On Tango, and Lasting Marriage: By Pope Francis
Dear friends,
In my homeland of Argentina, there is a dance I love very much, one that I often participated in when I was young: the tango. Tango is a wonderful, free game between man and woman, filled with erotic charm and attraction. The male and female dancers court each other and experience closeness and distance, sensuality, attention, discipline and dignity. They rejoice in love and understand what it might mean to give themselves to someone completely. Perhaps it is due to my distant memory of this dance that I have called my great apostolic exhortation on marriage 'Amoris Laetitia': the joy of love.
I am always touched to see young people who love each other and have the courage to transform their love into something great: 'I want to love you until death do us part.' What an extraordinary promise! Of course, I am not blind, and neither are you. How many marriages today fail after three, five, seven years? Maybe your parents, too, began the sacrament of marriage with that same courage, but were unable to take their love to completion. Wouldn't it be better, then, to avoid the pain, to touch each other only as though in a passing dance, to enjoy each other, play together, and then leave?
Do not believe this! Believe in love, believe in God, and believe that you are capable of taking on the adventure of a love that lasts a lifetime. Love wants to be permanent; 'until further notice' isn't love. We humans have the desire to be accepted without reservations, and those who do not have this experience often — unknowingly — carry a wound for the rest of their lives. Instead, those who enter into a union lose nothing, but gain everything: life at its fullest.
Holy Scripture is very clear: 'That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh' (Genesis 2:24). One flesh! Jesus takes this all to its culmination: 'So they are no longer two, but one flesh' (Mark 10:8). One single body. One single home. One single life. One single family. One single love.
In order to help you build a foundation for your relationship based on God's faithful love, I have called upon the whole Church to do much more for you. We cannot continue on as before: many only see the beautiful ritual. And then, after some years, they separate. Faith is destroyed. Wounds are opened. There are often children who are missing a father or a mother. To me, this is like dancing tango poorly. Tango is a dance that must be learned. This is all the more true when it comes to marriage and family. Before receiving the sacrament of marriage, a proper preparation is necessary. A catechumenate, I would even venture to say, because all life takes place in love, and love is not something to take lightly.
Perhaps the word catechumenate means nothing to you. In the early Church, anyone who wanted to become a Christian had to go through what is called a 'catechumenate,' a journey of learning and personal confirmation that often lasted several years. I have always dreamed of a similar formation for the sacrament of marriage: it could save you from disappointment, from invalid or unstable marriages.
How thrilled I was to see that YOUCAT had taken on my suggestion! When I first heard about this project years ago and learned that young Catholics from 30 countries were participating, I asked the team to read 'Amoris Laetitia' and translate it into youthful language. Now, I see that they have succeeded! This book is an ideal companion on the path toward the sacrament of marriage. It speaks about the joy of love in an engaging and positive manner, but it doesn't ignore the bumps along the road toward a successful shared life.
Take it as basic reading for any kind of preparation for marriage that is deserving of the title of matrimonial catechumenate. Absolutely participate in marriage preparation courses! The more demanding they are, the better. Discuss this book as a couple, or with other couples you are friends with. As I wrote in 'Amoris Laetitia,' 'In young love, the dancing — step by step, a dance toward hope with eyes full of wonder — must not stop.'
Yours,
Pope Francis
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