Latest news with #toxicbehavior
Yahoo
03-08-2025
- General
- Yahoo
Here Are 17 Extremely Toxic Ideas, Habits, And Behaviors That Are Weirdly Glorified In American Culture
As we all know, Americans do A LOT of weird stuff. While some of it might seem harmless, there are many toxic ideas and behaviors that have become popularized and in some cases, even glorified in the US... That's why when Redditor u/imwith2 asked, "What's something we glorify in American culture that's actually extremely toxic?" thousands of both Americans and non-Americans shared the most bizarre things that have been normalized in the US. Without further ado, here are 17 of their most enlightening examples: If you know any toxic behaviors, attitudes, or ideas that have been glorified in American culture, feel free to tell us about them using this anonymous form! 1."Absurd and excessive consumerism that only serves to represent status." —u/renreniii "I saw someone make an angry post online about discount stores carrying Stanley cups, because then anybody could buy one, even 'poor people', and she wouldn't be special anymore. Thankfully, the comment section tore her apart unanimously. If you want a quality tumbler in a color you like to keep cold drinks with you all day, by all means, buy a Stanley. I've probably paid close to what they cost for a good travel mug, too, but it's wild that they're a status symbol. It's a f*cking CUP." —u/ADHDFeeshie Related: 2."The notion that everyone's opinion is equally valid." —u/TheBadnessInMe "People seem to have forgotten the definition of fact vs. opinion. Opinions are subjective: by definition, there is no absolute truth to them. 'I like this movie/song/show' is an opinion. 'Tomatoes taste bad' is an opinion. Therefore, you can't be wrong. 'The Earth is (roughly) a sphere' is a fact. That is an objective truth, and you can be wrong about it." —u/eleven_paws 3."Perfect attendance, at work or school. Please stay home if you're sick." —u/austinelo "When I was in elementary school, I caught measles from another child whose mother was intent on her child having perfect attendance. Apparently, that piece of paper at the end of the year was more important than her child's or the class's health." —u/SkiPhD 4."At least in the South: Big, intimidating, and expensive weddings. It hurts everyone when something is that expensive, including the people traveling. They have to pay for their hotel bookings, dry cleaning, dog sitters, etc. Just make weddings chill." "Recently, I spent at least a thousand dollars to be a part of a relative's wedding (I was a groomsman). In between the hotel, paying for drinks at the rehearsal dinner, buying my own food the morning of, travel, and buying a suit, I was financially hurting by the end of the weekend. The groom is lucky he's family, that's all I'll say." —u/ssssskkkkkrrrrrttttt 5."Instant gratification. Not many people actually wait and save up for things anymore; instead, they buy on credit and ultimately wind up paying far more in the long run." —u/RavenForrest "Also conspicuous consumption: Consuming more stuff by buying (spending) more, eating and drinking more, having more media instantly, on demand is, by our logic, supposed to be fulfilling and rewarding." —u/Logical_Two5639 6."Individualism: We have gotten so individualistic that our communities have almost completely fallen apart. Millions of Americans are hostile to the very idea that they even need to get along with others." "Going your own way is great when it means that you don't let cultural norms shame you out of expressing yourself honestly and living your life the way you choose. It's terrible when it means you can't do the basics needed to ride on a plane, go to the theater, or buy food at a restaurant without the cops being called." —u/BangBangMeatMachine Related: 7."Treating political leaders like gods." —u/Pearl725 "The goal should be voting in someone with good policy, who's also not a horrible person. It shouldn't be about loyalty to any person or party. Things are always swinging around. People have individual opinions separate from a party identity. Voting on a single issue, voting on a single party, or just being loyal to one person in politics is not a good use of the vote." —u/ArcannOfZakuul 8."Being positive at all times." —u/BlueStarFern22 "I'm Greek and I was raised with the mentality that life is going to be hard sometimes. This year, I've had two different American friends tell me they're trying everything to be happy and positive within a week of a break-up, and it wasn't working. My suggestion that they 'be sad for a while, because that's what's going to happen, and that way you can grieve the relationship and actually heal,' was met with complete non-comprehension. The idea of sitting with sadness for a while after an objectively sad event is actually the normal, healthy response, yet it sounded completely nuts to them. I love a lot of stuff about U.S. culture, but have never met a culture so intolerant to any feeling other than happiness." —u/losethemap 9."Gun ownership