Latest news with #intimacy
Yahoo
a day ago
- Yahoo
After 15 Years, Our Marriage Felt Stale. Then My Wife And I Discovered A Sexy Solution.
When my wife and I first met, it was electric. We couldn't keep our hands off each other. We snuck kisses in restaurants, teased each other in the car and barely made it through a movie before rushing home to bed. Our connection was intoxicating — the kind that made every touch, every glance, feel like an unspoken promise of more to come ... quite literally. The intimacy we shared wasn't just about physical passion; it was about adventure, about pushing boundaries, about growing together. We were living in Tel Aviv and it felt like this spark — our undeniable chemistry — would last forever. And then life happened. We spent the next 15 years in what I call 'high-speed' mode. We moved to the U.S., had four kids, I built and sold two companies, my wife started her own successful business, and we spent the majority of our time managing the exhausting chaos that is life. On paper, things were great. But between school drop-offs, board meetings and collapsing onto the couch after bath time, homework and responding to emails, our marriage had become something akin to an efficient, well-oiled machine — functional, predictable but lacking the thrill it once had. The conversations shifted from 'What should we try next?' to 'Did you remember to pack the kids' lunches?' The excitement that was once a cornerstone of our connection had been replaced by meticulous schedules, and intimacy had been relegated to the back burner. We found ourselves at an impasse. We weren't fighting. We weren't miserable. We loved each other deeply. But something was missing. In 2022, we decided to try something that most parents only dream of: a kids-free vacation. For the first time in 15 years — since our first child was born — it was just us. We went back to Tel Aviv, the city where we first fell in love, hoping to reconnect and recreate the magic we once felt. And for the most part, we did. We laughed. We reminisced. We felt like kids again. We were just us again. But on the last night of our trip, after a few drinks, my wife looked at me across the table and asked, 'Babe, what happened to us? Why do we need to escape from everything to have so much fun?' It was a gut punch. She was right — as always. We had never fallen into the 'babe, we have a problem' category, but we had also never openly shared the 'I always wanted to try this with you' side of ourselves either. Our intimacy was good, but it wasn't great. And I knew she was asking me to figure out how to fix it. Therapy didn't seem necessary. A sexologist felt like an overreaction. So, I did what any entrepreneur does — I went online. But what I found was disappointing. The advice I encountered felt outdated, full of corny card games and cringe-inducing self-help books. There was nothing that felt right for us, nothing that took away the shame and, let's be real, the awkwardness of trying something new. No one ever talks about how awkward and uncomfortable it can be to suggest something new with someone you've been intimate with for over a decade. You don't want them to think that you're unhappy with your current sex life, and you don't want them to look at you like you have four heads for wanting to try something that is beyond what society deems 'normal sex.' I confided in my best friend, hoping that he'd have ideas for approaching these conversations or 'sexy suggestions,' as sex therapist Ian Kerner calls them in a Ted Talk that I discovered in my research rabbit hole. To my surprise, my friend had been searching for the same guidance. That's when I realized: My wife and I weren't alone. And I knew I had to find a solution. I soon found myself talking about sex and intimacy with anyone who would listen. I had these discussions for the first time with friends and colleagues who I've known for years, watching even the shiest of people nodding their heads in agreement. We surveyed 1,000 people in committed relationships and found that 81% reported a decline in intimacy within the first two years of being together. More than anything, couples wanted to try something new — they just didn't know how to ask for it. And that's when it clicked: The key to reigniting passion wasn't just about sex — it was about novelty. Our trip to Tel Aviv was eye-opening, but the real transformation began when we came home. We decided to shake things up — not with grand gestures, but with small, intentional choices. We started watching erotica together. We experimented with new toys. We dipped our toes into role-playing. We didn't come back from our trip and suddenly build a BDSM dungeon in our house — we found kink that worked for us. It wasn't about changing who we were; it was about rediscovering what made us excited about each other in the first place. It felt like being a kid with a new toy — the anticipation, the curiosity, the thrill of trying something for the first time. It turns out, that feeling is actually backed by science. The Coolidge effect — the biological phenomenon where novelty ignites attraction — doesn't just apply to new partners. It can apply within a long-term relationship, too, as long as you're willing to step outside your comfort zone. And the result? We felt more connected, more playful, more us than we had in years. I realized that prioritizing our sex life was no different than eating right or working out. We don't criticize people who try new and zany workouts (looking