A midlife man crisis? Why I went blond at 39

Telegraph

17-07-2025

A couple of weeks ago, 35-year-old actor Nicholas Hoult – who we first met back in 2002 as the titular, bowl-cut 'boy' in About a Boy – set out to promote his latest movie, Superman. In it, he plays the man of steel's famously bald arch-nemesis, Lex Luthor. Clearly, hair – or the lack thereof – has become something of a defining feature of the roles Hoult has inhabited on screen, but arguably it is his transformation off screen this time that has been even more shocking.
Not only did he emerge onto the press circuit in a whole new 'Hoult couture' wardrobe of right-on-trend designer clothes (bicep-baring vests, exaggerated shoulder jackets, leather trousers), but as a blond. It's a move that has taken the online world by storm. As Eileen Cartter in American GQ quipped: ' A fashion baddie is born ' (FYI for those not with teenagers in their lives, 'baddie' is slang for someone who's confident, stylish and attractive – not just a movie villain).
Hoult is the latest in a raft of men spanning their mid-30s to mid-50s who have become the 'internet's boyfriends', actors admired for their adventurous sense of style and unexpected grooming moves: Colman Domingo, Pedro Pascal, Andrew Garfield, Jonathan Bailey and Morgan Spector are all prime examples.
However, as a man in their age bracket, I have found this new generation of midlife men embracing new trends distinctly refreshing. As I edge onto the precipice of 40, I have increasingly felt like I've needed to shake things up with my style. What better way to really feel like I'm headed into a new life stage than by pulling a Hoult? So I booked an appointment at the leading London salon, Larry King, to go blond.
My hair before
Historically, much like getting a tattoo, making such a drastic change around my age has overtones of a full-on midlife crisis – and maybe there was an element of that at play in my decision. I am still lucky to have a full head of hair but, aside from a brief flirtation of growing my hair to shoulder length a couple of years back, my hair has naturally erred towards a similar style for the past decade. Fine, straight and brown (with increasingly prevalent strands of silver at the temples), it naturally falls into a side parting and is impossible to inject any real volume or interest into without a plethora of products.
If I was a Tory MP circa 1973, it would be perfect for the campaign trail – but it's not perfect for me circa now. It's bad enough feeling older as you prepare to turn 40, let alone looking older. I needed some fun. And, according to Larry King himself, it's something other men my age are feeling too.
'We are seeing midlife guys be more willing to try new things and a step away from a one-cut-fits-all mentality,' says King – who, it's also worth noting, is the man behind supermodel David Gandy 's perfectly coiffed hair. 'We're seeing celebrities being more adventurous and I think this filters down to your more discerning gent, who's interested in being well groomed, well dressed and looking a little bit more interesting.'
The five-hour appointment
This was my order of the day as I headed to King's cool Notting Hill salon (one of three in the capital). Sitting down in the barber's chair at around 11am, I was introduced to Katie Bailey, who would be handling the initial cut, and then to Dylan Donnelly, who would be handling the 'blonding'. The start, it turns out, was a mini conference between the two and myself about the best approach.
We discuss how my very straight hair will need to be a bit shorter to get the same choppy vibe as Hoult's, and how my skin colouring is a little warmer than Hoult's, so I will need a slightly warmer tone to the blond shade than his. All of these are factors a team of professionals will take into account to ensure you end up with a crop that looks best suited to you – and is the reason why at-home bleaches often go wrong.
I also am informed that the whole process might take around four hours – if not more. After a new shorter, Hoult-vibing cut by Bailey, we move on to the bleaching process. Initially the lilac-ish mixture is applied to the tips of the hair and left to develop under a plastic cap for around 30 minutes, before moving on to the roots (these tend to take the bleach quicker due to the heat from your head) for another 30 minutes.
When I catch my reflection in a mirror, it's an initial shock as my freshly bleached hair is the colour of straw, but the magic lies in the toner. Donnelly applies a new goo (a mix of two shades: half iconic lilac, half delicate natural) which, after around 10 minutes, turns my hair a creamy, vanilla-y blond. As this sort of treatment is drying for hair, it is followed by a hydrating and conditioning mask ('Your hair has been through a lot,' Donnelly says) for another 10 minutes, before moving on to a final trim and styling from Bailey – as well as a crash course in upkeep.
I need to blow dry with Larry King's My Nanna's Mousse before styling into position with a mix of Velvet Texture Clay and A Social Life For Your Hair cream. I need to invest in purple shampoo to stop any yellowing. Oh, and I need to be back in six to eight weeks for a touch up to re-dye roots and re-apply toner. The whole process has taken just under five hours – but, clearly, now the real work begins.
Velvet Texture Clay, £29, Larry King
A Social Life For Your Hair finishing cream, £29, Larry King
My newly blond hair
It's certainly a bold change and, as my new hair and I head back out into the real world, I keep doing double-takes when I catch my reflection in shop windows – I can't quite connect this new blond person to me yet, but I'm digging the results. It feels different. I feel different.
Aware that this new look might also require a rethink of my wardrobe to complement it, I email celebrity stylist Christopher Brown (whose clients include David Beckham and actors Leo Woodall and Russell Tovey) for his advice on how a man can dress bleached hair. 'Keep it classic – your hair has essentially become a permanent accessory,' he replies. 'It's best to steer clear of fluorescent tones or anything overly bright. These shades can bring out unwanted yellow or even green hues in bleached hair.' Noted.
Buoyed in confidence, I post a shot of the new chop to my Instagram and, to my delight, receive lots of positive reactions from friends in return – notably, a lot of curious men my age who hint that they would love to do the same. That said, one of my friends drops me a direct message with just three words: 'U OK hun?' Clearly, some midlife crisis stereotypes are going to be harder to break than others.
Four ways to do midlife right
Change your wardrobe
If going blond is a bit too bold, changing up what you wear can have a similarly transformative effect on your day-to-day life. However, if the idea of managing your own wardrobe makeover feels overwhelming, enlist the third-party advice of a stylist – many of your favourite shops will offer this service for free. 'Style evolves, and so do we,' says Alfie-Lee Marcus, the head of personal shopping at cool British menswear brand Percival. 'Trying something new keeps things interesting, and sometimes a trend you thought wasn't for you turns out to be spot-on.'
New fragrance, new you
Starting afresh could be as simple as changing your cologne. 'Fragrance can be a powerful marker of identity and personal transition,' says Natalie Guselli, the head of beauty at London department store Liberty. 'Moving on from the scent you wore in your 20s signals growth – it says something about how you want to show up in the world today.' Not sure where to start?
Book a consultation with one of the olfactive experts in Liberty's Fragrance Lounge, who can help you find a new-era scent to suit.
Talk it out
Life changes in your 40s and 50s can leave you feeling rudderless – and navigating these feelings with the aid of a professional can pay dividends for the future. 'During this period, there's often a sense that there is more of life behind than ahead, which can trigger feelings of an existential crisis,' says David Waters, a London-based psychotherapist and coach. 'Taking time to invest in your mental health can lead to greater self-awareness and emotional regulation, which will improve your relationships and overall quality of life.'
Sweat it out
Speaking of mental health, exercise not only helps future-proof your physical body, but also boosts your mood. And that's even before we get into it being a space where you can meet new people (it's well documented that older men have increasingly fewer friendships than younger men, especially if they're single). Whether you want to take on something challenging such as Hyrox or a half-marathon, or simply move more with like-minded people, there will not only be real-life clubs in your local area to explore, but there are also digital alternatives (such as finding your #community on Peloton at home).