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Japan Today
05-05-2025
- General
- Japan Today
How to break up with your partner in Japanese
By Hilary Keyes Nobody wants to think about ending a relationship, especially at the height of it. Sadly, these things just happen, more often than not. And hey, a break-up, whether it be in English or Japanese or any other language, isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes it's really to secure yourself and even your ex-partner a new (and hopefully, better) life. You've probably spent a significant amount of time with that partner, and you certainly don't want to hurt their feelings, but you still want to make sure that the message is sent. To help you in the process, we've put together a quick break-up guide with a few typical phrases in Japanese to use once you're ready to end it with someone you have been romantically involved with. (Or, to help you understand what you are being told in case you're the one being dumped.) Japan's Main Break-Up Categories The Go-To Break-Up Soft Break-Up Phrases In-Between Phrases Hard Break-Up Phrases Stay Safe Use A Professional Relationship-Ending Company Japan's Main Break-Up Categories Image: iStock: electravk As in most other cultures, in Japan, there tend to be three different ways of breaking up with someone. Some people choose the soft break-up, the standard 'it's not you, it's me but let's stay friends' approach. Others, who find themselves in relationship limbo, take the neutral 'let's see how they react first' approach. The rest choose the 'screaming insults and selling whatever they gave you on Mercari' approach. If you're going for the first or second one, you may wish to start with a conversation, explaining your reasons. The third requires less explanation and more slang, so jump straight to that section. The Go-To Break-Up The standard, most common and civilized way of ending a relationship in Japanese is by saying: 別れてください (wakarete kudasai; 'Please break-up with me.') Or the more casual '別れよう' (wakareyo), which simply means 'let's break up.' If you want to initiate the conversation, suggesting that there is bad news in the typical 'we need to talk' way, you can approach your partner by saying 私達、話し合った方がいいね (watashitachi, hanashiatta hou ga ii ne; 'We should discuss us.') Or the more simple and direct 話がある (hanashi ga aru; 'I have something to tell you.') Soft Break-Up Phrases Image: iStock: Toru-Sanogawa Use these ones if you really do still care about your soon-to-be ex. Gomenne. Kore ijou otsukiai suru koto ga dekinai. ごめんね。これ以上、お付き合いすることができない。 I'm sorry, I can't date you anymore. Anata no sei jyanai. Watashi no sei. あなたのせいじゃない。私のせい。 It's not your fault, but mine. (Aka. 'It's not you. It's me.') Watashi wa anata ni fusawashikunai to omou. 私はあなたにふさわしくないと思う。 I don't think I'm good enough for you. Anata ni wa motto ii hito ga iru to omou. あなたにはもっといい人がいると思う。 I think there's someone better for you (than me). Ima made arigato. 今までありがとう。 Thank you for the time we've spent together. Tsukiattete tanoshikatta yo. Kedo mou owari ni shiyo! 付き合ってて楽しかったよ。けど、もう終わりにしよう！ Dating you was fun! But let's call it off. Shiawase ni suru koto ga dekinakute gomenne. 幸せにすることができなくてごめんね。 I'm sorry I couldn't make you happy. Wakare wa tsurai kedo, kansha shitemo shikirenai yo. 別れは辛いけど、感謝してもしきれないよ。 It's hard to break up and I can't be more grateful (to you for the time we spent together). Click here to read more. External Link © Savvy Tokyo
Japan Today
30-04-2025
- Health
- Japan Today
'Gogatsu-byo': Japan's May sickness & its effect on relationships
By Hilary Keyes With all of the possible upheaval and changes that take place in April, you would think that a month that starts with a week of holidays like May would be a kinder, gentler time. But there is something sinister that may strike at any moment in May: the so-called gogatsu-byo. What Exactly Is Gogatsu-byo? 五月病 (Gogatsu-byo; 'May Sickness') is the term for a seasonal affective disorder-like psychological condition that affects many Japanese people (and directly or indirectly, us foreigners living here) once the flurry of activity in April and the relaxing Golden Week vacation has passed. Gogatsu-byo Symptoms Many believe that the number of changes that take place in April, coupled with vacations and then push back into a still-new work or school environment, causes the gogatsu-byo in the first place. Sufferers report experiencing: Insomnia Decreased or increased appetite Restlessness Nervousness Anxiety Mood swings Depression They experience a host of 'not quite feeling right' physical symptoms that many doctors struggle to diagnose. While this may seem like an unusual condition to those new to Japan, after being here for a few years, you will definitely start to notice that people behave differently in April and June compared to May. The Relationship Turmoil This uniquely Japanese condition can also cause intense turmoil in personal relationships. Looking over my diaries from years past and talking to friends from all walks of