Latest news with #sextherapy
SBS Australia
3 days ago
- General
- SBS Australia
Hailey is a sex therapist. Her family still doesn't know what she does for work
Nationally, there are only a handful of sex and relationship therapists who offer counselling in Chinese dialects. Source: SBS News / Karin Zhou-Zheng For a long time, Hailey Lin's job has been a mystery to her extended family. Whenever her mother, who lives in Hong Kong, is asked about Lin by relatives and friends, she tells them she's a social worker "doing psychotherapy things" in Australia. But in fact, the Hong Kong-born 33-year-old does more than just psychotherapy: she works as a clinical psychosexual therapist in Sydney, where she helps people explore sex and relationships. Lin says despite her mother's reluctance to disclose her occupation, she is supportive of it. "She can be open-minded, but also she can be very conservative because it is not the norm in Asian culture [to talk] about sex or intimacy," Lin tells SBS Podcast Chinese-ish . Ronald Hoang has had a similar experience. Growing up in a Vietnamese-Chinese Australian household, Hoang watched his cousins become doctors, lawyers and pharmacists — professions his parents enthusiastically endorsed. But he decided to take a different pathway, specialising as a relationship and family therapist, which involves helping couples navigate love, intimacy and family systems. Even after years of practice, Hoang says his mother still feels confused about his work. "I'm pretty sure she still doesn't know what I do. The way she describes it is that I work with 'crazy people'," the 36-year-old says. But she's accepting … I think she understands it a bit better nowadays. Despite mixed reactions from their parents, Hoang and Lin are determined to change the prevailing narratives and taboos around sex and relationships within the Chinese Australian community — and part of a small number of therapists with Chinese backgrounds who offer specialised counselling on the topic. According to 2021 Census data, there are 4,026 psychotherapists — a category that includes psychosexual therapists — in Australia. Only 80 of them speak Mandarin, Cantonese or other Chinese dialects at home. Of that cohort, 42 were born in China, Hong Kong, Macau or Taiwan, making the pool of sex and relationship therapists with Chinese cultural and linguistic knowledge very small. Because of this, Lin and Hoang say they find their services particularly popular among Asian clients, who feel they have a cultural shorthand. Hoang says he noticed the influx of Asian Australian clients when he started his private practice. "I do get a lot more Asian clients who specifically come to me because they feel — and they even directly say this to me — that I would 'get them' a bit better," Hoang says. "So they do open up, and they do come [to the counselling sessions] because they feel I can relate to their culture." Lin says for some of her clients, talking about sex and intimacy can feel like speaking a foreign language. "Talking about sex [and using that] vocabulary, it can be like an alien or foreign language when you speak about your genital parts or even your intimacy," she says. She also notices that many of her Asian Australian clients are unfamiliar with how therapy works. Sometimes she says they expect her to act more like a GP who can prescribe them medication or expect an immediate result after the therapy. In Hoang's practice, traditional values around family loyalty are a recurring topic in his conversations with Chinese clients. "[I think] because a lot of us are migrants and come from various places that there is intergenerational trauma that's probably a little bit more frequent than other different kinds of backgrounds," he says. While some Australians may hold the impression that Chinese people tend to be conservative when it comes to intimacy, Lin says it's not the case. "There's a misconception that only Asian or Chinese people find [conversations about sex] challenging," she says. The fact is, even for Western people, they still find it challenging too, because it's against the mainstream culture. But for Chinese Australians, there are some cultural barriers that make it harder for them to have candid discussions about sex. Lin says the lack of comprehensive sex education in schools in many Asian countries is one of the key factors. "They just talk about biological stuff, but they don't tell you how to give consent to help your first sexual experience, or they don't talk about pleasure," she says. Even in cases where conversation is encouraged by parents or educators, Lin says many still focus on abstinence, saying things like, "'don't do this', 'don't fall in pregnancy', 'protect yourself', 'use a condom'". "But sex is something we need to learn, we need to build up; a skill we need to practice," she says. Hoang says shame is a key barrier that many Chinese people encounter when talking about sex. Shame is a weapon that's often used in Asian culture. "Shame is a feeling that we get when we're kind of telling ourselves that we are a bad person," Hoang says. "And the following action [typical for] shame is to hide, to withdraw, because you are such a bad person that you don't want other people to be around you and see you for the 'badness' that you are." As two of the very few sex and relationship psychotherapists with Chinese heritage who offer services in Australia, Lin and Hoang know they bear an extra responsibility in helping to educate their community about sex. Hoang says besides stigma and stereotypes, there is also a prevailing myth that sex should "always be good", especially with a committed partner, which can cause anxiety among some clients. Instead, he encourages them to think about "seasons" when it comes to sex. Hoang explains: "There are times when it's summer and it's hot and heavy, and there are other times when it's winter and cold, and then there are other times when it's spring or autumn when it's kind of lukewarm." Above all, he stresses communication is the key to having a positive sex life and relationships. "If you want more sex, just talk about it openly. It doesn't have to be something serious," he says. Lin agrees, saying it's natural for intimate relationships to ebb and flow and advocates for the 'good-enough sex model' — a psychological concept based on balancing positive experiences of intimacy with realistic expectations. "You will have frustration in your sex life, in your intimacy, but always it remains 'good enough sex'. "Sometimes we allow ourselves to have below-average sex, but sometimes also bring some novelty into our sex life, because this is human nature — we all like new stuff." With additional reporting by Bertin Huynh and Dennis Fang Lifestyle Sexual consent Sydney Share this with family and friends
