DEAR ABBY: Closeted man tells gay friend to tone it down for relatives
I invited my cousin and her husband to a small get-together before an event here in the city near my house. I also invited a few close (gay) friends who were attending the event. I'm fairly close with this cousin but have never talked about my sexual orientation with her.
One of my friends is very open about his life and I asked him politely to refrain from talking about it when meeting my cousin and her husband for the first time. He agreed, although he was a bit taken aback. He later called me a 'homophobe.' Was I wrong to ask that those personal details not be a part of the conversation? — DISCREET IN THE EAST
DEAR DISCREET: You state that you suspect that some of your family members are aware of your sexual orientation. You have the right to invite anyone you wish to your social gatherings, but having done so, you shouldn't attempt to censor who they are. Because you have some gay people at a party does not necessarily mean you are gay, too. That said, this might have been a missed opportunity for you to open that closet door a few inches wider.
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DEAR ABBY: I am a college student finishing up my final year. There's this girl I have liked since my sophomore year. Unfortunately, things didn't pan out. After I asked if we could hang out one-on-one, she explained that she didn't like romance.
We ended up being friends, though. However, I have noticed we are hanging out less and less often, and I'm usually the one making the effort. It bothers me because we get along quite well, and when we do hang out, it's for a long time. We have good conversations and have shared personal stories.
The last time we were together, I told her I would leave the initiative with her, and she should tell me when she next wanted to get together. That was two months ago, and I'm getting the feeling she probably isn't going to ask me. It makes me really sad.
If by the end of the semester she doesn't reach out, should I send her a message expressing my disappointment but wish her well? Or should I ask if I could meet her once more before leaving? (I doubt I will see her again after graduation.) I suppose this would be going back on my word about leaving it up to her, but I don't want to feel regret. — SMITTEN IN INDIANA
DEAR SMITTEN: From what you have written, this young woman has been trying to let you down gently, but her message hasn't gotten through. She is not interested in a romance with you. What do you think you would accomplish by asking to see her 'one more time'? Speaking as an unbiased spectator, it could be awkward for her and painful for you. If you would like to text her a message wishing her well, it might be a better way to close this chapter of your life.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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CNET
3 hours ago
- CNET
Want to See More Visits to Your Bird Feeder? Try These Expert-Approved Tips
If you're looking for an easy way to slow down and enjoy the outdoors, adding a bird feeder to your outdoor space is an excellent choice. Whether you have your own trees out in the suburbs or you have a small backyard patio in the city, adding a bird feeder to your space can invite feathered friends to visit for a few minutes each day. Along with the joys of birdsong, taking a few minutes to hang out with birds can deliver benefits to your mental health. Studies show that spending time around birds and hearing birdsong can lower stress, ease anxiety and even help with depression symptoms. But if your feeder isn't seeing much traffic, the issue might not be the food, but the placement. After finally getting her dream backyard setup, a wellness writer and longtime birder reached out to Tru Hubbard, urban wildlife education coordinator for the Nevada Department of Wildlife. The goal? Maximize bird visits, safely and sustainably. From picking the right feeder and seed to choosing the safest, most visible place to hang it, Hubbard offers expert tips that'll help you turn your yard or balcony into a birdwatcher's paradise. Whether you're a beginner or a full-on bird nerd, this advice will help you create a safe, active haven for local wildlife and give you a peaceful new daily routine to enjoy. Where is the best place to put your bird feeder? Location, location, location -- it's not just a term for real estate agents. Where and how you set up your bird feeder can affect the birds and other wildlife. The main points to consider when picking the best spot for your bird feeder are proper coverage and proximity to trees, distance from windows and height off the ground. Coverage and proximity to trees Birds prefer to feed in areas with some coverage, allowing them to quickly escape to nearby trees or bushes if needed. Placing your feeder near trees or shrubbery increases their protection from predators and offers shelter from inclement weather like rain or wind -- but they shouldn't be too close. The standard guideline is to put your feeder between 10 and 15 feet from bushes and trees. Hanging your feeder in a tree with easily accessible branches isn't advised. "We also want to reduce the ability of other animals to access the food, which is why sometimes hanging them in trees can be an invitation to our smaller mammals. Placing it about 10 feet away from any tree or structure squirrels or raccoons could use to jump off will help stop them from stealing food," said Hubbard. A bird feeder hung close to branches or structures can be an easy target for squirrels, raccoons and other placement can also reduce the likelihood of birds being stalked by neighborhood cats from the bushes. This is important to consider because feral and domestic cat predation is the primary driver of bird mortality in the US. Distance from windows "There are multiple factors