Latest news with #selfpleasure
The Guardian
2 days ago
- Health
- The Guardian
My elderly mother has never had an orgasm. Is it too late for her to try?
My 83-year-old mother recently confessed to me that she has never had an orgasm. My father has a terminal illness and, realistically, won't be with us much longer. My mum is therefore slowly and, with difficulty, contemplating a life without her partner of more than 50 years. I want to help her appreciate that a life without my dad can still be fulfilling, and I wonder whether a part of that could be to discover self-pleasure. Is that possible at her age? And, if so, could it be more traumatic to discover that she lived for so long without knowing the sensation of orgasm or sharing that with her partner? Just as importantly, is this a conversation that an adult child should have with their mother, and how should I go about it? I know a lot of people will feel uncomfortable about this, but I think it's great that your mother is able to talk to you about these issues. She may also be wanting to impart some wisdom to you, perhaps about how important women's pleasure is. And it's interesting she's spoken to you and not her friends. Did she ask for actual help? How was it couched? Your mother also has a condition which you asked me not to mention, and the medication for this can cause a reduction in desire or a heightened sexuality, so that is also something to consider. It may indeed be the latter, given the conversation happening now. There's a lot going on in your lives, not least the prospect of profound grief, and I am very sorry about your dad's illness. It's never too late to discover the joys of self-pleasure. I went to counselling psychologist and psychosexual and relationship therapist Jo Coker, who is also director of therapy and training standards at COSRT, the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists. She pointed out that it is not too late for your mum to have psychosexual and relationship therapy, either now or at a later date. 'Your parents' marriage has been a long one, and I expect your mother may have held on to the hope that an orgasm would eventually happen. Your father's illness not only ends that hope, but incurs great loss and grief at losing her life partner and considering her future. 'The good news is that of course she can be helped at 83 – 10% of people over 90 are still sexually active. If she does go to specialist therapy, the first thing would be to take a full history of her sexual development and sex life. Is there anything that may be preventing her from being able to orgasm?' There will also be questions relating to her understanding of sex, Coker explains. 'Women of your mum's generation may not be aware that clitoral stimulation is often needed to orgasm and there are several ways to achieve this.' Sign up to Inside Saturday The only way to get a look behind the scenes of the Saturday magazine. Sign up to get the inside story from our top writers as well as all the must-read articles and columns, delivered to your inbox every weekend. after newsletter promotion If your mum does want to explore sex toys, Coker recommends taking into consideration 'age-related factors such as any physical issues'. The best way to broach this subject is to refer back to the conversation she had with you about not having had an orgasm, and explain that there are other ways beyond penetrative sex with another person. I am guessing you won't want to show her this reply, but that could be useful. Going to see a therapist may be a huge step – maybe one too far – for your mum, but it may also help her with the pre-emptive grief she feels. If we remove the idea of any sort of shame about sex, what we're left with is a conversation about pleasure. Yes, not many mothers and daughters discuss this, but that's not to say one can't or shouldn't. Every week, Annalisa Barbieri addresses a personal problem sent in by a reader. If you would like advice from Annalisa, please send your problem to Annalisa regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions. The latest series of Annalisa's podcast is available here. Comments on this piece are pre-moderated to ensure the discussion remains on the topics raised by the article. Please be aware that there may be a short delay in comments appearing on the site.
The Guardian
2 days ago
- Health
- The Guardian
My elderly mother has never had an orgasm. Is it too late for her to try?