culture: I was raised as a hunter and was on the rifle team in college; however, gun culture is out of hand, including the glorification of firearms in movies and media." "Many equate owning a firearm to 'being a man,' whether they live in the city or the country. I stopped owning firearms because I realized the cost of actually using one wouldn't be worth it. We need more people who think it is okay not to own a firearm." —u/iambarrelrider Related: 10."Hustle culture: People are more important than money. A person doing an honest day's work should earn enough to have access to a decent life and there should be no need for side hustles, aka second or third jobs." —u/BananasPineapple05 "I recently went to an interview and was performing well when the hiring manager asked the 'What do you do in your personal life' question, then proceeded to label himself as a gym rat who reads three books a week and consumes nothing but podcasts, before I could answer about myself. I mentioned some of my interests that were not congruent with his, and he zeroed in on the podcast thing. He said, 'So what development or business podcasts or content do you consume?' I replied, 'I'm not really into hustle porn. I was when I was younger, but I cut it out cold turkey. Most of what I consume is genuine hobbies and interests, or I just don't consume content.' I got a blank stare in return." —u/CunninLingwist 11."High school and college athletics: It's extremely toxic that 26 percent of high schoolers' parents want their children to become professional athletes one day, and some greater percent of kids push themselves to play three seasons." "I wish people would just play these games for fun in clubs during high school and college." —u/semxlr5 12."Celebrity obsession.'" —u/Addis_Thinker "I never understood this growing up, and I never had any celebrity I was into other than a passing cool vibe. I've since moved overseas, and I found that outside of soccer, the idea of obsessing over any celebrity is seen as weird. In all the cultures in all the countries I've visited, none of them compares to the US. Even in Japan and Korea, with their obsession with bands, celebrity obsession is still widely considered out of the ordinary and is deeply frowned upon." —u/SookHe 13."Competition: A little competition is good, fun, and aids productivity. But we Americans take it way too far." "I've seen two grown men passing each other in a hallway turn farting into a competition, executives commit horrible crimes in the name of competition when it wasn't even necessary for them to 'win,' and projects totally demolished by infighting. I've even been to the scene of accidents where people are bleeding out while two people are in a shouting match over who should be in charge of the crisis. Not to mention how companies defraud thousands of people just to outcompete their rivals. Americans do so many unethical things just to be competitive." —u/jdlech 14."Being prudes about nudity/human bodies." "I'm not talking about sexually explicit situations, but simply general nudity — nude beaches, sunbathing, etc. Even nipples poking out of a shirt cause many Americans to clutch their pearls! I really don't like it when people use anatomically incorrect terms for their genitalia because the anatomically correct ones are 'too vulgar.' We have bodies. Stop glorifying the shame of those bodies." —u/flugualbinder Related: 15."Cars/car-centric life: You have toxic fumes from the engines, toxic debris from the tires and brakes, and toxic fluids leaking everywhere, as well as the vast amount of concrete and pollution that is associated. All of these issues are known to affect the health of humans nearby. When we got rid of lead in gas, the population at large became less violent." "Then there is the lack of general activity. Ten thousand steps is roughly equivalent to two hours of walking. How often do doctors complain about people not being generally active? Compare those two hours of walking to the length of your commute to work and back. We need to have fewer cars, fewer parking spaces, and make everything closer together. That way we could walk more, and not spend as much of our income on transportation." —u/AbueloOdin 16."The obsession with group identity: Democrat, Giants fan, blue collar, college-educated, Christian, etc." "Sure, humans are tribal by nature, but Americans view every little box they can fit into with a kind of nationalism, more so than actually being American. It's as if their group identities are more important than their own personal ones, and even more important than safety at times. This ties into the compulsion to be in the 'winning team' no matter what. Their 'tribe' has to be on top, even if they are at the bottom of their internal social structures." —u/rulingniko 17."'The American dream.'" "It's what every person on the planet wants, besides a couple of outliers who want more, and a few who will settle for less. 'Americanizing' is just a form of 'othering,' by creating the basic assumption that this is something only 'Americans' want, meaning that what other people want must be different somehow. By inviting the notion of such a basic concept, you lay the groundwork for the 'us vs. them" rationale. The idea isn't itself a bad one, but with the wrong sort of push, you can build very bad behavior onto this foundation." —u/tsuruki23 Did any of these examples surprise you? What are some other toxic aspects of American culture that have been glorified? Tell us about it in the comments or answer anonymously using the form below! Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity. Also in Internet Finds: Also in Internet Finds: Also in Internet Finds:
