‘I am Alan f***ing Sugar': I marvel at my business acumen on DoneDeal
We cope with stress in all different ways. Some are healthy, like binge watching reality shows about Mormon wives and their hair extensions. Some are less healthy, like running a marathon instead of going to therapy. But as long as our chosen outlet of emotion isn't hurting anybody else, who are we to judge?
My partner would argue my outlet does hurt him. It's not drinking or gambling or live-action medieval role-play. I'm not forcing him to look at my run times on Strava. Instead, he merely has to sit in the car and make sure I don't get murdered while I pick up my latest
Facebook
Marketplace purchase.
You can correlate how much external stress I'm facing in my life to my time spent scouring mid-century furniture on
DoneDeal
. At my lowest I was convincing my partner to drive to a random person's shed in
Monaghan
for a €50 piece of furniture that once might have been a dresser that 'just needed to be sanded back'.
When things got really bad I was digitally scouring the
Waterford Crystal
collections of other people's dead grannies, trying to complete my set. 'I'm so sorry to hear about your granny, do you have two of the Champagne flutes in the Lismore pattern?' I would fire off, as if they would actually be used for Champagne and not
Aldi
sparkling wine.
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I don't even like sparkling wine and I really love using the dishwasher so chances are they would never even make it out of the cupboard. But that's the joy of buying second-hand stuff - there's no need for rational thought. The stakes are too low to think about being practical. What if the President or someone equally important like, I dunno, Twink, suddenly knocked in and I couldn't serve them sparkling wine in crystal flutes (never mind the fact that when the Australian ambassador actually did pop over for dinner, he was happy enough to eat and drink off our mismatched collection of Ikea and Dunnes finest homewares).
Now that moving countries from Ireland to Australia has robbed me of access to my beloved
Adverts
and DoneDeal, I now rely on Facebook Marketplace as my sole trading platform. We're in something of a trade deficit as I'm only buying.
In my defence, I had to refurnish an entire house. Rentals in Australia don't come with furniture, so I assumed my natural role as a hunter and gatherer. It's only me and my sniper-like Facebook Marketplace skills in securing an as-new Ikea couch for €350 less RRP that stands between our bums and the cold, hard floor.
It can be a treacherous but mostly annoying pursuit. The problem is everyone wants to score a bargain, or make a decent amount of money selling off an item. But we can't all be cute hoors simultaneously. There are people trying to flog 'lightly used' Nars bronzers and La Roche Posay sunscreen. I don't know about you, but when buying products that go on my face, I'd prefer if a stranger's fingers hadn't been in them.
[
Sizible: Making sure to get the perfect fit when clothes shopping online
Opens in new window
]
I blame Dragons' Den reruns for people trying to sell the free coat hangers you get at the dry cleaners for €1 each. Facebook Marketplace really needs an 'Are you well?' button for these types of ads. But in fairness, buyers can be melts too. Like the time I was asked repeatedly if I would drop items I was giving away for free to the other side of Ireland, at my own expense.
I was sweaty with anticipation as I messaged a seller last week. She was offering two GHD hair tools, like new. The ones I'd been eyeing up, that retail for more than €150 each new. She was willing to part with them for €30 each. I pounced. I marvelled at my business acumen with that margin. 'I am Alan f***ing Sugar,' I thought to myself as I queued for the ATM on the way to the goods exchange location.
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Yes, Amazon.ie will give Irish shoppers choice. But no, it's not 'good news for all'
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]
It was only in the car as we waited in the pitch black and rainy night did I question if the prices were too good to be true. Her profile looked legit - had been up since the 2010s. But she was selling loads of GHDs. Maybe it was a trap designed exclusively to ensnare millennial women. 'Are you going to get us killed?' my boyfriend asked with a tone that suggested he'd welcome this event over doing any more Facebook Marketplace pickups.
No, it turns out she just worked for the company and was doing a spring clean. Behind her lurked her bodyguard boyfriend who met the eyes of mine and gave him the weary nod of marketplace veterans who had seen too much.
