Groomsman Missed Save the Date Being Shared in Facebook Message and Booked a Vacation. Now He's Wants to Skip the Nuptials
A 21-year-old man says that his cousin asked him to be a groomsman in his wedding — but a later wedding invite with a wedding date was sent over Facebook, so he didn't see it
The man says that he had already booked a vacation during the wedding, and now he 'can't afford' to change the flights
The man shared his story on Reddit and asked his fellow Redditors if missing the wedding would be a faux pas given the circumstancesA man says he may need to miss a family wedding due to a scheduling conflict, but he's not sure he's the one at fault.
The 21-year-old detailed his story on the popular Reddit forum 'Am I the A------?,' a place where Reddit users can go to seek advice about interpersonal dilemmas. In the post, the Redditor explained that he was asked to be a groomsman in his cousin's wedding 'months ago,' but did not subsequently receive an invitation or information on a wedding time.
The man then booked a vacation, only to find out 'weeks later' that it overlapped with the wedding. The original poster (OP) went on to explain that it turned out he had, in fact, received a wedding invitation with the date — but that it was sent via Facebook and he never saw it.
'I don't use Facebook, so I must've cleared the notifications weeks or even months ago without realizing,' he said.
The OP said that he can't afford to change his flights for the vacation, but he also feels 'soooo bad' for missing the wedding, especially because he is supposed to be in the wedding party.
'I personally am not that desperate to go [to the wedding], as I don't see my family often anyway,' he continued, adding, 'But it is giving me so much anxiety, and saying no feels like I am committing a great evil.'
'Would I be [the a------] for declining?' he asked at the end of his post.
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A number of post commenters said that they did not think the OP was at fault given that he never received a formal invitation.
'NTA [not the a------],' one person said. 'If you were invited to be in the wedding party, you should have been provided dates, details, and a proper, formal invitation to the ceremony like everyone else. A Facebook invite? Please. Go on your holiday, enjoy it, and don't look back.'
'NTA,' added someone else. 'If your cousin is too cheap to mail a proper save-the-date and invitation, you shouldn't feel bad for not having it at the forefront of your mind. This was a communication breakdown on their part. Enjoy your vacation!'
Another person, however, thought that the OP should have done his due diligence and asked his cousin for a ballpark wedding date before booking a trip.
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'You never bothered to ask about when the wedding might be before booking the trip? Seems you subconsciously decided not to go even before booking the trip. However, only receiving a FB invite for a wedding is odd,' the person said.
Another person thought everyone was at fault in the situation.
'ESH [everyone sucks here],' the person wrote. 'I find it hard to believe that they only told you the date via Facebook, but if so, that's on them. But you apparently agreed to be a groomsman and had so little interest that you never asked for any details before booking a conflicting holiday.'
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