Latest news with #swinging
Yahoo
15-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
What is 'soft swapping' and how is it different for LGBTQ+ couples? Sex experts explain
You've likely heard of polyamory, swinging, and ethical non-monogamy, but what about the term 'soft swapping'? The practice has been around for a long time within the swinging community, but it gained popularity when it was featured on the reality show The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, which showed Taylor Frankie Paul's TikTok video where she talked about her and her friends being into 'soft swinging,' also known as soft swapping. Paul's marriage eventually ended in divorce, but she managed to popularize the term, which she said in a TikTok live referred to swapping partners where 'you just hook up but you don't go all the way.' Soft swapping can either be a relationship model or a way to dip your toe into ethical non-monogamy on your way to swinging or polyamory. The 'soft' in soft swapping means that penetrative sex is off the table. But what does that mean for the queer community, where penetrative sex doesn't look the same as it does for straight couples? We talked to experts to break down what soft swapping is, whether or not it's common for LGBTQ+ couples, which sexual activities are on the table, and what the downside is. JLco Julia Amaral/Shutterstock In an open relationship, both partners are able to date and have sex with people outside of the committed relationship, but with soft swapping, partners become intimate with people within a friend group or swinging community, and sexual contact is limited. This is different from 'hard swapping' or 'full swapping' which refers to swinging where penetrative sexual activity is allowed. 'Soft swapping is a form of consensual or ethical non-monogamy (ENM) where a couple explores sexual play with other couples, or within a community of other couples. It's a lot like swinging but tends to have more boundaries set out about what is allowed and often will restrict partners from having penetrative sex outside the relationship,' Emma Hewitt, a certified sex educator with Adulttoymegastore and the host of the podcast the Electric Rodeo, tells PRIDE. 'Historically, swinging in general has been considered a very hetero activity. You know the stereotype. The husband puts his key in a bowl at the party and whichever wife pulls his keys is who goes off with him for a good time,' Hewitt explains. 'Whether this party practice was ever actually popular or just a good trope for a comedy sitcom is up in the air, but what we do know is that how society learnt about swinging was definitely through a heterosexual lens.' But statistics show that the LGBTQ+ community is more likely to participate in non-monogamous relationship models than their straight counterparts. According to a 2018 study on open relationships, 32% of gay participants, 5% of lesbian participants, and 22% of bisexual participants report being in open relationships, while only 2% of heterosexual participants say the same. 'LGBTQIA+ folks likely are as into soft swinging as straight folks, if not more, but we just haven't heard as much about it. How queer people define sex tends to be different to how straight people do. While sex is often defined as penetrative sex by straight people, the definition is much more diverse for queer folks so how they define swinging or soft swinging is likely different too,' Hewitt says. Mincemeat/Shutterstock The parameters are fairly clearly defined for straight folks looking to spice up their sex life with soft swapping: just stay away from PIV sex. But what activities aren't allowed when you're dating in Queerland? 'In straight swinging circles, a soft swap usually refers to any non-penetrative sexual play,' she explains. "So, it might involve kissing, touching and oral sex. But in queer circles, these boundaries may look different depending on what the swinging partners determine to be sex.' Sex and relationship therapist Aimee Evnin-Bingham advises discussing your desires for soft swapping openly with your partner and then deciding together what sexual boundaries you're both comfortable with. 'Couples should decide on what they feel comfortable when opening up their relationship. It may differ on what is 'allowed' depending on the relationship boundaries,' she says. This means deciding together how you define sex and what sex acts are permitted within the agreement you have with your partner, and which ones are not. This also may be a good time to discuss how you both define cheating so that you know how to stay within the bounds of your commitment to each other. Soft swapping can feel like a safe way to explore open relationships and have sexual experiences with new people without committing to swinging, polyamory, or other forms of ethical non-monogamy. According to Evnin-Bingham, since soft swapping is often done when both partners are in the same room, it can give someone feeling insecure a sense of control because they know what their partner is up to, while for others, it can spice up the bedroom. 'It may be exciting to see their partners soft swinging with other people. It can broaden your desire and you can learn more about what you like and what you don't like,' she reveals. Hewitt agrees and says that soft swapping can also be a way to explore kinks, fetishes, and fantasies 'that their partner may not be interested in' without completely opening up your relationship. Srdjan Randjelovic/Shutterstock Even if you are in a stable relationship, jealousy can rear its ugly head and spell the end of your relationship. And if you end up falling for someone you're soft swapping with, you put your whole relationship at risk. This is exactly what happened to Paul when she developed feelings for someone outside of her marriage who she was soft swapping with. 