After 15 years of premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction, will I ever satisfy my wife?
I think I suffer from both erectile dysfunction (ED) and premature ejaculation (PE). My ED is not consistent – I have been prescribed Viagra and use it sometimes – but my PE continues, and is taking a toll on us. My wife is uninterested in sex because she doesn't get anything out of it. It has been about 15 years now and we have two kids but our sex life has not improved. I tried couples counselling but that was more about building a bond between us (which I believe is not an issue as we love each other and can't think about being with someone else). The only missing piece in our life is satisfying sex. I would do anything to satisfy my wife but I am feeling helpless.
This may seem radical to you, but a woman does not need a penis in order to be satisfied. I recommend that you learn how to give her an orgasm before you penetrate her. There are many places to find instruction about doing this, but basically you need to learn where her clitoris is and how you can touch her in an arousing and ultimately satisfying manner. Embarking on this type of exploration may seem daunting but if you can approach it as a loving couple you may be successful. Of course, your wife will have to be willing to work on this, so you will have to talk to her first and be sure she consents. The best way forward would really be to work as a couple with a good sex therapist, who could also treat your early ejaculation.
Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.
If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don't send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.
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The Independent
25 minutes ago
- The Independent
Streeting: We are doing everything we can to minimise patient harm during strike
Wes Streeting has said 'we are doing everything we can to minimise' patient harm as thousands of doctors go on strike over pay. A five-day walkout by resident doctors in England is under way, with members of the British Medical Association (BMA) manning picket lines across the country. The Health Secretary condemned the strike as 'reckless' and said the Government would not allow the BMA to 'hold the country to ransom'. Asked about the risk of patient harm, he told the PA news agency on Friday: 'I'm really proud of the way that NHS leaders and frontline staff have prepared and mobilised to minimise the disruption and minimise the risk of harm to patients. 'We've seen an extraordinary response, including people cancelling their leave, turning up for work, and resident doctors themselves ignoring their union to be there for patients. I'm extremely grateful to all of them. 'What I can't do today is guarantee that there will be no disruption and that there is no risk of harm to patients. 'We are doing everything we can to minimise it, but the risk is there, and that is why the BMA's action is so irresponsible. 'They had a 28.9% pay award from this Government in our first year, there was also an offer to work with them on other things that affect resident doctors – working lives – and that's why I think this is such reckless action. 'This Government will not allow the BMA to hold the country to ransom, and we will continue to make progress on NHS improvement, as we've done in our first year.' Asked about next steps and the continued threat of doctor strikes, given the BMA has a six-month mandate to call more industrial action, Mr Streeting said: 'When the BMA asks, 'what's the difference between a Labour government and a Conservative government?', I would say a 28.9% pay rise and a willingness to work together to improve the working conditions and lives of doctors. 'That is why the public and other NHS staff cannot understand why the BMA have chosen to embark on this totally unnecessary, reckless strike action..' It comes as NHS chief executive Sir Jim Mackey told broadcasters on Friday about his different approach to managing the strike, including keeping as much pre-planned care going as possible rather than just focusing on emergency care. 'So the difference this time is the NHS has put a huge effort in to try and get back on its feet,' he said. 'As everybody's been aware, we've had a really tough period, and you really feel colleagues on the ground, local clinical leaders, clinical operational colleagues etc, really pulling together to try and get the NHS back on its feet. 