Yahoo
01-08-2025
- General
- Yahoo
14 Behaviors That Signal Someone Is Not A Good Person
Sometimes, you just get a feeling about someone. Maybe it's the way they treat the waiter or how they always have to one-up your stories. While your gut instinct is valuable, there's also something to be said for paying attention to specific behaviors. These aren't just minor personality quirks; they can be signs that you're dealing with someone who might not have your best interests at heart. Here's a list of behaviors that can hint at a person lacking in the goodness department. 1. They Only See The Negative Encountering someone who always has something negative to say can be draining. This kind of person tends to focus on the downside of every situation, often dismissing any possible positives. According to Dr. Rick Hanson, a psychologist and Senior Fellow of the Greater Good Science Center, constantly dwelling on the negative can create a toxic environment, affecting not just the person themselves but everyone around them. It's hard to feel uplifted when all you hear is criticism and pessimism. The energy they project can quickly turn a good day sour. Additionally, such negativity can be a sign of deeper underlying issues. These people might not have the self-awareness to recognize how their attitude affects others. They might even blame everyone else for their perspective, thinking the world is out to get them. This behavior can lead to a cycle of negativity that is hard to break. In many cases, their lens on life becomes their reality, and they expect everyone else to share that grim view. 2. They Don't Show Any Empathy Empathy is what allows us to connect with others on a human level. When someone lacks this crucial trait, their interactions can feel cold and mechanical. They might listen to your problems, but they don't offer comfort or understanding. Worse, they might dismiss your feelings entirely, making you feel small or overly sensitive. It's as if they're unable to step into someone else's shoes, which can make their responses seem robotic. People who lack empathy often struggle to see beyond their own needs and desires. This can lead to selfish behaviors, as they prioritize their own well-being over that of others. You might notice they rarely say sorry or acknowledge their part in disagreements. This can make resolving conflicts with them almost impossible. Their inability to relate emotionally can leave you feeling isolated and misunderstood. 3. They Tell Life After Lie Everyone tells the occasional white lie, but habitual liars take it to another level. They often lie about things that seem insignificant or unnecessary, creating a web of deceit that's hard to unravel. According to Dr. Robert Feldman, a psychologist at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, lying is often used to maintain self-esteem and manipulate others. This behavior can quickly erode trust, leaving you second-guessing everything they say. Once the trust is broken, it's a slippery slope into confusion and frustration. Beyond the immediate relationships, habitual lying can indicate an inability to deal with reality. Instead of facing the truth, these people create an alternate version of events to suit their narrative. It's not just about impressing others; it's about maintaining a façade. This can lead to a lack of accountability, as they never own up to mistakes or failures. Over time, their version of the truth becomes more about convenience than honesty. 4. They Have Manipulative Tendencies Manipulation is about control. These individuals are skilled at achieving their goals, often at the expense of others. They might use guilt, flattery, or deception to bend people to their will. It's not always obvious, making it a particularly insidious behavior. Over time, you might find yourself doing things you wouldn't normally agree to, wondering how you got there. The tricky part about dealing with manipulative people is that they are often very charming. They know how to make you feel special and understood, only to turn the tables when it suits them. Relationships become a game of chess, with you constantly feeling like you're a move behind. Manipulation erodes trust, leaving you questioning not only the manipulator but yourself as well. In the long run, it's not a healthy dynamic and can lead to a lot of emotional turmoil. 