'Soft swinging shouldn't be considered a band-aid for a relationship that is already in trouble. If you have trust issues with one another, it's likely to put more strain and pressure on an already struggling relationship and can be a contributing factor to relationship dissolution,' Hewitt says. If you're the one interested in trying soft swapping, have a conversation with your partner and be open about why you want to open your relationship in this way and how you think the experience will benefit you both. It can also help your partner feel less insecure if you remind them that you want to explore this with them, and not just as a way to skirt around monogamy. Then, give them the time and space to consider your request and be ready to accept it if they won't want to give it a try. 'Give them time to process and do some research about soft swinging if they aren't sure what it means and don't hurry them into answering then and there. This isn't something that people should dive into on a whim,' Hewitt explains. 'If they aren't interested, respect that. It's ok to ask if it's a conversation you can return to in the future but don't nag or pressure them if it's something they don't want to do.' And if your partner is the one who brings soft swapping up to you, try to keep an open mind and allow yourself to really think about it before you give an answer. 'Remember that it needs to work for everyone involved. If you are doing it because your partner wants to, but you don't, or vice versa, you are likely setting yourself up to fail as resentment inevitably kicks in,' she says. If you're going to start soft swapping, it's important to make sure you are taking care of both your emotional and physical health. Like with most things in life, and sex, communication is key. Consider setting up regular check-ins to make sure you are both still happy, and be prepared to be open about how you're really feeling. Set up clear boundaries. Hewitt warns that setting up 'blanket rules' for soft swapping won't be enough, instead you and your partner need to be specific about which sex acts are allowed with other partners and which are off the table since the way you each define 'sex' and 'cheating' may be different. Then, be clear about your boundaries with potential soft swapping partners. Talk about the future. After play sessions, you and your partner should talk openly about whether your needs are being met or your boundaries are being pushed so that you can decide together if you want to continue soft swapping. Safe sex is paramount. You are your partner need to be on the same page about your comfort level around fluid bonding, contraceptive use, and STI risks before you start soft swapping. Get tested regularly, consider going on PrEP, and talk openly about these things with anyone you and your partner may swap with. Emma Hewitt, a certified sex educator with Adulttoymegastore and the host of the podcast the Electric Rodeo. Aimee Evnin-Bingham, a sex and relationship therapist. This article originally appeared on Pride: What is 'soft swapping' and how is it different for LGBTQ+ couples? Sex experts explain If your girlfriend wants an open relationship but you don't here's what to do, say experts 10 tips for a better long-distance relationship 15 clear signs it's time for your relationship to be over
Yahoo
08-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
Channel 4 Open House Experiment features Leeds couple in 'cringeworthy' finale
Viewers watched the cringeworthy moment a Leeds couple decided to swing solo in the season finale of Channel 4's 'Open House: The Great Sex Experiment'. Married for years and swinging for the last five of them, Leeds couple Ashley, 31, and Tanya, 35, had only ever explored other partners together in the same room - never solo. Deciding national telly would be the place to give it a whirl, the couple led the series finale - which sees committed couples come to a luxury retreat to explore whether having open relationships and sex with other people can strengthen their bond. This episode was meant to mark a major personal development milestone with each of them leaving their comfort zone to go solo, meeting others without their spouse present. Yet it appears that one may have found it easier than the other, with window cleaner Ashley starting off the swing with some toe-curling chat. READ MORE: Bella May Culley police dispute claims teen was 'forced to smuggle drugs' as fresh CCTV released READ MORE: EasyJet passengers warned new policy 'could be introduced across all airlines' At the a luxurious masked 'sexy pool party' arranged by coach Effy, hairdresser Tanya quickly connects with a handsome guest named Gage, and whisks him off for an intimate encounter. Meanwhile, Ashley is left visibly nervous - resorting to asking Gage's wife, Olivia, a random question about pineapple pizza - who clocked the awkward comment immediately. Poor Olivia could be seen trying to put Ashley out of his misery - although highlighting her attempts to get the 'awkwardness out of the way' to his face probably could have been better received. Regardless, Mr Window Wiper got what he wanted in the end - resulting in a sexy solo moment in a yurt - all while Tanya stripped off to go shake some sheets with handsome Gage. Holistically speaking, Ashley and Tanya's story is one of growth - less about the sex itself and more about what solo exploration meant for them as individuals and as a pair. Whether that was conveyed across the raunchy 45 minutes, who's to say? The couple's episode saw an end to the eyebrow-raising Channel 4 series which explores whether relationships can thrive without monogamy. In a bold social experiment, a group of monogamous couples are asked to challenge their views and consider for the first time if they would be happier in open relationships. LeedsLive has launched a WhatsApp community and anyone who joins will get the latest breaking news and top stories sent direct to their phone. To join click here.
