Latest news with #sexlife
The Guardian
a day ago
- Health
- The Guardian
After 15 years of premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction, will I ever satisfy my wife?
I am a 48-year-old man. Both my wife and I come from a conservative background; we believe that sex before marriage is a sin and saved ourselves until we got married in our early 30s. Before getting married, I masturbated but never had any real sex. Our first night turned out to be a disaster. I couldn't get an erection. However, as the days passed, we managed to have sex but not to my wife's satisfaction, because I finished within 30 seconds of penetration. I think I suffer from both erectile dysfunction (ED) and premature ejaculation (PE). My ED is not consistent – I have been prescribed Viagra and use it sometimes – but my PE continues, and is taking a toll on us. My wife is uninterested in sex because she doesn't get anything out of it. It has been about 15 years now and we have two kids but our sex life has not improved. I tried couples counselling but that was more about building a bond between us (which I believe is not an issue as we love each other and can't think about being with someone else). The only missing piece in our life is satisfying sex. I would do anything to satisfy my wife but I am feeling helpless. This may seem radical to you, but a woman does not need a penis in order to be satisfied. I recommend that you learn how to give her an orgasm before you penetrate her. There are many places to find instruction about doing this, but basically you need to learn where her clitoris is and how you can touch her in an arousing and ultimately satisfying manner. Embarking on this type of exploration may seem daunting but if you can approach it as a loving couple you may be successful. Of course, your wife will have to be willing to work on this, so you will have to talk to her first and be sure she consents. The best way forward would really be to work as a couple with a good sex therapist, who could also treat your early ejaculation. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders. If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to (please don't send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.
The Guardian
2 days ago
- Health
- The Guardian
After 15 years of premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction, will I ever satisfy my wife?
I am a 48-year-old man. Both my wife and I come from a conservative background; we believe that sex before marriage is a sin and saved ourselves until we got married in our early 30s. Before getting married, I masturbated but never had any real sex. Our first night turned out to be a disaster. I couldn't get an erection. However, as the days passed, we managed to have sex but not to my wife's satisfaction, because I finished within 30 seconds of penetration. I think I suffer from both erectile dysfunction (ED) and premature ejaculation (PE). My ED is not consistent – I have been prescribed Viagra and use it sometimes – but my PE continues, and is taking a toll on us. My wife is uninterested in sex because she doesn't get anything out of it. It has been about 15 years now and we have two kids but our sex life has not improved. I tried couples counselling but that was more about building a bond between us (which I believe is not an issue as we love each other and can't think about being with someone else). The only missing piece in our life is satisfying sex. I would do anything to satisfy my wife but I am feeling helpless. This may seem radical to you, but a woman does not need a penis in order to be satisfied. I recommend that you learn how to give her an orgasm before you penetrate her. There are many places to find instruction about doing this, but basically you need to learn where her clitoris is and how you can touch her in an arousing and ultimately satisfying manner. Embarking on this type of exploration may seem daunting but if you can approach it as a loving couple you may be successful. Of course, your wife will have to be willing to work on this, so you will have to talk to her first and be sure she consents. The best way forward would really be to work as a couple with a good sex therapist, who could also treat your early ejaculation. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders. If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to (please don't send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.