5. They're Self-Centered And In Your Face Self-centered people often struggle to see beyond their own bubble. They are usually preoccupied with their own thoughts and experiences, leaving little room for anyone else. According to Dr. Jean Twenge, a psychologist who studies narcissism, self-centeredness can lead to a lack of genuine connections. They might seem interested in what you have to say, but only as a segue back to their own stories. It's as if they see every conversation as a platform to talk about themselves. In relationships, this self-absorption can feel suffocating. You might find your needs and feelings consistently overshadowed by theirs. They rarely offer support or encouragement, as they're too focused on their own narrative. Over time, it becomes exhausting to constantly cater to someone who shows little regard for your experiences. This behavior can leave you feeling undervalued and ignored. 6. They Disrespect Your Boundaries Boundaries are essential in any relationship, setting the limits of what's acceptable. When someone continually disregards your boundaries, it's a red flag. They might push you to do things you're uncomfortable with or dismiss your requests as overly sensitive. This behavior shows a lack of respect for your autonomy and needs. Over time, it can make you feel like your boundaries don't matter. Ignoring boundaries is often about asserting control. By dismissing your limits, they put themselves in a position of power. It's a way of saying that their desires outweigh your comfort. This can be particularly damaging in close relationships, where respect and understanding are key. The constant boundary-pushing can erode trust and make you feel disrespected. 7. They're Quick To Judge Some people have a knack for jumping to conclusions. They see the world in black and white, often forming opinions without knowing all the facts. According to social psychologist Dr. Susan Fiske, quick judgments can stem from cognitive biases that shape how we perceive others. This behavior can lead to misunderstanding and conflict, as they base their interactions on assumptions rather than reality. It's challenging to communicate openly when you feel like you're constantly being judged. Quick judgments often indicate a closed mind. These people might be unwilling to see things from different perspectives, sticking rigidly to their preconceived notions. This rigidity can stifle conversations, as they're less likely to entertain new ideas. It can be frustrating to engage with someone who has already made up their mind about you. Over time, this behavior can create an environment where differences are not celebrated but criticized. 8. They Never Take Accountability Being accountable means taking responsibility for your actions. When someone consistently avoids this, it's a sign that they're not a good person to have around. They might blame others for their own mistakes or downplay their role in conflicts. This refusal to own up can lead to ongoing issues, as problems aren't addressed or resolved. It's like being stuck in a loop where nothing ever changes. Avoiding accountability often goes hand-in-hand with making excuses. These people might have a reason for everything, turning every mistake into someone else's fault. This behavior can be incredibly frustrating, especially when you're looking for a resolution. It creates a culture of blame rather than growth, making it difficult to move forward. Ultimately, it's a sign of immaturity and a lack of integrity. 9. They Refuse To Listen Listening is a fundamental part of communication. When someone refuses to listen, it can be incredibly frustrating. They might interrupt you, talk over you, or simply tune you out. This behavior shows a lack of respect for your perspective and feelings. Over time, it can make you feel invisible and unimportant. People who don't listen are often more interested in being heard. They might value their opinions over yours, seeing conversations as a one-way street. This can lead to misunderstandings and unresolved issues, as they're not truly engaging with what you're saying. It's challenging to feel connected when you're not being acknowledged. In the long run, this behavior can erode trust and intimacy in relationships. 10. They Complain About Everything Everyone vents from time to time, but constant complaining can be exhausting. It turns every conversation into a gripe session, focusing only on what's wrong. These people often fail to see the silver lining, opting instead to focus on the rain. It's draining to be around someone who always sees the glass as half empty. Their perpetual dissatisfaction can be contagious, bringing down the mood of those around them. Complaining often masks deeper issues, like a lack of fulfillment or chronic unhappiness. Instead of addressing these root problems, they choose to air grievances about everything else. This creates a cycle of negativity that can be hard to break. It's challenging to remain positive and motivated when surrounded by constant complaints. Over time, it can create a toxic environment where negativity reigns. 