Dear Abby: My husband bailed out his bankrupt ex-wife — and didn't tell me
She supported him financially through medical school, and he feels he needs to help her out every time she needs money.
The last time, she didn't ask for it, but he had heard from his sister that she had declared bankruptcy, so he gave her a huge amount of money.
When he told me wanted to do it, I said no. If it were for a medical reason, I would have agreed, but it's not.
A few days went by, and when I asked if he was still bouncing around the idea, he said he had gone to her house and given her a check.
He knows this bothered me a lot. He gave me three options: I could be happy that we could help her, he would give me the same amount of money or I could get a divorce. How do you like those apples?
I love my husband, but he is 'too good' to people. He gives me anything I ask for (which I don't), but this time I just don't know.
He did tell me he loved me but 'had' to help her. What do I do? — PRESENT WIFE IN TEXAS
DEAR WIFE: If you love your husband, take a bite of that apple and be thankful he can afford to be so generous.
However, if you feel that his generosity has somehow shortchanged you, and because Texas is a community property state, perhaps you should discuss this with an attorney.
DEAR ABBY: The grocery store a mile from our house has recently gone through a major expansion and upgrade. I have shopped there my entire life.
The store has two points of ingress and egress. I have always entered through the door most convenient for me. If what I need is on the east side of the store, I enter and exit via the closest door.
Since the expansion and upgrade, they now allow shoppers to enter only through one door and exit through the other. They will soon install gates to prevent shoppers from using the 'wrong' door.
I have an injury and will be having surgery soon. Walking through the entire store to pick up a couple of items located near the 'exit only' door can be difficult. I am sure elderly patrons feel the same way.
I know the store is counting on spontaneous purchases by doing this, but it's extremely non-customer-friendly. The quality of customer service can make or break a business. Without customers, a business will fail.
Please send a message to grocery stores to change their methods. — ANGRY LOYAL SHOPPER IN OHIO
DEAR SHOPPER: I'll try, but I'm pessimistic that the message will be heeded. I know many shoppers experience the same aggravation that you are feeling.
The supermarket in my city has branches in different neighborhoods. At my branch, the management got the bright idea that completely rearranging the store would generate more sales, forcing customers to weave through aisles looking for items that were once easy to find.
I don't know how it has worked out for them because I now shop at a different store. If you have that option, take it.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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I just want to make things easier for my kids during back-to-school season. I'm learning they don't need me to.
While back-to-school season is exciting, it's also stressful — more for me than for my kids. They often have short-lived crises that I want to solve for them. I've realized they can actually do a lot for myself, and I don't need to be a helicopter parent. The start of school is always exciting — the fresh notebooks, the first-day photos, the promise of new beginnings. But it's also always a bit more stressful than I anticipate. Not for my kids so much, oddly enough. For me. My kids' crises pass quickly, but they still throw me off Last year, my middle daughter was driving herself to school for the first time. The morning had all the nerves you'd expect: traffic, new routines, figuring out parking. She came home in tears. "I hate the minivan," she said. "I hate the spot I got. I hate that guy." "That guy" was the student parked next to her. She'd bumped her car into his while trying to back out of her assigned space. Not a major accident, but enough to unravel her on day one. I sprang into action. Should we call the school and request a new spot? Should she drive our smaller car? Should I drive her again? I spent days brainstorming possible fixes. I even dreamt about it — as I'm prone to do when I have something on my mind. A few days later, I cautiously suggested a few solutions. She blinked at me. "Oh, it's fine now," she said. "We're actually friends. He helped me back out today." Crisis over. Emotional storm, passed. No intervention needed. This year, it was my youngest daughter who sent me spiraling. She started at a new high school — a great one, but very different from her last. And not the same one her sister goes to. "I wish I had stayed at my old school," she said that first afternoon. "It's so big and different." My mom-heart panicked. My brain lit up with possible fixes. Could I transfer her back? Get more involved? Organize a social? Learn lunch schedules and stage a "spontaneous" meet-cute with potential friends? But by the end of the first week, she was chattering about teachers she liked, the friends she was sitting with, and the conversation she had with a senior who walked her to the library. She was fine. I often want to step in even when my kids don't need it Turns out, I react more strongly to these transitions than my daughters do. I wouldn't call myself a helicopter parent — I don't monitor their grades or email their teachers. But when one of them feels off, even for a moment, I feel it in my whole body. I don't want to take over, I just want to fix the hard parts. Smooth the path. Pad the corners a bit. But they rarely need me to do any of that. They have their own resilience, their own coping skills, their own ways of figuring things out. And they do figure things out — often faster than I do. It's humbling. And honestly, a little uncomfortable. My girls are growing up. They are becoming themselves in ways that don't require my full-time emotional project management. And while I'll probably never stop feeling deeply when they're struggling, I can learn to sit with those feelings instead of acting on them. I'm still here to listen, offer support, and yes, quietly dream up backup plans. But I'm working on not letting my own discomfort steer the ship. Sometimes parenting means holding back — not because you don't care, but because you do. So I'm trying to helicopter less. Or maybe just hover at a higher altitude. Read the original article on Business Insider Solve the daily Crossword
