Tired of tantrums? Try these 7 parenting shifts that actually work
The modern world is undergoing significant changes and while these changes are for the best, we cannot undermine the fact that they have raised some serious concerns at the same time.
This especially holds true when it comes to parenting. Parents nowadays are juggling between timelines and at the same time they are on a constant quest of raising emotionally and mentally strong kids.
Studies have shown that children who are emotionally stable and have better control over their emotions can reach milestones in social and emotional development. Such kids have strong social skills and simultaneously perform better at school and enjoy strong bond with their peers. A study by University of Sydney's
ParentWorks
intervention, detailed in
The Conversation,
established that offering immediate, relationship-based rewards like attention or praise, following good behaviours, can disrupt tantrum cycles.
This is because it reinforces what kids should do, fostering positive cycles rather than inadvertently rewarding misbehaviour. Avoid screen distractions because they impair self-control or so
Frontiers in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
study (Konok et al., 2024) claimed as it was found that relying on digital devices as calming tools (digital pacifiers) may lead to poorer anger control and less effortful self-regulation a year later.
by Taboola
by Taboola
Sponsored Links
Sponsored Links
Promoted Links
Promoted Links
You May Like
11 Foods That Help In Healing Knee Pain Naturally
lovemyfamilymag.com
Undo
This is because emotional coping requires guided practice, not appeasement via screens.
Know parenting shifts that end tantrums without yelling (Image: iStock)
As per
PMC – Behavioral Interventions for Anger, Irritability
and Aggression,
Parent Management Training (PMT) Techniques focused on positive reinforcement, ignoring attention-seeking tantrums and consistent consequences, has been validated across 100+ randomised controlled studies and shows sustained improvements.
The researchers found that PMT aims to reduce the child's aggression by improving parental competence, giving praise for appropriate behaviour, ignoring maladaptive attention-seeking behaviour and using consistent consequences.
Structured behaviour-shaping strategies help break tantrum patterns and support emotional growth.
In an interview with TOI, Dr Archika Didi, PhD in Meditation and Yogic Science and Vice Chairperson of Vishwa Jagriti Mission, explained how small daily changes can lead to long-term results and move from tear-filled chaos to calmer, emotionally resonant routines that empower both parent and child in everyday life.
Self-parenting in managing your reactions
Start leading by example. Following the practice of self-parenting can be helpful. Once you learn to manage your reactions and control your emotions, it will help you calm down and engage with your kids peacefully. Instead of coming home tired and frustrated, give yourself some time to ease out from the stress of office and then enter the house. This will prevent strong display of emotion in the house, also you will be able to answer your kid's concerns calmly.
Validate the feeling, not always the behaviour
Parenting tweaks that instantly diffuse tantrums, backed by science (Image: iStock)
Children, especially when young, are ruled by their emotions. When your child is upset, the instinct may be to correct their behaviour immediately. A more effective habit is to first validate their underlying feeling. Simple phrases like, "I can see you are outraged that playtime is over," or "It's disappointing when we can't have what we want, isn't it?" create a powerful connection. This doesn't mean you condone hitting or screaming.
It means you see their inner world, which makes them feel safe and understood, and more receptive to guidance on their behaviour.
Create intentional moments of quiet
Our world is saturated with noise and overstimulation. A crucial habit for mental well-being is to intentionally create pockets of quiet in your child's day. This could be five minutes of silent car rides, a 'no-devices' period after school, or simply sitting together and watching the clouds.
These moments of stillness help reduce sensory overload and teach children to be comfortable with their own thoughts, fostering focus and inner calm.
Nurture their expression beyond words
Get creative while helping your kids to express their thoughts and emotions. Channelising their feelings in the right direction is essential. Engaging in creative activities such as pottery making, painting, and sketching can be beneficial. This provides a healthy outlet and reinforces the message that all emotions are valid and can be processed constructively.
Share stories of great personalities
Habits form the nature of an individual. To instil positive traits, make it a daily or weekly habit to tell stories about great personalities. Reading books is yet another way to make them aware about the real-world heroes, their positive traits that helped them become so. Stories have a strong impact, and starting this at an early age will make the kids keener to learn and adopt virtues like courage, kindness, and integrity within their developing samskara.
Connect before you correct
When a child is in the midst of a tantrum, their logical brain is offline. In these moments, attempting to lecture or discipline is futile. A more effective habit is to "connect before you correct." This means getting down to their level, offering a hug or a calm presence, and helping them co-regulate their emotions. Once they are calm, their brain is ready to learn, and you can then discuss what happened and what could be done differently next time.
