When I saw these messages between my husband and his colleague, I was so betrayed I almost ended our marriage. They weren't having an affair but the truth was even worse...
Anthony and I had been together for nine years, six of them married, and we have a daughter, then seven, together.
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The Guardian
12 hours ago
- The Guardian
‘Let's get your story straight' – the words that made my mum an ally, and a human
When my parents told me they were splitting up, I was 15 and furious. It was an abstract, all-consuming kind of anger, alien to the hitherto conscientious, happy kid I had been. With the upset turbocharged by adolescent angst, I resolved to behave as badly as I could: if they were going to tear my life apart, well, I'd muck in. In hindsight, my rebellions were pretty gentle – probably testament to how safe and stable things remained, even if I felt adrift. Nonetheless, I bravely cycled through teen cliches, beginning by escalating my casual smoking to the compulsive level of someone who had been promised a reward for every dog-end. That'll show 'em! Alcohol, too, felt like sparkly mischief – I did my best to down some whenever the opportunity presented itself, staying out late and generally being as difficult to interact with as possible. But with my cosmopolitan parents barely batting an eyelid between them, I knew I needed to up the stakes – and as soon as it occurred to me, shoplifting seemed the perfect balm for my flailing little soul. Breaking age restrictions (booze, fags) was one thing, but the actual law? How glamorous! And now I came to think of it, there were plenty of trinkets I coveted. Call them cosmic recompense for the turbulence I'd endured – I did. I don't remember the first thing I stole, but I do remember the thrill of walking successfully around the block with it still on me – no one had stopped me, and now it was mine. Could it really be so easy? For a while, it was – until my proficiency was roundly undermined. When I arrived home from school one afternoon (pockets probably clinking with tat nicked from the high street), my mum was waiting for me. 'I had a call today, from a police officer,' she said, as my blood ran cold. 'He wants to come round this evening – apparently you walked out of Boots with some lipstick?' Oh God, of course I had: straight after picking up a prescription, thereby handing over my name, address and – evidently – home phone number in the process. D'oh. A therapist might say this was the moment I had been waiting for – that I'd been acting out, subconsciously desperate to be caught – but in the moment, I was terrified. For all my swagger, I was still a kid, and this was the worst thing I'd ever done. I braced for my mother's commensurate fury. What she actually said would define our relationship for years to come: 'We've still got half an hour before he gets here, so let's get your story straight. Did you put it in your pocket? Could you say you forgot you had it on you?' With all my stupid, rebellious chickens coming home to roost, feeling more out of control than I ever had, it was the kindest thing anyone could have said to me. Certainly, I didn't deserve it – my mum would have had every right to blow up, but she knew I needed an ally rather than an adversary at that moment. Very soon, I found out how. After we'd dealt with the police officer – tears, promises never to do it again (honest, officer!), let off with a warning – my mum told me about her own light-fingered era, embarked on at a similar age during her parents' divorce. She laughed bleakly, telling me how she and her friends would egg each other on, stealing bigger and bigger things that they had to wear or carry out of a shop rather than hide up their sleeves. Notice me! Catch me! Parent me! No one did. Not her, at least. Looking back, I see she took a risk in sharing her story – I could easily have taken it as tacit permission to carry on, especially considering what a brat I was becoming. But somehow, imagining my mum as a reckless teenager clarified my understanding of myself: the older I get, the more I realise how wise (and generous) she was to invite me to do so, soliciting sympathy for errant teenage girls across generations. I never did shoplift again, but this isn't a story about learning the consequences of my actions or anything so dull. Rather, I wanted to be seen, and got more than I bargained for. Everyone has a moment when they realise their parents are just people who had children, instead of two-dimensional archetypes. While that revelation can be painful, I count myself very lucky that mine about my mother was offered with measured kindness, held up like a mirror when I needed it most. Emily Watkins is a freelance writer based in London
The Guardian
12 hours ago
- The Guardian
Police unit in England to monitor online signs of anti-migrant disorder
