'Golden Bachelor' Mel Owens said he would 'cut' anyone over 60. Here's what he gets wrong about midlife dating

Yahoo

7 days ago

When The Golden Bachelor premiered, many viewers hoped it would offer a refreshing take on love later in life. But when the most recent Golden Bachelor, Mel Owens, made some alarming comments last month (primarily about the contestants' ages and appearances) it was a stark reminder for women, especially in their 50s and 60s, of just how misogynistic and ageist the dating scene can be.
'[The producers] asked me, 'What's your preference?' So I just said 45 to 60, just being honest,' Owens, 66, told host Jon Jansen on the "In the Trenches" podcast. 'We had lunch with the executive producer. I said, 'You know, if they're 60 or over, I'm cutting them.''
'Well, they got to be fit because I stay in shape, should work out and stuff," he continued. "And I told them, you know, try to stay away from the artificial hips and the wigs, you know, that kind of stuff, right?'
Psychotherapist Jason Fierstein says while it's important to remember that The Golden Bachelor is a TV show, Owens's comments are 'somewhat' reflective of broader cultural attitudes. 'I do think that this kind of thinking correlates with male loneliness and depression, especially at [Owens's] age,' he says. 'I've seen several narcissistic men in this age range say the same things — that they're looking for someone 'hot' and 20 years younger. They may very well get that kind of partner, especially if they have money to offer, but does that really provide real love and lasting connection?'
It's a question the show flirts with, but even as audiences get swept up in the romance of lavish dinner dates and whirlwind courtships, Owens's comments reveal something more troubling and something many women over 50 already know too well: being told they're too old to be considered desirable.
With so much emphasis placed on youth, fitness and sexual appeal, it's no wonder that dating can feel discouraging for older women.
Why are men skeptical to date women over 60 — or 50, or 45?
Where does this mindset come from? Fierstein says that for many men, it boils down to fear.
'Men are afraid of aging and death,' he says. 'I think the whole idea of women having an 'expiration date' — like they're cartons of milk — is another form of objectification. It's a way for men to avoid taking responsibility for their own aging process. Getting older means losing control, and that terrifies a lot of men, especially those who have spent their lives chasing power and status.'
It's a way for men to avoid taking responsibility for their own aging process. Getting older means losing control, and that terrifies a lot of men.Jason Fierstein, psychotherapist
From an evolutionary standpoint, Fierstein adds, older men often view relationships with younger women as a way to preserve virility and a sense of relevance.
'It becomes a psychological buffer against aging,' he says. 'If younger women want to be with you, it makes you feel desirable, powerful and even immortal, in a way. It's also about legacy and permanence.'
Where does that leave aging women looking for love and companionship? According to Bela Gandhi — relationship expert at DateMyAge, founder of Smart Dating Academy and host of the Smart Dating Academy podcast — we shouldn't accept the belief that we're 'too old' to be desired. Instead, we should eliminate it.
Shifting the 'too old' narrative
'First, we need to recognize that the belief that we're 'too old' is rooted in societal messaging — not truth,' she says. 'I remind women daily that attraction isn't just about age; it's about connection, shared values and emotional availability.'
She encourages women to ditch internalized narratives like: 'My value decreases as I age,' 'men only want younger women' and, especially, 'it's too late for me.' The truth? Your life experience, resilience and clarity increase your desirability.
She's says that's something she's seen firsthand with clients — love stories of women in their 70s finding connection with men their own age, and even younger. 'If someone doesn't want you because of your 'number,' bless and release them. We want someone who will adore and treasure us.'
And while she acknowledges that dating spaces still often spotlight youth — and that culturally (and evolutionarily) we've been conditioned to link desirability with youthfulness, especially for women — she believes that narrative is finally shifting.
'In fact, the latest research from DateMyAge, a virtual platform for people 45+, shows that 84 per cent of older Americans say they're more confident in what they want as they age, and that confidence is magnetic,' she says.
'Older women bring something far more valuable than just looks. They bring wisdom, clarity, emotional intelligence and an incredible sense of self. Confidence is the new sexy. I always tell my clients: What's youthful about you isn't your age — it's your energy and your spark,' she says.
That self-confidence, Fierstein adds, is something emotionally mature men deeply value.
Older women bring something far more valuable than just looks. They bring wisdom, clarity, emotional intelligence and an incredible sense of self. Confidence is the new sexy.Bela Gandhi, relationship expert
'I think men who lack the insight or the sophistication into knowing themselves will tend to choose superficially, and not choose older women who would be more on par with them emotionally, intellectually, with their values or shared sense of the world,' he says. 'I think more emotionally mature men would choose older women because they're not threatened by what an older woman could bring to their lives, and they can see past some of the superficiality and pure physical/sexual attraction component to see a woman for all that they are — not just in those ways.'
50+ dating challenges? Advice
If you feel disheartened by ageism in dating, Gandhi says 'ageism says more about them than you.'
'The key is to surround yourself with affirming spaces and people — both online and offline. Focus on people and platforms that celebrate your age group, and remember that meaningful love isn't a numbers game; it's about quality, not quantity,' she continues. 'Keep showing up as your authentic, beautiful self. And lean into your courage — making the first move isn't just OK; it's empowering!'
One of Gandhi's favourite client success stories is that of a woman in her early 50s who came to her after a difficult divorce.
'She initially believed she was 'too old' for love and nearly gave up,' Gandhi recalls. 'But she committed to shifting her mindset, embraced dating with joy and curiosity and focused on what she wanted in a partner — and what would make her feel happy — rather than what she feared.
"She even made the first move on an app. And guess what? She met an incredible man who adores her exactly as she is. They're now planning a wedding.'
Her story, Gandhi says, proves what she's witnessed time and again: Love has no expiration date.
'In fact, many of my happiest clients have found deep, lasting love after 50,' she says. 'It's never too late to write your next love story.'