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Paddy McCormack goals inspire Tipperary to All-Ireland under-20 hurling title
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Irish Times
an hour ago
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‘We Irish were never homogeneous. Always hybrids, always mongrels'
For a generation of TV viewers growing up in the early 1980s, the history of Ireland will be forever sketched by the soft, Oxbridge tones of historian Robert Kee in his magisterial series, Ireland: A Television History. The landmark 13-part 1981 series sought to explain Ireland's past during the height of The Troubles, firstly, to an English audience left ignorant by 'the distorting lens of unquestioning assumptions laced with post-imperial incomprehension', as his obituary later described. From Sunday, June 8th, a new telling of Ireland's story from its very first inhabitants to the present day, narrated by Dublin-born Hollywood film star Colin Farrell , will begin on RTÉ . Entitled From That Small Island, the four 50-minute programmes, filmed in 17 countries from Barbados to Australia, are written and produced by Bríona Nic Dhiarmada and directed by Rachael Moriarty and Peter Murphy. 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On the other, you have people who go on to become very effective overseers on the plantations and plantation owners themselves,' she says. In Jamaica, the records are filled with stories of the Irish who made good on the backs of others – 'the Kellys, who are as rich as any other plantation owner in 18th century Jamaica, investing it in conspicuous consumption back home in Ireland'. Nic Dhiarmada says: 'The people on the island of Ireland were oppressed, were colonised. They often then went out and did the same thing to others, working for the British Empire, Dutch Empire, French Empire, particularly the Spanish Empire. Ricardo Wall, whose parents had left Limerick, 'ends up running the Spanish Empire in the 18th century, and not only is he running it, he's also then the most amazing patron for other Irish people', she says. 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'We're in a very different space now. I think Ireland is having a conversation in a very actually mature way that has paved the way for a very difficult conversation around empire and the legacy of empire. 'History muddies the water. Were we the good guys, or the bad guys? We were both. We were the good guys and the bad guys. We had harm done to us, and caused harm to others,' she concludes. From That Small Island begins on RTÉ 1 next Sunday, June 8th at 6.30pm
Irish Times
2 hours ago
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Off-colour Leinster see off Scarlets to set up URC semi-final with Glasgow
URC quarter-final: Leinster 33 Scarlets 21 An occasionally brittle Leinster will meet Glasgow next Saturday in the semi-final of the United Rugby Championship after they led from beginning to end against Welsh side Scarlets at the Aviva Stadium. Four tries, the first arriving after four minutes, gave Leinster a deserved win with Scarlets coming to within one point with a counterpunch try just before the break. Leinster started with intent, their first entry into the Scarlets 22 within the first minute. Josh van der Flier, Jordie Barrett and James Ryan pounded the defence as the ball moved right to left. Finally, with the field stretched, Sam Prendergast whipped the ball wide with Hugo Keenan helping it along for James Lowe to run in the easiest of tries for 5-0. Within minutes a purposeful and accurate Leinster were pushing forward again. Moving through the phases and the gears, Ryan Baird made the initial bump through to make ground and with support coming up both sides in the middle of the field, it was scrumhalf Jamison Gibson-Park who romped in under the posts for 10-0, Prendergast converting to give Leinster a comfortable early lead. READ MORE How can the provinces break France's dominance? Listen | 29:52 But the young Scarlets team were not just in Dublin for the experience of being beaten by the top seeds and on 20 minutes moved the ball right to left across the pitch from their first attacking lineout. With Leinster players fanning across, a double-handed overhead pass from outhalf Sam Costelow to Tom Rogers allowed the right wing to cut back and wriggle over the line for a quick Welsh riposte, Costelow converting for 12-7. By the half-hour mark both sides were determined to keep the ball alive as play raced from end to end, with van der Flier departing and Scott Penny coming in for Leinster. Leinster's James Lowe fields a high ball under pressure from Scarlets' Ellis Mee. Photograph: Dan Sheridan/Inpho A penalty from just inside the Scarlet's half landed by Prendergast gave the 12,879 crowd something to cheer as Leinster again nudged ahead 15-7. But a misplaced kick from Prendergast that didn't find touch and Lowe went into touch on the full just invited Scarlets back into the game before a surging finish to the half saw Leinster press for a try only to be met with a sucker punch from Scarlets. Looking threatening and pressing the Scarlet's line, the pass back from Gibson-Park to Prendergast flew over the outhalf's head. He and Jordie Barrett turned and charged back towards their posts as an alert Blair Murray got to it first and kicked on. The fullback kicked a second time, controlling the ball beautifully into the Leinster danger zone where he touched down and Costelow converted for 15-14 to Leinster at the break. Rain replaced sunshine for the restart but there were no clouds hanging over Leinster. Straight into the go-forward mentality, they left little time for Scarlets to feel they had purchase on the game and from a Leinster scrum Gibson-Park fed Prendergast, who deftly chipped over for the running Jamie Osborne. Sam Costelow in action for Scarlets. Photograph: Billy Stickland/Inpho With Rogers on his back, Osborne managed to touchdown for 22-14 and again put distance between the sides. Costelow missed a Scarlets penalty to close the gap before pressure finally yielded reward for Leinster, when replacement Dan Sheehan blocked down a Welsh kick. Leinster then flooded the zone with the supporting Keenan floating on to the ball inside the Scarlets 22 to make it 27-14. Leinster looked safe enough, and with Prendergast making it 30-14 from a penalty it looked settled. But Scarlets' sting in the tail came less than 10 minutes from the end when Johnny Williams punched through and Ioan Lloyd converted for 30-21. SCORING SEQUENCE – 4 mins: Lowe try 5-0; 9: Gibson-Park try, Prendergast con 12-0; 19: Rogers try, Costelow con 12-7; 35: Prendergast pen 15-7; 40: Murray try, Costelow con 15-14; 45: Osborne try, Prendergast con 22-14; 59: Keenan try 27-14; 65: Prendergast pen 30-14; 70: Williams try, Costelow con 30-21; 73: Prendergast pen 33-21 LEINSTER: H Keenan; J O'Brien, J Osborne, J Barrett, J Lowe; S Prendergast, J Gibson-Park; A Porter, R Kelleher, T Clarkson; J McCarthy, J Ryan; R Baird, J van der Flier, J Conan (capt). Replacements: S Penny for van der Flier (29 mins); D Sheehan for Kelleher, RG Snyman for Ryan (both 47); R Slimani for Clarkson (57); J Boyle for Porter (67); L McGrath for Gibson Park (67); M Deegan for Conan (68); Conan for Snyman (73); C Frawley for Keenan (75). SCARLETS: B Murray; T Rogers, J Roberts, J Williams, E Mee; S Costelow, A Hughes; A Hepburn, R Elias, H Thomas; A Craig, S Lousi; V Fifita, J Macleod (capt), T Plumtree. Replacements: M van der Merwe for Elias (50 mins); K Mathias for Craig (57); I Lloyd for Costellow (58); S Wainwright for Thomas, M Page for Rogers (both 64); Davis for Macleod (74); E Jones for Hughes (75). Yellow cards: Hepburn (55 mins), Fifita (72). Referee: H Davisdon (Sco).