ABC News
23-05-2025
- General
- ABC News
Why scheduling sex doesn't always improve intimacy
Early into her marriage, Dani was having intimacy issues. A therapist suggested scheduling sex might help. "I actually did put it in my calendar every Tuesday and Thursday, but funnily enough it didn't actually result in us having sex at all, and just increased the tension and resentment," says 34-year-old Dani, who asked we don't use her real name. She says the strategy, which had also been suggested by a friend, didn't help uncover the unmet emotional needs and lack of desire that were blocking intimacy. "There were much deeper issues that couldn't be solved by scheduling sex." The concept of scheduling sex can be helpful for couples who need to make time and space for intimacy, says Kassandra Mourikis, a sex therapist based in Melbourne/Naarm. "But it doesn't always hit the mark," she says, adding "it's often too simplistic for what is really going on". "The most prominent criticism of scheduling sex is that it creates pressure and expectation." We look at what else needs to happen to make scheduling sex effective — and what can you try if it doesn't work for you. Lacking intimacy or mismatched desire are two of the most common issues among couples, especially those in long-term relationships, says Tanya Koens, a sexologist and relationship counsellor based in Sydney/Gadigal Country. "The longer we are together, the busier we get … the more life we do together, the more difficult it gets to take that nice, intentional, intimate time together. "Unless people prioritise sex, they don't get to it." Ms Mourikis says there are other reasons sex may start to decline in a relationship, including "body-based changes" or the type of sex someone is wanting to have shifting. In some cases, scheduling sex can really work for people, says Ms Mourikis. "Planning it can mean you can prepare for it, and you can look forward to it, and get yourself ready for it." She says even in early dating, we plan for sex more than we realise. "There are often elements of scheduling and planning and preparing even in early dating times. "You shave your body, have a shower, put on nice underwear, make sure you have space at home, have the time … there's a fair bit of stuff happening in the background." Scheduling sex is most likely to work for people who know their own boundaries and how to check in with themselves, Ms Mourikis says. "They feel they are able to advocate for themselves and can say no [if they don't feel like sex]." Ms Koens says the longer a couple is together, the more likely they are to experience responsive desire over spontaneous desire. Meaning, more effort needs to go into building arousal and sexual desire in the lead-up to sex. Ms Koens notes if there is a power imbalance in the relationship, scheduling sex "can be abused". "If it's a demand, 'We must have sex on Wednesday', that's treating it like a work meeting," Ms Koens says. She says we are all responsible for our own sexual needs. "Even if you are married in monogamous relationship, you are not responsible for a partner's sexual needs." Sexual coercion involves behaviour that is not always criminal, but is usually abusive in some way. For help you can contact 1800 RESPECT, the national body for supporting people impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence and abuse. For some people, scheduling sex will "kill desire", says Ms Mourikis. "When there is an expectation that you will have sex an 8pm on a Wednesday night, but you are feeling really tired or not really feeling like sex, instead of curiosity and excitement, there is anxiety and dread. "That can reinforce this anxiety and avoidance cycle." Ms Koens says we need to be curious about what is getting in the way of sex, or what would make ourselves and our partner feel sexier. "It's OK to not know what you like, or your partner likes, but what we need is to be curious about that. "If we are curious, we are going to learn a bunch of stuff." She says scheduling intimacy, rather than sex, can be an easier place to start. "When I talk to people about the diary, I say 'You are happy to put the kids' soccer and drinks after work and that meeting and seeing your parents [in there], but not prioritise what is going on with your partner'. "Plan to be spontaneous." The activity should be something that "narrows the gap" to sex, Ms Koens says. "It's time to hang out. That could be taking a shower together, giving one person a massage this week then the other the next, watching TV in your underwear or naked, or touching. "It's up to you … [whatever] makes it a little easier to step across the chasm if it's been a long time. "You're not failing if you don't have sex." Ms Mourikis says quality time together, with no interruptions like phones and children, creates a "context for desire to grow". If putting sex on the calendar makes you feel uneasy, Ms Mourikis suggests listening to that. "It's OK to say, 'I'm not sure about this'. "Lots of people are taught to ignore their bodies and that their body's signals are not trustworthy because of lots of normative forces that say you must have sex to be a good partner." Ms Mourikis says when you give yourself room to not want sex, or change your mind, you might actually experience more desire. "They need to prioritise things that feel pleasurable, that they are curious about, and let responsive desire flow from there." Talking to your partner about what you do and don't like about scheduling intimacy might lead to learning what does work for you both, Ms Mourikis says. "Have a conversation and check in around it. Asking things like 'What's your perspective around scheduling sex? When could it feel useful for us?' "Maybe when you do feel pressure, ask 'What could we do differently?" She says some people might say we tried it, and it didn't work. Or, these adjustments would make it better, for example. Ms Koens says the advice around scheduling sex needs to come with nuance. "I wouldn't suggest it for people who can't communicate or where there is resentment. "For them I would suggest a meeting where they can share what they like about each other, what they like about themselves, what they would like to make an apology for, and making a request." She says that approach can help people clear out what has been operating beneath the surface. This is general information only. For personal advice, you should seek professional support.
