Kids are always watching. What are you teaching them about burnout?

Yahoo

2 days ago

"You don't have to earn a break."
As a parent, you're constantly multitasking — anticipating your children's needs, managing their emotions and keeping everything running smoothly. It's no wonder you're tired. Some days (or most days) you may feel like you need to keep pushing yourself, even when you've already hit your limit. This can lead to burnout, a persistent exhaustion that even a good night's rest can't remedy. Actually taking a break and cutting yourself some slack may feel like a foreign concept or a luxury, but here's something to remember: Your kids are watching how you take care of yourself (or don't) and are learning from you.
In the 10th episode of their podcast, After Bedtime With Big Little Feelings, Big Little Feelings founders Kristin Gallant, a parenting coach with a background in maternal and child education, and Deena Margolin, a child therapist specializing in interpersonal neurobiology, break down the science of burnout, how to stop the stress cycle and why the usual suggestions (take a hot bath! Have a glass of wine!) don't necessarily work. In this edition of Yahoo's "" column, Gallant talks about how, consciously or not, we often learn to keep pushing ourselves by watching our parents do the same — and how we can unintentionally pass those unhealthy habits on to our kids. Gallant also shares four phrases parents can use to model honoring your limits and showing that you don't have to prove your worth as a parent by burning yourself out.
If you're exhausted and wondering why — why you can't rest, why you feel guilty when you do, why it feels like no matter how much you give, it's never enough — you're not alone. You're likely not just burned out. You're part of a generational cycle of burnout that's been quietly passed down for decades.
Here's how to spot it, stop it and raise the first generation that doesn't have to earn their worth through overdoing it.
What messages did we absorb growing up?
Many of us grew up watching moms who never sat down, dads who never stood still or caregivers who gave and gave until there was nothing left in the tank.
We absorbed messages like:
'Busy = valuable.'
'Rest = laziness.'
'Self-sacrifice = love.'
Even if no one said it out loud, the message was clear: Your worth is measured by how much you do — not how you feel. It's not about blaming our parents. It's about seeing the invisible rules we were given so we don't hand them to our kids.
If burnout was treated like a badge of honor in your childhood — 'My mom did it all and never complained!' — you probably learned that running on empty is just the price of being a good mom, a good partner, a good person. And when burnout is invisible, we're less likely to recognize it in ourselves … until it's too late.
How burnout sneaks into our parenting scripts
You might not even notice it. But burnout is hiding in the tiny things we say:
'Be strong.'
'Push through.'
'We don't quit.'
'Come on, you're fine.'
They sound innocent enough. But they reinforce the idea that emotions are inconvenient, limits are shameful, and your body is something to override, not listen to.
The pressure to be a 'good mom' is literally burning us out
Modern motherhood has become a trap:
Be a 1950s housewife.
With a 2020s career.
With zero help.
And no margin for error.
If you're not constantly self-improving, baking from scratch and being emotionally attuned 24/7 while balancing a full-time job, you feel like you're failing.
The truth? The 'superwoman' myth isn't empowering. It's exploitative. It keeps us isolated, overwhelmed and convinced we're the problem, when really, the system is.
How to raise kids who don't tie their worth to pushing themselves until burnout
We model something different. Even if it feels radical. Even if it's deeply uncomfortable at first. We say:
'I'm tired, so I'm resting.'
'You don't have to earn a break.'
'Your feelings matter.'
'Your limits are allowed.'
We show our kids that asking for help isn't a weakness, it's wisdom. That worth isn't earned through doing, it's inherent.
We break the cycle not through perfection, but through presence — through brave, tiny moments of choosing ourselves, so our kids learn they can choose themselves too.
Want to raise a child who doesn't burn out at 35? Let them see you rest. Let them see you say no. Let them see you choose your own humanity.
That's how the cycle ends. That's how the healing begins.
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