at you, Hula-Hoop classes) after their fitness results plateau, but for some reason we shame people who want to try new styles of sex and intimacy. The word 'kink' carries a lot of stigma, but at its core, it simply means exploring desires that might feel taboo or out of the ordinary. For my wife and I, kink wasn't about radical transformation — it was about opening up a conversation, removing the fear of judgment and prioritizing intimacy in a way we hadn't before. A recent study found that 75% of couples who engage in new styles of intimacy — whether it's kink, role-playing or simply trying something unfamiliar — report feeling more emotionally connected with their partners. The truth is, routine is the enemy of passion. It's easier to fall asleep in front of Netflix than to turn to your partner and say, 'Hey, let's try something different tonight.' But just like starting a new workout or other lifestyle change, intimacy thrives when you have an accountability partner — someone who is just as invested in keeping the spark alive. This journey made me realize something bigger: Sexual wellness is mental wellness. Just as the stigma around therapy has evolved — going from something people whispered about to something many of us now actively seek out — the same shift needs to happen with intimacy. One in four Americans is living in a sexless relationship. Another quarter is eager to expand their sex life but doesn't know how. We need to normalize these conversations — not just in the privacy of our bedrooms but in our culture at large. If I've learned anything, it's that relationships don't have to fade into routine. Passion doesn't disappear — it just needs to be reignited. And sometimes, that spark comes from stepping into the unknown, embracing a little bit of discomfort and saying, 'Hey, let's try something new.' For us, kink wasn't just about saving our marriage. It was about rediscovering each other and feeling connected again. And that's something worth fighting for. Offer Yehudai is the co-founder and CEO of Arya, an AI-enabled couples wellness platform. His entrepreneurial journey began when he co-founded Inneractive and Fyber, which were later combined and acquired for over $700 million. At Arya, he was inspired to create the platform after reflecting on his own decade-long marriage and the common challenge many couples face of wanting to improve their relationship but not knowing where to start. Under his leadership, Arya has secured $16 million in funding and grown to over 250,000 users across all U.S. states, focusing on helping couples strengthen their connections through AI-powered intimacy coaching and personalized recommendations. Do you have a compelling personal story you'd like to see published on HuffPost? Find out what we're looking for here and send us a pitch at pitch@ I Went To A Brothel With My Boyfriend. It Was Nothing Like What I Expected. My Blind Date Took Me To A Sex Club. Here's What Happened. I Had Sex With A Famous Writer. Our Encounter Left Me Deeply Unsettled.
Yahoo
a day ago
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
What is the ‘Cinderella rule'? Here's how the life hack could give your sex life a boost — and leave you feeling less exhausted
Put that on the calendar. When you've been running around like a chicken without its head all day, getting things done at work or tending to needy children — sex might sound like the last thing you want to exert your last bit of energy towards. That's why some couples are opting to follow the 'Cinderella rule' to keep things steamy in the bedroom — without burning out. It's basically a strategic combo of setting boundaries and scheduling sex. Alice Giddings, the Metro's sex and relationships reporter, said in a recent story that she swears by this rule. 'Simply set a cut-off point in your head for when intimacy will no longer be on the cards – this way you don't have to worry about being exhausted the next morning,' Giddings explained. 'My 'turn into a pumpkin' cut off is 10:30 p.m., and ideally this is when it'll be lights out and off to snoozeville. This means my cut-off for intimacy starting is 10:10 p.m. latest…' 'However, many hours prior to this, you can give your partner indications that sex is on the cards in the evening, but mention in passing the cut-off point,' she added. She claimed that this rule gives couples something to look forward to, and knowing that the sexy time clock is ticking helps build anticipation. Giddings isn't the only one who enjoys her scheduled sex sessions. Jay and Sofia Lyons are a couple who say that putting frisky time on the calendar has improved their marriage and is what's kept the duo, who have been together for over 31 years, happy. 'It's made our relationship one million times better,' Jay told The Post. 'It's the glue that keeps your marriage close — it's very difficult to have a bad marriage when you're regularly having sex.' The couple has been scheduling hanky panky since the early 1990s — after they got married and had two kids. Even celebs — like Jenna Bush Hager and Amy Schumer — have admitted to penciling time in to do the deed. Nick and Vanessa Lachey have a designated romp day: 'Wednesday — hump day.' 'Spontaneity is not the only way to have good sex,' Virginia Sadock, director of the human sexuality program at NYU Langone Health, told The Post. The expert made note that the steamy, in-the-moment sex sessions that happen in the movies are not realistic, especially for two people with busy, demanding lives.
