Why I broke up with my new girlfriend after seeing her apartment for the first time

Daily Mail​

5 days ago

A man has dumped his new girlfriend after discovering a major problem during his first visit to her apartment.
The man said he had been seeing a woman he thought was 'gorgeous' for a few months after they met through a mutual friend.
Last weekend, she invited him over to her place and casually mentioned that her apartment was a 'mess' - but he laughed it off, thinking she was just being modest.
But the moment he walked through the door, he was greeted by 'literal piles' of trash on the floor, a sink full of dishes overflowing onto the counter, stains on the couch and carpet, week-old food on the dining table and mountains of clutter.
'Not to mention the overpowering smell of mould and mildew that I could literally taste in my mouth,' the man said in a Reddit thread.
The man said the state of her apartment was 'scarily similar' to an episode of the hit TV series Friends, where Ross Geller goes on a date with a beautiful paleontologist but is horrified to discover her apartment is extremely messy - and home to a rat. Ross ended up dumping her because he couldn't handle how filthy her home was.
Sharing his personal experience, the man said: 'She'd mentioned her apartment was a mess and I laughed because I thought she was just being self-deprecating, but when we got to her place... holy s*** dude.
'I want to start off by saying I know that people have their reasons for stuff like this and I don't want to be disrespectful in any way... But the state of her apartment was genuinely shocking when I first went in.
'It was a pretty small place and I'm not just talking about clutter... It was just piles and piles of stuff everywhere.'
He noticed the woman acted 'completely normal' as she told him to sit down on her stain-covered couch.
'I tried not to act weird but I'm sure she noticed,' the man said.
'I stayed for a bit and we watched a movie on the couch but I left before it got too late.'
The next day, he broke the news that he didn't think their relationship was working.
'I called her and told her I didn't think things were going to be compatible between us and she got mad at me for leading her on and breaking up with her for no reason,' he explained.
'I didn't mention the apartment but I don't know, maybe I should have.'
The man said he never imagined her apartment would be a deal breaker for him.
'Literally nothing about her appearance or personality would lead me to expect this so it was sort of unbelievable to see the state she was living in,' he said.
'I feel bad for her and I'm worried I might have acted too quickly.'
His post was met with nearly 1,000 comments, with a majority of people agreeing he handled the breakup in the 'most mature way' - but many suggested he should have politely told her the truth.
'She has to change for herself otherwise what will happen when she breaks up? Goes back to the old habits until she deals with whatever got her like that to begin with, she won't change. He dodged a bullet,' one said.
'You want to be nice about it and give her a chance to change for the better. If she blows you off and tells you to go f*** yourself, it'll still linger in her mind. You've planted a seed of doubt in her lifestyle choices. After enough rejections, she will come to her senses,' another shared.
'You don't need a reason to break it off with someone. This would be it for me too. If you eventually lived together that is what you'd be dealing with. When you go to visit you have to sit amongst trash. No for me,' one suggested.
'I do think you should've mentioned the apartment. People who don't know what the problem is cannot take any corrective action. Tell her and move on,' another added.
Meanwhile, many shared similar experiences they've had with 'mess' family members or friends who struggled with clutter in their homes.
'My niece is like this. She lived with us for a while and completely trashed her room and didn't appear to have any qualms about the kitchen or lounge either. She's a grown adult and we had to ask her to leave, such was the mess and stench,' one said.
'My oldest sister is like this, everyone has told her and offered to help her clean up her house, now she just doesn't let people into her house. Even her car is f***ing disgusting but if you knew her outside of those two scenarios you would never know. She dresses well and her hygiene and appearance is impeccable. She just won't change,' another revealed.
'I have a friend like this and I would clean his house on a regular basis. He bought an expensive loft and it was always filthy and I can't imagine it's safe to live in with the food situation. I thought it might be depression but it seems people are just slobs and don't care about the judgement that comes with living that lifestyle,' one added.