Daily Mail
17-05-2025
- Health
- Daily Mail
Psychologists dub Virgin Island a 'public health danger' - warning that controversial 'Sex Surrogate' therapy is a disaster waiting to happen
Psychologists have branded Channel 4 's new show 'Virgin Island' a 'public health danger' amid concerns over its controversial form of sex therapy. The show sees 12 adults, who have never had sex before, travel to a retreat in Croatia with the aim of losing their virginity on camera. To help them, sexologists Dr Danielle Harel and Celeste Hirschman employ the services of surrogate partners to engage in intimate acts with the participants. However, leading psychologists have told MailOnline that so-called 'surrogate-assisted sex therapy' is, at best, pseudoscience - and, at worst, actively harmful. Scientists insist there is 'not a shred of evidence' that surrogate therapy is of any benefit to individuals suffering from sexual anxiety or other dysfunctions. Even if the therapy could provide positive outcomes, expert psychologists have derided Channel 4's 'unethical' decision to televise the processes. Professor Dean McKay, a leading psychologist from Fordham University and president of the Society for a Science of Clinical Psychology, told MailOnline: 'The approach is not based on any clear scientific approaches, just what "sounds" like science. 'It is dangerous, given that an unsuspecting public would have no reason to think it wasn't scientific. It is a public health danger.' What is surrogate-assisted sex therapy? Surrogate-assisted sex therapy was first developed in the 1970s by the psychologists William Masters and Virginia Johnson. Masters and Johnson proposed that highly trained surrogates could be used in specific settings as a form of therapy for people with erectile dysfunction or other sexual dysfunctions. During therapy, the patient, surrogate, and psychologist form what is known as a 'triadic relationship'. The therapist then provides more traditional talk therapy and assigns the patient to practice engaging in particular sexual acts with the surrogate. The idea is that the hands-on approach with the surrogate would allow the patient to overcome their sexual anxieties or other issues in a more controlled setting. Surrogate therapy inhabits something of a legal grey area in most countries and is only widely practised in the UK, USA, Australia, Germany, and Israel. On the show, the role of psychologist will be filled by Ms Hirschman and Dr Harel, who are co-founders of the Somatica Institute, which specialises in sex and relationship coach training. What is surrogate-assisted sex therapy? Surrogate-assisted sex therapy is a controversial approach that began in the 1970s, popularised by sex therapists like Masters and Johnson. It involves a surrogate partner -someone trained to work with clients on intimacy and sexual issues - participating in guided sessions that may include physical or sexual contact. The process is overseen by a therapist and is meant to help people struggling with issues like sexual dysfunction, anxiety, or social isolation. Supporters argue it can be therapeutic for people who haven't had opportunities to develop intimate relationships. However, it's faced criticism for blurring boundaries, raising ethical concerns, and lacking strong scientific evidence. In many places, it's not widely accepted or legally regulated, which adds to the debate around its safety and legitimacy. While the Somatica Institute emphatically told MailOnline that the use of surrogates was 'not part of Somatica's methodology', Hirschman and Harel will also employ the use of two surrogates. Those surrogates are Andre Lazarus, a sex coach certified by the Somatica Institute, and Kat Slade, a certified 'reiki healer'. Is there any evidence that surrogate-assisted sex therapy works? Squeamishness about the lurid details aside, the biggest problem with Virgin Island is that there is simply no real evidence this works. Since the idea was first suggested in the 70s, no researcher has put forward any convincing demonstration that having sex with a surrogate is a good way of dealing with sexual dysfunctions. Likewise, given that surrogate therapy is intended to address legitimate mental health problems and sexual dysfunctions, the people receiving the treatment are likely to be especially vulnerable. Dr Jonathan Stea, clinical psychologist, adjunct assistant professor at the University of Calgary, and author of 'Mind the Science', told MailOnline: 'It's very disconcerting to think that a person who has experienced sexual trauma or symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder could dangerously be duped into receiving something like surrogate-assisted sex therapy, which doesn't have a shred of credible scientific evidence to its name.' Despite lacking a large body of evidence, some psychologists do still endorse the practice. Dr David Ley, a clinical psychologist in practice in Albuquerque, New Mexico, told MailOnline: 'Because surrogacy can overlap with sex work, there's a lot of stigma and privacy around it, which is why there's not a large literature or research base about surrogacy. Dr Ley and other psychologists also say that there is anecdotal evidence that the therapy can be 'extremely healing'. 'In general, sex therapists have told me they have generally positive experiences with involving sexual surrogacy in clinical work,' says Dr Ley. However, these individual reports are a far cry from a basis for psychological treatment. Professor McKay points out that by looking at individual case studies, researchers miss out on other cases where there were minimal benefits and even harm. That means there simply isn't enough evidence to support its use, and this is something psychologists are extremely concerned about. Professor Caroline Pukall, an expert on sexual psychology from Queen's University, Canada, told MailOnline: 'There is no strong research evidence suggesting that surrogate-assisted sex therapy is beneficial.' 