'And we also learned from the last few rounds of industrial action that harm to patients and disruption to patients was much broader than the original definitions. So we've decided to say it needs to be a broader definition. We can't just focus on that small subset of care. 'Colleagues in the service have tried to keep as much going as humanly possible as well, and the early signs are that that's been achieved so far, but it is early doors. 'In the end, capacity will have to be constrained by the numbers of people we've actually got who do just turn up for work, and what that means in terms of safe provision, because the thing that colleagues won't compromise is safety in the actual delivery. But it does look like people have really heard that. 'They're really pulling together to maximise the range of services possible.' Asked about further strikes, he said: 'It is possible. I would hope not. I would hope after this, we'll be able to get people in a room and resolve the issue. 'But if we are in this with a six month mandate, we could be doing this once a month for the next next six months, but we've got to organise ourselves accordingly.' Asked why he was not willing to bump pay from what the BMA calculates is £18 an hour to £22 per hour, Mr Streeting told broadcasters: 'I think the public can see, and other NHS staff can see the willingness this Government showed from day one coming into office to try and deal with what had been over a decade of failure on behalf of the previous government, working with resident doctors to improve their pay and to improve the NHS. 'That's why resident doctors had a 28.9% pay award, and that's why the disruption they are inflicting on the country is so unnecessary and so irresponsible.' He said patients, particularly those who end up waiting a long time for care due to strikes, 'do come to harm, and however much the BMA try and sugarcoat it, what they are fundamentally doing today is forgetting the three words that should be at the forefront of every doctor's minds every day, which is, 'do no harm'.' On whether strikes are going to become the 'new normal', he added: 'As I've said before, the BMA have had a 28.9% pay award from this Government, and we were willing to go further to help on some of the working conditions that doctors face. 'That offer of joint working, that partnership approach, that hasn't gone away, but it does take two to tango, and I hope that the BMA will reflect very carefully on the disruption they are inflicting on patients, the pressures they're putting on their colleagues, and the circumstances in which they are doing so – a 28.9% pay rise and a government that was willing to work with them. 'Those are not grounds for strike action.' It comes after Sir Keir Starmer made a last-minute appeal to resident doctors, saying the strikes would 'cause real damage'. He added: 'Most people do not support these strikes. They know they will cause real damage… 'These strikes threaten to turn back the clock on progress we have made in rebuilding the NHS over the last year, choking off the recovery.' The BMA has argued that real-terms pay has fallen by around 20% since 2008, and is pushing for full 'pay restoration'. The union took out national newspaper adverts on Friday, saying it wanted to 'make clear that while a newly qualified doctor's assistant is taking home over £24 per hour, a newly qualified doctor with years of medical school experience is on just £18.62 per hour'. BMA council chairman Dr Tom Dolphin told BBC Radio 4's Today programme the union had been expecting more pay for doctors. He said: 'Where we were last year when we started the pay campaign, we were down a third on our pay compared to 2008. 'So you've got last year's pay offer which did indeed move us towards (pay restoration), but Wes Streeting himself said that pay restoration is a journey, not an event, implying that there would be further pay restoration to come, and we were expecting our pay to be restored in full – that's our campaign's goal. 'We got part way there, but then that came to a halt this year – we've only had an offer that brings us up, just to catch up with inflation.' Asked what it would take for doctors to go back to work, he said the BMA needed to see 'a clear, guaranteed pathway' to pay restoration. He added that 'it's very disappointing to see a Labour Government taking such a hard line against trade unions'. Resident doctors are qualified doctors in clinical training. They have completed a medical degree and can have up to nine years of working experience as a hospital doctor, depending on their specialty, or up to five years of working and gaining experience to become a GP.
