I've slept with 400 men to show them how to make love… parents have brought their sons to my £250-an-hour sessions
LYING in the arms of the man I'd just had fantastic sex with, I smiled with satisfaction.
Somewhere out there was the next woman he'd sleep with, and she'd never know that, thanks to me, he'd been transformed from a clueless virgin into a skilled lover.
But I wasn't in a relationship with this man – I was his sex therapist and surrogate.
Over three months, we'd progressed from him starting to get comfortable with physical intimacy, such as hand-holding, hugging and stroking, to more sexual touching.
And finally, we'd had sexual intercourse.
I've been a sex surrogate for 15 years, and during my career I've supported women with a fear of intimacy, helped a Hollywood actor overcome his sex addiction, and guided couples on how to safely have an open relationship.
I don't keep count of the number of clients I've slept with, but it's between 300 and 400.
Growing up in São Paulo, Brazil, if you'd told me that one day I'd be teaching people how to enjoy sex, I would never have believed it.
As a young woman, I was comfortable with my sexuality, but never questioned what I wanted or needed sexually.
I moved to London for university at 21, then married a few years later and had four children.
Running a successful events company with my husband, I enjoyed a comfortable lifestyle.
But working 18-hour days soon burned me out, and I just wasn't happy.
When I was 35, I ended my marriage, leaving my husband and the company, while I moved into a one-bedroom council flat with our children.
I'm a sex coach, women always ask what to do if their man won't talk about sex and it's NEVER a good sign
I went on to qualify as a masseuse, working with athletes and actors.
I enjoyed my job, but wasn't earning enough to give my children the life I wanted for them.
So, in 2013, I invested £3,000 in a surrogate partner therapy course, after seeing an ad in a local paper.
I thought it sounded like a great opportunity to further my massage skills, but on the first day, I was shocked to learn I'd be expected to have sex with clients.
I thought about quitting, but decided – with trepidation – to continue with the course because I'd paid so much money for it.
I'd studied tantric sex in my spare time, so I was more comfortable with my sexuality than ever, but I didn't know if I'd actually be able to go through with sleeping with someone.
Three months later, I met my first client, a single man in his 60s who was a virgin.
My initial thought was: 'I can't do this, he's the same age as my dad!'
But when I asked him why he'd come to the session, his response changed everything.
He explained that his brother had passed away recently, and he realised he didn't want to die without knowing what love felt like.
Men came to see me to overcome issues including being unable to get an erection, premature ejaculation, fear of intimacy and body dysmorphia
Kaly Miller
It helped me understand that there was a genuine need for sex surrogates and there was nothing sleazy about it.
I spent a month focusing on helping this man feel comfortable with his body, and teaching him how to touch a woman, before we had sex.
It felt so natural, as we'd established a trusting, loving bond and it made me realise how much impact a surrogate can have.
He went on to have a relationship with someone for the first time, and was so grateful.
How is masturbation beneficial for health?
Masturbation is nothing to be embarrassed about - after all, it's physically and mentally good for you!
Just like sex, masturbation - and likely an ending of orgasm - is healthy.
Masturbation releases endorphins which boost mood and can alleviate depressive symptoms and cortisol, the stress hormone.
It can help you relax, reduce stress and help you sleep better - which has a number of health benefits in itself.
In one study, published in the Frontiers in Public Health, almost half of men and women who masturbated before bed said they either got better sleep quality, or fell asleep quicker.
Spring Cooper is a social researcher with academic qualifications in public health, health promotion, and sexuality, said: "For women, masturbation can help prevent cervical infections and urinary tract infections through the process of 'tenting', or the opening of the cervix that occurs as part of the arousal process.
"Tenting stretches the cervix, and thus the cervical mucous.
"This enables fluid circulation, allowing cervical fluids full of bacteria to be flushed out.
"Masturbation can lower risk of type-2 diabetes (though this association may also be explained by greater overall health), reduce insomnia through hormonal and tension release, and increase pelvic floor strength through the contractions that happen during orgasm."
For men, there is evidence that climaxing may help to reduce the risk of prostate cancer - "probably by giving the prostate a chance to flush out potential cancer-causing agents," says Spring.
Though the benefits of masturbation are not the most scientifically studied, there's certainly no harm in doing it.