11. They're Shallow And Insincere Sincerity is about being genuine and authentic. When someone lacks this, it becomes difficult to trust them. They might say one thing but mean another, leaving you guessing about their true intentions. This two-faced behavior can lead to confusion and mistrust, as you never quite know where you stand. Sincerity is key to forming real connections, and its absence can be damaging. Insincerity often comes from a fear of vulnerability. These people might put on a façade to protect themselves, but this act creates barriers. It's difficult to feel close to someone who isn't being their true self. This can lead to superficial relationships that lack depth and meaning. Over time, it becomes exhausting to maintain connections with someone who isn't genuine. 12. They Gossip Behind People's Backs Gossiping is more than just idle chatter; it can be harmful and divisive. When someone regularly engages in gossip, it's a sign that they might not be trustworthy. They might spread rumors or talk behind others' backs, creating drama and conflict. This behavior can erode trust, as you might wonder what they say about you when you're not around. It's a toxic trait that can damage relationships and reputations. Gossip often stems from insecurity and a desire for attention. These people might use gossip as a way to elevate themselves or feel included. It's a form of manipulation that relies on creating division. This behavior can create an environment of suspicion and mistrust. In the long run, it's not conducive to healthy, supportive relationships. 13. They're Insecure And Overly Competitive A little competition can be healthy, but when someone is overly competitive, it can create tension. These people might turn every interaction into a contest, constantly trying to outdo others. This behavior can be exhausting, as you feel like you're always in a race. It's challenging to form genuine connections when everything is viewed as a competition. Over time, this can lead to feelings of inadequacy and resentment. Excessive competitiveness often masks deeper insecurities. These people might feel the need to prove themselves constantly, seeking validation through winning. This can lead to a lack of cooperation, as they're more focused on beating others than working together. It's hard to work as a team when someone is always trying to come out on top. In the long run, this behavior can create a toxic environment where collaboration is stifled. 14. They're Chronically Indecisive While everyone struggles with decision-making from time to time, chronic indecisiveness can be problematic. These people might waffle on even the simplest choices, leading to frustration and delays. This behavior can create tension, as others are forced to wait on their decisions. It's difficult to make progress when someone can't commit to a course of action. Over time, this can lead to a lack of trust and reliability. Indecisiveness often stems from fear of making the wrong choice. These people might overanalyze every option, leading to paralysis by analysis. It's challenging to feel confident in someone who can't make decisions, particularly in high-pressure situations. This behavior can be contagious, spreading uncertainty and doubt. In the long run, it can hinder growth and progress in both personal and professional settings. Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
14-07-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
What you need to know before you call someone "Toxic"
We all know what it feels like to be around toxic energy. Toxic behavior isn't always obvious or intentional. Sometimes, it's survival mode in disguise. Other times, it's unhealed pain masked as control, criticism, or silence. In today's TikTok Therapy world, we throw around the term 'toxic' often, but rarely turn the lens inward. We're quick to call out ghosting, gaslighting, and manipulation in others, but what if the red flags are in the mirror? What happens when we pause and ask: Could I be showing up in ways that hurt the people I care about? This piece explores 7 subtle ways we might unknowingly bring toxic energy into our relationships and how awareness can lead to change. This isn't about shame, it's about courage. Let's gentle look inward before we point any fingers… Do you deflect blame or justify your mistakes? Accountability isn't about perfection, it's about owning your impact. If you often say things like 'Sorry you feel that way' or 'I wouldn't have done that if you hadn't…,' you might be dodging responsibility. If vulnerability was punished in your past, defensiveness may feel like self-protection. Try to shift: Replace blame with honest reflection. Shift from 'Why is this happening to me?' to 'What can I do next?' Do you correct, critique, or offer 'honest feedback' that no one asked for? There's a fine line between being real and being rude. If you regularly highlight flaws without balancing encouragement, it could be toxic. We often judge others where we feel most insecure ourselves. Try