Daily Mail
05-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
Expert reveals what the secret meaning of pink flamingos are on cruise ships
The sight of a pink flamingo inflatable bobbing about in a cruise liner swimming pool might seem innocent enough, but according to one cruise expert - it could be a sign that things could be about to get a little fruity. Cody Candee, CEO of travel luggage firm says the popular holiday floaty is used by swingers on some liners to make it clear that there might be a midnight buffet of a different kind on offer. Candee says that major cruise brands, including Norwegian, Carnival, Royal Caribbean and - avert your eyes now Mickey - Disney, often unwittingly host couples looking to play away while they're on holiday. The pink flamingo comes in the wake of another visual symbol apparently used by swingers at sea. He explained: 'Many people are already aware of the upside-down pineapple as a well-known sign for swinging or "wife swapping" when displayed on a cabin door or an item of clothing. 'However, as the symbol becomes more widely recognised, many cruise lines are cracking down on the use of this symbol on cabin doors. 'Other discreet symbols, such as pink flamingos, are gaining popularity as an alternative code for the same lifestyle.' Adults-only sex cruises specifically designed for the swinging scene have long been a thing. X-rated jaunts, run by brands such as Temptation Cruises, feature everything from educational workshops to racy stage shows, with secret rooms also on offer. The latter sees cameras and photos are banned, and staff are stationed at the doors to protect the privacy of those inside. Discussing a Temptation Cruise in an interview with MailOnline last year, Intimacy coach and hypnotherapist Kate Shelor, who runs racy seminars at sea, lifted the lid on what really goes down on board. She explained: 'The Temptation Cruises aren't explicitly swingers cruises, but I would say that it's probably 60 to 70 per cent people who are in that lifestyle.' 'The other 30 per cent are not, but they want a fun, sexy, adult atmosphere.' The age range of attendees generally ranges from mid-twenties to mid-fifties, with the majority being couples, although there's plenty of singles on board too. 'I would say there's people that are there to swing for sure, then there are couples who don't interact with other couples,' Kate said. 'They don't play, they don't swing, but they may want to do something a little wild. Like, there are areas on board where you can be topless and go dancing,' she continued. 'There's a lot of people who may just want to push some personal boundaries and feel a little bit, you know, dangerous and exciting. And then there's also areas where you can be completely nude, but that is in the indoor pool area only and the rules are very strict.' Kate also shared one of the jaw-dropping sexual experiences she hosts inside the ship's secret playroom - or 'red room' as it's become known as - where she guides up to 60 couples to orgasm together. 'I do a hypnotic sex seminar. It's couples only, but they can bring a third,' she said. Once inside, the couples (and throuples) find a mattress to sit on together, before being blindfolded. 'Part of the experience is getting in touch with your senses, and it also means that not everybody's being watched by each other,' Kate said. The professional sexpert said that her seminars sell out 'every time' and that they're now so successful that she's had to add more to her schedule to meet the demand. 'They're asking me to do three instead of two on the next cruise because they're so popular!' she said.
