Latest news with #sleepdivorce
Malay Mail
05-08-2025
- Health
- Malay Mail
When the bedroom splits: The rise of sleep divorce in Malaysia — Julius Goh Liang Chye
AUG 5 — It started like many clinic visits. A middle-aged man, visibly drained, walked in with his wife. They were polite, even affectionate — but beneath the surface, something was cracking. 'I forced him to come,' the wife confessed. She looked tired, not just from lack of sleep, but from holding it together. 'His snoring is deafening. He thrashes at night. I'm scared I'll get hurt in my sleep.' For months, they'd tried to endure it — until she quietly moved into the spare room. What began as a temporary measure became their new normal. They no longer shared a bed. Their connection was fraying. Even plans to have children were now on pause. It's a situation I've seen far too often: couples emotionally adrift because of poor, untreated sleep. The medical term? Obstructive Sleep Apnoea. But socially, this emerging phenomenon has taken on a new name — sleep divorce. The quiet separation Despite its dramatic tone, sleep divorce doesn't imply a legal split. It simply means couples choose to sleep in separate beds or rooms to get better rest — often due to snoring, restlessness, mismatched schedules, or preferences like room temperature and mattress firmness. At first glance, it may sound like a modern, pragmatic solution. After all, who wouldn't want uninterrupted rest? But sleep divorce is a double-edged sword. While some couples report sleeping better, many find their relationship quietly suffering — intimacy fades, emotional distance grows, and resentment builds. A rising trend — even in Malaysia Globally, the numbers are climbing. In the United States, about 31 per cent of adults admit to sleeping apart at least occasionally. Among younger couples aged 35–44, that figure rises to nearly 40 per cent. More than half of those who try it say their sleep quality improves — some even gaining up to 37 extra minutes of rest per night. But this isn't a clear win. Around 20 per cent report that separate sleeping arrangements make their relationship feel worse. And that's the crux: sleep divorce solves one problem while sometimes creating another. While there's limited data in Malaysia, it's likely we're seeing similar trends. Increased awareness of sleep disorders, especially Obstructive Sleep Apnoea (OSA), means more people are recognising that their partner's restlessness or snoring isn't just annoying — it might be a sign of something serious. Globally, OSA affects about 1 in 5 adults. While some couples report sleeping better, many find their relationship quietly suffering as intimacy fades, emotional distance grows, and resentment builds. — Freepik pic What couples often miss Sleep issues don't start — or stop — in the bedroom. Left untreated, conditions like OSA can lead to high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, and chronic fatigue. More subtly, it chips away at our patience, focus, and emotional resilience — qualities every relationship depends on. That's why ignoring the problem rarely helps. Loud snoring, choking or gasping during sleep, and frequent awakenings aren't just quirks — they're red flags. The earlier couples seek help, the more likely both sleep and relationships can be salvaged. There are effective treatments: lifestyle changes, CPAP machines, dental appliances, or even minor surgeries. Many couples who pursue treatment report returning to the same bed — not just to sleep better, but to reconnect. Beyond sleep: Preserving the relationship Of course, not every couple is ready — or able — to fix the root issue right away. In such cases, sleeping apart can be a short-term relief. But it shouldn't be the final destination. One approach is to build bedtime rituals that preserve emotional closeness even when physically apart. For example, winding down together before retreating to separate rooms, or syncing morning routines. Simple gestures — a shared cup of tea, a quiet chat — can anchor intimacy, even if the bed is no longer shared. It's also worth recognising the stigma some Malaysians still carry about sleeping apart. In our culture, where multigenerational homes are common and marital harmony is often measured by surface unity, separate beds can feel like taboo. But silence only worsens the divide. Talking openly — without blame — is crucial. Sleep is deeply personal, and so is love. Navigating the two requires kindness, curiosity, and sometimes, professional guidance. Is it sleep divorce — or something deeper? You may be heading toward sleep divorce if: You or your partner have quietly relocated to the sofa or spare room. Sleep-related arguments have become frequent. There's growing fear or discomfort about sharing a bed. Daytime fatigue is affecting your health or work. Physical intimacy has declined, and emotional connection feels weaker. Sleep divorce isn't a sign of failure. But it is a sign that something needs attention. The way forward We often think of love as grand gestures — anniversaries, gifts, holidays. But often, it's found in smaller acts: adjusting the fan speed for someone else, sleeping a little less so your partner sleeps more, or finally making that doctor's appointment. Sleep problems are medical issues. But their impact is deeply emotional. The good news? They're often treatable. If restlessness, snoring or exhaustion are keeping you and your partner apart, don't brush it off. Seek help. You might find that solving the sleep issue brings you closer — not just in bed, but in life. * Dr Julius Goh Liang Chye is a clinical lecturer and consultant otorhinolaryngologist at the Department of Otorhinolaryngology, Faculty of Medicine, Universiti Malaya, and may be reached at [email protected] ** This is the personal opinion of the writer or publication and does not necessarily represent the views of Malay Mail.