life in Japan, two distinct trends concerning relationships have appeared consistently from about May 4th to the first week of June. Here are the two biggest examples: 1. People Seem Standoffish or Overly Sensitive In general, many people are by nature afraid of change and dislike having to adjust to a new schedule. If you come from a country with Daylight Saving Time, you probably remember how drowsy and confused you felt in those first couple of days after changing the clocks. Add that to potential home, career and lifestyle changes that may have taken place in less than a month. Plus, with the haze that everyone feels after a long vacation, you have a recipe for disaster in any group of people. Friends may be less likely to come out for a drink after work; co-workers might be feeling disinclined to work or less helpful than usual, and a host of communication problems and other issues can crop up. Murphy's Law states that whatever can go wrong, will go wrong. So, expect some bad days where normally friendly co-workers suddenly seem aloof, for things not to be ready on time or for deadlines to appear out of nowhere. My friend had a typically stern co-worker burst into tears because they bought the wrong kind of tea for the office. Just this very morning, I watched as a tiny, sweet-faced old woman berated the station staff with some choice words that aren't in most Japanese-English dictionaries. 2. No Relationship Is Safe With all this weirdness in the air, people may find that their romantic relationships are changing too. If you have survived the fine line between sakura and romance last month, you may find that there is a sudden chill in the relationship. It may be last-minute cancellations, fewer text messages or an overall blasé approach to the relationship. Some people even use the month as an excuse to end relationships that are heading nowhere. Click here to read more. External Link © Savvy Tokyo
Japan Today
24-04-2025
- Entertainment
- Japan Today
Finding love at any age in Japan: Advice & insights
By Hilary Keyes We all know that the dating scene changes as we age. So, how does finding love at different decades of our lives play out for foreign women in Japan? Dating In Your 20s Dating In Your 30s Dating In Your 40s Dating At 50 & Beyond Dating In Your 20s Image: iStock: Toru-Sanogawa Dating in your 20s in Japan is a fun, lighthearted experience — for the most part. While the number of people in relationships at this age has been on a steady decline in Japan in recent years, there are still plenty of people out there enjoying casual relationships at least. Most foreign women who have come to Japan in their 20s are fresh out of university and want to enjoy their experience in a different country. Dating isn't about finding a soulmate per se, but meeting new people and seeing if you and life in Japan are a good fit for one another. 'I came to Japan because I wanted to experience something new. I've been to so many exciting places, met tons of people, and I've dated a bit too. Nothing serious, not yet, and the guys I've met are mostly in the same mindset' (Emma, American, 24). The one piece of advice that I would give to anyone dating in Japan in their 20s is to understand yourself first. You're in a new country, things are different, and it's easy to get swept up in that excitement. Don't lose sight of who you are and what you want out of life in the process. Dating In Your 30s Honestly, dating in your 30s is just as much fun as it is in your 20s, although how you go about it is different. This is true no matter where you are in the world, although in Japan it can seem somewhat daunting at first. According to My Navi Women, your 30s are a crossroads. Do you want to get married, have children, focus on your career, change careers, etc.? For many, this means being more settled and taking a more level-headed approach to future relationships/marriage than in their 20s. One major part of dating in your 30s as a foreign woman in Japan is looking for someone who is actually available and not in a situationship, engaged but looking, married, or worst of all, married with children. 'I got out of a long-term relationship recently and started dipping my toe in the dating scene. It's not as bad as I thought it would be, but the number of married guys looking for a 'friends with benefits' is shocking' (Lindsey, American, 35). 'At first, I started on Tinder and Bumble, but there are a lot of food pictures and the like instead of people with anything relevant about themselves on their profiles. I joined a few chat groups during the pandemic, and that led to making actual friends, and I've been on a few dates because of that' (Jane, Canadian, 37). The best advice if you're dating in your 30s in Japan comes from a friend of mine. 'Don't be desperate. Being in a relationship, getting married, having kids, those are all good things, but you can't rush into them. You'll regret it if you do' (Alison, Australian, 39). Dating In Your 40s Click here to read more. External Link © Savvy Tokyo
