People Are Finding 'Their Person' While Traveling — And There's A Science Behind Why

Yahoo

4 days ago

In 2013, Kelly Tolliday traveled to Ireland with a friend for a wedding — and found love herself. The travel adviser and host of the 'Transform with Travel' podcast signed up for a pub crawl and met a cute Australian man named Sam.
'Something clicked into place with the two of us that neither of us, still to this day, can quite explain or comprehend,' she said.
After the trip, the two sent many Facebook messages, chatted on many Skype calls and traveled. They've been together ever since.
Lanie van der Horst, a family travel blog creator, also found love while traveling abroad. She met her now-husband on a three-week tour.
'Halfway through the tour, he asked me to continue to travel with him after the tour ended,' she recalled. 'I added two weeks to my planned holiday.'
Afterward, they talked online and met back up the following summer in Asia. They continued traveling together for a few years before deciding to get married.
Last but not least, Isheeta Borkar, co-owner and co-author of Travelicious Couple, found love while traveling. She matched with someone on Tinder while visiting Seattle. 'From our very first conversation, it felt different,' she said.
The pair traveled to see each other at home — Borkar to Seattle, and her now-husband to Vancouver — before getting married and traveling full-time together.
'We made ferries, buses and long waits at immigration part of our routine,' she said. 'Not because it was easy, but because it was worth it.'
This phenomenon is real for many people, not just these three couples and several TikTok creators.
Travel experts have seen it, too. 'I have witnessed firsthand how travel can open people's hearts in powerful ways,' said Sheree Holt, a travel adviser and founder of Why Not Roam, a boutique travel agency specializing in premium group experiences for midlife travelers. 'Finding love while traveling is not just a romantic comedy cliche (or potential '90-Day Fiancé' storyline).'
Ahead, these individuals and other experts explain the psychology and share key destinations for finding love.
Travel is about escaping normal life and exploring, which is a perfect setup for romance.
'When traveling abroad, we soon feel more relaxed, less uptight and worried about the stress of normal life,' said Daniel Clarke, a travel expert and director of Parklink, a resource showcasing holiday homes in the United Kingdom.
The stress piece is rooted in science. 'According to science journalist Florence Williams, within three days of being in a wild setting, your biological markers for stress decrease,' Tolliday said, mentioning blood pressure, heart rate and breath rate.
And when we stress less, Clarke said, we let our defenses down, become open to new things and embrace adventure.
'It's kind of why we travel altogether,' said Sunil Gupta, the co-founder and travel adviser at Luxury India Tours LLP, a service that offers bespoke luxury travel itineraries across the subcontinent. 'When we go on a trip, we're either consciously or subconsciously getting ready to experience the things we don't back at home. … We give ourselves permission to live a different kind of life than we normally do.'
Getting away and traveling gives us a sense of newness, too. 'This 'fresh start' effect can make you more emotionally receptive and curious about the people around you,' Holt added.
You also have more time to spend with those people, which is something van der Horst pointed to.
Borkar felt more grounded and more herself when she was away from home.
'When you're traveling, you're more grounded in the present and less tied to expectations,' she said.
This helped her find a more genuine connection without the noise or worries of her everyday life.
Tolliday has found this to be the case, too. 'Without the daily obligations of home life, you may feel more yourself and freer,' she said. 'This sense of self can also attract others to you more easily.'
No matter how many times you've gone somewhere new, the experience puts you in a growth zone. This ties back to Carol Dweck's theory of the 'growth mindset,' or the idea that abilities and skills can be developed rather than being things we categorically do or don't have.
'Carol Dweck's growth mindset theory suggests, when we're in a learning and adaptive state, we're more likely to form meaningful connections,' Tolliday said.
In short, a new space can mean new relationships.
There's something to be said about some of your first dates being on the St. Lucia beach or by the Eiffel Tower, for example.
'Some places just exude romance,' Tolliday said.
Clarke agreed that fun, beautiful experiences can bring together people who may normally not have interacted and create richer memories.
And again, that's not just a theory, but a researched truth.
'Studies show that doing something new or adventurous releases dopamine, the feel-good chemical tied to attraction,' Holt said. 'When you share a memorable experience, like ziplining through a rainforest or getting lost in a Tuscan village, it creates connection and emotional intimacy.'
One of those studies, noted by Tolliday, was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
'This research shows that when your emotions are heightened, your likelihood of feeling attracted to others around you increases,' she said. 'The rush you feel while surfing for the first time in Costa Rica might actually make your new surf buddies feel more attractive to you.'
Van der Horst found that she was less concerned with what could go wrong in the new setting.
'There's a part of you who doesn't quite think it's real, that it won't last and that you won't have any consequences after the holiday ends,' she shared.
Gupta also found it easier to confide in strangers because they were removed from his everyday life. 'That kind of vulnerability, in my experience, is often the foundation of a real romantic connection,' he said.
Want to experience what those individuals have? Generally speaking, van der Horst suggested going to a place that interests you and allows you to interact with the same people.
Borkar recommended experiential travel hubs as well as spots that have social infrastructure and reflect your values.
An organized tour is another smart choice. 'The fact they have booked onto the same tour means you already have things in common and may enjoy the same type of vacation,' Clarke said.
But what about specific travel spots that experts find promising?
Going back to values and hobbies, Gupta gave an example. 'If you're into art and culture, cities like Florence, Kyoto or Buenos Aires might offer more meaningful connections,' he said.
Holt — who's visited over 30 countries — gets even more specific.
Barcelona, Spain: 'Warm weather, vibrant nightlife and a deeply social culture in an ever-appealing Mediterranean setting make it easy to meet people naturally.'
New Orleans: 'Music, food and magic. And did I mention food? The city's soulful (and almost mystic) energy is practically designed for sparks to fly.'
Lisbon, Portugal: 'Stunning views, warm locals and lots of group-friendly activities like cooking classes and wine tastings that foster connection.'
Jamaica: 'The vibes are all over the island, as is romantic scenery and a bunch of all-inclusive resorts where you can meet other travelers looking to connect.'
Tolliday gave more examples, such as the Great Barrier Reef for scuba diving courses, Thailand for teaching English, Costa Rica for turtle-hatching observation tours and the Inca Trail in Peru for a group hiking tour.
'Heading to destinations where you're more likely to meet new people with shared passions will be key,' she said.
And that's just it: Focus on the passion first. Focus on being yourself and enjoying the trip — not just endlessly searching for a potential partner — and love may very well come your way.
'It's about giving yourself the permission slip to be fully who you are, without the expectations of those at home, and letting that shine through your interactions with someone new,' Tolliday said. 'The less expectations you can have around it, the more you will be surprised at how open your heart can be.'
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