to shift: Offer the compassion you wish you'd received Swap unsolicited advice for active listening. Do you sulk, withdraw, or guilt-trip when disappointed? Manipulation isn't always calculated. Sometimes, it's a learned way to cope when direct communication seems unsafe. If expressing needs was ignored or punished, guilt might feel like the only no matter the underlying reason, yielding power over someone else isn't healthy. Try to shift: Practice stating your needs clearly. Map them out by yourself first. Know that you're allowed to want things, and to ask directly. Do you take 'no' personally? Are you often trying to change people's minds? Respecting boundaries is a critical relationship skill. If you find yourself pushing back when others set limits, it may be time to pause. If boundaries weren't modeled in childhood, they may feel like rejection now. Try to shift: Learn to recognize boundaries as safety that protects you and others too. Reflect on your own boundaries. Practice asking people to share their boundaries in times you are unclear. Do people feel uplifted or drained after being around you? Honest venting can be okay at times, but if you're often stuck in complaint mode, it can impact those around you. What examples do you have of raising the vibe and how does that compare to dampening the energy? Negativity can feel protective, like bracing for impact, but it also can inhibit connection. Try to shift: Notice and name small wins and joys. Ground your honesty in hope. Do you plan everything, lead everything, and struggle to let go? Control can feel like safety when you've experienced chaos or betrayal. Fear of abandonment and the unknown often fuel control. While these are understandable anxieties, without working on them the need for control can eave others feeling suffocated. Try to shift: Create a safe space to explore your fears of letting go Focus on building inner safety. Trust what's meant for you won't require force to stay. Do you ghost, shut down emotionally, or quietly build resentment? Sometimes toxicity is in what we don't do. Silence, avoidance, and passive withdrawal are all signs of disconnection. Avoidance often stems from fear of confrontation or not feeling safe to express emotion. Try this: Reflect on the difference between acceptance and avoidance Start small, you don't have to tackle your biggest problems first. Maybe you're wondering, 'Does this mean I'm toxic?' Not necessarily. Truth be told, if your toxicity was sky-high you likely wouldn't have made it this far into this article. If you did notice room for growth, excellent work! It's that awareness, that we often overlook, that sparks impactful change. Before you go please remember, no one is perfect, and being willing to look at the truth is meaningful work.
Yahoo
14-07-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
What you need to know before you call someone "Toxic"
We all know what it feels like to be around toxic energy. Toxic behavior isn't always obvious or intentional. Sometimes, it's survival mode in disguise. Other times, it's unhealed pain masked as control, criticism, or silence. In today's TikTok Therapy world, we throw around the term 'toxic' often, but rarely turn the lens inward. We're quick to call out ghosting, gaslighting, and manipulation in others, but what if the red flags are in the mirror? What happens when we pause and ask: Could I be showing up in ways that hurt the people I care about? This piece explores 7 subtle ways we might unknowingly bring toxic energy into our relationships and how awareness can lead to change. This isn't about shame, it's about courage. Let's gentle look inward before we point any fingers… Do you deflect blame or justify your mistakes? Accountability isn't about perfection, it's about owning your impact. If you often say things like 'Sorry you feel that way' or 'I wouldn't have done that if you hadn't…,' you might be dodging responsibility. If vulnerability was punished in your past, defensiveness may feel like self-protection. Try to shift: Replace blame with honest reflection. Shift from 'Why is this happening to me?' to 'What can I do next?' Do you correct, critique, or offer 'honest feedback' that no one asked for? There's a fine line between being real and being rude. If you regularly highlight flaws without balancing encouragement, it could be toxic. We often judge others where we feel most insecure ourselves. Try to shift: Offer the compassion you wish you'd received Swap unsolicited advice for active listening. Do you sulk, withdraw, or guilt-trip when disappointed? Manipulation isn't always calculated. Sometimes, it's a learned way to cope when direct communication seems unsafe. If expressing needs was ignored or punished, guilt might feel like the only no matter the underlying reason, yielding power over someone else isn't healthy. Try to shift: Practice stating your needs clearly. Map them out by yourself first. Know that you're allowed to want things, and to ask directly. Do you take 'no' personally? Are you often trying to change