'It does not seem responsible for a major television show to promote a form of therapy with little scientific evidence.' Why are psychologists concerned about Virgin Island? Psychologists have raised concerns over Virgin Island's apparent support for surrogate-assisted sex therapy. This form of treatment has no strong scientific evidence to support its use. Some scientists have also raised concerns over the practice's ethical boundaries. This is made worse by the fact that the show is televised, creating a risk of psychological harm. Psychologists are concerned that the show may be putting entertainment ahead of the psychological needs of the participants. Likewise, Professor Pukall, Professor McKay and Dr Ley all accused Channel 4 of promoting 'pseudoscience' by tacitly endorsing the practice. Dr Stea says: 'Surely it's irresponsible for television shows to actively promote pseudoscientific treatments for health conditions. 'But television shows care more about entertainment and ratings than medical ethics.' Why is this so dangerous? However, it is not just the fact that surrogate-assisted therapy is pseudoscience which has psychologists concerned. The experts say that the decision to televise this so-called therapy is irresponsible and potentially puts the participants at risk of harm. 'If it were based on anything scientific, it would still be inappropriate to air in the lurid and voyeuristic way it is,' says Dr McKay. 'Television needs shows like this to have drama, and some of it in this show could come at the expense of a participant's personal integrity. The risk of shame or other hurtful outcomes appears quite high.' The problem, according to psychologists, is that the goals of television producers are fundamentally at odds with those of the participants. Simply by putting this 'treatment' on television, any potential benefits that might arise are essentially snuffed out. Professor Pukall adds: 'I wouldn't call what is being done on the show sex therapy, in my opinion. Therapy is done with the goals of the patient in mind, not ratings, reach, or entertainment. Therapy is not exploitative of vulnerable patients. 'If patients are not fully informed of the risks and benefits of their 'therapy' on this show, on the limitations of the approaches being taken on this show, and on the public nature of their personal information – as well as other factors – this can be harmful to some people in the short and long term.' Are the Virgin Island participants safe? A spokesperson for Channel 4 told MailOnline that participants received a 'full psychological screening' and were subject to 'consent-based filming'. The spokesperson added: 'Duty of care is of paramount importance and the safety and wellbeing of cast is our utmost priority at all times, throughout production and beyond. 'All intimacy work was overseen by accredited experts with experience in therapeutic and trauma-informed practices and all contributors left the Island feeling they had benefited from the experience.' However, psychologists say there are limits to what psychological screening and support can achieve. Dr Lori Beth Bisby, registered psychologist and accredited sex therapist, told MailOnline: 'In practice, without a very thorough assessment, which is expensive, so most don't do this, you don't know what people will present. 'This type of therapy is challenging enough for a client. Adding the stress of it being televised makes it more risky. What do advocates of surrogate therapy say? Channel 4 defends its decision, calling the show a 'social experiment that aims to highlight the particularly topical issue of intimacy, communication and sex amongst young people in modern-day Britain.' Channel 4's presentation of surrogate-assisted sex therapy has also received the support of some therapists. For example, Dr Ley says: 'Coverage like this reduces stigma of talking about sex and normalises the practice of seeking professional support to improve one's sexuality. As a result, I'm in favour, regardless of quibbles about the sensationalist aspects.' Likewise, Dr Janet Hall, a psychologist and sex therapist with 40 years' experience, told MailOnline: 'I actually think it seems quite a positive opportunity for the virgins and a wonderful teaching for people who have no idea how somatic sexology can be so affirming.' The Somatica Institute, meanwhile, denies that it has anything to do with surrogate-assisted therapy or that Virgin Island involves psychotherapy of any kind. A spokesperson for the institute told MailOnline: 'The Somatica Institute does not teach or practice surrogate-assisted sex therapy' and that 'any statements attributing surrogate therapy to Somatica are incorrect.' The spokesperson added: 'The participants on Virgin Island engaged voluntarily and with full awareness of the show's premise. What is shown on screen reflects moments of self-discovery, communication, and embodied coaching - not psychotherapy.' What certifications do the surrogates have? One thing that Channel 4 and the Somatica Institute are both keen to stress is that everyone involved with the show is appropriately certified. For example, the surrogate partner Andre Lazarus is certified by the International Professional Surrogates Association (IPSA), while Kat Slade receives her certifications