselves entirely to their relationships. They invest time, emotional energy, effort, money and in some cases, their entire identity into their love lives, and when they've given that much, walking away feels like a loss of everything they've invested so far. Such individuals experience 'loss aversion.' As humans, we're wired to avoid losses more strongly than we seek gains. So, for someone with a love addiction, the fear of ending a relationship isn't just about grieving love, but about trying not to feel like all that effort was for nothing . The deeper the emotional investment, the harder it becomes to leave, even when the relationship turns manipulative or harmful. Researchers suggest that in the short-term, making sacrifices for the other person can improve relationships, and this improvement can encourage the giver to sacrifice even more. However, this dynamic soon takes a toll on the giver and makes them more susceptible to feelings of loss aversion, and in turn, more likely to tolerate mistreatment to avoid facing the emotional cost of leaving. They may convince themselves that the relationship is still salvageable, that the manipulation isn't that bad or that things will get better if they just try harder. Over time, this becomes a mechanism of self-compromise, where the person's need to preserve the relationship outweighs their need to protect their own well-being. As the researchers put it, 'Love addiction initiates a cascade of relational compromises, which culminate in tolerance for gaslighting.' In these cases, gaslighting can be rationalized or reframed. The person being gaslit may downplay or reinterpret what's happening, not because they don't see it, but because acknowledging the truth would mean facing the possibility that everything they've built is crumbling. However, continuing to invest in such a relationship only leads to losing more — of your time, mental peace and sense of self. While the past can't be changed, your future can still be protected. Remember, true love will never require you to lose yourself. 2. Your Partner Holds The Power In Your Relationship When one person in a relationship is significantly more invested than the other, it creates a power imbalance. In fact, researchers found that higher levels of love addiction are associated with experiencing lower levels of power in one's relationship. When you're addicted to love, the fear of losing it can be overwhelming. This emotional dependence profoundly affects your ability to influence the direction of the relationship. You may start compromising not just on the small things, but on core values, all in the hope of keeping the peace or avoiding abandonment. You may compromise your own boundaries, silence your needs and tolerate behavior you'd otherwise never accept. When you feel powerless, it's also harder to call out manipulation or stand your ground. Instead, you might tell yourself it's not a big deal, or that you're being too sensitive. But over time, this power gap can make it easier for a controlling partner to twist reality and overpower your sense of self. Researchers highlight how 'low-power' partners tend to avoid conflict out of fear it will lead to rejection, sacrifice personal needs to maintain harmony, accept unfair terms in the relationship and stay silent in the face of manipulation. Over time, this weakens their sense of autonomy. The more you give up your power, the harder it becomes to speak up, set boundaries or leave — all of which makes gaslighting more likely to go unchecked. Many people who are addicted to love also carry a deep fear that love is scarce or conditional. Especially when they've experienced inconsistent caregiving, abandonment or neglect, they may internalize the belief that love is fragile, fleeting or that they're somehow unworthy of it. As a result, they may rush into relationships too quickly, or stay in ones that are clearly damaging — believing that if they let go, they may never find love again. This makes them more likely to stay in unstable, low-quality relationships, normalize mistreatment and downplay harm as something all relationships go through. Additionally, when your actions (staying) and your values (wanting to be treated well) conflict, your mind works overtime to make the discomfort go away — often by rationalizing the psychological abuse rather than confronting it. You stay, invest more and hope harder, all while losing more of yourself in the process. However, awareness and external support can help break this cycle. Research shows that people with access to emotional and social support are more likely to recognize when something is wrong and take steps to protect themselves. That's why reaching out — to friends, a therapist or a support group — can be so powerful. The more you feel supported, the easier it becomes to reclaim your sense of power and begin making choices that protect your well-being. It's also essential to challenge any unhealthy beliefs about love. Love doesn't have to hurt to be real and your suffering doesn't prove your devotion. You deserve to express your needs without guilt and you are not more lovable because of how much you give or how much you tolerate. Does a fear of losing out on love keep you in unhealthy relationships? Take this science-backed test to learn more: Fear Of Being Single Scale