Western Telegraph
an hour ago
- Western Telegraph
Streeting: We are doing everything we can to minimise patient harm during strike
A five-day walkout by resident doctors in England is under way, with members of the British Medical Association (BMA) manning picket lines across the country. The Health Secretary condemned the strike as 'reckless' and said the Government would not allow the BMA to 'hold the country to ransom'. Asked about the risk of patient harm, he told the PA news agency on Friday: 'I'm really proud of the way that NHS leaders and frontline staff have prepared and mobilised to minimise the disruption and minimise the risk of harm to patients. 'We've seen an extraordinary response, including people cancelling their leave, turning up for work, and resident doctors themselves ignoring their union to be there for patients. I'm extremely grateful to all of them. Resident doctors are beginning a five-day strike (James Manning/PA) 'What I can't do today is guarantee that there will be no disruption and that there is no risk of harm to patients. 'We are doing everything we can to minimise it, but the risk is there, and that is why the BMA's action is so irresponsible. 'They had a 28.9% pay award from this Government in our first year, there was also an offer to work with them on other things that affect resident doctors – working lives – and that's why I think this is such reckless action. 'This Government will not allow the BMA to hold the country to ransom, and we will continue to make progress on NHS improvement, as we've done in our first year.' Asked about next steps and the continued threat of doctor strikes, given the BMA has a six-month mandate to call more industrial action, Mr Streeting said: 'When the BMA asks, 'what's the difference between a Labour government and a Conservative government?', I would say a 28.9% pay rise and a willingness to work together to improve the working conditions and lives of doctors. 'That is why the public and other NHS staff cannot understand why the BMA have chosen to embark on this totally unnecessary, reckless strike action..' It comes as NHS chief executive Sir Jim Mackey told broadcasters on Friday about his different approach to managing the strike, including keeping as much pre-planned care going as possible rather than just focusing on emergency care. 'So the difference this time is the NHS has put a huge effort in to try and get back on its feet,' he said. 'As everybody's been aware, we've had a really tough period, and you really feel colleagues on the ground, local clinical leaders, clinical operational colleagues etc, really pulling together to try and get the NHS back on its feet. 'And we also learned from the last few rounds of industrial action that harm to patients and disruption to patients was much broader than the original definitions. So we've decided to say it needs to be a broader definition. We can't just focus on that small subset of care. 'Colleagues in the service have tried to keep as much going as humanly possible as well, and the early signs are that that's been achieved so far, but it is early doors. 'In the end, capacity will have to be constrained by the numbers of people we've actually got who do just turn up for work, and what that means in terms of safe provision, because the thing that colleagues won't compromise is safety in the actual delivery. But it does look like people have really heard that. 'They're really pulling together to maximise the range of services possible.' Asked about further strikes, he said: 'It is possible. I would hope not. I would hope after this, we'll be able to get people in a room and resolve the issue. 'But if we are in this with a six month mandate, we could be doing this once a month for the next next six months, but we've got to organise ourselves accordingly.' The Prime Minister has said the strikes will 'cause real damage' (PA) Asked why he was not willing to bump pay from what the BMA calculates is £18 an hour to £22 per hour, Mr Streeting told broadcasters: 'I think the public can see, and other NHS staff can see the willingness this Government showed from day one coming into office to try and deal with what had been over a decade of failure on behalf of the previous government, working with resident doctors to improve their pay and to improve the NHS. 'That's why resident doctors had a 28.9% pay award, and that's why the disruption they are inflicting on the country is so unnecessary and so irresponsible.' He said patients, particularly those who end up waiting a long time for care due to strikes, 'do come to harm, and however much the BMA try and sugarcoat it, what they are fundamentally doing today is forgetting the three words that should be at the forefront of every doctor's minds every day, which is, 'do no harm'.' On whether strikes are going to become the 'new normal', he added: 'As I've said before, the BMA have had a 28.9% pay award from this Government, and we were willing to go further to help on some of the working conditions that doctors face. 'That offer of joint working, that partnership approach, that hasn't gone away, but it does take two to tango, and I hope that the BMA will reflect very carefully on the disruption they are inflicting on patients, the pressures they're putting on their colleagues, and the circumstances in which they are doing so – a 28.9% pay rise and a government that was willing to work with them. 'Those are not grounds for strike action.' It comes after Sir Keir Starmer made a last-minute appeal to resident doctors, saying the strikes would 'cause real damage'. He added: 'Most people do not support these strikes. They know they will cause real damage… 'These strikes threaten to turn back the clock on progress we have made in rebuilding the NHS over the last year, choking off the recovery.' The BMA has argued that real-terms pay has fallen by around 20% since 2008, and is pushing for full 'pay restoration'. The union took out national newspaper adverts on Friday, saying it wanted to 'make clear that while a newly qualified doctor's assistant is taking home over £24 per hour, a newly qualified doctor with years of medical school experience is on just £18.62 per hour'. BMA council chairman Dr Tom Dolphin told BBC Radio 4's Today programme the union had been expecting more pay for doctors. He said: 'Where we were last year when we started the pay campaign, we were down a third on our pay compared to 2008. 'So you've got last year's pay offer which did indeed move us towards (pay restoration), but Wes Streeting himself said that pay restoration is a journey, not an event, implying that there would be further pay restoration to come, and we were expecting our pay to be restored in full – that's our campaign's goal. 'We got part way there, but then that came to a halt this year – we've only had an offer that brings us up, just to catch up with inflation.' Asked what it would take for doctors to go back to work, he said the BMA needed to see 'a clear, guaranteed pathway' to pay restoration. He added that 'it's very disappointing to see a Labour Government taking such a hard line against trade unions'. Resident doctors are qualified doctors in clinical training. They have completed a medical degree and can have up to nine years of working experience as a hospital doctor, depending on their specialty, or up to five years of working and gaining experience to become a GP.