from the Anada Integrative Healing group. However, closer examination suggests that these certifications might not be as rigorous as they appear. Becoming a practising surrogate partner with the IPSA requires attending 12 days of classes and paying the $3,000 tuition fee. After this time, surrogates will be considered apprentices but will still be able to take clients, provided they pay 15 per cent of their fees to their ISPA-approved mentor. The IPSA specifically states: 'No specific academic degrees or courses are required as a prerequisite to IPSA's Professional Surrogate Partner Training Program.' Likewise, the Anada Integrative Healing group, which certifies Ms Slade, also offers energy healing, reiki, and shamanic healing - practices branded by Dr Stea as 'unequivocally pseudoscientific. Similarly, the organisation's founder, Nicole Ananda, claims to be both a certified surrogate partner therapist and a certified 'shamanic practitioner'. Although there is not necessarily anything wrong with seeking or delivering Reiki or shamanic healing, it highlights how official-sounding certifications can be misleading. Dr Stea says: 'There exist countless unregulated providers of mental health–related services in the wellness industry who market themselves as 'relationship coaches,' or 'wellness consultants". 'If someone wants to hire a 'coach' for motivational purposes and to help achieve their life or relationship goals, then that's wonderful, and all the power to you. 'Ethical problems start to emerge, however, when those 'coaches' begin to offer mental health care services with no qualifications, such as the ability to assess and treat a person's mental health concerns, such as trauma, depression, or anxiety.' VIRGIN ISLAND: MEET THE CAST! NAME: EMMA AGE: 23 Emma said: 'I was the only virgin amongst my friendship group, I felt outnumbered. 'I believed I was the only human experiencing adult life without intimacy but I couldn't relax when there is the possibility of intimacy and I had to battle previous traumas. 'The fact that this concept was being brought to TV made me realise being over 21 and never having sex was not as rare as I thought it was.' NAME: BEN AGED: 30 Ben said: 'A friend sent me the casting call for Virgin Island on social media. I'm not sure if he knew I was a virgin, but he knew I'd struggled in this area. 'Funnily enough, my immediate response to his message was 'not a chance'.' NAME: DAVE AGE: 24 Dave said: 'An initial joke by some friends for some cheap laughs slowly became the opportunity of a lifetime. 'I have always struggled to open up to people but this led me to feel invisible - a feeling I couldn't take anymore. 'I felt like it couldn't continue and I wanted to do something drastic to get my life back on track. NAME: JASON AGE: 25 OCCUPATION: ADMIN WORKER Jason said: 'I always felt like a failure in terms of intimacy and socialness. 'I know the island was primarily for intimacy, but it had the amazing bonus of helping me improve my social skills – and for that, I will be forever grateful.' NAME: LOUISE AGE: 22 Louise said: 'I never really imagined applying for a show like Virgin Island but my friend sent me the application as a joke, and I thought, 'Why not?' 'I was at the point where I was willing to try anything. 'I had just accepted that there must've just been something wrong with me - I think the fact that my friends would see the word 'virgin' and think of me says enough to be honest.' NAME: CHARLOTTE AGE: 29 Charlotte said: 'Because I wanted to rid myself of my shame that I had surrounding my body, and my desire, and my ability to give myself pleasure. 'I wanted to be honest with myself so that I would not be hindered when having relationships in the future.' NAME: HOLLY AGE: 23 She said: 'I felt like I was at a point in my life where I was ready to experience being with someone, but I had a lot of anxiety and questions about myself that I felt I had to work through before taking that step. 'I was definitely nervous, not knowing what to expect, what the others were going to be like, whether I was actually going to get anything out of it.' NAME: PIA AGE: 23 Pia said: 'I applied for Virgin Island because of my struggles with vaginismus. 'I wanted to overcome the pain and anxiety I felt when exploring penetrative sex. 'Plus, I found intimacy incredibly overwhelming.' NAME: TAYLOR AGE: 29 Taylor said: 'I spent my whole adult life wondering why I found sexual things so difficult when others didn't. 'When I was a teenager, the risks of sex seemed to far outweigh the benefits, the only benefit anyone spoke of was babies, and I certainly wasn't ready for one of those. NAME: TOM AGE: 23 Tom said: 'I always found myself to be a freak because I struggled to lose my virginity whilst others around me continued to pop their cherries. 'It severely affected my mental health, filling me with self-loathing which in turn made me a worse person.' NAME: VIRAJ AGE: 25 Viraj said: 'I had a massive struggle to express myself in front of women. 'For me it wasn't about the intimacy stage but more with the confidence side of talking to women and making small talk. 'This whole idea was encouraged by my friends for me to get out of my comfort zone and go through with this.' NAME: Zac AGE: 23 Zac said: 'There was a man reporting that Channel 4 was looking for adult virgins to take part in an experimental TV show. This was of course describing me. 'At first I was like - no way, I'm not gonna do that, but I started to think about it more and more, and I realised that I wasn't really getting anywhere by myself, time was just passing me by with no real positive change.'
