Patient Who Survived Serious Head Injury Reveals Why He's 'Not Really Human Anymore'

Newsweek

9 hours ago

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After surviving a devastating head injury in 2009, a man has opened up about the long-term impact it has had on his identity, emotions and daily life—sharing raw reflections that struck a chord online.
Posting under the username Charlesian2000 on Reddit, the original poster (OP) described how a traumatic brain injury left him with profound memory loss, permanent emotional changes and a volatile inner world that he strives to keep hidden.
"I had a serious head injury in 2009, it killed me, obviously I was brought back," the self-described 59-year-old Australian told Redditors.
"I have permanent amnesia. I lost every personal memory I had."
'Jackknifed my skull'
The OP explained in a comment that he hurt himself attempting to fly a stunt kite.
"I tripped over a large branch and jackknifed the back of my skull into rammed dirt," he wrote.
"My brother felt the impact and he was about 20 feet away. I remember everything from that point onwards."
Stock image: Man touching his bandaged head injury.
Stock image: Man touching his bandaged head injury.
Photo by Andranik Hakobyan / Getty Images
In the years since the accident, the OP explained, the damage to his amygdala has apparently erased his ability to feel fear.
"Losing an emotion has left me feeling that I am no longer human," the man wrote.
"A person who can't feel fear is a monster. There are less limits on doing anything, which is not as good as it sounds.
"Physically I am human, but losing that emotion has made the other emotions I have left, heightened."
'I see red'
Describing moments of rage as near-uncontrollable, the man said he has developed strict self-discipline to avoid causing harm.
"When I am angry, I see red, I can hear the blood rushing in my ears, I feel like I am going to explode, and it takes an extreme effort to suppress that rage," he shared.
"I will usually sit quietly gripping a desk, or squeezing my fists, until I can get to a level of control.
"I hide this rage, no one really knows how volatile I can be. I don't want people to be afraid of me, but they would be if they knew."
Brain injuries can have a variety of outcomes. One man in Portugal got lucky in 2022 when a metal rod skewed his frontal lobe, but he recovered with "no abnormalities," Newsweek reported.
Others, however, are much less fortunate—Newsweek covered a 2023 study that found concussions in early life are key indicators of cognitive decline later.
Reddit contributors were overwhelmingly supportive of the OP amid more than 600 comments within five days.
"You're not a monster," one sympathizer reassured in the thread, "You're surviving something unimaginable and still trying to protect others from your pain. That's deeply human."
Other Redditors recommended the OP write a book about his experience and one person quipped: "Have you considered fighting crime at night?"
'Fear holds you back'
In reply to an invitation to comment from Newsweek, user Charlesian2000 said the experience has taught him to never lose hope.
"Losing your memory can be difficult, but for those around you, they will never understand," he said.
"A lot of people say isn't it hard for you to lose things like the memory of your mother. You can't feel remorse for things you have no memory of. People don't don't understand this.
"It may be hard, but the one thing, out of all, that could have made the recovery impossible was the emotion I lost, fear.
"I realized how fear holds you back, now that I don't have it."
The man wrote that fear is necessary for survival and without that instinct, rollercoasters are "just boring."
However, when a person doesn't "think about the consequences, you can do more," the OP continued.
"I think that if people could control their fears, instead of losing them as I did, what a remarkable world this could become," he wrote.
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