The Sun
a day ago
- The Sun
Mum issues chilling warning after her ‘gorgeous' daughter, 15, died of an accidental paracetamol overdose
ALICE Clark was like any other 15-year-old girl - excited for her prom, a lover of animals, Christmas and her family. But in December 2024, after being off school sick for two days, with her mum Joanne Garcia-Dios watching over her, she died of a paracetamol overdose. When Joanne, 43, found her daughter incoherent in her bedroom, she discovered from friends that Alice had taken a fatal dose of the painkiller days before. Joanne and her family, from West Parley, near Bournmouth, Dorset, do not believe Alice meant to end her life, and are petitioning for the law to change regarding the sale of paracetamol. Here, she tells her story and makes a plea to all parents... IT was a summer's day, but as I walked into the kitchen, it smelt like Christmas. As 'Merry Christmas Everyone' blasted from the speakers, my daughter Alice, then 11, turned to me, flour dusted on her cheeks. 'What do you think, Mum?' she said, pulling out a tray of gingerbread men. 'They're perfect, sweetheart, but it's only August!' I chuckled. 'You know Christmas is my favourite time of year,' she grinned. 'I couldn't wait!' Alice was always making me, her stepdad Rudi and brother Jake, 17, laugh. Jake and Alice were each other's worlds. Alongside Christmas, Alice adored animals and enjoyed collecting snails and woodlice from the garden, making them her pets. Scientists discover that even really low doses of paracetamol could damage your heart She was family-orientated too, and loved spending time with my parents – who she called Nanny and Bop-Bop – and her dad, Rob. Before I knew it, my little girl had turned 15. Her GCSEs were her next big exams and after that, her prom. Alice had sent me photos of prom dresses she liked, all in her favourite shade, baby blue. I knew she would look like a princess, with her blonde hair and model looks. At Christmas, she had a tree up in her room, decorated with Jellycat teddies. It was a December morning when I went into her bedroom, but she didn't seem herself. 'I've got a funny tummy,' she said. 'Don't worry about school today,' I told her. I was working from home so I could keep an eye on her. She spent the day on the sofa, but later, seemed to rally. She went to her orthodontist appointment and was her normal chatty self. But the next morning, she texted me from her room. 10 10 'I've been sick and my tummy hurts,' she wrote. Alice was sick a few more times that day, but she was also laughing and joking. 'I'm popping out for a bit,' I said to Alice later. 'Do you need anything?' But when she replied, she wasn't making sense and slurring her words. What Alice's friend told me left me reeling Mothers' instinct kicked in - could it be a stroke, I thought? 'What's your brother called?' I asked. 'I don't have a brother,' she replied. I asked her what month it was, thinking she had to know with the Christmas tree right beside her. But to my shock, she was stumped. 'I'm ringing 999,' I said to Rudi. As we waited for paramedics, Alice's phone didn't stop ringing. 'Alice is really poorly and can't talk now,' I told her friend. But what he said sent me reeling. He told me my girl had taken an overdose of paracetamol two days ago. 'No way,' I said, not believing it. But the first thing I did was tell the paramedics. 'This isn't my daughter, but I'm relaying what I've been told,' I said. Alice was so sensible, and had seemed absolutely fine. She was rushed to hospital, where they ran tests all night. Rudi, Rob and I were beside ourselves. Alice was falling in and out of consciousness and so confused, as we stayed by her side all night. The next morning, the doctor came to see us. 'Alice has acute liver failure,' he said. They believed it was caused by taking too many paracetamol tablets. Alice was given dialysis treatment, but wasn't improving. We were told that Alice would need to be put into an induced coma and moved to a specialist hospital in London. 'It'll give her brain the best chance of survival,' the doctor said. 10 10 While Alice was transferred by ambulance, I picked up Jake. Back at hospital, doctors told us the next few days were critical. As the hours passed, we held Alice's hands and stroked her hair. Heartbreaking goodbyes By 10pm, we hadn't slept for so long, so we decided to go and get some rest. 