Four Signs You're the 'Fringe Friend,' According to a Psychologist

Newsweek

21-07-2025

Based on facts, either observed and verified firsthand by the reporter, or reported and verified from knowledgeable sources.
Newsweek AI is in beta. Translations may contain inaccuracies—please refer to the original content.
A psychologist has gone viral for breaking down the four signs you are a "fringe friend"—a person who hovers on the outskirts of their social circle rather than being emotionally prioritized within it.
Dr. Christie Ferrari (@christie_ferrari), a clinical psychologist, shared her now-viral video on Instagram, which has amassed over 4.8 million views. In it, she explores the signs, impact, and psychology behind feeling like a permanent afterthought in your friend group.
"As a clinical psychologist, I've worked with many women who describe a very specific emotional experience in friendships," Ferrari told Newsweek. "They're dependable, supportive, and present, yet often feel like they're on the fringe of their friend group. They're technically included, but not emotionally prioritized. They feel like they're orbiting the group instead of belonging in it."
A split image of Christie Ferrari: the first of her posing beside a table with the first sign you are the fringe friend: "You know everyone's story but non one stops to ask you your"....
A split image of Christie Ferrari: the first of her posing beside a table with the first sign you are the fringe friend: "You know everyone's story but non one stops to ask you your". The second image shows her sporting a long white gown looking at her phone with another tell-tale sign written over the image: "You used to reach out. But after being ignored or canceled on too many times, you gave up. And no one noticed." More
Christie_ferrari/Christie_ferrari
Ferrari coined the term "fringe friend" to give a name to this dynamic. "There wasn't a widely recognized term to fully capture this in-between experience," she explained. "While it's not a clinical diagnosis, it's a useful and relatable label that gives language to a subtle but painful pattern many people silently experience."
Ferrari emphasized that terms like "fringe friend" are meant to increase self-awareness, not to label or blame others. Just as popular terms like "toxic positivity" and "ghosting" helped articulate difficult social phenomena, "fringe friend" names a common but often unspoken emotional reality.
The concept is grounded in psychological research on social exclusion, emotional labor, and belonging.
According to Ferrari, even subtle forms of neglect—being included in name but not truly prioritized—can be as painful as outright rejection.
Research by Baumeister and Leary on the human need to belong supports this, showing that emotional neglect can cause significant psychological distress. The term also reflects what psychologists call peripheral group membership—being part of a group but not central to it.
From her clinical work and personal experience, Ferrari identified four signs that someone may be a fringe friend:
You know everyone's story, but no one stops to ask you yours.
You're the listener and the supporter, but when it's your turn to speak, the conversation shifts. Ferrari explained this as a form of "relational invisibility"—often unintentional, but deeply impactful. You used to be the one that always reached out. But after being ignored or canceled on too many times, you gave up—and no one noticed.
This reflects an emotional labor imbalance. "They noticed when you offered something but not when you pulled back," Ferrari said. "That's because they valued the function, not the friendship." You brought two people together and now they hang out without you.
Serving as the social bridge can feel devastating when you're later excluded. Ferrari described this as "relational displacement," which can be especially painful when there was no conflict—just gradual erasure. They say you're always welcome, but never actually invite you.
This kind of "passive exclusion" creates what Ferrari calls ambiguous belonging. You're technically not left out, but you're also not genuinely chosen.
Ferrari has personal experience with this pattern, which has fueled her passion for helping others recognize it. "I've been the one who introduced people, only to be edged out," she said.
"The one who remembered everyone's birthday, while mine went unnoticed."
A turning point came when she discovered her friends had gone to a concert she wanted to attend—without inviting her, despite an active group chat.
"That's when it sunk in—I had been over-functioning in my friendships to stay included," she explained.
So what psychological toll can this take?
"Being the fringe friend creates emotional ambiguity," Ferrari explained. "You're technically included but rarely prioritized, and over time, this can lead to low self-worth, people-pleasing, and even social anxiety."
The brain processes social rejection in the same regions as physical pain, she added, and fringe friends often find themselves hyperaware of group dynamics, over-accommodating, and ruminating just to maintain their social place.
As for who tends to become the fringe friend, Ferrari says it's often the "peacekeepers, the givers—people who want everyone else to feel comfortable, even at their own expense." They are often highly emotionally attuned but struggle to ask for reciprocity.
To break the cycle, Ferrari recommends a three-step self-check:
Audit your group chat and texts.
Are you the one always initiating? Pause for two to three weeks and see who notices or reaches out. Ask yourself: "If I stopped giving so much, would this friendship still exist?"
The answer can clarify whether you're being appreciated—or just tolerated. Relearn the difference between connection and performance.
Try showing up without overexplaining, fixing, or "managing the vibe." That, Ferrari says, is where true healing begins.
Her message struck a chord with thousands of Instagram users, many of whom saw themselves reflected in her words.
"'Being welcome but never actually invited'...ah yes, feels all too familiar," wrote one commenter.
"This made me so sad! Felt it to the core," said another.
"And what if all the fringe friends in the comments got together and we all became friends?" one person joked, echoing the shared sense of longing.
"When you have a kind soul, a weird sense of humor, and offer unquestionable loyalty... you don't lose anybody, they lose you," added another user.
Do you have any viral videos or pictures that you want to share? We want to see the best ones! Send them in to [e-mail] and they could appear on our site.