'My Fiancé's Mum Competes With Me For His Love – Was I Wrong To Call Her Out?'

Buzz Feed

10-05-2025

Don't confuse a mother of boys with a 'boy mum' – a scroll on apps like TikTok will tell you they're not the same.
The latter, arguably outdated, term, USA Today explains, has come to refer to a mother who gives preferential treatment to her son over her daughters or other people in her life and may have an 'obsession' with her 'boys' that seems to be related in whole or part to their offspring's gender.
The hashtag is used both disparagingly to suggest a mother is centring themselves in their son's life and as an unironic self-identifier in posts like this one: 'A mother is a son's first true love, a son is a mother's last true love.'
A viral skit which shows a 'boy mum' insulting their son's partner and attempting to take her place during a prom date highlights what many associate with the worst definitions of the term; 'She's going to wear white to [her daughter-in-law's] wedding day,' a top comment reads.
Redditor u/EvelisseBloom seems to feel she's dealing with one such controversial archetype. So, we spoke to licensed sexologist, couples therapist, and author at Passionerad.se, Sofie Roos, about how to handle the situation.
The original poster (OP) called her fiancé's mother out
Posting to r/AITAH (Am I The Asshole Here), the Redditor said that her beau's mother invited herslef to her and her fiance's four-year anniversary dinner and showed up in a long, white, wedding-like dress.
The mother claimed this was because she 'wanted to feel pretty too,' OP said.
The poster added that her would-be mother-in-law cut her off mid-sentence to talk about 'how when he was a baby he'd cry if she left the room and she used to sleep on the floor next to his crib.'
She then reportedly turned to her son, stroked his face, and said, 'You'll always be my favourite boy. No one will ever love you like I do.'
This outraged the Redditor, who replied: 'Do you hear yourself? You sound obsessed. He's your son, not your boyfriend.'
This upset the mother, who said OP didn't understand mother-son bonds. Her fiancé isn't happy with her reaction either.
Still, she says, she doesn't feel ready to 'compete with this woman forever' or feel 'second to someone who acts like she's his ex.'
The experience can be exhausting
Roos tells HuffPost UK that 'A mother who tries to compete with their son's partner is not as uncommon as most people think – and for the ones experiencing it, it's often very emotionally draining.'
Though not every expression of motherly affection is a sign of perceived 'competition,' the therapist thinks that sometimes, insisting on the sanctity of a 'mother-son bond' is 'more about controlling, not letting go and not respecting personal boundaries'.
'The first step is to let your partner know how you're feeling and make them understand that this is really tough for you,' Roos continues.
After that, they might speak to their parent on your behalf to establish some boundaries; you can also go to them directly and share your concerns.
It's important, Roos adds, to consider that a parent might be feeling insecure about their role at transitional times like these.
'The key here is to make the parent understand that you're no threat to their role as a mother; they still are and will be mother to their son, but the role will change and take new directions,' she tells us.
'If you make them understand that you're no threat, it's easier for them to not see you as someone competing with the son's attention.'
If all else fails, the therapist adds, try creating hard-and-fast rules like 'limiting what clothing they can wear by having a dress code ot by saying that you want no speeches.'
She advises you to insist that if 'They have any ideas, they need to come to you with them beforehand so you can discuss it.'