to consider that can vary for each person and yard. Prioritizing the bird's safety should be number one; thus, avoiding spots that could increase the chance of bird strikes on windows should be at the top of the list," said Hubbard. There is a sweet spot regarding how far away your feeder should be from windows. One way to remember this is the Rule of 3 or 30, which suggests placing your bird feeder within 3 feet of a window or at least 30 feet away. If your feeder is less than 3 feet from a window, the chances of a bird getting injured are reduced since it won't be flying at high speed if it hits the window. The safest option is to position your feeder well away from windows to eliminate the risk of collisions entirely. "Ideally, a bird feeder should be placed more than 30 feet away from any windows, allowing plenty of time for them to navigate around potential hazards, or within a few feet of a home, which doesn't allow birds to gain enough speed to injure themselves if they do contact a window," explained Hubbard. The US Fish and Wildlife Service estimates that over 1 billion birds collide with glass and windows in the United States annually. If birds are colliding with your windows at home, check out these tips for keeping them safe. Shade versus sun "Hanging feeders in shaded areas is generally preferred because it will prevent food spoilage, provide some cover from the elements and keep birds out of the hot sun for a more comfortable feeding environment," explained Hubbard. In addition to keeping them cooler during the warmer summer months, a shaded location can help reduce sun glare and prevent confusion for the birds flying in your yard. The height of your bird feeder will also play a role in the type of bird you off the ground The height of your feeder will also impact the species of birds that will hang out there. Ground-feeding birds, such as sparrows and towhees, naturally prefer to eat lower, while others, like woodpeckers, feed higher in trees. "About 5 to 6 feet minimum is recommended due to other animals that will be trying to access the feed, including squirrels, raccoons and deer," said Hubbard. You can certainly install a bird feeder above that 5-to-6-foot sweet spot, just keep in mind that positioning it too high can make it less convenient for cleaning and refilling. What type of bird feeder should you use? Bird feeders come in all shapes and sizes, ranging from trays and platforms to hoppers and tubes. Browsing the many options at my local plant nursery was a little overwhelming. I spoke with a knowledgeable employee who explained that when it comes to deciding on the type of feeder, it ultimately boils down to the bird you hope to attract. Hubbard echoed this sentiment. "Your bird feeder selection depends primarily on the species of bird you would like to feed. For instance, platform feeders tend to be better suited for larger songbirds like cardinals, while feeders with lots of little perches are better for small songbirds and can reduce competition for food. Things you can also consider are durability, how easy they are to clean and squirrel-proof features if you expect this to be an issue," Hubbard explained. Unless you're trying to attract one specific type of bird, providing a combination of different feeder styles and foods in your yard will attract the greatest variety. For more, here's a breakdown of the types of bird feeders and the birds they're best for. It was three days before I saw the first visitor to my platform feeder. Aly Lopez/CNET After installing my hanging tray feeder, the first visitor was a California scrub jay. This species can be rather competitive and aggressive with other birds, and is sometimes called a "bully bird," so I hoped it wouldn't hog the feeder. However, I'm pleased to report that many other birds have since been regularly stopping by the feeder, including chickadees, house finches, mourning doves and American robins. What should you feed the birds? Similar to the type of feeder, the food you put out will determine which birds (and other animals) will visit. "The type of birdseed used varies depending on what species you're hoping to attract to your backyard," Hubbard said, sharing research published by the National Audubon Society. Project Wildbird was an impressive study involving the observation of 1.2 million bird feeder visits to determine the top seed preferences of birds. The No. 1 choice? Black oil sunflower seeds. They're easy to crack open and provide a nutritious, high-oil snack, meaning less work and a greater reward. It's preferred by birds such as the black-capped chickadee, Cassin's finch, northern cardinal, house finch, tufted titmouse, red-breasted nuthatch and many more. The birding section at my local plant nursery displays signs showing which seed is best for attracting certain species of birds. Aly Lopez/CNET High-quality birdseed will increase the likelihood of birds flocking to your feeder. Cheap store-bought mixed bags often include fillers such as cracked corn and red milo. These low-quality alternatives to sunflower and other protein-rich seeds lack nutritional value, and birds often won't eat them. Smaller birds have a harder time eating these with their tiny beaks. An accumulation of leftovers can grow mold and attract unwanted wildlife or pests to your feeder, so it's best to avoid the cheap stuff at all costs. Mealworms and suet cakes are other great options for providing the birds with nutritious and energy-rich food. I chose a variety of birdseed mixes from Wild Birds Unlimited. Aly Lopez/CNET I opted for various birdseed mixes from the reputable brand Wild Birds Unlimited. The company offers an assortment of bird food ranging from suet cakes to high-quality seed blends. Large bulk bags of birdseed are available for purchase, but I chose to go with a few smaller bags first to see which is the most popular among