people's minds? Respecting boundaries is a critical relationship skill. If you find yourself pushing back when others set limits, it may be time to pause. If boundaries weren't modeled in childhood, they may feel like rejection now. Try to shift: Learn to recognize boundaries as safety that protects you and others too. Reflect on your own boundaries. Practice asking people to share their boundaries in times you are unclear. Do people feel uplifted or drained after being around you? Honest venting can be okay at times, but if you're often stuck in complaint mode, it can impact those around you. What examples do you have of raising the vibe and how does that compare to dampening the energy? Negativity can feel protective, like bracing for impact, but it also can inhibit connection. Try to shift: Notice and name small wins and joys. Ground your honesty in hope. Do you plan everything, lead everything, and struggle to let go? Control can feel like safety when you've experienced chaos or betrayal. Fear of abandonment and the unknown often fuel control. While these are understandable anxieties, without working on them the need for control can eave others feeling suffocated. Try to shift: Create a safe space to explore your fears of letting go Focus on building inner safety. Trust what's meant for you won't require force to stay. Do you ghost, shut down emotionally, or quietly build resentment? Sometimes toxicity is in what we don't do. Silence, avoidance, and passive withdrawal are all signs of disconnection. Avoidance often stems from fear of confrontation or not feeling safe to express emotion. Try this: Reflect on the difference between acceptance and avoidance Start small, you don't have to tackle your biggest problems first. Maybe you're wondering, 'Does this mean I'm toxic?' Not necessarily. Truth be told, if your toxicity was sky-high you likely wouldn't have made it this far into this article. If you did notice room for growth, excellent work! It's that awareness, that we often overlook, that sparks impactful change. Before you go please remember, no one is perfect, and being willing to look at the truth is meaningful work.
Daily Mail
14-07-2025
- General
- Daily Mail
The common behavioural trait displayed by a narcissist - are YOU guilty of it?
Anyone who has ever spent time in the orbit of a person with narcissistic personality traits knows how hard it can be, but a Reddit post has claimed that such people might come to recognise their toxic behaviour. A US-based Reddit user who goes by the handle @Party_Programmer_453 has revealed the moment he realised he is a narcissist and wants to change. The 26-year-old confessed that his 'wake-up call' came after having an argument with his mother about a drink he spilled on her carpet. He wrote in a post titled, 'HELP, I'm a narcissist': 'So, I've been crashing at my mother's place recently after some stuff went sideways in my life. 'Last night, I was walking through the living room with a drink in my hand, not really paying attention, and I tripped. 'The glass slipped, spilled all over the carpet. The first words out of my mouth were: 'Why would you even put that there?'' The Redditor explained that he was referring to a side table his mother keeps near her sofa, and he had automatically blamed her for something that was 'clearly my fault'. 'And as soon as I heard myself say that, it was like a switch flipped in my head. It hit me how messed up that reaction was,' he reflected. 'Not because I spilled something, but because of how automatic it was to blame someone else.' He then started thinking about situations in which his girlfriend, 28, had pointed out he would 'twist' things in order to 'flip blame' onto anyone other than himself - including on her, which would 'make her feel like she's always doing something wrong'. Admitting she was 'right', he continued: 'I always brushed it off as her being dramatic or sensitive. 'But standing in my mother's living room with iced tea soaking into her carpet, I realised she was right. And it wasn't a one-time thing.' The Redditor, who has been with his girlfriend for three years, divulged that the couple had 'constant little fights', but he would 'always have a reason why it isn't my fault'. Recalling several instances during which he was a self-described 'garbage of a human being', the user wrote: 'Three months ago, she got home from a long shift and the kitchen was a mess. 'She asked why I didn't clean up, and I snapped, 'You didn't ask me to'. Like I needed a chore list instead of just being considerate. 'I said, 'You think I don't have stuff going on too? The difference is that you always complain and I keep things to myself' instead of just listening. 'Another time, she got emotional about something she was going through, and I made it about me. I flipped it, every f***ing time,' he realised. 