29 yo man feels left behind as younger siblings earn 2-3 times more and advance faster in their careers

Independent Singapore

a day ago

SINGAPORE: A 29-year-old man took to social media to express that, as the eldest child, he feels like a disappointment to his parents because he hasn't achieved as much as his younger siblings.
Posting anonymously on Reddit's r/singapore forum, the man said he only graduated two years ago with a hospitality degree and is still in an entry-level role, trying to build his career.
Meanwhile, his younger siblings seem to be moving ahead much faster. His brother has a stable job in the civil service, is getting married soon, and already has a build-to-order (BTO) flat on the way.
His sister, on the other hand, draws a much higher salary and frequently talks about her upcoming travel plans and latest purchases.
'Their salary is easily two to three times as high as mine,' he said. 'It does not help that I am the oldest, which makes me feel that I am not doing enough for my parents or not earning enough. I'm always searching to get out of this rut, but it's not as easy with the current situation.'
He also revealed how isolated he feels even in day-to-day interactions.
'My siblings and their partners are all in one tiny WhatsApp group, and I'm never included in their conversations, as their conversations usually involve things that I'm too far away to reach,' he wrote.
'I am hardly included in their talks and conversations, and I have no idea what is going on in their lives.'
He further shared that this sense of falling behind is not limited to his immediate family.
His cousins and relatives frequently share news of their promotions and career achievements during family gatherings, while his friends seem to be flourishing in new jobs and relationships.
'At every family gathering, I feel like I am shrouded in a layer of darkness, unable to peer out or contribute to the conversation. Everything feels so distant.'
He added that the emotional weight has even led him to step back from social media, since scrolling through platforms like Instagram only reminds him how much further ahead everyone else seems to be.
Although he finds meaning in his current hospitality job, especially in helping guests and engaging with people, he still feels adrift outside of work.
He described his situation as feeling like he is stuck in a small boat, surrounded by fog, watching others speed ahead in larger vessels while he remains behind and out of sight.
He continued, 'I am trying my best to look for new jobs or opportunities to upskill myself, but even today, I have no idea which direction to steer the boat in. The fog is completely dark and suffocating, and I have no direction.' 'It's not a race; comparison is the thief of joy.'
In the discussion thread, one Redditor who had already experienced the ups and downs of working life told the man to take heart in the fact that he actually enjoys his job.
'I would say, it's good that you like your job,' they said. 'Sometimes fast promotions may mean you're out of your depth, and it brings lots of stress. Also, earning much doesn't mean contributing much to parents? My parents would rather I spend time with them. Don't worry, your time will come soon!'
Another advised, 'I don't blame you for feeling this way, given the environment you are surrounded by. Though I feel you might benefit from some soul-searching, truly asking yourself what you want out of life, not what your family or friends have or expect you to have, too.'
A third Redditor reminded him, 'It's not a race; comparison is the thief of joy. There's nothing to compare. Some days they are ahead, and some days you will be.'
In other news, an employee at a local med-tech firm has raised concerns online after learning that his foreign manager may have earned his degree under questionable circumstances.
In a post on the r/askSingapore forum on Saturday (Jul 12), the employee shared that his manager recently revealed he 'did not have to attend any classes' to complete his degree programme.
Read more: 'All MCQs with answers given?' Employee doubts manager's degree and credibility, says he was promoted unfairly
Featured image by freepik (for illustration purposes only)