the birds in my yard. Do not give them human food Avoid setting out human food or snacks to protect your wild bird visitors and their digestive health. Certain foods, including avocado, fruit seeds and pits, bread, milk, chocolate and foods high in sugar or salt, are toxic to birds. "We do not recommend feeding any wild bird human food. An unnatural diet doesn't provide the required nutrients that wild birds need to be healthy, and it can also result in behavioral changes, increases in illnesses and disease spread," explains Hubbard. Is it OK to have a bird feeder in your yard? Generally, having a bird feeder in your yard is fine, but it depends on your situation. While bird feeders attract various birds, they may also draw in other animals, such as mice, squirrels, raccoons, deer and bears. The presence of rodents near your bird feeder can attract predators like snakes, coyotes, hawks and owls to your space. "Some instances where it may be a good idea to remove your feeder, at least for the time being, are when you're made aware of high wildlife activity in your area, including animals such as bears or coyotes. These animals are attracted to almost any food source they can find, especially when they are easily accessible. Securing food sources can be an easy adjustment to help keep wildlife from developing a habit of visiting your yard," said Hubbard. If you live in bear country, it's important to secure any attractants when there are sightings in your area."If you don't want to remove the bird feeder completely, try removing it overnight when a lot of wildlife is most active, then place it back out in the morning. You can also try scattering some small amounts of birdseed in your yard during the day, which will be easy for birds to pick through but not worth it for our larger animals. Keep in mind that this may also attract smaller rodents to your yard, which could, in turn, attract predators. It is good practice to keep up with sightings in your area, and you can start by removing and securing the feeders at night," Hubbard emphasized. How often should you clean your bird feeder? "Generally, it is recommended that bird feeders be cleaned every other week or twice a month, but this frequency should be increased if sick birds or disease is suspected. Another option is to clean the feeder every time it is emptied," said Hubbard. The frequency also depends on the type of feeder and food involved, as well as the climate. For example, hummingbird feeders require more frequent cleanings (around every three to five days), as do feeders located in especially hot or humid weather. Most bird feeders can be cleaned by removing the old seed, taking them apart and placing them in a dishwasher on a hot setting or handwashing with soap or a diluted bleach solution. Properly rinse and thoroughly dry the bird feeder before refilling it with new seed. Cleaning the ground beneath your feeder is recommended to prevent the buildup of uneaten seed and bird waste. How long will it take for birds to find the feeder? I have two different types of feeders: a hanging tray and the Bird Buddy Smart Feeder. The latter has a classic hopper or house shape with a solar-powered roof for coverage and a camera for capturing photos and videos as they munch. I had to fend off disappointment when my little bird buddies didn't immediately swarm around the new feeders, but I learned it can take up to a few weeks before they'll interact with a new one. Birds are creatures of habit, and testing a new food source and landing pattern takes time. The first bird to visit my platform feeder took about three days. It took 12 days for a bird to land on the Bird Buddy feeder. I was jumping for joy when I received the notification from the Bird Buddy app that I had a visitor -- a cute mountain chickadee coming to check things out for the first time. This little mountain chickadee was the first to check out the Bird Buddy feeder 12 days after installing it. Bird Buddy/Aly Lopez/CNET Too long; didn't read? The most important thing to consider is the health and safety of the wild birds in your area. In addition to the placement of your bird feeder, the type of feeder and seed you use influence the species of birds that will visit -- as well as the presence of other animals and potential predators. I enjoy the gentle coo of the mourning doves that have been visiting my hanging tray, but they sure do leave a mess. Aly Lopez/CNET Ideally, you should position your bird feeder around 10 feet away from trees or shrubs to prevent squirrels from jumping onto it. It's best to keep your feeder at least 30 feet away from windows or glass to reduce the risk of collision, a leading cause of injury and death for birds. Use high-quality feed and avoid offering human food or snacks, as many are toxic to birds. If you live in an area where bears, coyotes or foxes are frequently spotted, securing your bird feeder and any other attractants is crucial to keep these animals safe and out of your yard. Additionally, cats pose another huge threat to bird populations. If you have a cat that roams outside, it's best not to use bird feeders in your yard to ensure the birds' safety and protection. Regular cleaning of your bird feeder is essential to prevent mold and bacteria growth, which can lead to the transmission of bird disease. As fun as it is to bring all the birds to your yard, being a responsible birder is key to ensuring the birds (and you) stay safe, healthy and happy. If you have questions regarding your birding journey, the National Audubon Society is an excellent resource for bird feeding and care. Your state's wildlife department is another fantastic source for inquiring about local guidelines and assistance. It's pretty simple -- the bird feeder and type of seed you set out will influence the birds that come to your yard. Ensuring their safety is the top priority.