The National
05-08-2025
- Health
- The National
What is 'sleep divorce' and how can you make it work?
For the past decade, Courtney Brandt and her husband of 20 years have been sleeping in separate rooms at their Dubai villa. They've been practising what's sometimes referred to as 'sleep divorce' or couples sleeping apart in order to improve their rest – and their relationship. 'I am generally a terrible sleeper, so rather than keep my husband awake, I chose to permanently remove myself. And it worked out well because I go to bed quite early and I like to keep a very cool room,' the content creator and author tells The National. 'We spend a third of our lives sleeping, so I can't stress how important it is. And sleeping apart has zero to do with the status of your relationship and everything to do with your ability to sleep.' Brandt and her husband are not alone. With our relentless schedules and constant glowing screens, good quality sleep has quietly become a luxury. This has led to a growing number of couples embracing sleep divorce, experts say. 'I estimate that slightly more than one of the three patients who have requested a consultation for a sleep disorder in the past year have already resorted to a sleep divorce,' says Dr Valentina Faia, specialist psychiatrist and psychotherapist at BPS Clinic Dubai. According to a 2023 survey by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, which polled 2,005 adults in the US, 58 per cent of respondents said they adjusted their sleep routines to accommodate a partner. In the same survey, 20 per cent said they occasionally slept in another room while 15 per cent said they consistently slept in a separate room. 'Studies of sleep patterns or polysomnography have shown that co-sleeping couples often experience more short-lasting awakenings throughout the night than those sleeping separately, and a generally lower quality of sleep,' says Dr Faia. 'When couples share a bed, disturbances from a partner can lead to fragmented sleep cycles and reduced sleep efficiency.' Dr Sudhanthira Devi Ramdoss, a specialist psychiatrist at Aster Hospital in Dubai, says she's also seen a rising number of cases where her clients practice sleep divorce. Despite its negative connotation – and when practised correctly – sleep divorce can lead to improved relationships, better mood regulation, increased patience and more positive interactions during the day, she says. 'It's a lifestyle choice that prioritises good quality sleep, reduced sleep interruptions and reduced irritability,' says Dr Ramdoss. 'At the end of a long day, if you are not able to sleep adequately or tossing and turning in the bed throughout the night, it will leave you drained in the morning. This can be a sticking point in an otherwise healthy relationship between couples. 'By practicing sleep divorce with mutual consent, couples will have improved quality of sleep, improved relationships and increased intimacy.' Others are curious to experiment with the rising trend, with space being the only hold back. Kellie Whitehead, 47, a mother-of-three, who has been married for 25 years, says she would do it if she had the space 'for better rest and nothing else'. 'I'm older now and each hour counts more – against work, stresses and health concerns. I simply can't function well daily without a certain amount of good sleep,' says the PR consultant. 'I've never been able to sleep well 'entangled' or nose-to-nose with anyone else – husband or children.' Yet, despite the rising number of cases she's seeing, Dr Faia says she only recommends sleep divorce to couples when there's a documented medical condition and the other partner has shown significant distress. 'It's often not easy to open up about this habit for someone who has embraced it, as it challenges traditional conceptions of cohabitation and at times even questions moral or religious beliefs,' she says. 'Some individuals equate sleeping together with intimacy, security and love. Sometimes, the physical separation triggers unresolved attachment issues. 'Typical conditions that lead to sleep divorce are obstructive sleep apnoea, snoring, periodic limb movement disorder and severely mismatched circadian rhythms. These issues can significantly reduce sleep quality, even when individuals are unaware of the disturbances,' Dr Faia adds. Making sleep divorce work To successfully practice a sleep divorce, communication is key, says Dr Ramdoss. 'Sleep divorce is not about ending a relationship, it's just a practical choice to deal with sleep issues. So have an open communication about your sleep needs and concerns with your partner and obtain mutual consent,' she says. 'Go for a trial period like practising two to three times per week or practice sleep divorce on weekdays. Create a comfortable space for sleep, and preserve bedtime rituals like cuddling and sharing parts of your day to maintain closeness and intimacy.' Dr Faia often recommends hybrid solutions to her clients. 'These include the Scandinavian method of using separate blankets or sleeping in the same bed but with custom mattresses or earplugs, or scheduling alone-sleep nights interspersed with co-sleep nights,' she says. 'These alternatives provide flexibility while maintaining a sense of closeness and intimacy and protecting the time couples can spend together.' Dubai resident Rima, who prefers to go by her first name, swears by the Scandinavian method – something she and her husband have been practicing since they got married 18 years ago. 'I like to cocoon myself in my blanket when I sleep, which means I like to tuck my blanket in around me,' says the marketing consultant and mother-of-two. 'Also because our room is like the North Pole at night I get cold quickly and so my blanket is thicker than my husband's. 'The freedom of moving around without bothering the other person, and also feeling like I have my own space on our bed is the best feeling.' Brandt also suggests starting out with something less permanent. 'The key is to really define the two spaces, if you are fortunate enough to have a second room. If you don't have that, you can always do two duvets, which can help in creating that space,' she says. Brandt, whose rescue dog Poppy splits her time between her and husband at night, says their sleep set-up is a permanent arrangement and something she has no problem sharing with friends. 'Sleep is paramount to living, especially in today's world,' she says. 'People might give me weird looks for sleeping apart, but I know how good I'm sleeping.'