Yahoo
3 days ago
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
Forget the Bed: 9 Alternative (and Steamy) Places To Have Sex
Have you and your partner ever fantasized about taking things out of the bedroom? Whether you're craving something spontaneous, playful, or just a little less predictable, changing up your setting can make your sex life a bit more exciting. Plus, if you're in a long-term relationship, going at it in a new place can spice things up, especially if you feel your sex life has plateaued lately, says Gigi Engle, certified sex coach, sexologist, and author of All The F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love and Life. 'It also requires a level of trust that you're in it together,' says Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure. 'It gives you the opportunity to explore something that can take you to a new erotic edge.' Just note that if you plan to have sex anywhere public-adjacent, it's important to consider consent, Engle notes. Of course, that includes you and your partner, but also those who might be around—obviously, strangers haven't signed up to watch you bone. Being sexually open and adventurous is awesome, but you also need to be a decent and respectful person. Need some inspo? Here are some of the best and most creative places to have sex. 1. Your backyard or balcony. Taking things to the backyard can emulate the excitement of outdoor sex…but with a nice level of privacy. 'The backyard of your home has the comfort to keep the sex at ease,' Levine says. 'Wondering if the neighbors will see ups the mystery and your arousal.' It's thrilling to know someone could spot you, and you're outside but in a clean, private space. And since it's your property, no worries about breaking the law. Make it hotter: Put your patio furniture to good use (beyond the occasional backyard BBQ). 'If you have a lounger, this can be a good opportunity for you to lie back and enjoy some relaxed oral sex out in the sunshine,' Engle says. Before you head out, don't forget to grab some water-based lube and a favorite toy. 2. Your car. If the movie Titanic and high school gossip has taught me anything, it's that the car is a prime spot to get hot and steamy. It's a private-but-public space that you have more control over. Make it hotter: During sunset or under the cover of nightfall, turn off onto a quiet road or find an empty parking lot to discreetly park. Skip the front seat (the horn could blow your cover when you want to blow other things), and opt for the backseat instead. It'll help keep you hidden, and there's more room to play around with positions. 3. A hotel room. Check in for a good time. Whether you're traveling with your significant other or just got a hotel room for a hot staycation, make it your playground. There's just something about having sex while on vacay that always feels extra hot. Make it hotter: Open the curtains (all of them, all the way) and have sex against the window. It doesn't matter if your view overlooks a parking lot or another building—you'll still get a rush knowing people can (and likely will) see. 4. A park or wooded area. Who doesn't love getting down with nature? Find a spot to settle down for your romp in an empty, low-traffic park or lightly wooded area. 'You want enough camouflage to be shielded,' Engle says. She also warns against going too deep into a wooded area—getting ravaged by bugs and ticks (or poison ivy) isn't hot. If you'd rather be on the ground, bring a blanket to avoid mud and grass stains. 'This will give you a makeshift sex area and something to use for quick coverups,' Engle says. You know, just in case. Make it hotter: Put some thought into what you're wearing, as you both want to don something with easy access. Think long dresses or stretchy shorts that you can quickly pull down or up in case of emergency (read: passerbys). Knowing you're equipped for a quickie (or multiple ones) is a turn-on in and of itself. 5. A rooftop. This is more practical for city folk with access to a flat roof, so take proper precautions. But an open rooftop is like your balcony, only more risqué, because anyone (and everyone) can see. Engle has one important reminder: If you're in the great outdoors and going to up there for quite some time, don't forget to put on some sunscreen. ( not the kind of red hot you want.) Make it hotter: Bring a cushion, a thick yoga mat or towel, or something soft to add comfort (rooftops You can also snuggle it under your hips to create a bit of leverage for deeper penetration. (Or shop one of these made-for-it sex pillows.) 6. A sex party. While it might be lightyears out of your comfort zone, a sex party has a serious benefit: You can avoid the distracting thought of getting caught so you can focus on performance. At an event like this, you don't have to worry who might be watching, since everyone is there for the same reason—so you can let your exhibitionist flag fly high. Make it hotter: Remember, consent is hot! Talking about what you both want out of your experience before you arrive will ensure you have a great time. After all, you won't know what's on the table until you have a mutual convo about it. 7. An outdoor shower. Thanks to the electric mix of streaming water, the fresh air, and the chance of a viewer or two, 'it's hot, especially on a hot summer night,' says Levine. Plenty of fancy hotels and Airbnb's have them, so include that in your filter search (wink). Make it hotter: Your best method of action is to face a wall and bend over, and find something you can prop a foot on for a deeper sensation. Try these steamy tips and positions just for shower sex, too. 8. The beach. Another young fantasy come to life, but with a few caveats: Visit a quiet part of the beach at night to respectfully avoid people, and stay on land to keep the saltwater from drying you up down there. Lay blankets down carefully so you don't come away with sand and nasties in every crevice of your body. And try positions where you can avoid a lot of sand tossing around, like riding your partner on a beach chair or spooning each other on the blanket. Make it hotter: Bring a bottle of wine and a pillow to stargaze afterward. Now you just went from hot-beach-sex to romance-novel-intimate. Swoon! 