The true cost of marriage in Japan: Who really pays the price?

Japan Today

19 hours ago

By Hilary Keyes
The overall number of marriages grew slightly in 2024, but Japan's birth rate crisis has only worsened. And yet a survey by the Tokyo Chamber of Commerce and Industry states that young people want to get married and have families. So what gives?
Marriage is a deeply complicated subject beyond any romantic or cultural notions of love. In order to understand it better, analyzing the deeper financial, physical and mental costs of marriage is vital. These, in turn, differ dramatically by gender.
For the purposes of this article, only heterosexual marriages will be considered, as they are the only form of marriage legally recognized in Japan.
The hidden costs of love and money in Japan
Short- and long-term financial issues can make or break relationships.
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Most people have felt the ongoing cost-of-living crisis impacting their wallets. Staple foods and utilities have gone up, and overall wages have stagnated. Suffice to say, spending on dating is risky, but not spending is also problematic. According to the Japanese Gender Equality Bureau, not providing financially for a partner or paying one's share in a relationship is a form of domestic violence.
Being single doesn't imply financial security either. Men in their 20s, according to the 2022 Employment Status Survey by the Japan Statistics Bureau, earn an average annual salary of less than ¥3 million. Given that the Japanese gender wage gap puts women's income at roughly 70% to 80% that of men, more than half of young Japanese women struggle to make ends meet.
...more than half of young Japanese women struggle to make ends meet. Marriage is just as much a financial burden.
Marriage is just as much a financial burden. Aside from the average wedding costing around ¥4.15 million according to a Zexy.net article (Japanese), marriage itself involves making major, life-altering financial decisions. Unless both people are earning a commensurate wage, it can be very difficult to determine how to balance spending and saving as a couple.
Income and debts, spending versus saving, and long-term financial plans regarding homeownership and retirement — these are all fundamental questions a couple should discuss before marriage is even on the table. Financial instability puts an incredible amount of strain on both people in a relationship and can quickly become a point of contention.
'I earn far less than my wife each month because I'm an English teacher. I've cut back on buying things for myself, but even that doesn't seem to make things easier. We've put off having kids as a result, which I know she's not happy about,' said Steven, a 31-year-old American.
The physical price of partnership — especially for women
Marriages impact women's physical health more than you'd think.
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Marriage — or long-term cohabitation — affects men and women differently in terms of their physical health. It's a well-established fact that in the majority of cultures, women are expected to take care of the home and any children, while men work outside the home.
Married men are typically healthier than those who are single, divorced or widowed, according to Harvard Health Publishing. The general consensus of these studies is that married men live longer because their wives keep track of their health and nutrition for them — rather than anything married men do that single men don't. This may also contribute to the statistic that men are more likely to die from 'broken heart syndrome' — a condition that prevents people's hearts from contracting properly according to an NBC News article — despite it being a condition more often found in women. Men suffer worse cardiovascular outcomes when they lose a spouse to divorce or death than women do.
Married women, on the other hand, are not better off physically when compared to single women, according to these same studies. The American Psychological Association found that marriage only benefits women's physical health when it comes with a high level of sexual and emotional satisfaction. Findings from the Canadian Longitudinal Study on Aging determined that married and single women were virtually identical in terms of overall physical health at any age.
Childbirth is another major factor to consider. Pregnancy has a major, lasting impact on women. According to a study conducted by Lancet Global Health, about 40 million women a year experience long-term health complications caused by pregnancy. These include pain during sexual intercourse (affecting 35% of postpartum women), permanent low back pain (32%), anal incontinence (19%), urinary incontinence (8% to 31%) and secondary infertility. This does not take into account the mental and emotional consequences.
Numerous studies have also found that women are far more likely to be divorced if they become seriously ill. A study published in the journal Cancer found a woman is six times more likely to be separated or divorced soon after receiving a diagnosis than a male patient.
Women are the least likely to benefit from marriage, no matter where they are in the world
'In sickness and in health, my ass. Men walk out as soon as they learn their wife is sick more often than not. They can't handle it. And if they don't walk out, they cheat and marry someone else as soon as their wife dies or the divorce goes through. It's sick, but I see it so often I'm not surprised anymore,' said Hannah, a 54-year-old Canadian oncology nurse.
Mental health and marriage: Who really benefits?
Mental health is just as greatly impacted by marriage as physical health.
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Married people are, on the whole, less likely to suffer from depression. One peer-reviewed study by Scimex found that unmarried people have a 79% higher risk of depression than married people. It further concluded that the innate support network of marriage and shared financial resources likely contribute to improved mental health for both spouses. A happy marriage is one that protects both spouses' mental health in direct and indirect ways; however, definitions of what constitutes a happy marriage vary greatly.
Divorce is hard, but staying in an unhappy marriage is worse. A Michigan State University study concluded that worsening marital quality contributed to a faster rate of cognitive decline in men, while staying can also lead to increased rates of depression for both spouses. These in turn can cause or exacerbate lifestyle- and stress-related medical conditions.
Comparatively, single women are far happier with their lives than married women, single men or married men. They report higher levels of satisfaction with their relationship status, life overall and sex lives, and a lower desire for a partner than anyone else.
The harsh bottom line on marriage in Japan: Women still lose out
Marriage may seem like a pipe dream in the near future.
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Communication issues can impact a relationship, but the financial, physical and mental costs can destroy one. Women are the least likely to benefit from marriage, no matter where they are in the world, and that in turn impacts men and childbirth rates as well. Can these costs be balanced in order to make marriage and childbirth worth it?
The short answer is: no, they can't. It's impossible to make things equal in society at present. In a decade or two, perhaps — but only if dramatic changes are made. The gender differences in the costs of marriage, if they continue as they are, will always mean one partner loses out.
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