For the next five years, I worked under supervision – there was always a qualified sex surrogate present at all my client meetings, including during sex, and they would give me feedback and advise me if I was unsure.
Men came to see me to overcome issues including being unable to get an erection, premature ejaculation, fear of intimacy and body dysmorphia.
Women came to overcome trauma after giving birth, learn how to orgasm and to conquer their fear of penetration.
I also treated people who had difficulties after physical and sexual abuse.
THE NAKED ROOM
Eventually, I set up my own clinic, The Naked Room.
My four adult children and parents know and fully support what I do.
They all came to cheer me on when I won Somatic Sexologist of the Year at the Sexual Freedom Awards in 2022.
And though some friends were initially sceptical, they soon came round.
Before accepting clients, I meet them on Zoom so I can find out why they want to see me and also observe their body language, in order to spot unsuitable people who think they can just turn up and have sex with me.
One time, a man was naked. I turned off my camera and told him that's not what I'm here for.
Then, once they've completed a consent form and paperwork, my prices start from £250 for a one-hour in-person session, to £1,250 for a day session of five hours.
If a client is a virgin, the ultimate aim is for us to have sex.
If they're female, I can pass them on to a trusted male sex surrogate when they're ready.
Every client has to provide a recent STI test and I always use condoms.
I also work with couples, although I don't touch them – I coach them on how to touch each other.
I insist on at least three sessions, because this isn't a quick process, and a maximum of 10 to make sure they don't form a romantic attachment with me.
Before meeting a client, I prepare by going to the gym or doing yoga, and I meditate on my commute.
Since I turned 50, I'm conscious I need look my best, so I see a dermatologist, and of course I regularly do kegel exercises to keep my pelvic floor muscles tight.
There have been many memorable moments over the years.
When one client saw my vagina – the first he'd ever seen – he was blown away.
'It's marvellous!' he said. 'I love the colour and the texture.' I was thinking: 'I've had sex for 30 years and not once has a partner admired me the way this guy has.'
Then there was the man with autism, who I helped have sex for the first time. His parents used to bring him to the sessions with me, and were so grateful.
His dad said to me: 'Thank you for making him experience life as a man outside of his challenges.'
Those sorts of moments are humbling and make me realise how much I'm helping people.
My job has also helped me realise that sex can be incredibly powerful, rather than shallow or mediocre. I'm currently single, but I've had relationships since I became a sex surrogate.
I've learned to separate my professional and personal life to avoid falling into 'work mode' and educating partners on being the ideal lover.
I'm always transparent with a partner about my work and, so far, they've all been open-minded and unfazed by the fact I'll be sleeping with other men, and that I often get aroused while doing so.
I have no intention of stopping anytime soon – I feel privileged to help people overcome their issues.
Everyone who wants to enjoy great sex should be able to, and I'm happy to play a part in helping them achieve that.
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Times
5 hours ago
- Times
Diary of a GCSE pupil with 27 exams: ‘I woke up screaming'
It's finally over. After almost 40 hours of exams spread over five weeks, I have officially left secondary school. Fingers crossed I will never sit another GCSE. Worse than sitting the exams themselves was the fear leading up to them. Like a lot of friends in my school year, I suffer badly from anxiety. It got so bad that in January, I convinced myself I couldn't do it. That's when Mum got help from Tej Samani, a performance coach, who helped me realise I was panicking because I felt so overwhelmed. It felt like my entire future was hanging in the balance. That it would all come down to my performance in 27 exams in ten subjects — each lasting a maximum of two hours and 15 minutes. Nine out of my ten GCSEs were 100 per cent exam based. Only food technology has 50 per cent coursework. Apparently over the past 15 years coursework has been phased out, which is the reason why I'm sitting so many. • My son had given up on GCSEs. Then he met the exam guru People say that exams are getting easier — but I bet they never had to sit 27 of them in just a few weeks. It was a more intense experience than I had prepared for. Sometimes I sat three exams in one day, which is quite a lot for a 15-year-old. (I don't turn 16 until mid-July.) Here is the diary I kept of my GCSE journey. My first exam is English literature