Why Adult Friendships Change: BFFs and Life's Realities

The Sun

08-06-2025

PETALING JAYA: While the phrase 'best friends forever' (BFF) is as commonly used by adults as teenagers, its meaning becomes more nuanced and sometimes bittersweet with age.
What once symbolised endless laughter, shared secrets and unwavering loyalty gradually transforms into fleeting messages, occasional catch-ups and friendships shaped more by convenience than connection.
As people move into their 30s and 40s, life becomes increasingly occupied with careers, marriage, children and caring for aging parents, leaving little space for the deep, spontaneous bonds of youth.
For many, the once-cherished ideal of a lifelong BFF evolves into something more practical and at times, more distant.
Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia senior lecturer in anthropology and sociology Dr Velan Kunjuraman said the nature of friendship has shifted in the fast-paced, globalised society of today.
Speaking in conjunction with World Best Friends Day today, Velan said adult relationships in Malaysia have become increasingly situational and why the longing for meaningful connection still runs deep.
'While Malaysian adults in their 30s or 40s may refer to someone as a 'best friend,' in reality, many of these relationships have become more superficial,' he said, adding that adult friendships are no longer defined by constant interaction or physical presence, as they were in youth.
'The concept of a BFF evolves with age. It depends greatly on the personality, lifestyle and values of a person.'
Velan said a major factor behind this change is the growing weight of adult responsibilities.
'Friendships in adulthood are influenced by multiple factors – career demands, business networks, entertainment preferences and emotional support needs.'
While personal values play a role in shaping friendships, responsibilities such as marriage and parenthood often reduce the time and emotional capacity available for maintaining close social ties.
'Sometimes, these obligations create barriers to sustaining long-term friendships.'
Social connections are increasingly built around proximity and convenience, such as relationships with co-workers, neighbours or members of local communities.
Velan also highlighted the influence of collectivist culture in Malaysia, especially on women, adding that historically, cultural expectations place a heavy domestic burden on women, limiting their social interactions beyond the household.
On the impact of migration for work, study or marriage, Velan acknowledged that such transitions could disrupt longstanding friendships.
'When women move into the household of their husband, cultural expectations may make it hard to maintain connections.'
Velan said while some manage to stay in touch, many friendships fade as new routines and responsibilities take precedence.
'Technology, while beneficial, could also be a double-edged sword. Social media platforms such as WhatsApp, Instagram and TikTok help adults stay connected.
'However, the nature of these interactions can sometimes feel performative or superficial, depending on how individuals engage with them,' he said, adding that forming new friendships in adulthood is also a growing challenge.
'Once people enter the workforce or take on family responsibilities, their social circles often shrink.'
Adults may also become more selective in choosing friends, seeking those who share similar values or lifestyles.
'The absence of meaningful friendships in adulthood could negatively affect mental health, increasing the risk of loneliness, stress and depression. Friendship offers emotional support and a sense of belonging, both of which are essential for psychological resilience.'
Cutline: With advancing age, youthful interactions may fade into occasional
meet-ups and brief phone conversations. – theSunpix