The Sun
28-06-2025
- Entertainment
- The Sun
We're swingers – people assume we're sex mad & riddled with STIs but ‘vanillas' don't know what they're talking about
A COUPLE who insist swinging has made their relationship stronger have hit back at misconceptions about their lifestyle. Olivia Masterson and husband Gage decided to spice up their marriage by trying out swinging - engaging in casual or group sex with other people - eight years ago. 4 4 4 Now they regularly hook-up both with other couples and other people separately, and have even turned it into their business by starting a swinging app called SwingHub with over 40,000 users. However, adopting the lifestyle hasn't come without its critics, with the pair constantly facing rude assumptions from 'vanillas' - the name given to non-swingers by their community. One such misconception is that being a swinger means they are "absolutely sex mad". And while Gage acknowledges that they're both "sexual human beings", he added to the MailOnline: "People don't get that we're doing it with consent and not having affairs behind each other's backs." Others assume that contracting sexually transmitted infections is commonplace for swingers, but Gage hit back as he insisted they test often and also use protection. He also said it's "normal to send other couples certificates of being all clear before we play", and said that neither he nor Olivia have ever caught an STI in the entire time they've been swinging. When they first ventured into the community, their family were completely unaware of what they were doing. OIivia said they would "make up little secrets" and tell relatives they were going to an engagement party or a barbecue to try and hide it, adding: "It's none of their business!" The school run's so awkward now we're on a shocking TV experiment - maybe other parents just want to sleep with us too? But when they started posting about their exploits online four years in, they mustered up the courage to tell their loved ones. While Gage was more than a little nervous about telling his mum in case she disapproved, he said she has been very supportive - even going as far as to call their videos "absolutely brilliant". Even Olivia's family, who initially had questions about their lifestyle, have come to accept it too. There are downsides to being swingers too though, as Olivia admitted that they can spend upwards of £400 on a weekend, once they've factored in transport, a hotel and new lingerie. What is Swinging? SWINGING, also known as partner swapping, is a sexual activity where partners in a committed relationship engage in sexual activities with other people. All parties involved must give explicit and enthusiastic consent. Open and honest communication between partners is crucial. Many swingers engage with a community or attend events specifically for swinging. Such activity can enhance intimacy and trust within the primary relationship. It provides an opportunity to explore sexual fantasies and desires. But it is not suitable for every relationship and requires a strong foundation of trust. Jealousy and emotional challenges may arise and need to be managed. 4
Daily Mail
26-06-2025
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
EXCLUSIVE We're a married couple who have been swinging for eight years - sex with other people has had a 'really strange' effect on our relationship
A married couple who have been swinging for eight years say that sleeping with other people helps them reconnect and have a better sex life. Olivia, 32, and Gage, 34, from Lincoln, had a newfound 'explosion of love' for each other after their first swinging experience and have remained 'madly in love' ever since. The pair first got together when they were teenagers, but it wasn't until five years into their relationship that they decided to discuss having sex with other people. The conversation happened naturally after Gage was interested in hearing whether bi-curious Olivia had been with another woman before. She told MailOnline: 'It was just pillow talk and conversations. 'We were talking about if I had experienced ever being with a woman and I said actually, I have. 'It was a mind-blowing experience and it happened before I was with Gage.' The talk soon turned to swinging, when the couple - who were newly married at the time - agreed that they would try opening up their relationship, together. Gage - who was in the army for 11 years - signed up to a swinging app after his friend recommended it during a night shift. He said: 'We were shocked at how many people were in this lifestyle and do what we do because we had no idea.' Although they had set out to meet a single woman to join them in the bedroom, Gage and Olivia ended up fooling around with a couple, which they say allowed them to connect deeply in their own relationship. The other duo - who was in their area and a similar age - started messaging Gage and Olivia WhatsApp so they could get to know them better. They chatted for six weeks before arranging for Olivia and Gage - who married in 2012 - to come over to their house for 'drinks' and it wasn't long before the group went upstairs for a 'fun time'. Gage said: 'Seeing Olivia with another woman and another guy for the first time - it was a really strange feeling, it's quite a big turn on to see each other with other people.' Olivia - who has 337,000 followers on TikTok - also described being so aroused by their successful first time, that she asked Gage to 'pull over so they could reconnect' during their drive home. Gage said that many people assume that swingers are focused more on sex with other people, when in reality, they are longing to bond further with their partner. He said: 'We never thought we could have another level of love or admiration with each other. That week, I didn't want to go to work, Olivia didn't want to do anything, we just wanted to stay in bed and cuddle and kiss and have sex with one another. 