Forbes
2 days ago
- General
- Forbes
3 Signs Of The ‘Conflict Paradox' In A Relationship, By A Psychologist
Couples who fight and still feel close don't fear conflict. Instead, they use it as a doorway to ... More deeper connection. Conflict is often viewed as a threat to intimacy; an indicator that something is fundamentally wrong. However, conflict has a more nuanced reality: for some couples who have put in the work to make their relationship foundation healthy, arguments serve as a process through which emotional closeness is deepened. When managed constructively, conflict can become a mechanism for growth, understanding and secure attachment. This is the 'conflict paradox' — some couples argue, but often grow closer as a result of it. This is not the same as living for the intensity and rush of a conflict and feeling bonded after. It means being deeply grounded in your connection and putting the relationship first, despite unwanted conflict. Here are three psychological reasons why some couples engage in conflict and yet report increased closeness afterward. 1. They See Conflict As An Emotional Realignment Process Misalignments are inevitable. Emotional needs change; expectations shift. As a result, unresolved tensions can quietly accumulate over time. Couples who feel emotionally safe enough to express dissatisfaction, even through conflict, are often engaging in a process of emotional realignment. According to research on relational conflict and reconciliation, emotional pain tends to trigger one of two responses: a defensive reaction that perpetuates the conflict, or a more intentional turn toward justice and grace, which facilitates healing. In this framework, conflict is not inherently destructive. Rather, it is an adaptive response to emotional pain, signaling that something in the relationship needs to be addressed or restructured. In such dynamics, the only concern is that these arguments may not always be articulated clearly. They may emerge as frustration, sarcasm or even defensiveness. So even if it is difficult, remind yourself of how much you care about this relationship and put in the effort to look beneath the surface, where the message is often some version of: 'I need you to see me differently now.' This is a call for empathy and care, regardless of your differences. Instead of interpreting disagreement as relational breakdown, emotionally healthy couples use conflict as a cue to renegotiate roles, clarify needs and update their understanding of each other's internal worlds. In this way, the argument becomes less about dysfunction and more about data, revealing where connection needs to be repaired or reestablished. 2. Their Relationship Can 'Contain' The Conflict Without Collapsing A telling feature of couples who are emotionally resilient in their partnerships is their ability to 'contain' conflict — to experience emotional intensity without letting it crack the relationship. This containment allows partners to express anger, frustration or hurt without slipping into destructive patterns like contempt, stonewalling or emotional withdrawal. Even in heated moments, the relationship remains unaffected at its roots because conflict stays within respectable boundaries. A 2015 diary study of 100 cohabiting couples found that partners with greater attachment security were better able to emotionally recover after conflict. They reported less disruption to mood, intimacy and satisfaction on the following day. Meaning, their relationship could hold emotional tension without becoming destabilized. In contrast, couples with higher attachment anxiety experienced more pronounced emotional fallout, indicating that the perceived strength of the bond plays a critical role in post-conflict repair. This ability to 'hold' conflict without collapse reflects a deep trust. The belief that the relationship can stretch without breaking essentially marks the difference between differentiation (the capacity to stay emotionally present despite disagreement) and disintegration (where conflict is experienced as a threat to the bond itself.) But the crux is that, when couples argue within secure emotional bounds, they don't fear emotional ruin. They trust that they can return to each other, and that makes all the difference. 