They spent over $200K to expand their family. Doctors say it's common for LGBTQ+ couples.
The New York thirtysomethings began their research into surrogacy and adoption and determined they'd need upwards of $100,000.
'We didn't really know how we were going to get there,' Tolbert, 36, says over a Zoom call.
But as they dove into the process, they quickly discovered the cost of surrogacy in the U.S. had increased. Estimates vary, but that cost could be as high as double or triple that $100,000 they'd planned on.
It's a common story among LGBTQ+ people who want to grow their families but face a medical system that was built for heterosexual couples.
While decades of technological advancements have improved fertility care, there's been little change to better accommodate same-sex, transgender or nonbinary couples, said Marea Goodman, a licensed midwife and founder of PregnantTogether, a virtual community for queer and solo parents.
'The history of fertility care is based in a lot of heterosexuality,' they said. 'The same tactics that they use for heterosexual people, who have been trying to conceive at home but can't, are not appropriate for the LGBTQ folks or solo parents who are accessing those same services.'
Tolbert and Gonzales face what many LGBTQ+ couples do: The fact that insurance doesn't cover their fertility journey.
Until recently, most insurance companies followed the American Society for Reproductive Medicine's definition for fertility, which defined infertility as a condition in which heterosexual couples couldn't conceive after a year of unprotected intercourse.
'If you're a gay couple, you're not infertile, or you may be, but that's not the reason for you going through fertility treatments,' Tolbert added.
In October 2023, the organization expanded that definition to include all patients who require intervention.
About two dozen states have laws mandating private insurers to cover fertility treatments, according to a KFF database. However, only Colorado, Illinois, Maine and Washington, D.C. explicitly include LGBTQ+ people. California's new law, which goes into effect July 2025, mandates coverage for IVF and expands the definition of infertility to include LGBTQ+ people.
It would only apply to larger companies with more than 100 employees. Still, it's a step in the right direction, said Dr. Mickey Coffler, reproductive endocrinologist at HRC Fertility, a network of fertility clinics in California.
'We are responsible as providers to do the best in our abilities to educate patients and make them aware of their rights because this new state bill is quite revolutionary and it's going to be very helpful,' he said.
Pride Month: What is it and why is it celebrated in June?
Between July 2024 and February 2025, Tolbert and Gonzales underwent fertility and tested for sexually transmitted infections ($652); flew to Mexico and made semen deposits ($2,380); selected an egg donor with enough frozen eggs for two IVF journeys; and made embryo transfers. Today, one of the couple's surrogate is 18 weeks along and the other nine weeks. Tolbert and Gonzales used the same egg donor so their children would be half-siblings.
The fees for their agency, donor, surrogates and other medical fees tallied $118,295, and overall, they spent $143,538 with an additional expected $78,028 for a total of $221,566.
A limited supply of egg and sperm donors, and surrogates is also partly driving rising costs for LGBTQ+ people, Coffler said. American families are also competing with international families who are seeking similar services in the U.S.
Rising fees "has become a huge barrier for these patients to be able to afford those services,' he said.
Despite the mounting costs, Tolbert and Gonzales are excited to build their family. In the meantime, they aim to showcase their journey and educate their followers along the way.
'We're sharing this not for sympathy, but for transparency,' Tolbert said in a recent TikTok video, 'and for those of you exploring similar paths to have a real-world example. Every journey is unique, and costs can vary wildly, but knowledge is power.'
Adrianna Rodriguez can be reached at adrodriguez@usatoday.com.
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Infertility, IVF: How LGBTQ couples navigate a heterosexual system
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
San Francisco Chronicle
5 hours ago
- San Francisco Chronicle
49ers' DE Nick Bosa to join sports council restarted by President Trump
President Donald Trump announced Thursday that San Francisco 49ers defensive end Nick Bosa is among several NFL players joining the President's Council on Sports, Fitness and Nutrition. Bosa will be tasked with offering advice on college sports and women's sports. Philadelphia Eagles running back Saquon Barkley and Miami Dolphins quarterback Tua Tagovailoa are also on the council, which will be led by LIV Golf pro Bryson DeChambeau as chairman. Trump on Thursday signed an executive order that re-established the council, originally established in 1956 by President Dwight Eisenhower, and the Presidential Fitness Test, first created in 1966 by President Lyndon Johnson. 'From the late 1950s until 2013, graduate scholars all across our country competed against each other in the Presidential Fitness Test, and it was a big deal,' Trump said. 'This was a wonderful tradition and we're bringing it back. 'My administration is also pressing forward with the important reforms in sports and athletics.' The NFL fined Bosa $11,255 for interrupting a postgame interview in October while wearing a hat that conveyed a political message — Trump's campaign slogan, 'Make America Great Again' — after a 30-24 49ers win over the Cowboys. Trump won the 2024 presidential election the following week, to which Bosa said, 'It was well worth it. … Clearly, the nation spoke.' A number of other current and former professional athletes were in attendance, including former New York Giants Hall of Fame linebacker and registered sex offender Lawrence Taylor and Kansas City Chiefs kicker Harrison Butker, whose commencement speech at Benedictine College in May 2024 stirred controversy. Butker said the majority of female graduates were likely more excited about marriage and child-rearing than pursuing career success, also calling Pride Month 'a deadly sin.' DeChambeau, retired LPGA tour golfer Anna Sörenstam and WWE chief content officer and former pro wrestler Paul 'Triple H' Levesque were also at the White House to watch the bill signing. 'We have an opportunity … to literally change the fabric of kids' lives,' DeChambeau said of the council.