'We thought "Wow, is this actually a thing?" We couldn't wrap our heads around why we felt like this.' Gage said that he and Olivia were going through the 'reconnection period' which is where you experience 'an explosion of love' for your partner after having a swinging session with others. Flight attendant Olivia says she has to battle many misconceptions when it comes to swinging, with people accusing the couple of not being satisfied with each other. However, she says this couldn't be further from the truth. '[They think] we don't love each other, or we want to cheat on each other,' she said. 'There are so many misconceptions but they are all wrong.' Gage added that they often get comments on TikTok or Instagram with users comparing swinging to cheating. He added: [They'll say] "You don't love each other because you wouldn't want to have sex with anybody else" but we always come back and ask whether they've had one night stands with anybody, because if that's the case, they're basically associating love with sex when they're two separate things. 'We've been married for a very long time. We are madly in love with each other and I am obsessed with her.' Another myth about swingers is that they are riddled with STIs, which Gage says is false as they 'test often and we use protection'. He said: 'The truth is that we've never caught one STI in the eight years we've done this. It's normal to send other couples certificates of being all clear before we play.' Olivia said 'vanillas' - people who are monogamous - often think that swingers will sleep with anyone, when in fact, they are pickier than regular people. 'It's because I've got my partner, I've got sex on tap,' she laughed. 'We are very picky, especially if we're doing things together, it has to be right for both of us.' Gage said another misconception is that swingers are 'absolutely sex mad'. He added: 'We are sexual human beings. Vanillas window shop, they have affairs, they'll see someone and wonder what it's like and we recognise that. 'People don't get that we're doing it with consent and not having affairs behind each other's backs.' When asked about jealousy, the pair admitted that they do experience the emotion, but said that it is important how you channel it. Gage likened it to the jealousy he feels when he sees someone else going on holiday, whereas Olivia said: 'I think "That's my husband and she got him but I get to have it all the time and she's lucky she got to experience it".' The married couple also '100 per cent' believe that sex clubs are safer than regular nightclubs because of the level of vetting in place. Olivia said: 'If you want to go to the club you have to have a membership and clubs will interview single guys and they might not give them a membership. 'There's no getting drunk and throwing up, there's nobody starting fights. Everyone knows you have to consent to touching and kissing. Whereas on a normal night out, people can be quite handsy with you. Everyone is so respectful.' But while they're seasoned swingers now, their first time wasn't all smooth sailing as Olivia wanted to back out initially, adding that she found it all 'too weird'. Gage said: 'We were absolutely nervous. I remember we pulled up to this other couple's house and as I pulled on to their drive, Olivia froze with nerves. Our arrangement was that it's just drinks, don't expect anything else but if there is something there, to not rule it out. 'I pulled onto the drive and the other couple saw us through the window and were waving at us. Olivia said "You're going to have to reverse and go home" and I said we couldn't because they had seen us.' And they're glad they didn't, as they now founded a business based on their lifestyle, a swinging app called SwingHub, which now 50,000 verified users. The majority are older Gen Zers and Millenials, with Gage noting that they've seen an increasing level of younger people becoming more sexually free. Gage and Olivia were four years into swinging and had started posting about it online when they muscled up the courage to tell their families. 'We would make up little secrets and tell people were were going to engagement parties or barbeques and try to hide it because it's none of their business,' she said. 'But when we started posting on social media we thought that people we should start telling people but other people tell them.' Gage described being nervous to call up his mother in the fear that she would not accept his lifestyle. But she turned out to be very supportive, telling Gage that she thought their videos were were 'absolutely brilliant', and although some of Olivia's family had questions, they were also accepting. When asked about the only downside to swinging, Olivia said that it can be very expensive and that a weekend can sometimes cost £400 for transport, hotel, the club fees and new lingerie.