Name and tame the 'brain-bully'
Teach your child that they are not their thoughts. A simple way to do this is to personify negative or anxious thoughts as a "Worry Monster" or a "Brain-Bully." When your child expresses a fear or a negative self-perception, you can say, "That sounds like the Worry Monster talking. What can we say back to it?" This habit creates a slight separation between your child and their thoughts, empowering them with the understanding that they can control their brain and choose which thoughts to believe.
Adopting these habits in your daily life will not only help you evolve and become a better human being, but it will also set an example for your kids, making you their inspiration and motivation.
Get the latest lifestyle updates on Times of India, along with
Happy Independence Day wishes,
messages
, and
quotes
!
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Time of India
an hour ago
- Time of India
How Do Mars and Venus Shape Our Personalities and Relationships in Astrology?
I depict the opposing forces of war and love, embodied by Mars in the foreground and Venus in the ethereal background. In astrology, the planets are more than just celestial bodies; they are powerful archetypes that embody universal psychological and mythological themes. By understanding these archetypes, we can gain a deeper insight into our own personality and the cosmic forces that shape human behavior. The planets of Mars and Venus provide a perfect example of two opposing yet complementary archetypes that exist within all of us. Mars , named after the Roman god of war, is the archetype of the Warrior . In astrology, Mars represents our drive, ambition, aggression, and sexual energy. It is the planet of action and assertion, showing how we pursue our goals and stand up for ourselves. The Mars archetype is our inner courage, our passion, and our competitive spirit. A well-integrated Mars allows a person to be assertive, decisive, and courageous in the face of challenges. When its energy is poorly channeled, however, it can lead to frustration, anger, and destructive behavior. The placement of Mars in our birth chart shows us how we fight for what we want and where we direct our raw energy. Venus , named after the Roman goddess of love, beauty, and pleasure, is the archetype of the Lover . In contrast to the fiery energy of Mars, Venus represents our values, our desire for harmony, and our capacity to connect with others. by Taboola by Taboola Sponsored Links Sponsored Links Promoted Links Promoted Links You May Like Use an AI Writing Tool That Actually Understands Your Voice Grammarly Undo It is the planet of love, romance, and relationships, showing what we value in a partner and how we give and receive affection. The Venus archetype is our capacity for empathy, our appreciation for art and aesthetics, and our ability to find pleasure in life. A well-integrated Venus allows a person to form meaningful and harmonious relationships and to appreciate the beauty in the world. When its energy is suppressed, it can lead to a lack of self-worth or an inability to form deep connections. Together, Mars and Venus represent the fundamental human balance between action and connection, and between assertion and receptivity. Understanding these archetypes helps us recognize the dual nature of our desires—the need to go out and conquer (Mars) and the need to connect and find harmony (Venus). Discover everything about astrology at Times of India , including daily horoscopes for Aries , Taurus , Gemini , Cancer , Leo , Virgo , Libra , Scorpio , Sagittarius , Capricorn , Aquarius , and Pisces . Read your detailed Horoscope Today and Horoscope Tomorrow here.