Khaleej Times
04-07-2025
- Health
- Khaleej Times
UAE: Could 'sleep divorce' save your relationship?
Although untraditional, some couples opt to sleep separately to preserve both rest and emotional wellbeing. On social media, some internet couples have posted their sleeping arrangements for their fans to see, only to be met with mixed reactions. Also known as 'sleep divorce', this concept refers to couples who choose to sleep in separate bedrooms not because of resentment, but due to what doctors see as a practical solution to poor sleep. 'Sleep disruptions like loud snoring, restless leg syndrome, insomnia, and mismatched sleep schedules are common triggers [of separate sleeping],' Dr Nidhi Kumar, a specialist psychiatrist at Aster Clinic, told Khaleej Times. Over time, this can fester irritability and miscommunication. Stay up to date with the latest news. Follow KT on WhatsApp Channels. 'Rather than a sign of relationship trouble, many couples now view separate sleeping arrangements as a proactive step toward preserving both rest and emotional wellbeing,' he said. According to him, sleeping separately is a sign of 'maturity' because it involves couples mutually agreeing to it for their own benefits. 'However, it's important that the decision is made through open communication and mutual agreement,' he said. 'If avoidance or emotional distance is also present, it may signal deeper concerns.' Specialist Internal Medicine Dr Princy John Purathan said couples sleeping separately can still nurture intimacy while getting quality rest. 'Couples can try winding down together, maintaining bedtime rituals like cuddling or conversation before sleeping separately,' she said. She recommends separate sleeping, whether long-term of temporary, for couples who have sleep conditions like chronic insomnia, restless leg syndrome, obstructive sleep apnoea, and frequent nocturia. She said for those conditions, which can significantly disrupt a partner's sleep, can be 'medically advisable.' 'The key is open dialogue and mutual respect,' Purathan said. 'Better sleep supports better mood, energy, and overall relationship satisfaction, so it's not about choosing one over the other.'
