Women Over 40 Are Sharing Red Flags To Watch For In A Friendship's Early Stages, And Knowing These Would Have Saved Me So Much Heartbreak
Which is why when Reddit user u/hoperaines posted, "What Are Some Friendship Red Flags?" on the r/AskWomenOver40
subreddit, there were some GREAT answers.
So, here are 17 red flags women over 40 recommend looking out for in the early stages of a new friendship, let's see if any of these resonate with you:
1. "Love bombing. When someone declares you're their best friend, wants to spend a ton of time together, gifts and pays for things, and/or talks about how deep the relationship is after very little time."
— u/Special_Trick5248
3. "One major red flag that I've sadly discovered is people who emotionally dump on you. And when it comes to you needing some support, those same people are usually nowhere to be seen. I've attracted so many people like this, and now I find it hard to bond with people."
— u/Loose_Divide2642
4. "I never give second chances to ghosters and no-shows. Respect is hard-earned and requires you to maintain strong boundaries. What you tolerate is how you train people to treat you."
"Take good care of your energy, and be patient."
— u/savagefleurdelis23
"It would be a deal breaker for me if someone didn't have a REAL good reason for not showing up after confirming twice."
— u/Showmeyourhotspring
5. "Be wary of people with main character syndrome. I enjoy listening to wild rants, so they seek me out and mistake my entertainment at the moment for a desire to be available for their rants at their leisure. I have too many responsibilities for that."
— u/NoMeet491
6. "Codependency. Attachment styles have become a mainstream topic for romantic relationships but they play out in our friendships just the same."
— u/TextMaven
7. "The people who lowkey compete and downplay your successes to feel better about themselves."
— u/Boobear0810
8. "I use the same standards for friendship as I do dating, so white lies, too much social media presence, and a history of cheating are all deal breakers."
"I've personally had the most success meeting friends through groups where you have a chance to observe their behavior for a while."
— u/Special_Trick5248
9. "It's a red flag when someone seems upset that you have other friends."
— u/Gravitational_Swoop
10. "Having a lot of drama around managing everyday tasks is a red flag for me. I had a friend for a while who just didn't seem to manage the basics of life a lot of the time. Everything was a disaster. I have a lot of time for people who struggle with their energy levels and organization and need help, but I eventually found myself getting burned out with that specific friend. She seemed to actively avoid applying common sense to situations; every day was chaos, and an emergency was always around the corner. I spent a lot of that friendship problem-solving for her until I just couldn't anymore."
"I ended up feeling like I was being used, and the more I became aware, the more she seemed to shift targets for help.
She eventually became part of a local church that always had people jumping in to help her, and that included big things like giving her a car."
— u/Vegetable-Tough-8773
11. "Gossiping. You'll walk away feeling anxious about anything you said getting repeated."
— u/FarSalt7893
13. "People who say extreme things out of nowhere. Like if they say, 'Don't ever talk to me again!' in response to a simple text where you said (for the first time) that you were disappointed they didn't give you the opportunity to help them."
— u/rabbitales27
Photograph by Glen Wilson/HBO
14. "People who push push push push push you towards something you said you don't want to do."
— u/Traditional_Betty
16. "Jealousy, they aren't happy for you when you are successful."
— u/Britpop_Shoegazer
©Warner Bros/Courtesy Everett Collection
There you have it: 17 red flags to look out for during the early stages of a new friendship. Did any of these ring true to you? Have you had experiences where these early signs turned out to be red flags? Or are there any other warning signals that we missed?
Let us know in the comments or by filling out this anonymous Google form! Your responses could be featured in a BuzzFeed Community post.