paper one. It's one hour and 45 minutes, but I get 25% extra time because I was diagnosed with ADHD at the start of the year — so for me it's just over two hours. GCSEs are graded 1 (the lowest) to 9 (the highest), with 5 being a strong pass. Going into the exam at 8.40am, I feel quite stressed and think about how the result of this will determine where I go to sixth form — I need 5s in Maths and English to get into my first choice. But when I get into the exam hall and see the questions on Frankenstein and Macbeth I relax a little. Though I do struggle with the silence: the exam hall is unnervingly quiet which makes my anxiety worse. On Tuesday it's four hours of religious education and the first of my biology papers. It is a relief to begin counting down the number of exams. On Thursday my first maths exam begins at 8.40am. I need a high pass to get into the sixth form of my choice. I was worried this additional pressure would make me panic but I'm happy with how it went. I end the week with my first history paper: 'Medicine Through Time' — another two hours — but again, it goes really well. Mum said I could let my hair down a bit over the weekend so I'm seeing friends. My girlfriend lives in Warwickshire (we're in London) so we can't see each other much during exams, which I am finding tough. But once they're done we'll have the entire summer. A bit of a disaster over the weekend. I asked Mum whether my friend could stay over on Saturday night and we played on the Xbox until 4am. Mum heard us and was furious, so despite my late night I got up at 8.30am on Sunday to revise chemistry. On Sunday afternoon, I went to the library with friends to study. We went to the chicken shop on the high street. Big mistake! By the time I got home I was feeling really sick and Mum thought I must have food poisoning. I'm still feeling ill this morning so Mum calls the school to warn them. I sit my first chemistry exam with a bucket next to my desk. On Tuesday, English literature paper two could not have gone better, but things take another bad turn on Wednesday when I wake up screaming. I often have panic attacks through the night but thankfully, this was just a bad dream. Today I have French reading and listening, then later in the week a second RE exam on Judaism. • How to talk to your children about exams On Thursday, Physics paper one — the hardest so far — and English language paper one. In the afternoon I can chill out a bit. Halfway through now, and time for half-term. I wish coursework formed a bigger part of my GCSEs. Mum said there was a lot more when she was at school. It would be done in a classroom, spread over the whole year, meaning less depended on this 'sink or swim' moment. After 12 days without an exam it feels painful getting back into the rhythm. Maths paper two is much harder than the first one. I then have my final RE paper in the afternoon. By the end of the day I'm definitely feeling a bit of exam fatigue. I can't seem to see the end in sight. Thursday means history papers on the Cold War and Henry VIII. They both go fairly well, which is a huge relief. The day ends with a French writing paper which is difficult as it's my least favourite subject, but I hope I will scrape a pass. I barely register the exams now, as there have been so many. I just want them to be over so I can get on with my life. In my friendship group, no one suffered with the pressure as badly as we thought they would. There was a lot of build up. People thought they would break down, but when it came down to it we all just managed. After English language paper two, I go with my dad, brother and sister to see Sam Fender in the evening. It's good to be out of the house. Weekends are starting to get tedious and I spent much of it at the library. Mum is not keen on letting anyone stay over after the last time. I start the week with biology paper two, which goes well. Then Spanish on Tuesday and my final history exam on Nazi Germany. Wednesday is my final maths exam, followed by chemistry on Friday. I'm near the end now and it's hard to stay focused. My final science exam is physics on Monday and Spanish on Tuesday morning. I realise that despite being given extra time — I haven't used it once. My final exam is food technology. It was my lowest priority so I didn't really revise until the very end but I feel it went OK. That's it. They are all over. • Are we nearly there yet? The extended hell of GCSE exam season I'm happy with how I handled the exams, but I think exams and the curriculum needs to change to reflect what's going on in the world a bit more. I don't feel like some of the stuff I learned is going to really help me in life. I am keeping everything crossed for the results I need to do A-levels in business, history and politics. In the meantime I am going to enjoy my free time, my friends and the longest of summer holidays — ten whole weeks.