Yahoo
20-06-2025
- General
- Yahoo
'Our snoring room is the key to marriage preservation' – 3 women reveal how creating separate sleeping spaces has delivered marital harmony
When you buy through links on our articles, Future and its syndication partners may earn a commission. Snoring rooms first entered the public consciousness about 15 years ago when it was widely reported that Tom Cruise had converted a spare bedroom in his sprawling Beverley Hills home into a 'snoratorium.' Fast forward to 2025 and many high-end architects now consider snoring rooms – a second master bedroom where disgruntled spouses can retreat when their partner's nocturnal racket becomes overwhelming – a must-have for couples with enough space. For London-based Interior designer Pia Pelkonen, it's a relatively common request. 'Snoring rooms have quietly cropped up in the design process more and more over the past few years – often as a part of a wider brief for a calm, grown-up home," she says. "Clients tend to mention them with a laugh... and then a sigh of relief.' In Pia's experience, very few are willing to openly admit to sleeping apart from partners, with many choosing to describe the space as a 'sleep sanctuary' or 'second master.' According to a 2024 survey from the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, 29% of Americans have chosen to sleep in a separate bed from their partner – whether in the same or a different room. This practice is also, rather melodramatically, labelled as having a 'sleep divorce'. So why are snoring rooms still spoken about in hushed and negative tones, if mentioned at all? Mum of two and full-time management consultant Charlotte*, 48, is delighted with the positive effect sleeping separately from her snoring husband has made. But, like all three ladies I interviewed, she preferred not to use her surname for fear of word spreading. 'When I first owned up to regularly sleeping apart from my husband, my friend told me it was the beginning of the end for us. The irony is, it's been a complete saviour, but I don't tend to disclose it openly,' Charlotte says. 'I'm not sure the kids have noticed, as I'm a lark whereas my husband's an owl, so they rarely saw us in bed together even when we permanently shared a room.' "Since my husband and I created separate sleeping spaces, we've been so much happier' My friend Clemmie*, 45, shares her home with four kids, two dogs and a loudly snoring husband. She created two adjoining bedrooms when recently redesigning their farmhouse, and cannot understand why sharing a bed is considered such an essential facet of marital harmony. 'The societal expectation that happy couples sleep together when, for so many of us, that leads to chronic sleep deprivation, is crazy. Since my husband and I created separate sleeping spaces, we've been so much happier,' Clemmie says. 'Not only has the hugely disruptive snoring stopped but we naturally power down in different ways at different times of night so we can each indulge our own bedroom routine with no irritating interruptions. 'I was reminded of how vital this is to our relationship on a recent holiday, when I found myself sleeping on the bathroom floor of our villa for four nights, unable to quieten the racket of my husband next to me in bed.' Despite also being married to an occasionally sonorous sleeper, I've never broached the topic of regularly sleeping apart. Instead, I find myself frequently sulking off to the spare room's single bed when not even my trusty pillow over the head trick lessens the noise. Snoring room convert Anna*, 42, who works in publishing, encourages anyone suffering in silence to speak up after she realised the detrimental effect both her snoring and her husband's frequent kicks under the duvet were having. When re-designing her two-bedroom apartment in West London, she took the opportunity to tackle the issue head-on. 'Nick thought I'd be offended if he suggested sleeping apart, so we'd both been dancing around it. Once it was on the table, we agreed on a beautiful solution that made it feel like a luxury, not a failure – his and hers sleeping spaces,' she says. 'It's been a revelation. I sleep guilt-free, and he just manages to sleep, which was a novelty for him for a while! We're both better rested, less snappy and generally more human during the day. It's made the world of difference.' The key to a successful snoring room is that you don't feel like you're being relegated to a lesser space. Pia advises making the room feel as inviting as the master suite. 'I try to make both bedrooms cohesive, ensure beds aren't positioned against adjoining walls for better soundproofing, then make a few tweaks to infuse each client's personality into their own space.' But with so many factors, from the perimenopause to nocturnal teenagers, getting in the way of intimacy in mid-life, do separate rooms lead to a change in conjugal relations? According to Anna, no. 'It's improved things for us. When you're not exhausted, you've got more energy for everything else, including each other," she says. "It's made our relationship more fun again and there's something playful and intentional about one of us 'visiting' the other in bed.' Indeed, Wendy Troxel, author of Sharing the Covers: Every couple's guide to better sleep says that better sleep can lead to better sex. In fact, she argues in her book, good sleep is important for good sex as it has a profound impact on our hormones, including testosterone. Aware of my frequently disturbed beauty sleep, my friend Clemmie turned the questions on me at the end of our interview. 'Sleep is sacred and you're the engine room of your family. Didn't those early child-rearing years show you that you can't operate like that in a permanently sleep-deprived state?' She has a point. Perhaps that spare eaves bedroom currently serving as a family dumping ground is crying out to be converted into my own occasional sleep sanctuary. Something tells me my husband might think it was a worthwhile investment in wifely happiness. * The last names of these women have been omitted at their request, for privacy.