The Sun
15-05-2025
- Entertainment
- The Sun
I'm Virgin Island's sex therapist who gets frisky with clueless lads to teach them tricks in bed… we DON'T fake anything
AS a trainee sex and relationships counsellor, even so much as giving a client hug would be deemed inappropriate and breaching ethical boundaries. So watching Dr Danielle Harel groan with pleasure as she passionately kissed the neck of a timid young virgin, I was shocked. 12 12 It goes against everything you're taught in traditional therapy - but Dr Harel's methods are anything but conventional. She and fellow sexologist Celeste Hirschman are 'hands on' sex therapists and co-founders of The Somatica Method, which combines talking therapy with practical session s to help inexperienced clients get in touch with their erotic side and overcome anxiety and sexual dysfunction. The duo, who showcase their eyebrow-raising methods on the racy new Channel 4 show Virgin Island, also work with sexual surrogates - a therapist the virgins can go all the way with. Both Danielle, a married mum-of-two, and Celeste insist that they experience 'authentic arousal' with their clients during sessions. In an exclusive chat with The Sun, Celeste explains: 'That's one of the things about being able to do this work - I think not everybody can. 'Sometimes, for us, you're really in the moment, and you're feeling the sensations and the connection. 'And if somebody has bad breath, that's part of the coaching. We would need to say, 'Hey, there's a hygiene issue here. You need to make sure that you brush your teeth really well and floss them and use mouthwash.' That's just part of the process. 'But there was authentic arousal and energy for sure throughout the sessions that we did with the different contributors [on Virgin Island].' To get in the mood for the hands-on sessions, the sexologists look for what they find attractive about their client. 'We try to engage with those parts - because there's no point in faking it,' Danielle says. Watch the shocking moment Virgin Island stars practise 'self-pleasure touching' with sex experts in awkward scenes 12 12 12 'Because if we think about really learning confidence, you need to feel it from the other person, because you're learning it through the nervous system.' Virgin Island follows 12 adult virgins as they bravely attempt to tackle the issues holding them back in the bedroom, under the guidance of Danielle, Celeste and their team. Part of the therapy is working with the 'sexual surrogates', who lie naked in front of the group, inviting clients to explore their body. Danielle tells me: ' Surrogates are really trained, skilled practitioners that are there to work with a virgin to teach them skills around, like, how to do oral sex, kissing, all kinds of skills… that might include intercourse as well.' 'My husband loves it' Danielle, who has a PHD in human sexuality and degrees in psychology and clinical social work, insists her husband - who works on tech at the Somata Institute - supports her work. 'Oh, my husband loves my job,' she says, adding: 'He's very big on empowerment and feeling, you know. He's a big feminist.' While Celeste, who is single, loves 'dating and connecting' - and she isn't shy about using her expertise in her own relationships. She says: 'I think it can be a little bit intimidating - and certainly that's been expressed to me - but there's also a lot of interest and curiosity and excitement, and many people express a desire to learn more.' The Somatica Method attracts clients from all over the world, and also provides coaching to train therapists in the technique. Their clients are as likely to find themselves in a steamy embrace with their therapist as a deep conversation. Practical tips include how to smoothly manoeuvre a partner into different sex positions to build confidence, so that clients know what to do once they actually get into the bedroom. 'Some of it is touch, and some of it is working with emotions and sharing feelings,' Danielle explains. 'With a virgin, we would start with boundaries and consent to make sure that they really feel empowered, and they know what they want and what they don't want and how to communicate about that. 'And then we start practising with different kinds of touch skills, flirting skills - sharing erotic energy.' The Method has helped thousands of virgins worldwide, aged 21 to 72, as well as sexually experienced individuals and couples who've lost their sexual spark. And it clearly work for the virgins on the show, as delivery driver Zac, who had the aforementioned steamy clinch with Danielle, enthuses: 'No one's ever said I'm sexy, No one. I'm feeling fuzzy all over." 'People feel so closeted when it comes to sex - they feel so scared,' Celeste says. 'So then starting to see how they react and start to develop confidence and relaxation is really confidence-building.' 'Upping the ante' The sexperts' therapeutic methods are only set to get racier as the series goes on, Celeste teases: 'I don't know how many spoilers we can give, but I will say it continues to escalate and escalate and escalate.' Danielle adds: 'We build foundations, and we build on those foundations, and we keep kind of upping the ante.' It comes as more than a third (36 per cent) of 16 to 24-year-olds and almost one in five (19 per cent) of 16–to 30-year-olds are virgins. 