3. Conflict Reveals Vulnerabilities, And The Way They Handle It Deepens Intimacy In several cases, the content of a fight is less important than what it reveals about each partner's emotions. Anger, withdrawal or defensiveness often serve as protective layers, masking deeper emotional struggles like a fear of abandonment, unmet needs or longstanding feelings of inadequacy. Partners who grow closer through conflict are mostly the ones who are able, or willing, to engage with this underlying vulnerability rather than react only to the surface behavior. When one partner says, 'You never listen to me,' they might actually mean to say that they feel invisible. When another retreats into silence, it may mean that they have a fear of saying the wrong thing. Partners who can attune to these emotional signals respond to the emotional subtext underlying the surface level argument. This enhances intimacy by validating one another's inner experiences and reinforcing the sense that, even in conflict, one can be seen, heard and emotionally held. Research backs this up. A 2021 study in the Journal of Family Psychology found that people felt their partners were less emotionally supportive when they shared something vulnerable that directly involved the partner, unless that partner was mindful and present. When partners were mindful, they stayed supportive even during tough conversations. These findings suggest that vulnerability has the potential to deepen intimacy, but it has to be met with presence, openness and care. Here are a few strategies to allow your fights to pull you closer rather than apart: 1. Treat the argument as a living system reorganizing itself. Think of conflict as the relationship's way of recalibrating. Like a garden that needs regular pruning to grow well, your relationship may need occasional tension to clear out emotional overgrowth and make space for healthier connection. Ask yourself: 'What equilibrium were we stuck in that this fight is trying to disrupt?' 2. Notice which role you automatically occupy, and step out of it. In many fights, couples unconsciously fall into rehearsed roles: the pursuer and the distancer, the critic and the defender, the exploder and the imploder. Closeness grows when even one partner steps outside the script. Think: 'What would happen if I changed my usual reaction, just by 10%?' 3. Assume the fight is a bid for attachment, not just a dispute. Most conflict isn't about logistics. It's about longing. A protest is often a disguised plea that sounds like 'Where are you? Do I still matter to you?' Metaphorically, the fight is the smoke, and the longing is the fire. Instead of defending your position, respond to the emotion. For instance: 'It sounds like you're scared I've stopped caring.' 4. Don't just repair the argument, repair the narrative. Healthy couples don't just fix the content of a fight; they fix the roots of it too. They reflect on what the fight meant in the broader arc of their relationship. So make sure you debrief later with: 'What did that argument show us about where we are right now?' In short, sometimes, a fight is the relationship's attempt to grow up. Don't just resolve it, listen to what it's trying to evolve you into. When handled with care, conflict does not erode connection. It can, paradoxically, be what fortifies it. Wondering if you and your partner resolve conflict productively or destructively? Take the science-backed Ineffective Arguing Inventory to find out.
Harpers Bazaar Arabia
2 days ago
- Entertainment
- Harpers Bazaar Arabia
Book A Night To Remember At The St. Regis Abu Dhabi
With its refined service, beautiful surroundings, and sense of quiet grandeur, The St. Regis Abu Dhabi offers a wedding experience that feels both personal and exceptional Some weddings feel made for the moment while others feel timeless from the start. At The St. Regis Abu Dhabi, it's the latter – a landmark setting that's become a quiet favourite among couples seeking sophistication, intimacy, and unforgettable attention to detail. Set along the city's glittering Corniche, The St. Regis Abu Dhabi blends Arabian hospitality with classic elegance. At its heart is the Al Mudhaif Ballroom, an expansive 1,300-square-metre space with six-metre-high ceilings, warm desert-inspired tones, and three dramatic Bohemian crystal chandeliers. Whether you're planning a lavish reception or a smaller, more personal gathering, the ballroom can be adapted to suit any vision. And while the setting is only part of the story, weddings here are shaped by the experience of a dedicated team who approach every detail with care and intent. From bespoke menus crafted by expert chefs to beautifully designed wedding cakes, each element is tailored with the couple in mind. Every decision is thoughtful, every detail elevated. A private bridal suite, located just steps from the ballroom, offers a calm and elegant space to prepare. And the best part? There's a personal female butler is on hand to assist with final touches, making sure the bride feels truly pampered on her special day. Following the celebration, the newlyweds can retreat to one of the hotel's signature suites – complete with honeymoon amenities, early check-in, late check-out, and the signature St. Regis butler service. Wedding guests are also treated to special room rates, ensuring the celebration extends seamlessly across the weekend. As a final gesture, couples are invited back to mark their anniversary with a dining experience at one of the hotel's signature restaurants – an elegant return to the place where it all began.