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Yahoo
3 hours ago
- Yahoo
"I Haven't Spoken To Him In Four Years": People Are Recalling Why They Dumped Their Long-Time Friend, And These Stories Are Frustrating
Unfortunately, not all friendships last — and it's totally normal to grieve those moments of loss. So when I saw that Reddit user _ZoroX_ asked: "What made you dump a long-time friend?" I thought it would be helpful to share their stories below: 1."I busted his wife cheating on him, so I did what any good friend would and told him. He responded by trying to fistfight me for making things up. We haven't talked since, and he is on his third marriage now." —OGHOMER 2."They failed to keep growing past high school." —Velorian-Steel Related: 3."Talked so much I could just put the phone down and let him keep talking, and he wouldn't notice." —AmputeeHandModel 4."I realized she wasn't genuinely happy for me whenever I met a goal or accomplished something. I felt like she was sabotaging me and like I had to hide my good news in order to be cool with her. I basically felt her jealousy and disdain with me unless I only focused on the negative things that happened to me. I decided she was too toxic and was making me unhappy, so I stopped hanging out with her or texting her." —Dumbgirl27 5."Best man at my wedding, but never picked up his suit from the tailor (I had to do it for him). He never planned a bachelor party for me (I didn't have one). He caused me to be almost a day late driving to our wedding destination (luckily, I had planned to get there three days ahead). He didn't prepare a speech for the reception despite several reminders that he'd be giving one. He got wasted and yelled at the venue manager and made her cry. He was too drunk to be our designated driver after the reception as planned (I had to stop drinking early when I noticed and drove us all instead), and then he hasn't reached out since to apologize, smooth things over, anything. He was indeed not the best man. I haven't spoken to him in four years as a result." —GetFitDriveFast Related: 6."Friends for 14 years. He got married to a woman who LOVES multilevel marketing (pyramid schemes). They invited my wife and me over for dinner, and they started the hard sell of signing up tonight. No brainer for us — we both abhor pyramid schemes. As the evening came to a close, his wife told us that if we didn't sign up tonight, then they would no longer be friends with us. I looked my buddy in the eye and asked him if he agreed with his wife, and he angrily said he did. I told them goodbye, and we left. Greed makes people do funny things." —Firm_Sail_548 7."A few years back, I had to end a friendship of 17-plus years. It sucked, but it was necessary. I was tired of her taking me for granted. Never being thankful for anything I did for her. Then her being angry at everything all the time. She blamed everything that went wrong in her life on everyone else but herself. I couldn't take it anymore. I ended the friendship, deleted her number, and unfollowed her on social media. My life is much more peaceful now." —EnigmaNero 8."They ditched my sister when she became disabled." —SerenityEmber Related: 9."She was a classic manipulator, the perfect idealization-devaluation-discard cycle. I thought it was normal behaviour because my mother was like that; I just thought this is how people are. After therapy, I realized it wasn't, so I was halfway out the door already. The last straw was when she 'uninvited' me to her wedding. I got an invite saying I was NOT invited, but here's a link to send her a present — it was a donation fund for their honeymoon. Blocked and forgotten." —drunknixon 10."I introduced them to my friends and then began trying to hang out with all of them and not including me." —Historical-Cost-2571 11."A mutual friend confided in me that he had been pressuring and manipulating her into doing things she knew she shouldn't, but was in such a vulnerable state mentally that she believed the things he was telling her. And then once she realized what was happening, he used what he had already done to blackmail her into continuing until she reached this point where she decided she had to tell someone. I thought he'd been my closest friend for 15 years; he was basically family, but this showed me I had no idea who he really was. I supported the mutual friend and encouraged her to go to the police, but she had bad experiences with the police previously in similar situations, so she didn't want to go that route and asked me to deal with it." "I did what I could to stop him from blackmailing her, and neither of us has heard from him since. The mutual friend became my closest friend for a few years before we drifted apart, but it was a big upgrade; she's an angel." —Scoliopteryx 12."They refused to take no for an answer. They were sure they knew what I needed better than I did. They refused to stop buying me things I could not use. Not things that I didn't like, I mean, I had no way to use the things. Think: Buying cool-looking shoes for someone with no feet. That kind of silly thing. Then they decided I needed something expensive I couldn't use. I repeatedly said, 'No, I don't want this.' I cannot use it. They went behind my back and crowdfunded other then-friends to buy the thing. Then, they presented it to me at a huge party. That was when I realized they and the others saw me as an object of pity that they needed to fix, and feel good about 'fixing' me. They didn't see me as a human with the right to live my own life." —INeedANappel Related: 13."I went through three tragedies (a shooting, cheating fiancé/a called-off wedding, and the death of my sister-in-law) within three years. She told me that I had changed so much and said I wasn't like I was before because of what I went through. Uhhhh, no shit, Sherlock!!!! Because trauma and grief change a person! I told her she never had to worry about hearing from me again! I've been at peace since." —karma-crystal333 14."I paid her and her boyfriend's rent for a year after they got into an awful car accident, and she forgot my birthday twice and never asked me how I was doing." —Onamonae finally, "They went really hard down the right-wing rabbit hole." —Krow101 Is there a particular reason why you needed to dump a long-time friend? Tell us what happened in the comments or anonymously in the Google Form below: Also in Internet Finds: Also in Internet Finds: Also in Internet Finds: Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
16 hours ago
- Yahoo
NEVER Do These 10 Things In A Drive-Thru, According To Fast Food Workers
