Woman with Fertility Issues Says Her Grandma Ruined Her Gender Reveal — but Her Dad Says She's ‘Overreacting'
A mom-to-be says her grandma revealed the gender of her baby to their church congregation — despite specifically being asked not to
She also said that she has struggled with fertility issues in the past and wants to share news about her pregnancy on her "own terms'
The woman — who shared her story on Reddit — said her dad is now defending her grandmother's behavior, and she's not sure who's in the wrongA mom-to-be is upset that her grandmother shared big personal news about her pregnancy — but her dad says she's being unreasonable.
The woman shared her story on the popular Reddit forum 'Am I the A------,' a place where people can go to get advice on interpersonal issues. In her post, the Reddit user shared that she and her husband are both almost 30, and that they are about to have their first child in December 'after multiple miscarriages and adoptions falling through.'
The woman said that she has only been telling very close friends and family details about the pregnancy 'in case I lose this baby as well.' However, she says that her grandmother keeps 'pestering' her to tell more people because she is 'so excited.'
The woman went on to say that she and her husband recently found out the baby's gender, and that while they don't want to have a gender reveal party, she still wants to be able to tell people in her own time 'and on my own terms.'
However, she said that her grandmother disregarded her wishes and 'told everyone' in their church — which she explained is in a small town community.
'Church members just began walking [up] to me saying congratulations on [my] baby's gender!' the original poster (OP) said, adding, 'My sister saw I was obviously distraught and told my grandma to stop telling people, which upset her.'
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'Now, I feel I can no longer share information about my baby without [my grandmother] going behind my back and telling everyone every little detail,' the OP continued. 'My father says I am overreacting because 'this baby is all she has.' '
'AITA [am I the a------] for not wanting her involved in my progress anymore?' the woman asked at the end of her post.
The woman's fellow Reddit users were quick to assure her that she is not the unreasonable one in this scenario.
'It's not hers,' one person said, adding, 'She's not doing any of the work. She doesn't get a say. Tell her and [your] dad to kick rocks. NTA [not the a------].'
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Another person said, 'NTA. She can't be trusted to keep a secret. It doesn't matter if she's excited or not - it's your baby and not hers. Also, with a history of losses, that's a delicate subject and she needs to keep her mouth shut. Sorry, Dad, but you're wrong.'
'NTA for wanting to share your own news, but you need to stop telling granny info you don't want others to know yet,' added someone else.
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I lost my dad when I was 26 after a short battle with terminal cancer. My life now is categorised into before dad died and after. It really does change everything. Even though I knew it was coming, I wish so much I had more photos, videos and keepsakes from him. Be prepared for your life to do a whole 180. But remember, as long as you are on this earth, so are they. They are a part of you. Miss you endlessly dad." —Anonymous, 30, Newcastle, UK 12."It never gets easier but you learn to look back on the happy memories and smile. It gives me a lot of comfort that the last interaction I had with my dad was to hug him and tell him I love him. Do that every time you leave your parents because you never know when you won't have that chance again." —Anonymous, 41, London Related: 13."EMDR therapy was the only way I was able to process the death of my parents. It was the hardest work, but now I am free of the guilt and (most of) the PTSD. Everything is a constant reminder of their passing. For those who have one or both parents, please hug them and tell them you love them for me. I never got to say goodbye to my mom or dad. Appreciate them, be patient, and ask as many questions as you can about their lives so you get a better sense of them as people instead of as parents. Don't gripe about your parents in front of people who have lost theirs." —Anonymous, 41, Denton, TX 14."I was extremely close to my mother, whom I lost when I was 27. She was my favorite person in the world and her death rocked me. I can honestly say that the pain never goes away — it changes as the years progress and you find yourself morphing from being lost in grief, to being able to still feel the loss but also fondly remember the really good times. They also never really leave you and stay in your heart forever." —Anonymous, 50, Australia 15."Have a good support group around you. Not only other family members, but friends also. Always tell your parents every time that you see them that you love them. You never know when it might be the last time. That has been the hardest part since losing my mother." —Anonymous 16."My mom died two weeks ago. It's been hell. Part of me still expects her to be downstairs in the morning, ready to chat. I found a sweater of hers the other day that still smells like her, and wrapped it up in plastic instantly to keep the smell. Talking to my friends, dad, and therapist has been helpful, but it can't take away the grim reality that when I wake up every morning, I'm aware she's dead. To those who still have their parents, love them, treasure them, appreciate them, and talk to them. The day that you can't is one of the most heartbreaking moments in your life." —Anonymous, 36, Canada 17."My dad died from a rare autoimmune disease a few years ago. What I've realized is, it isn't the big events (weddings, graduations, etc.) that I miss him the most at. It's the little things. It's how I didn't get a text from him wishing me luck on an exam, or how I can't call him with a question about my car. It's seeing something that reminds me of an inside joke and not being able to share that with him. Obviously, I mourn his absence through big life events, but it's the mundane things that hit me the most, the things people take for granted. My advice would be to cherish every moment with your parents. Don't roll your eyes at the random calls or goofy texts because one day, you'll miss them." —Anonymous, 28F, Alabama 18."I lost my dad 13 years ago and it was sudden. I was the one who found him. There's nothing you can do to prepare yourself for something like that. You have to take your time and heal with the grief because it doesn't just go away. You kind of build around it. You need to allow the sadness it's time and place in your heart for a while. Thankfully, in our family, we pretty much say I love you all the time so I know my dad knew that I loved him. 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Don't take them for granted because in the blink of an eye, they could be gone." —Anonymous, 37, Vancouver, Canada Related: 20."I lost my mom in March after two long years of declining health triggered by a stroke. There are still days where it doesn't feel real, and it crosses my mind to pop into her room to check in or share some juicy work gossip. Driving late at night, alone with my thoughts, always triggers a deep ache and a flood of tears. To people who still have parents (assuming they're the good kind): Cherish the time you have. It's cliché, but incredibly true that it can all go away in an instant. Say what you need to say to one another because tomorrow's never promised. There are so many questions I wish I'd asked and so many things I'll never get to say, and we talked all the time." —Anonymous, 31, Illinois 21."If you have a parent who 'doesn't like to have their picture taken,' remind them that the pictures aren't for them, but for the ones who love them. My father died when I was eight and my sister was five. We only have a handful of photos of him. There is one of him and me together, when I was a newborn. There are none of him with my sister, something that pains her, even 52 years later." —parryboucher 22."I lost my mum three days before Christmas when I was 15 weeks pregnant with my second daughter. I lost my auntie, my second mum, three weeks later. If I wasn't pregnant and didn't have my first child, I don't think I'd be here today. They gave me a reason to get up and get on with life. Some days, time feels like a healer, and other days I just miss them more with each day that passes. Appreciate your parents, take photos with them, make memories, listen to their advice and stories because you never know when it will be the last time you'll hear their voice." —mellowtraveler817 finally, "Hug them. Write down their stories. Regardless of your age when you lose your parents you feel like an orphan. Time helps but the missing them never ends." —Anonymous, 50, California If you have lost a parent, what would you add? If you haven't lost a parent, what do you think about the advice? Let us know in the comments or leave an anonymous comment on the form below. Note: Responses have been edited for length/clarity. Also in Community: Also in Community: Also in Community: Solve the daily Crossword