Daily Mail
2 days ago
- Lifestyle
- Daily Mail
Relationship expert shares simple trick to help you have more sex-and it's perfect for couples with different needs
Sex droughts could be solved by implementing what relationship experts are calling the 'Cinderella rule'. Named after the classic fairy tale where a young woman is provided a beautiful gown and carriage that disappear at midnight, experts say those struggling for intimacy should establish their own cut-off for 'magical moments'. Basically, it's time limit for sex and intimacy where after a mandated time—for example 10.30pm—a couple know lovemaking is off the cards. It may seem counter intuitive to advise a couple struggling to reignite their passion in the bedroom to have a cut-off for sex, but experts insist it can work. Metro columnist Alice Giddings, who hosts podcast Just Between Us said her 'pumpkin moment' moment was just before 10.30pm. 'This is when it'll be lights out and off to snoozeville. This means my cut-off for intimacy starts is 10.10pm latest,' she wrote. She added that having this designated sex window, rather than making sex feel like a scheduled activity akin to a dentist's appointment, can build excitement and help couples grappling with busy schedules. 'There's also something about the anticipation that makes it quite exciting,' she said. Ms Giddings added that people can send their partner 'indications' that sex is a possibility before the Cinderella time, be that a flirty comment or a raunchy photo. But by establishing that cut off a couple also set expectations that avoid disappointment or, for busy adults, post-morning regret. 'This way you don't have to worry about being exhausted the next morning, Ms Giddings added. While couples scheduling sex for a specific time and day is an increasing discussed topic in relationships, a Cinderella rule allows for a bit more freedom rather than feeling like an ultimatum or deadline. Ms Giddings's advice came after hearing from listener Mia on Just Between Us. Mia—a business owner living in Milan, Italy—detailed how living in an apartment with her boyfriend and two of her grandmothers meant she was struggling to find the energy for sex. 'I live with people that require a lot of attention and it's very consuming,' she said. 'I don't have the time or mental ability. I work very long hours and struggle to switch from super sleepy to sexual.' After hearing advice from the podcast hosts Mia said she thought scheduling time for a connection could work for her, especially with the idea of building desire towards an intimate rendezvous. 'Remembering to find these moments of connection in the mundane where we can flirt a little if we pass each other in the kitchen, would make it so much easier to switch your mindset and mood,' she said. While passionate sex has often evoked images of a clothes ripping impromptu romp, studies suggest there is no difference in satisfaction levels between spur of the moment and planned lovemaking. It comes amid concern about a global sex crisis—or rather, lack of sex crisis. One recent survey revealed more than a quarter (27 per cent) of Britons are now having less sex than they used to, with one in six admitting they haven't got frisky the entire year. According to a Royal College of Occupational Therapists poll of 2,000 adults last year, men and women typically only have sex 46 times a year—once every eight days, on average. But some have far less frequent amorous activity, with one in 10 reported having sex less than once a year. And month, researchers at the University of Manchester, also revealed women who have sex a t least once a week are the happiest in their relationships. Their study showed that 85 per cent of women who had sex once a week described themselves as 'sexually satisfied'. In contrast, only 17 per cent of women who had sex less than once a month reported the same level of relationship bliss. While dissatisfaction in the bedroom can put a relationship in peril numerous studies suggest a lack of sex and intimacy can also be bad for your health. Regular sex and intimacy have been linked to several health benefits, including improving the condition of your heart, reducing stress and even boosting mental health.