My 83-year-old mother recently confessed to me that she has never had an orgasm. My father has a terminal illness and, realistically, won't be with us much longer. My mum is therefore slowly and, with difficulty, contemplating a life without her partner of more than 50 years. I want to help her appreciate that a life without my dad can still be fulfilling, and I wonder whether a part of that could be to discover self-pleasure. Is that possible at her age? And, if so, could it be more traumatic to discover that she lived for so long without knowing the sensation of orgasm or sharing that with her partner? Just as importantly, is this a conversation that an adult child should have with their mother, and how should I go about it? I know a lot of people will feel uncomfortable about this, but I think it's great that your mother is able to talk to you about these issues. She may also be wanting to impart some wisdom to you, perhaps about how important women's pleasure is. And it's interesting she's spoken to you and not her friends. Did she ask for actual help? How was it couched? Your mother also has a condition which you asked me not to mention, and the medication for this can cause a reduction in desire or a heightened sexuality, so that is also something to consider. It may indeed be the latter, given the conversation happening now. There's a lot going on in your lives, not least the prospect of profound grief, and I am very sorry about your dad's illness. It's never too late to discover the joys of self-pleasure. I went to counselling psychologist and psychosexual and relationship therapist Jo Coker, who is also director of therapy and training standards at COSRT, the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists. She pointed out that it is not too late for your mum to have psychosexual and relationship therapy, either now or at a later date. 'Your parents' marriage has been a long one, and I expect your mother may have held on to the hope that an orgasm would eventually happen. Your father's illness not only ends that hope, but incurs great loss and grief at losing her life partner and considering her future. 'The good news is that of course she can be helped at 83 – 10% of people over 90 are still sexually active. If she does go to specialist therapy, the first thing would be to take a full history of her sexual development and sex life. Is there anything that may be preventing her from being able to orgasm?' There will also be questions relating to her understanding of sex, Coker explains. 'Women of your mum's generation may not be aware that clitoral stimulation is often needed to orgasm and there are several ways to achieve this.' Sign up to Inside Saturday The only way to get a look behind the scenes of the Saturday magazine. Sign up to get the inside story from our top writers as well as all the must-read articles and columns, delivered to your inbox every weekend. after newsletter promotion If your mum does want to explore sex toys, Coker recommends taking into consideration 'age-related factors such as any physical issues'. The best way to broach this subject is to refer back to the conversation she had with you about not having had an orgasm, and explain that there are other ways beyond penetrative sex with another person. I am guessing you won't want to show her this reply, but that could be useful. Going to see a therapist may be a huge step – maybe one too far – for your mum, but it may also help her with the pre-emptive grief she feels. If we remove the idea of any sort of shame about sex, what we're left with is a conversation about pleasure. Yes, not many mothers and daughters discuss this, but that's not to say one can't or shouldn't. Every week, Annalisa Barbieri addresses a personal problem sent in by a reader. If you would like advice from Annalisa, please send your problem to Annalisa regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions. The latest series of Annalisa's podcast is available here. Comments on this piece are pre-moderated to ensure the discussion remains on the topics raised by the article. Please be aware that there may be a short delay in comments appearing on the site.
The Sun
13-05-2025
- Entertainment
- The Sun
Watch the shocking moment Virgin Island stars practise ‘self-pleasure touching' with sex experts in awkward scenes
VIRGIN Island stars are set to practice 'self-pleasure touching' with the sex experts, in awkward scenes coming up. Channel 4's Virgin Island has landed on screens, and has viewers hooked. 7 7 7 Although the series features some racy, nude and steamy moments, it also delves deep into the heart-warming stories from the 12 virgins opening up on camera for the first time. And in new scenes, the stars of Virgin Island will learn a new skill - 'self-pleasure touching.' The 12 individuals can be seen listening attentively to sexologists Dr Danielle Harel and Celeste Hirschman. They're told: 'This first exercise today is called touching for your own pleasure. 'Until you actually feel the sensation of touching for your own pleasure, you can't get to that next level, it's like the first step.' They're then asked: 'Who's ready to touch for your own pleasure?' Some of the group can be seen looking quite apprehensive about the task at hand. Tense music plays, before cutting to one Virgin Island star, named Jason, telling the camera: 'In my childhood with my family, we were never huggers. I hated being hugged, I've never liked it and I'm not an intimate person at all. 'In my adult life, I've never kissed anyone.' Watch the moment Virgin Island stars perform X-rated act leaving viewers horrified Jason then volunteers to hop up and give the challenge a go, saying he'd 'like to be the opposite, and lose his virginity.' He's seen rubbing his arms up and down the arms of the sexologist in the task, while she laughs. 'See if you can breathe a little bit while you do it, so you can actually feel the sensation,' she tells him. The task continues, and he seems more at ease with running his hands up and down her arms, as they sit cross legged on the floor. The voiceover tells viewers: 'For Jason, just a few seconds of touch is all he can handle. 'But Celeste isn't finished with him yet.' She then begins to touch him, and rubs her hands up and down his arms. The group applauds after Jason's session, as he makes his way back to the group. The show, which aims to help adult virgins explore intimacy for the first time, features renowned sex and relationship coaches Celeste Hirschman and Danielle Harel — founders of the Somatic Institute in San Francisco and stars of Gwyneth Paltrow' s Netflix series Sex, Love & Goop. Celeste and Danielle lead a hands-on 'treatment programme' that begins with open discussions about intimacy, before gradually moving on to physical contact. But things take an even steamier turn when three professional 'Sexological Bodyworkers' — Aisha, Thomas, and Joy — are brought in to guide the participants through erotic techniques. They're joined by two 'surrogate partners', Kat and Andre, who help the virgins build emotional and physical connection through direct experience. While some viewers have praised the show for breaking down sexual taboos, others have been left gobsmacked by how far it goes — with one calling it 'basically porn with coaching.' 7 7 7