The Sun
5 hours ago
- The Sun
Huge blaze engulfs warehouse with smoke visible for miles as urgent warning issued to locals & firefighters battle fire
Milad Sherzad, News Reporter Published: Invalid Date, AN ENORMOUS fire has engulfed a warehouse sending smoke billowing into the sky tonight. The London Fire Brigade (LFB) has issued urgent warnings to locals to keep their windows and doors shut as around 80 firefighters tackle the devastating blaze at the two-storey warehouse in Enfield, north London. 6 6 6 Residents have even reported seeing smoke rising high into the night sky from miles away. At present, 12 fire engines are fighting the blaze which is "currently producing a greater amount of smoke", LFB said. The emergency service added that it expects its crews to be at the scene for several hours. Dramatic footage shows a number of fire engines surrounding the warehouse as smoke billows high above into the night sky. In the background, ambulances can also be seen parked nearby - it is currently not known if there have been any injuries from the blaze. The fire can also be seen slowly creeping its way through the roof of the structure - which appears to have caved in - sending even more smoke high above the warehouse. Surrounding the burning structure are a number of other buildings, including one bearing branding from supermarket Tesco while another appears to belong to delivery company Yodel. Cars can also be seen driving along the M25 motorway just metres away from the blaze. Countless locals have taken to social media to share pictures of the fire, with some images showing the inferno sending smoke upwards in large dark plumes. LFB said its crews received the first of around 30 calls at approximately 8.05pm on Saturday evening. Fire crews were then deployed from a number of stations across London in order to tackle the inferno, including from Enfield, Edmonton, Chingford and Woodford, the force said. It added that its crews are being assisted by Hertfordshire Fire & Rescue Service and Essex County Fire & Rescue Service. Two 32-metre turntable ladders from Tottenham and Soho fire stations have also been utilised, LFB added. They are being "used as a water tower to help extinguish the fire from above". 6 6 6 LFB said it has also deployed a "Hose Layer Unit" as part of its response, helping to increase the amount of water available for firefighting operations. In a statement on Saturday evening, LFB confirmed that the cause of the devastating blaze was not yet known. Mollison Avenue, the road leading to the warehouses, has been shut, with diversion routes now in place. In an update posted shortly after midnight, Enfield Council said the fire was now "contained".
The Sun
6 hours ago
- The Sun
I've slept with 400 men to show them how to make love… parents have brought their sons to my £250-an-hour sessions
LYING in the arms of the man I'd just had fantastic sex with, I smiled with satisfaction. Somewhere out there was the next woman he'd sleep with, and she'd never know that, thanks to me, he'd been transformed from a clueless virgin into a skilled lover. But I wasn't in a relationship with this man – I was his sex therapist and surrogate. Over three months, we'd progressed from him starting to get comfortable with physical intimacy, such as hand-holding, hugging and stroking, to more sexual touching. And finally, we'd had sexual intercourse. I've been a sex surrogate for 15 years, and during my career I've supported women with a fear of intimacy, helped a Hollywood actor overcome his sex addiction, and guided couples on how to safely have an open relationship. I don't keep count of the number of clients I've slept with, but it's between 300 and 400. Growing up in São Paulo, Brazil, if you'd told me that one day I'd be teaching people how to enjoy sex, I would never have believed it. As a young woman, I was comfortable with my sexuality, but never questioned what I wanted or needed sexually. I moved to London for university at 21, then married a few years later and had four children. Running a successful events company with my husband, I enjoyed a comfortable lifestyle. But working 18-hour days soon burned me out, and I just wasn't happy. When I was 35, I ended my marriage, leaving my husband and the company, while I moved into a one-bedroom council flat with our children. I'm a sex coach, women always ask what to do if their man won't talk about sex and it's NEVER a good sign I went on to qualify as a masseuse, working with athletes and actors. I enjoyed my job, but wasn't earning enough to give my children the life I wanted for them. So, in 2013, I invested £3,000 in a surrogate partner therapy course, after seeing an ad in a local paper. I thought it sounded like a great opportunity to further my massage skills, but on the first day, I was shocked to learn I'd be expected to have sex with clients. I thought about quitting, but decided – with trepidation – to continue with the course because I'd paid so much money for it. I'd studied tantric sex in my spare time, so I was more comfortable with my sexuality than ever, but I didn't know if I'd actually be able to go through with sleeping with someone. Three months later, I met my first client, a single man in his 60s who was a virgin. My initial thought was: 'I can't do this, he's the same age as my dad!' But when I asked him why he'd come to the session, his response changed everything. He explained that his brother had passed away recently, and he realised he didn't want to die without knowing what love felt like. Men came to see me to overcome issues including being unable to get an erection, premature