How to Share a Vacation House With Friends (and Not Fall Out)

New York Times

6 days ago

Renting a house with friends allows you to escape your lives collectively: Stripped of obligations, you have nothing to do but enjoy each other's company. But while that unhurried togetherness is the purpose, it can also be a challenge. You're mixing budgets, habits — and personalities. As with all things, the solution is clear and direct communication. 'You have to be comfortable talking to everyone how you would talk to your sister or dad,' says Beverly Nguyen, 34, a New York-based stylist and the founder of the home goods store Beverly 1975, who spent part of last summer on a catamaran with nine friends. But adopting such a candid approach is, of course, easier said than done. Below is advice from a handful of vacation-planning experts who are still friends with the people they've shared homes with.
The House
'There needs to be a leader who corrals everyone,' says the New York-based chef Flynn McGarry, 26. This person should be responsible for finding the house or curating a list of choices, booking the place, collecting payment and communicating with the property's owner. In exchange for this labor, 'you take that primary bedroom,' says the New York-based stylist Ian Bradley, 39. In some friend configurations, the organizer might be the same person every year, but the London-based creative director Alex Eagle, 42, recommends taking turns: 'It's too much to make that one person's responsibility every time,' she says, even if they do get the best room.
Unless, like the Los Angeles-based Zoe Latta, 37, a co-founder of the fashion brand Ekhaus Latta, you return to the same house every year (in her case, a giant 19th-century rental in Vinalhaven, Maine), you'll be scouring online listings. Study them and study them again. 'I'll zoom in on photos where you can see the reflection in a mirror, and be like, 'The shower looks like the water pressure is not good,'' says Nguyen. McGarry pays special attention to the sheets in the images. 'If the bedding looks nice, they probably spent a little more on the mattress,' he says. Also consider the number of bathrooms: 'If we're traveling with a group of eight to 10,' says Nguyen, 'we need at least five.' And it's worth prioritizing a dishwasher.
'Nobody feels comfortable advocating for themselves in the moment, when you're all standing there in the hallway,' says Casey Elsass, 38, whose new cookbook, 'What Can I Bring?,' is a paean to the art of being a guest. 'It's how a lot of resentment ends up happening.' To avoid this, whoever booked the house should outline what each room offers (bed details, bathroom access) via the group email thread beforehand. 'And then each person can just talk to the central person about what their room preferences are,' Elsass says, allowing any mediation and decisions to happen before arrival.
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