Time of India
an hour ago
- Time of India
Parenting tips to make your kids outsmart peer pressure
Peer pressure significantly impacts young individuals, influencing decisions from homework to trends. Developing strong decision-making skills is crucial for navigating these pressures and fostering confidence. Experts emphasize the importance of open communication, role-playing and value identification to empower children to make independent choices aligned with their beliefs, both at home and in school. Peer pressure insidiously shapes the lives of young people but it is not always the dramatic, negative influence that we imagine from cautionary tales. Sometimes, peer pressure is simply passing on a homework assignment because 'everyone else' is, or raving about a TV show they don't actually like as a way to fit in. Over time, these seemingly minor decisions can wear down a respect for their own decision-making and independent thought process. In our increasingly networked world, peer influence has already crossed the line between physical space and cyberspace; untested decisions can sweep far beyond the classroom. The young readers can observe how quickly a trend can blow up on their phones and how instantly they can be affected by a "viral" individual. Here, it is pertinent to note that good decision-making techniques are not just helpful ; they are paramount for navigating such rapid influences. Children imitate peer behaviour to feel a sense of belonging In a 2024 PubMed cross-sectional study of 355 adolescents (aged 16–18) from Karnataka, researchers found that nearly 44% of students were significantly influenced by peers, which was statistically linked to behavioural changes. The data highlights the powerful role of peer influence during adolescence and underscores the need for strategies that enhance awareness and personal agency. by Taboola by Taboola Sponsored Links Sponsored Links Promoted Links Promoted Links You May Like Secure Your Child's Future with Strong English Fluency Planet Spark Learn More Undo Children who can manage emotions (like fear of rejection or embarrassment) are better at resisting pressure. (Image: Pexels) Peer pressure is a harsh reality that almost every child faces at some point in life. Whether it is being encouraged to buy a fancy gadget, choosing the type of chocolate to distribute at a birthday party in school, or deciding what clothes to purchase, children often follow trends that go against their values or engage in risky behaviour just to 'fit in.' As children grow, with media exposure and constant interaction with peers, their desire for social acceptance can cloud their judgment. Considering these challenges in development and overall growth, building strong decision-making skills becomes essential not only for academic success but also for lifelong confidence and integrity. Decision-making is more than simply choosing right from wrong. It means stopping to think for a moment, considering the repercussions of their actions and checking how their decisions align with personal values. In an interview with TOI, Dr Alka Kapur, Principal at Modern Public School in Delhi's Shalimar Bagh, suggested, "Children must be made to feel that they have a say in a secure environment in order to become independent thinkers. This must not be discouraged either in schools or at home. Children should be encouraged to express opinions even if they do not align with the opinions of the majority. Children can build confidence in their thinking if we build a habit of listening to them." Children shift judgments under peer pressure Authored by Thiyam Kiran Singh and Payal Kanwar Chandel in the International Journal of Indian Psychology , a 2022 review described how adolescents often emulate their peers — ranging from benign behaviours to risky ones — primarily due to the desire to fit in. The authors recommended interventions focused on assertiveness training, future planning and active dialogue, empowering students to resist negative peer influence while retaining social connection. Helping children balance and navigate peer pressure begins both at home and at school. Parents and teachers play a key role in teaching children how to identify peer pressure and stop it at the right stage. Commenting on the same, Nirvaan Birla, Managing Director at Birla Open Minds, shared, "Pressure can be direct, such as a friend urging them to break a rule because it looks bold and cool. It can also be subtle, such as feeling left out for making a different choice or experiencing FOMO (fear of missing out). Recognising pressure is the first step toward resisting it effectively." In a classic American Journal of Public Health study, over 770 students in grades 5–8 reported receiving dares or challenges from peers — often involving risky behaviour. Half of these dares could lead to physical harm or encourage unsafe habits. Peer pressure peaked in 8th grade, illustrating the pressing need for early resilience-building and decision-making skills. Tips on positive peer tutoring Birla advised, "From a young age, children should be encouraged by parents and teachers to identify and articulate their values. When children are clear about what matters to them, such as honesty, kindness, or safety, they are more likely to make choices that align with those values even in the face of social pressure. Parents and educators can guide this process by asking reflective questions like 'What do you think is the right thing to do?' or 'How would you feel about this choice tomorrow?' Children build internal decision-making strength by reflecting on past choices, not just being punished for them. (Image: Pexels) Role-playing is often a powerful tool. Dr Kapur explained, "Role-plays enable kids to practise potential reactions so that they prepare themselves for actual situations, where they might get pressured. It is equally important to instruct kids about saying "no" without losing friendships. Moreover, when children observe adults in their world making wise decisions and discussing their reasoning while adhering to values, children learn that independent thinking is a strength and not an act of rebellion. " Echoing that role-modelling scenarios is an effective strategy, Birla opined, "Practicing responses to peer pressure, such as saying 'no' with confidence, suggesting alternatives, or simply walking away, helps children feel prepared when real-life situations arise. The more they rehearse, the more natural these responses will become." Building decision-making skills also means encouraging children to make choices and experience the consequences in a safe and supportive environment. This does not mean letting them fail without guidance but rather using mistakes as opportunities to learn. When a child makes a poor choice due to peer influence, it is more constructive to ask, 'What led to that decision?' instead of criticising. Parents should always maintain a balance between correction and constructive questioning while practicing patience. Open, non-judgmental discourse at home can promote children to share what is at stake in their world. Ultimately, our goal is not to shield them from every influence but to help them navigate those influences with self-respect, courage and clarity. That's a lesson they will hold with them forever, even after the school years.