Daily Telegraph
31-05-2025
- General
- Daily Telegraph
‘Sleep separations' are increasing in popularity, new data shows
Don't miss out on the headlines from Illness. Followed categories will be added to My News. There's been a dramatic spike in the number of couples agreeing to part ways in the bedroom as Australia's growing sleep crisis worsens. New data shows that nearly one in three Australians struggling to fall or stay asleep three or more times a week, sparking a rise in the number of couples who have embarked on a 'sleep divorce', opting to get their nightly rest in separate beds or rooms – despite ongoing stigma surrounding the decision. The research, conducted by leading sleep device manufacturer ResMed for its 2025 Global Sleep Survey, has revealed sleep deprivation is so bad that almost 1 in 5 (18 per cent) of Australians have called in sick. But shockingly, 41 per cent of Aussies are choosing to 'just live with' with the consequences of a bad night's kip, almost double the global average. 'This year's Resmed Global Sleep Survey found that the top factors causing Australians to have a poor night's sleep are stress (47 per cent), followed by anxiety (42 per cent) and financial pressures (26 per cent),' Dr. Alison Wimms, Director of Medical Affairs for the company, told 'Screen time, and inconsistent routines also widely affect sleep in Australia.' Some of those not willing to put up with a poor night's sleep have decided to embark on a 'sleep divorce', with 61 per cent of Aussies who have ditched their partner at bedtime reporting a better sleep quality. '26 per cent said it improved their relationship, and almost 16 per cent noted a positive impact on their sex life,' Dr. Wimms added. 'Sleeping separately can also improve sleep quality by reducing disturbances from different schedules, snoring, or movement during sleep.' Australia is caught in a sleep crisis, with nearly one in three Australians struggling to fall or stay asleep three or more times a week. Picture: iStock However sleeping separately does not work for everybody, with 38 per cent of the 1 in 5 Australians who opted for a sleep separation – often due to snoring and restlessness – stating said they felt their quality of sleep got worse or remained the same. Alarmingly, almost 1 in 5 of those who have split up at night said they felt their relationship and sex life took a turn for the worse after sleeping apart. Sydney couple's therapist Shahn Baker Sorekli however warns that while a sleep separation 'can be helpful in some circumstances', he doesn't always recommend it. 'The main reason is coming together at the end of the night allows for a bit of a nice routine for the relationship where you can have a moment of connection and intimacy,' podcast, From the Newsroom. 'I'm not talking about, you know, long deepened meaningfuls in bed. It might just be a little snuggle, might just be reading next to each other, but kind of coming together at the end of the night. 'Being a couple, just unwinding is just a nice point of connection. And if you can maintain a good sleep routine together, it can just be really healthy for the relationship. So you close off the world, you in your room together, snuggling away.' Some couples who sleep apart rave about the benefits of a 'sleep divorce'. Picture: Instagram/AnnieKnight But experts warn it isn't for everyone and can have an impact on intimacy. Picture: Instagram/Lisa Wipfli The clinical psychologist, who authored relationship book The 8 Love Links, said that for those who find sleeping apart 'improves sleep quality it's absolutely a good idea'. 'For example, if one person is a really restless sleeper or somebody has a problem with snoring or perhaps somebody does shift work... and it going to add to the relationship tension, that's when it's a good idea,' he shared. 'You've just got to be careful not to get into any kind of the pitfalls around it. Dr Wimms noted that it is often women who report poorer sleep quality and higher rates of mood disruptions than men, explaining the gap was noticeable. '38 per cent of Australian women struggle to fall asleep at least 3 nights a week, compared to 26 per cent of men,' she explained. 'This is consistent with global numbers where we see women consistently report more sleep challenges. This may be due to hormonal changes through the month, caregiving responsibilities, or higher stress loads. 'While 4 in 10 Australian women say that their sleep is disrupted by their partner at least a few times a week, most often because of snoring or loud breathing, compared to 28 per cent of men.' The ResMed 2025 Global Sleep Survey concluded that sleep has become the 'silent casualty of modern lives'. Picture: iStock The report concluded that sleep has become the 'silent casualty of our busy modern lifestyles', noting the 'lines between work and home more blurred than ever'. Pressures such as the rising cost of living in Australia are also building, resulting in poor sleep across the nation. But it's not all bad news, with ResMed stating that Australians have become more curious about how they sleep, with 33 per cent monitoring their sleep, up from 18 per cent last year. 'This increased curiosity, however, has revealed a gap in action with a staggering 41 per cent of Aussies saying they would just live with poor sleep,' Dr. Wimms said. 'This is higher than the 22 per cent globally who indicated that they would do the same. This gap makes it vital for us to drive awareness of the importance of not just knowing, but taking action to improve your sleep health. 'This could be as simple as raising your sleep in a conversation with your healthcare provider or taking an online sleep assessment to learn more about what may be causing your poor sleep.' Those who have spoken out in the past about the benefits of sleeping separately to their partner include Michael and Lisa Wipfli, Sunrise host Edwina Bartholomew and her husband Neil Varcoe as well as popular porn star Annie Knight who recently announced she sleeps in a separate bed to her new fiance Henry Brayshaw. Originally published as 'Sleep separations' are increasing in popularity, new data shows