12 Danielle and Celeste reckon the pressure from social media to be perfect and high-expectations set in porn are among the reasons so many adults haven't had sex. Celeste says: 'I think all of those things play a big part, plus the pandemic and the isolation - everybody sitting on their screens - add up to just make people way less able and inspired to go out and connect with each other in real life.' Some critics have accused those involved in the show of 'exploiting' participants with the use of physical touch during therapy. But Danielle and Celeste are keen to stress that a 'huge duty of care' went into ensuring the participants were fully supported throughout. During 'surrogacy' partner sessions, therapists are also present to immediately deal with any issues that arise for participants. Surrogates are really trained, skilled practitioners that are there to work with a virgin to teach them skills around, like, how to do oral sex, kissing, all kinds of skills… that might include intercourse as well Dr Danielle Harel The pair say they also receive referrals from 'conventional therapists' who are unable to help their clients with intimacy issues. 'If somebody's never done touch before, a traditional therapist can't help them at all learn how to touch more sensually,' Celeste adds. 'And there are people who really, really need that in order to go out into the world and be more successful in their erotic lives.' As well as exploring with the coaches, the virgins on the show are also welcome to get it on with one another. Celeste hints at some possible pairings, teasing: 'We get to see some fun, flirtatious moments and connections.' With the show dividing public opinion, Danielle and Celeste seem unfazed by potential backlash. Celeste says: 'There's always critics out there, but we've just seen our work help so many people in their whole personal lives and their sex lives get completely transformed. 'The ripple effect is so profound. Wait until you see the whole series, and you'll see the transformations that happen for these young folks, and it's just so heartwarming.' My view? It's unorthodox, controversial, and goes against every convention of traditional therapy training. But that's not to say there isn't a place for it. And if their results are anything to go by – clients finding pleasure, confidence, and maybe even long-term love – then perhaps they're onto something. At the very least, I'll never look at a clinical role-play exercise the same way again. WHAT TO EXPECT FROM VIRGIN ISLAND The Channel 4 show sees a group of men and women brought together for their erotic awakening. Producers hope the virginal participants will pop each other's cherries. However, if that fails, then they will turn to help from specialists known as 'sex surrogates'. A TV insider said: 'There's never been a TV show that pushes the boundaries quite like this — and probably never will be again. 'The aim is to hopefully have all the virgins find each other attractive, but if that fails then this is the plan B. 'These people are professionals who are constantly on hand for anything that may be required.' Sex surrogates are professionals in the field of intimacy and are often deployed on the advice of medical professionals. Sessions can begin with discussions about intimacy. They then move on to touching which can lead to other sexual practices, with any psychological or physical issues gradually overcome. 12 12 12 12 Virgin Island is available to watch and stream on Channel 4 now.
Daily Mail
13-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
Sue Cleaver sinks claws into 'dangerous' Virgin Island - sharing concern for 'vulnerable and unsure' stars dealing with 'sexual power dynamic'
Sue Cleaver shared her concern for the 'vulnerable and unsure' stars of Virgin Island as she sunk her claws into the new Channel 4 show on Tuesday's instalment of Loose Women. Virgin Island, which hit our screens on Monday 12th May, follows the lives of 12 adults - have had never had sex - travel to an island in Croatia to explore intimacy with others. The new programme has got a lot of people talking, including the Loose Women panel, as they discussed the concept of the show's surrogate therapists. Virgin Island has two sex surrogate partners called Andre Lazarus and Kat Slade and they work with the sex therapists on the programme to take a more physical approach than the therapists, who are there to talk to the candidates about their emotions. While discussing the programme while on the panel, Sue told Ruth Langsford, Coleen Nolan and Sunetra Sarker: 'Ruth, do you want to be desirable, having watched that programme last night and you had sex therapists, I don't know what qualifications they have, and they have, I assume would be sex surrogates who actually are physical with you, help you lose that said virginity, I mean how ethical is that?' Anchor Ruth pointed out that Channel 4 have said that the production follows strict safe guarding protocols and all intimacy work was overseen by a credited expert with experience in therapeutic and trauma informed practices. Sue continued: 'It's a very grey area when you got involved in that.' Sunetra added: 'Some of those people may never experience human touch because they've been bullied, they don't see themselves as being attractive to the opposite sex...' Sue replied: 'Exactly. You've got vulnerable people there, there is a power dynamic and a power exchange. I just think that is quite dangerous.' Sunetra pointed out: 'Everyone is consenting though.' Sue said: 'Are they? When someone is that vulnerable, that unsure of themselves, and frightened and have fear around sex, is it a good way of doing it on Channel 4?' The Coronation Street star confessed that she finds it 'quite dangerous.' She added: 'When somebody is that vulnerable and that unsure, with fear around sex, is it a good way of doing it on Channel 4?' A Channel 4 Spokesperson said: 'Duty of care is of paramount importance and the safety and wellbeing of cast is our utmost priority at all times, throughout production and beyond. 