9. In a tent. Ah, the sounds of nature: crickets chirping, the crackle of a bonfire, and stifled moans. Set up a tent in a secluded area of the campsite (or your backyard), and clear out branches or rocks that can cramp the moment. You'll have the cover of a tent, but the image of your shadows projecting through could provide a bit of extra thrill. Make it hotter: Remember to stash lube in your knapsack (wetter is better), and unzip part of the tent slightly for more air flow. And don't forget to pack a mattress pad (or even an air mattress) so you don't have to do it in your sleeping bag (those can get pretty sweaty). You Might Also Like Jennifer Garner Swears By This Retinol Eye Cream These New Kicks Will Help You Smash Your Cross-Training Goals Solve the daily Crossword
The Guardian
4 days ago
- General
- The Guardian
This is how we do it: ‘We broke up and started having the most amazing sex'
Having a break has been great for our sex life About four years into our relationship, Hester and I got to a point where we weren't being open with each other. She had reservations about the relationship and our future together, and I could sense her uncertainty, which had a knock-on effect on me. She was distant and I felt insecure. We would lie in bed, not having sex, and I'd roll over feeling unwanted. We decided to break up, but this decision actually freed us. While we were apart, we'd have sex when we met up about once a month, but we also slept with other people. Hester saw me having sexual autonomy as attractive. I found my mojo and brought that back into our relationship. I wasn't jealous because I knew I had the power, so Hester sleeping with others didn't feel threatening. I felt secure in her desire in a way that I hadn't previously. Two years ago, we got back together. We don't live together, and our sex life is quite erratic. Before, I saw sex as a barometer of how good our relationship was, but Hester wanting to be with me after time apart means I feel more secure. I learned from my parents to offer comfort with physical affection – a pat on the back, rather than discussing emotions. But Hester has taught me to be still and just listen. I try to spend more time in difficult, uncomfortable places. I now feel closest to Hester after an argument. We both expressed uncertainty about whether getting back together was the right thing, about whether we'll stay together for ever, which was freeing and took the pressure off. When I wasn't articulating those thoughts, I felt trapped. I was worried I might lose some of the power and feel unwanted again, but I'm now able to communicate those doubts. I was a late bloomer; I didn't have much sex as a teenager, and part of me feels as if I haven't got it out of my system. We talk about opening up our relationship, which is a turn-on and often leads to us having sex. The more we talk about it, the stronger and more secure our relationship feels. If you're keen to talk to us about your sex lives you can get in touch by filling in the form below. It is very important that both sexual partners are happy to participate. Fred sleeping with other people sparked something in me. It made me desire him more A few months into our break, Fred told me he was seeing someone else, which I found hot until he said he was into her. I felt possessive, like Fred was mine, and sobbed into his lap in a restaurant while the table next to us celebrated a birthday. He said we had to stop having sex when we saw each other, but we still went home together that night. There was a primitive sense of triumph, and the sex was amazing, probably because there was a feeling that we shouldn't be doing it. Fred sleeping with other people sparked something in me. Him having sexual agency and being desired made me desire him more. Jealousy drives me, and I don't necessarily like that about myself. I feel as if I'm fulfilling negative stereotypes of the jealous woman. The risk is exciting, but I feel secure knowing he'd choose me. The break was great for us because it gave us both the space to be on our own and start again. We're more honest with each other now and have frank discussions, like about opening up our relationship. Before the break, instead of talking about his feelings, Fred just tried to have sex. But I have fluctuating hormones, and sometimes I'm just not in the mood; it has nothing to do with how close I feel to Fred. Now Fred's in a really good place. I'm enjoying watching him flourish and am proud of his bravery for quitting a comfortable job to pursue something more risky. His willingness to embark on something different makes me feel more attracted to him. I'm at the age where friends are settling down, getting married and having children. It can feel prescribed and pressurising, especially when Fred and I don't even live together yet. I can overthink things, but talking openly about our fears has brought us closer. Whatever happens, we want to set our own parameters.