'I always accuse her of 'overreacting' any time she brought up how I made her feel. Then I'd get mad at her for 'starting fights which I now see was just her trying to communicate.' He admitted that his girlfriend had told him 'more than once' that he had a habit of '[manipulating] the situation so it always looks like [she's] the problem'. The Reddit user added that, previously, he 'honestly thought she was just being unfair', but upon reflection has realised that he was 'deflecting, blaming, stonewalling, all the classic signs of narcissistic behaviour'. 'It wasn't about being a villain, it was just... my default,' he said. Circling back to the drink he spilled on his mother's carpet, the user described it was his 'wake-up call'. 'I spilled something. I blamed someone else. And in my head, it made perfect sense until it didn't.' He also realised that his behaviour didn't just affect his girlfriend and his mother, but that he had also 'done this exact thing over and over' with co-workers and friends. 'I weaponise logic to avoid blame, I gaslit people without even realising it, and I always make myself the misunderstood one.' Upon his epiphany, the author of the post said he was turning to Reddit for ideas and suggestions on where he can start changing his behaviour, and how to seek help to do it. 'Now I don't know exactly what to do with this. I've been reading a bit about narcissistic tendencies and it's honestly terrifying how much of it fits,' he confessed. 'I don't think I'm a monster, but I can't ignore this anymore. I don't want to keep hurting people close to me, or keep lying to myself especially after my mother gave me that look of disgust.' He added: 'I want to change. I just don't know where to begin. Please help.' Dozens of other Reddit users offered advice to the post author, suggesting he begins therapy to discover the root of his behaviour and begin making steps towards real change. Many acknowledged that his self-realisation was the first step towards becoming a better person and encouraged him on his journey. 'Finally seeing all this is very hopeful for the future. Do not allow yourself to avoid/ignore it moving forward,' one person said. Another added: 'I just came here to say that you even acknowledging this about yourself is huge. 'Good for you. More people need to take accountability for their actions and behaviour.' Several people said the first thing the post author should do is apologise to his girlfriend for all the times he made her feel like she had done something wrong even though she had not. 'Go to your girlfriend and tell her you're sorry. That she's been right all along. That you never realised despite all the times she's talked to you about these things, how you've been treating her,' one Redditor said. Another chimed in: 'Assuming you want to keep your girlfriend, I'd start with an apology. 'You can tell her about the iced tea, and how it's made you realise some things you don't like about yourself. 'If she's stuck around this long there's a good chance she will continue to stick by you if she sees you actually trying to better yourself. 'And while it is not her job to fix you, she may be willing to help or at least be a cheerleader.' Some recommended that the post author seek an official diagnosis for narcissism in order to clarify what therapeutic work he will need to do in order to be successful in his quest for change. 'I have a good friend who is a diagnosed narcissist. He's done a lot of work in therapy to keep his impulses from affecting others,' one person wrote. 'There's been a lot of good advice in here, but once you get a handle on your responses and reactions, I think it's important to remember that there's no finish line to being a better person. It's always active and ongoing.' Another added: 'Therapy, therapy, therapy. You don't sound like a full blown narcissist but you are definitely walking the path. 'The biggest thing you are gonna have to face is the why. Narcissist Personality disorder is a maladaptive response to your upbringing. 'Your brain wired itself this way for a reason and unlearning and undoing that is what your goal should be. You will learn tricks and hacks to undo the behaviour in the moment, but you have to unpack what got you to that point as well.' Another suggested that the original user find a therapist who is experienced in narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), as they would have the best expertise to help him. 'It took a long time to grow this way, fortunately it will take less time to unlearn it, but still, often several years,' they continued. 'Totally worth it! You'll notice yourself wanting to pick apart and blame the therapist, too. 'The sessions will be good practice. It's so great that you want to change and grow! You are choosing well for yourself.' According to the British Psychological Society, people with narcissistic tendencies often put their own interests ahead of others and constantly show off, as well as taking credit where it's not deserved. They also tend to agree with self-aggrandising and controlling statements, and feel less concern for others in distress. In the UK, it is estimated around one in 20 people have NPD. However, the number of undiagnosed cases could be much higher.