'The production followed strict safeguarding protocols including full psychological screening, consent-based filming at every stage and access to support during and after filming – and remains ongoing. 'All intimacy work was overseen by accredited experts with experience in therapeutic and trauma-informed practices and all contributors left the Island feeling they had benefited from the experience.' Surrogate Kat Slade is a certified surrogate and somatic practitioner, while Andre Lazarus is a trained surrogate partner and certified Intimacy, Sex and Relationship Practitioner. The sex surrogates are prepared to have intercourse with those in treatment to help with problems that talking therapy cannot. Meanwhile presenter Celia Walden also shared her thoughts on the surrogates on Tuesday's episode of Lorraine. Chatting to step-in host Christine Lampard and Tyler West, she said: 'You can actually feel your shoulders hunching. It's a real through-parted-fingers job because they have these sex surrogates who are basically the teachers, like a sex coach, who as far as I can tell... it's the opposite of conventional therapy. 'They're allowed to go all the way. I don't know how far the show is going to go but they will teach you to become comfortable with your body and start touching you. I found it just too cringeworthy to watch.' Tyler added: 'I can't imagine sitting there and your therapist just starts kissing your neck. I just don't think that's going to fix the situation!' It comes just hours after two stars of the show defended the use of 'sex surrogates' while during an appearance on ITV's This Morning. Admin worker Jason, 25, and receptionist Taylor, 29, appeared on the iconic sofa to chat to Cat Deeley, 48, and Ben Shephard, 50, about their experience at the retreat. The first episode saw the contributors open up about their feelings and why they haven't been able to be intimate with anyone, and one star called Zac, 28, managed to get up close and personal with one of the sex surrogates called Kat Slade. Ben admitted that he was fascinated with the surrogates and asked them to explain the dynamics. Jason explained: 'I didn't have a surrogate. But the surrogates, Kat and Andre, are there for the more hands on, the nitty gritty. The physicality of it. 'You'll definitely see what happens with that...' Ben asked: 'If you are prepared and confident enough to go forward with something more physical... they are there to enable you to do that?' Jason replied: 'Yes. They are there to guide you through it and help you do it.' Ben pointed out: 'And help you so you know what you're doing... you can feel safe, you can feel confident. 'That's an extraordinary job, isn't it?' Taylor explained: 'It's better than if you're in a situation where you're going home and going to have to do this with a stranger, they are in a place where they are able to guide you through it, keep you safe, keep you calm, take you in a really therapeutic place. 'It's not like hooking up with somebody on a night out. It's therapy. 'It's all about taking you through the steps of intimacy and getting you there.' Those watching at home couldn't believe the concept of the show. One said on X: 'Are people really that desperate to get on TV? #virginisland #thismorning.' 'Honestly, who commissions this stuff?! #thismorning.' 'Another f**kin reality show #thismorning.' It comes after sex therapists Danielle and Celeste defended the use of surrogates in an exclusive chat with MailOnline. During the programme, all of the 12 virgins achieve a level of intimacy with either a surrogate or a coach during the course. Celeste describes the relationship between the client and surrogate as 'authentic' and shared how the dynamic can reflect what would happen in a 'real relationships', including the possibility of 'performance problems' from either the surrogate or client. 'It is really an authentic relationship,' she explained. 'So one thing that can happen in a relationship is that someone has performance problems, and so they would just communicate about it and say, oh, you know, something's not working here. Let's take a break. Let's try again.' The sexologist added: 'That authenticity is what actually prepares people to have real relationships out in the world. 'So it's not just like trying to force something and a lot of times surrogates do work with people who have pretty significant dysfunctions, and so they need to work with those kinds of things, both in their clients and if it comes up in themselves as well.' There's a 'triadic relationship' between the client, surrogate and a separate therapist to help tackle issues, including if the client develops feelings. Celeste explained: 'They have the therapist built into the relationship, because if feelings become developed, the therapist is available to talk the client through whatever feelings that they have around it.' She added: 'The therapist is there to keep that the container and the boundaries.' Danielle expressed that on the show, the boundaries in the relationship were clear between the contributors and surrogates. 'They felt like, 'Okay, this is a therapeutic modality that's going to help me grow', and that's how it was set up for them,' the expert shared. 'So I don't feel there was even one moment that people got confused around.'