ejaculation, fear of intimacy and body dysmorphia Kaly Miller It helped me understand that there was a genuine need for sex surrogates and there was nothing sleazy about it. I spent a month focusing on helping this man feel comfortable with his body, and teaching him how to touch a woman, before we had sex. It felt so natural, as we'd established a trusting, loving bond and it made me realise how much impact a surrogate can have. He went on to have a relationship with someone for the first time, and was so grateful. How is masturbation beneficial for health? Masturbation is nothing to be embarrassed about - after all, it's physically and mentally good for you! Just like sex, masturbation - and likely an ending of orgasm - is healthy. Masturbation releases endorphins which boost mood and can alleviate depressive symptoms and cortisol, the stress hormone. It can help you relax, reduce stress and help you sleep better - which has a number of health benefits in itself. In one study, published in the Frontiers in Public Health, almost half of men and women who masturbated before bed said they either got better sleep quality, or fell asleep quicker. Spring Cooper is a social researcher with academic qualifications in public health, health promotion, and sexuality, said: "For women, masturbation can help prevent cervical infections and urinary tract infections through the process of 'tenting', or the opening of the cervix that occurs as part of the arousal process. "Tenting stretches the cervix, and thus the cervical mucous. "This enables fluid circulation, allowing cervical fluids full of bacteria to be flushed out. "Masturbation can lower risk of type-2 diabetes (though this association may also be explained by greater overall health), reduce insomnia through hormonal and tension release, and increase pelvic floor strength through the contractions that happen during orgasm." For men, there is evidence that climaxing may help to reduce the risk of prostate cancer - "probably by giving the prostate a chance to flush out potential cancer-causing agents," says Spring. Though the benefits of masturbation are not the most scientifically studied, there's certainly no harm in doing it. For the next five years, I worked under supervision – there was always a qualified sex surrogate present at all my client meetings, including during sex, and they would give me feedback and advise me if I was unsure. Men came to see me to overcome issues including being unable to get an erection, premature ejaculation, fear of intimacy and body dysmorphia. Women came to overcome trauma after giving birth, learn how to orgasm and to conquer their fear of penetration. I also treated people who had difficulties after physical and sexual abuse. THE NAKED ROOM Eventually, I set up my own clinic, The Naked Room. My four adult children and parents know and fully support what I do. They all came to cheer me on when I won Somatic Sexologist of the Year at the Sexual Freedom Awards in 2022. And though some friends were initially sceptical, they soon came round. Before accepting clients, I meet them on Zoom so I can find out why they want to see me and also observe their body language, in order to spot unsuitable people who think they can just turn up and have sex with me. One time, a man was naked. I turned off my camera and told him that's not what I'm here for. Then, once they've completed a consent form and paperwork, my prices start from £250 for a one-hour in-person session, to £1,250 for a day session of five hours. If a client is a virgin, the ultimate aim is for us to have sex. If they're female, I can pass them on to a trusted male sex surrogate when they're ready. Every client has to provide a recent STI test and I always use condoms. I also work with couples, although I don't touch them – I coach them on how to touch each other. I insist on at least three sessions, because this isn't a quick process, and a maximum of 10 to make sure they don't form a romantic attachment with me. Before meeting a client, I prepare by going to the gym or doing yoga, and I meditate on my commute. Since I turned 50, I'm conscious I need look my best, so I see a dermatologist, and of course I regularly do kegel exercises to keep my pelvic floor muscles tight. There have been many memorable moments over the years. When one client saw my vagina – the first he'd ever seen – he was blown away. 'It's marvellous!' he said. 'I love the colour and the texture.' I was thinking: 'I've had sex for 30 years and not once has a partner admired me the way this guy has.' Then there was the man with autism, who I helped have sex for the first time. His parents used to bring him to the sessions with me, and were so grateful. His dad said to me: 'Thank you for making him experience life as a man outside of his challenges.' Those sorts of moments are humbling and make me realise how much I'm helping people. My job has also helped me realise that sex can be incredibly powerful, rather than shallow or mediocre. I'm currently single, but I've had relationships since I became a sex surrogate. I've learned to separate my professional and personal life to avoid falling into 'work mode' and educating partners on being the ideal lover. I'm always transparent with a partner about my work and, so far, they've all been open-minded and unfazed by the fact I'll be sleeping with other men, and that I often get aroused while doing so. I have no intention of stopping anytime soon – I feel privileged to help people overcome their issues. Everyone who wants to enjoy great sex should be able to, and I'm happy to play a part in helping them achieve that.