Fast food drive-thrus are designed for convenience, but there are some unspoken etiquette rules to follow. We dug through Reddit threads and compiled a list from fast food employees about their biggest drive-thru pet peeves. Offenses include placing a large order, being indecisive, smoking, and playing loud music. The drive-thru window has been a game-changer for the fast food industry. Nearly every chain has one, so you can grab a Crunchwrap Supreme or McDonald's Coke without even parking your car. But we've all sat in a line that's felt less than convenient–and it's likely the result of some drive-thru faux pas. To keep things moving, fast food workers say there are a few etiquette rules every customer should know. We scoured Reddit—from subs for all fast food employees to ones dedicated specifically to McDonald's and Starbucks—and compiled a pretty extensive list. Here's what workers hate the most (and wish you'd stop doing): 1. Smoking Or Vaping Just don't. Not everyone wants smoke blown in their face—or the smell that lingers. "The smoking thing makes me so angry," one Reddit user wrote. "I'm already breathing tons of carcinogens from car exhaust, don't smoke there and add to it!" 2. Being Indecisive When Ordering We know it's tough to decide, but please, hurry up. (Here's Delish-approved inspo from the McDonald's Dollar Menu and Wendy's breakfast menu.) "Find out what your passengers want before you're at the speaker," one Reddit user commented. "If you're not familiar with the menu, go inside and order carry out." 3. Placing Orders From The Passenger Seat Drive-thru speakers are already hard to hear through, and loud passengers make it even more difficult for employees to get your order right. Be prepared! "I get you want to order for yourself, but unless you're screaming, we CANNOT hear you. It won't kill your dad or boyfriend to say your order," a Reddit user wrote. 4. Placing A Massive Order If you're placing a large order, head inside instead of holding up the line. "Customers who order +$20 worth of anything in the drive-thru are a big one for me," a Reddit user posted on the thread. "If your order is going to cost that much, please park." 5. Getting Distracted By Your Phone Scrolling through Instagram will only get you distracted and slow down the line. Be aware when it's your turn to move forward, rather than stalling everyone else. "SITTING ON YOUR PHONE IN THE DRIVE THRU WITHOUT PAYING ATTENTION!!!," one frustrated Reddit user posted. 6. Ordering More Food At The Second Window The pick-up window is for paying and grabbing your food—and that's it. "Please try not to order anything at the second window/window where you get your food," a Reddit user begged. "Especially during our busy hours or if you are adding on more than one simple item." 7. Not Having Your Payment Ready Rummaging through your wallet or paying in loose change slows everything down. Get your payment ready while waiting in line, and not at the window. "Don't pay anything like $5 or more in all change," one Reddit user wrote. "Especially in anything not quarters." 8. Having Loud Engines Or Playing Loud Music It's already difficult to hear through a headset. Don't make it worse with obnoxiously loud engines or music. "Turn off your engine if you have a loud exhaust," a Reddit user suggested. 9. Handing Them Your Garbage It's gross and unsanitary. And if you couldn't guess, drive-thru workers hate it. There's even an entire Reddit thread about it. 10. Checking Your Entire Order At The Window It's okay to double-check that your order is correct, but pull forward to keep things moving instead of blocking the line. "Have some courtesy for the people behind you," this Reddit user wrote, "and go find a parking space to check on your food in." You Might Also Like Insanely Easy Weeknight Dinners To Try This Week 29 Insanely Delicious Vodka Cocktails Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
16 hours ago
- Yahoo
Stay-at-Home Mom Upset Mother-in-Law Has Witnessed Both of Her Babies' First Steps Without Her: 'It's Like a Cruel Joke'
One mom writes: "How is it that the few hours this month that he's with my mother-in-law are when he actually takes his first steps?" NEED TO KNOW One mom is at her wits' end after her mother-in-law keeps being the one to witness her children's first steps While she is a stay-at-home mom who is always with her children, she has somehow missed both of their big milestones "How is it that the few hours this month that he's with my mother-in-law are when he actually takes his first steps?" she writes in a Reddit post One mom is at her wits' end after her mother-in-law keeps being the one to witness her children's first steps. In a post shared on Reddit, the new mom writes that she has a "polite" relationship with her in-laws, but that it's "somewhat strained because they just aren't very nice." Still, they have "an open invitation" to her home and often visit to see her children. And while they visit only about once per month, "when they come, they act like they're extremely involved and the experts on my kids." "When my oldest was 1 year old, my husband and I went on our first overnight trip to go see my favorite singer a few hours away," she writes. "Before we left my husband asked his mom that if he takes his first steps, please don't tell us because we want to 'witness' it for ourselves and have that first with him as his parents. When we came back, she told me privately that my son took his first steps with them. I was proud of my son but devastated that I missed his first steps. My husband told her that as well." The post continues: "Today she was in the front yard with my 10 month old and her mom (my husband's grandma). I went outside to call them in for dinner and my MIL comes up to me and says '(my son) took 2 steps all by himself!' Literally out of nowhere. I was shocked because he is just only starting to stand while holding onto a support with 1 hand." When she told her husband, he called his mom's bluff, saying, "Mom, he didn't take any steps outside with you. And if you say stuff like that, it's not right because those are milestones that you know we [as] parents are very important to us and we want to be there for." "She was confused and said that yes he did take steps by himself, he wasn't holding onto anything. My husband, trying to salvage the moment for me, said no he definitely didn't," she adds. "She said again that yes, he was standing holding the table and then let go and then took 2 steps by himself before grabbing onto the chair. She literally did not understand what my husband was saying." The post adds: "I am a stay at home mom, I'm with my baby every waking hour basically. How is it that the few hours this month that he's with my mother-in-law are when he actually takes his first steps? Again. It's like a cruel joke on me to miss it again." Never miss a story — sign up for to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. Many other Reddit users are taking to the comments to cast doubt on the mother-in-law's story, with one writing, "I bet he didn't even walk his first steps with her - she is just lying to feel like 'proud special grandma.' " Adds another: "I think your husband knows his mom is a big fat liar liar pants on fire! He wasn't trying to salvage the moment for you, he was calling his mom out on her lies. Don't let her have any more of your joy." Read the original article on People Solve the daily Crossword