'Good night, Alice,' I said, kissing her forehead, before Jake and I went to the family accommodation. Only 10 minutes later, Rob called me. 'You need to get back now,' he said. Jake and I ran to her ward. Rudi and one of my sisters had just been driving home, but they turned back too. 'I'm so sorry, but Alice isn't responding to treatment,' the doctor said. Then suddenly she went into cardiac arrest. After 25 minutes, she came round, but moments later, they were working on her again. Jake was too upset and waited in the family room with his auntie, my sister, while Rob and my husband tried to shield me from what was happening. But despite trying for another half an hour, they couldn't save Alice. I let out a cry of pain as Rudi held me. I'd never believed she wouldn't make it, never thought I'd need to say 'I love you'. The loss was excruciating. We were allowed some time with Alice, and Jake helped the nurse take Alice's hand and footprints. Searching for answers The next days sped by in a blur of grief and confusion. I just couldn't understand why Alice had taken the pills and how she'd deteriorated so quickly. The police took her phone to glean clues from her messages. In time, we held Alice's funeral, where everyone wore a splash of baby blue. Car-loving Alice would have been thrilled to be escorted to her prom in a supercar, but she'd never get that chance, so my son-in-law contacted three supercar owners to accompany her on her final journey. As her coffin was carried out of the car, the drivers of the cars, including a Lamborghini and Ferrari, revved their engines. My eulogy, which was read out by the priest, talked of her love for her family, Jellycats, cars and loud music. 'Alice left this world far too soon, leaving behind so many people who absolutely adored her,' he said. 'She leaves a huge emptiness in the hearts of everyone who loved her.' After police returned Alice's phone and I'd spoken to her friends, I pieced together, as best as I could, what had happened before she died. My beautiful, smiley Alice never appeared to be in a dark place and her struggles with mental health escalated so quickly, it came as a horrendous shock to us all. Joanne Snapchat and TikTok messages from Alice showed she had taken several paracetamol tablets in one go over several hours. She'd received harassing, then nasty messages from school pupils and also had the stress of looming exams. Although she'd told several of her peers she had taken the pills, none of them had told an adult. I learnt that if caught early, doctors could have pumped her stomach and even 24 hours later, they could have given her medicine that reversed the effects. If only someone had said something, I thought, desperately. We don't believe Alice realised the severity of what she'd done, or that taking that many paracetamol could kill her. We believe that Alice thought that by being sick she was getting them out of her system. 'I've done something silly' By the time any of us, including her, realised something serious was wrong, she wasn't talking properly or making any sense. Even in those conscious moments, she still didn't tell us what she'd done. She told one of her boy friends, "I've done something silly" - we don't believe she meant to end her life. As time went on, I did more research and was shocked. People saw paracetamol as harmless and readily available, but thousands were admitted to hospital with overdoses every year. I wanted everyone to know the dangers, that medicines should be locked away, even if parents thought they had sensible children. I've started a petition to call for the medication to be taken from supermarket shelves and placed behind the counter at a pharmacy, where it can be dispensed by a pharmacist. I also want to raise awareness of the symptoms and the importance of speaking up if you know someone has taken too many tablets, even if it feels as if you're betraying their trust. My beautiful, smiley Alice never appeared to be in a dark place and her struggles with mental health escalated so quickly, it came as a horrendous shock to us all. My life's purpose now is to raise awareness of her death and prevent this from happening to anyone else. In the name of my gorgeous girl, I'm determined to save others. 10 10