NBC News
14 hours ago
- NBC News
Trump gives drugmakers 60 days to slash prescription drug prices
President Donald Trump sent letters to more than a dozen major drugmakers Thursday demanding that they lower the cost of prescription drugs in the U.S. within 60 days. In the letters — which Trump published on his social media platform Truth Social — the drugmakers were told to offer the 'full portfolio' of their existing medications to Medicaid patients at the same prices paid abroad, also known as the 'most favored nation' rule. He also told drugmakers to 'guarantee' that patients on Medicare, Medicaid and private insurance get the same lower prices that are paid abroad for all newly approved drugs 'both upon launch and moving forward.' He also demanded that drugmakers return any additional revenues earned abroad to U.S. taxpayers, and create a 'direct to consumer' option for certain medications that would also be offered at lower prices. 'Make no mistake: a collaborative effort towards achieving global pricing parity would be the most effective path for companies, the government, and American patients,' Trump wrote in the letters. 'But if you refuse to step up, we will deploy every tool in our arsenal to protect American families from continued abusive drug pricing practices.' It's unclear, experts say, whether Trump has the authority to force drugmakers to lower the cost of their prescription drugs without the help of Congress. What's more, any attempt to do so is likely to be met with fierce pushback from the drug industry. 'It may take more than a tough letter from the President to motivate the pharmaceutical industry to drop their prices,' said Tricia Neuman, executive director of the program on Medicare policy at KFF, a nonpartisan health policy research group. 'The voluntary approach hasn't worked so far to drive down drug prices,' she added. 'Drug prices tend to go down when compelled by law or in response to competition.' Trump has repeatedly complained — during both terms — that people in the U.S. pay far more for prescription drugs than people in other countries. Indeed, prescription drug prices in the United States are notoriously high — up to 10 times more than in other nations of similar size and wealth, according to the Rand Corp., a public policy think tank. More than 3 in 4 adults in the U.S. say the cost of medications is unaffordable, according to a poll from KFF. In May, Trump signed an executive order instructing federal health officials to renew an effort to implement the 'most favored nation' rule — a strategy he pursued unsuccessfully during his first term. The 17 letters were sent Thursday to major drugmakers such as Eli Lilly, GSK, Pfizer, Merck, Johnson & Johnson, Amgen, Novo Nordisk and Novartis. NBC News has reached out to all 17 companies for comment. A spokesperson for Novo Nordisk said the company 'remains focused on improving patient access and affordability, and we will continue to work to find solutions that help people access the medication they need.' A spokesperson for Johnson & Johnson said the company was still reviewing the letter, and referred NBC News to the pharmaceutical industry's top lobbying group, PhRMA, for comment. PhRMA did not immediately respond to a request for comment. The Trump administration does have another tool at its disposal to lower the cost of prescription drugs: Medicare drug pricing negotiations. Signed into law by President Joe Biden through the Inflation Reduction Act, the provision allows Medicare to negotiate prices on the costliest medications. The first round of negotiations is estimated to save Medicare $6 billion in 2026, when the prices are expected to go into effect.
Yahoo
16 hours ago
- Yahoo
Putin signs a bill punishing online searches for information deemed 'extremist'
MOSCOW (AP) — Russian President Vladimir Putin on Thursday signed a bill that punishes online searches for information officially branded 'extremist,' the latest in a series of moves by authorities to tighten control of the internet. The legislation, which has been approved by both houses of parliament earlier this month, makes what it describes as 'deliberately searching for and accessing extremist materials' online punishable by a fine of up to the equivalent of $60. In Russia, the official definition of extremist activity is extremely broad and includes opposition groups like the Anti-Corruption Foundation, created by the late opposition leader Alexei Navalny, and the 'international LGBTQ+ movement.' It's not clear how authorities will track down violators. Officials and lawmakers said ordinary internet users won't be affected and that only those who methodically seek outlawed content will be targeted. They did not explain how authorities would differentiate between them. Russians widely use VPN services for access to banned content, but authorities have sought to tighten restrictions and close the loopholes. The state communications watchdog has increasingly used technology to analyze traffic and block specific VPN protocols. Russian authorities have ramped up their multipronged crackdown on dissent after sending troops into Ukraine in February 2022. Since then, online censorship and prosecutions for social media posts and comments have soared. Multiple independent news outlets and rights groups have been shut down, labeled as 'foreign agents' or outlawed as 'undesirable.' Hundreds of activists and critics of the Kremlin have faced criminal charges. The Associated Press