A national police unit will monitor social media for signs of anti-migrant disorder amid fears of a repeat of last summer's riots across England. Detectives from across the country will flag up the early signs of civil unrest under a beefed-up National Police Coordination Centre (NPoCC) in Westminster. The new intelligence team is a response to the anti-migrant disorder across England and Northern Ireland after the murder of three young girls at a Taylor Swift-themed holiday club in Southport last July. A fresh wave of demonstrations spread this weekend to Leeds, Norwich and Nottinghamshire after violent scenes outside a hotel housing asylum seekers in Epping, Essex, last week. The plan for a new police unit to track signs of such disorder were revealed on Sunday in a letter to MPs by the policing minister, Diana Johnson. Johnson said the Home Office was 'carefully considering' building a 'national internet intelligence investigations team' as part of the NPoCC, which shares briefings on 'nationally significant' demonstrations with police forces across England and Wales. She said: 'This team will provide a national capability to monitor social media intelligence and advise on its use to inform local operational decision-making. 'This will be a dedicated function at a national level for exploiting internet intelligence to help local forces manage public safety threats and risks. 'Funding for this capability beyond 2025–26 will need to be considered in line with future funding priorities, but I am confident that as a first step, this new central team will help build capability across forces to maximise social media intelligence.' Critics claimed the new unit was an attempt to 'police opinions' that would turn Britain into a 'surveillance state'. Nigel Farage, the Reform UK leader, told the Sunday Telegraph: 'This is the beginning of the state controlling free speech. It is sinister, dangerous and must be fought.' However, the Home Office strongly denied police would be monitoring social media for anti-migrant sentiment. 'These claims are completely untrue,' a Home Office spokesperson said. 'This new capability is not about monitoring what people say on their social media feeds – it is about equipping our police forces to respond more rapidly to the needs of the communities they serve, and enabling them to react in an agile way to real-time information about incidents and emergencies affecting those communities.' Inspectors have warned police forces were overwhelmed by the volume of social media content as unrest spread last summer from Southport to London, Sunderland, Rotherham, Middlesbrough, Belfast and other areas in the most serious nationwide disorder since 2011. A report by the police inspectorate earlier this year concluded the approach to online intelligence was 'disjointed and fragmented' and must be urgently overhauled. The disorder last summer started when misinformation spread about the identity of the 17-year-old who murdered three young girls – six-year-old, Bebe King; Alice da Silva Aguiar, nine; and Elsie Dot Stancombe, seven – and stabbed several others in Southport on 29 July. Within hours of the atrocity, false claims circulated widely that the attack was terror-related and perpetrated by an asylum seeker who had recently arrived in the UK on a small boat. A judge took the unprecedented step of attempting to quell the unrest by lifting an anonymity order allowing the attacker, Axel Rudakubana, to be named, while Merseyside police took the unusual step of confirming he was born in Cardiff, contrary to online claims. However, rioters targeted a mosque in Southport barely 24 hours after the murders before violent clashes, largely organised on apps such as Telegram, spread to other parts of England and Belfast. The small policing unit NPoCC took over responsibility for monitoring anti-migrant disorder from counter-terror policing in 2020, yet inspectors found it incorrectly assessed the threat of unrest last summer as 'low'. One intelligence officer said: 'We need to keep an eye on this [serious disorder] all the time. When we stop, we get bitten.'
Telegraph
a day ago
- Telegraph
Elite police unit to monitor online critics of migrants
An elite team of police officers is to monitor social media for anti-migrant sentiment amid fears of summer riots. Detectives will be drawn from forces across the country to take part in a new investigations unit that will flag up early signs of potential civil unrest. The division, assembled by the Home Office, will aim to 'maximise social media intelligence' gathering after police forces were criticised over their response to last year's riots. It comes amid growing concern that Britain is facing another summer of disorder, as protests outside asylum hotels spread. On Saturday, crowds gathered in towns and cities including Norwich, Leeds and Bournemouth to demand action, with more protests planned for Sunday. Angela Rayner warned the Cabinet last week that the Government must act to address the 'the real concerns that people have' about immigration. But critics on Saturday night branded the social media plans 'disturbing' and raised concerns over whether they would lead to a restriction of free speech. Chris Philp, the shadow home secretary, said: 'Two-tier Keir can't police the streets, so he's trying to police opinions instead. They're setting up a central team to monitor what you post, what you share, what you think, because deep down they know the public don't buy what they're selling. 'Labour have stopped pretending to fix Britain and started trying to mute it. This is a Prime Minister who's happy to turn Britain into a surveillance state, but won't deport foreign criminals, won't patrol high streets, won't fund frontline policing. 'Labour are scared of the public, Labour don't trust the public, Labour don't even know the public.' Nigel Farage, the Reform UK leader, said: 'This is the beginning of the state controlling free speech. It is sinister, dangerous and must be fought. Reform UK will do just that.' In a further sign of dissent over the Government's approach to social media, campaigners claimed on Saturday that posts about anti-migrant protests in the past week had been censored because of new online safety laws.