The Guardian
4 days ago
- General
- The Guardian
This is how we do it: ‘We broke up and started having the most amazing sex'
Having a break has been great for our sex life About four years into our relationship, Hester and I got to a point where we weren't being open with each other. She had reservations about the relationship and our future together, and I could sense her uncertainty, which had a knock-on effect on me. She was distant and I felt insecure. We would lie in bed, not having sex, and I'd roll over feeling unwanted. We decided to break up, but this decision actually freed us. While we were apart, we'd have sex when we met up about once a month, but we also slept with other people. Hester saw me having sexual autonomy as attractive. I found my mojo and brought that back into our relationship. I wasn't jealous because I knew I had the power, so Hester sleeping with others didn't feel threatening. I felt secure in her desire in a way that I hadn't previously. Two years ago, we got back together. We don't live together, and our sex life is quite erratic. Before, I saw sex as a barometer of how good our relationship was, but Hester wanting to be with me after time apart means I feel more secure. I learned from my parents to offer comfort with physical affection – a pat on the back, rather than discussing emotions. But Hester has taught me to be still and just listen. I try to spend more time in difficult, uncomfortable places. I now feel closest to Hester after an argument. We both expressed uncertainty about whether getting back together was the right thing, about whether we'll stay together for ever, which was freeing and took the pressure off. When I wasn't articulating those thoughts, I felt trapped. I was worried I might lose some of the power and feel unwanted again, but I'm now able to communicate those doubts. I was a late bloomer; I didn't have much sex as a teenager, and part of me feels as if I haven't got it out of my system. We talk about opening up our relationship, which is a turn-on and often leads to us having sex. The more we talk about it, the stronger and more secure our relationship feels. If you're keen to talk to us about your sex lives you can get in touch by filling in the form below. It is very important that both sexual partners are happy to participate. Fred sleeping with other people sparked something in me. It made me desire him more A few months into our break, Fred told me he was seeing someone else, which I found hot until he said he was into her. I felt possessive, like Fred was mine, and sobbed into his lap in a restaurant while the table next to us celebrated a birthday. He said we had to stop having sex when we saw each other, but we still went home together that night. There was a primitive sense of triumph, and the sex was amazing, probably because there was a feeling that we shouldn't be doing it. Fred sleeping with other people sparked something in me. Him having sexual agency and being desired made me desire him more. Jealousy drives me, and I don't necessarily like that about myself. I feel as if I'm fulfilling negative stereotypes of the jealous woman. The risk is exciting, but I feel secure knowing he'd choose me. The break was great for us because it gave us both the space to be on our own and start again. We're more honest with each other now and have frank discussions, like about opening up our relationship. Before the break, instead of talking about his feelings, Fred just tried to have sex. But I have fluctuating hormones, and sometimes I'm just not in the mood; it has nothing to do with how close I feel to Fred. Now Fred's in a really good place. I'm enjoying watching him flourish and am proud of his bravery for quitting a comfortable job to pursue something more risky. His willingness to embark on something different makes me feel more attracted to him. I'm at the age where friends are settling down, getting married and having children. It can feel prescribed and pressurising, especially when Fred and I don't even live together yet. I can overthink things, but talking openly about our fears has brought us closer. Whatever happens, we want to set our own parameters.