Time of India
an hour ago
- Time of India
Boys out, girls in: How Muslim girls in Hyderabad kicked down barriers with football
In Hyderabad's Old City, a group of young Muslim girls are challenging traditional norms by reclaiming a local playground for themselves. SAFA India's 'Girls on Ground' initiative empowers girls aged 7-17 to play football, breaking down barriers and changing community perceptions. For 17 years, Saba has called Chatta Bazaar her home. But it was not until April that she finally saw the inside of the local public playground — just about 600 metres from her home, in one of the many constricted gullies of Hyderabad's Old City. This had happened not because the gates of the ground — popular, ironically, as Balsetty Khet Ground (a ground for children) — were closed. It was just an unsaid rule of the neighbourhood: women, stay out. But now, for the first time, an army of young Muslim girls from the area have kicked down the traditional practice and dribbled their way into the centre, reclaiming their right to the public space. You Can Also Check: Hyderabad AQI | Weather in Hyderabad | Bank Holidays in Hyderabad | Public Holidays in Hyderabad | Gold Rates Today in Hyderabad | Silver Rates Today in Hyderabad What started small in 2022, as part of the Girls on Ground initiative by Hyderabad-based NGO SAFA India — and had to be briefly stalled, owing to lack of funding — now has about 60 girls, aged between 7 and 17, on board. Every evening, at least half this squad, many of them with hijabs pinned around their head, gather at the playground for a game of football, complete with coaches, gear and a warm-up regime. And while it is heartening to see the Messi and Ronaldo jerseys glisten in the afternoon sun as the adolescent footballers shoot for goal, what transpires right outside the ground's gates is even more encouraging: local boys leaning on the railing, playing spectator to a sport they once believed was their fief. by Taboola by Taboola Sponsored Links Sponsored Links Promoted Links Promoted Links You May Like Your Finger Shape Says a Lot About Your Personality, Read Now Tips and Tricks Undo They wait patiently for the girls to finish before taking the field. 'This transition has taken a while,' says Rubina Nafees Fatima, president of SAFA. She says the project was met with stiff resistance. 'Nobody had ever seen a woman set foot on the ground before, and this change wasn't welcome. Onlookers gathered all around, impatiently waiting for the girls to leave. It took weeks of consistently showing up, to change the tide in our favour,' she adds. Today, the neighbourhood has not just warmed to the sight of the girls taking over the ground between 4pm and 6pm, but has also made this evening ritual a part of their daily routine. The girls are overjoyed. 'I love that I can finally get to play here with my cousins and friends,' says 14-year-old Marzia, who has been hailed as a local 'champ' for her many achievements at stateand nationallevel footfall over the years. The seasoned midfielder admits that 'playing with the boys at the local club is competitive, but not comfortable.' 'Here, we can just be ourselves,' says Mina, another teenage local star, who loves to dominate the forward position. 'Everybody gets their chance, there's no insecurity.' The team's goalkeeper and defender, Kaushar, nods in agreement. 'The game teaches us about the power of unity, to be in control of our lives. This is sure to help us in the long run,' the 15-year-old adds. The excitement of an exclusive play area is palpable even among the tiny tots sitting on the bench, cheering for their favourites as the game kicks off. 'I rush here after school. I don't miss a single day,' says Masooma, who's in Class 4, among the youngest in the team. And when the team huddles during break to cheer for Girls on Ground, the little footballer jumps in first to proudly announce that she'll grow up to become 'just like Messi'. Health Issues In Check Access to the playground has done much more than make a social statement. It's helped the girls beat health issues — anaemia, asthma, diabetes and arthritis have been kept in check through consistent practice. Umm al-Banin, for instance, had blood sugar levels upwards of 350 when she joined the squad at the ground in Darulshifa four months ago. 'Now, her condition is not as bad as it used to be,' says Imam Hussain, director (operations) at SAFA, about the 11-year-old who adores Ronaldo. According to him, this is true of many of the girls — owing to poor nutrition at home. Asthma is another grave concern. 'There are some players who, when they started out, couldn't even complete one round of the ground because of this. Now, they do multiple rounds comfortably,' he adds. Even 12-year-old Wajiha Fatima used to have trouble with training because early-onset arthritis made her knees weak. Today, she is a state-level player. Her mother, Butool Fatima, who escorts her to the playground every day, wears her victories with pride. 'When we were growing up, I couldn't imagine a playground just for girls. Our playtime ended at school. So, when this initiative started, I was certain to enrol my daughter, come what may,' Butool says. Stay updated with the latest local news from your city on Times of India (TOI). Check upcoming bank holidays , public holidays , and current gold rates and silver prices in your area.