Yahoo
7 hours ago
- Yahoo
We Had A Life That Looked Good On The Surface. Then We Sold Everything We Owned To Travel The World Full Time.
When my husband and I told people we were selling everything we owned to travel full time, most assumed we were either having a midlife crisis or chasing an early retirement fantasy. The truth is, it was neither. It was something we couldn't quite explain at the time, only that we felt called to do it. We were 50-something empty nesters with 35 years of marriage under our belt. We had four grown daughters and nine grandkids, a house we loved, a business we'd built, and a life that, on the surface, looked good. And it was good, even if we felt like something was missing. We had fallen into a rhythm that felt more like repetition. It was like living the same day over and over again. Then, during COVID, I had a cancer scare. It turned out to be benign, but in the long, terrifying weeks of waiting, everything shifted. All the routines and responsibilities that once felt essential suddenly seemed arbitrary. I realized how easily we could run out of time, and how much of our lives we had spent putting things off. That experience cracked something open in us. We started asking harder questions. What if we stopped waiting for the right time? What if we actually did the thing we always said we'd do 'someday'? We started joking about 'running away' and living out of a suitcase. Then the jokes turned into spreadsheets. Spreadsheets turned into lists. And before we knew it, we were sitting on our living room floor, surrounded by decades of stuff, packing up donations and wondering if we'd completely lost our minds. Spoiler: We had. In the best possible way. We sold the house, the cars, even the furniture. We got rid of the lawnmower, the sectional, and the juicer I swore I'd use one day. We kept what we could carry in two suitcases, put a few special things in storage, and had a sense of purpose that was both thrilling and terrifying. We boarded a one-way flight to Bali with vague plans to return for Christmas. We had no fixed itinerary and absolutely no idea what we were doing. That was two years ago. Since then, we've lived in 15 countries, traveled more than 120,000 miles, and learned more about ourselves than we did in the previous 30 years combined. The logistics were tough, but the emotional part was even harder. How do you explain to your adult kids that you're leaving? Not just for a week or two, but for the foreseeable future. That you're skipping the stability you once preached and embracing a lifestyle that even you don't fully understand? There were tears. There was confusion. There were hugs and heart-to-hearts and promises to FaceTime. One of our grandkids asked if we were going to live in space. Another said, 'You'll be back in a week.' I laughed at the time, but part of me wondered if they were right. Some of them think we're on every airplane they see in the sky. You should see the looks of confusion when we're actually with them and they see a plane overhead. I wrestled with guilt in ways I never expected. I had been a mom for so long, and was so excited to be a grandmother. It felt strange to center myself in the story of my own life. What kind of woman chooses adventure over baking cookies with her grandkids? But here's the thing. I spent decades making sure everyone else was OK. This was the first time I asked what I wanted. And what I wanted was to live intentionally, explore the world with my husband, and create a new kind of legacy, one built not just on stability, but on curiosity and courage. When we landed in Bali, it was raining. We ended up booking a beautiful Airbnb that turned out to be way out in the countryside. There was a beach across the street, but no grocery stores nearby and no public transportation. That first night, we sat in our villa and quietly wondered if we'd made a huge mistake. And then something shifted. We found rhythm in the chaos. We rented a scooter and slowly started exploring. We began falling in love with our little town of Balian. We didn't know what we were doing and that was the point. We woke up every day with nothing to do and nowhere to be. It was a kind of freedom we hadn't known since our 20s. We explored neighborhoods on foot, tried foods we couldn't pronounce, got lost, and found hidden cafés and quiet moments that reminded us why we were doing this. Some days were magic. Other days were mundane. This wasn't a vacation. It was life, just in a new time zone, with monkeys, surfing and nasi goreng. We started sharing our journey online through our blog, and our Instagram. What began as a way to keep family updated quickly turned into something more: a space to inspire others who felt like they had missed their shot at adventure. People would message us saying, 'I didn't know you could do this at 50,' or, 'My kids are grown and I feel stuck. Thank you for showing another way.' That was when we realized this wasn't just our story. It was something bigger. One of the most surprising things we learned? You don't have to be extremely wealthy to travel full time. We live on $3,000 a month, and sometimes even less. We rent long-term Airbnbs in walkable neighborhoods. We cook most of our meals. We take public transportation and book flights based on what's cheapest, not what's most convenient. Letting the deal determine the destination has taken us to places we never expected: Vietnam, Thailand, even France and Spain. Some of our favorite places were ones we'd never even considered. People often assume travel is all luxury and leisure, but the truth is, this lifestyle is as much about problem-solving as it is about passports. We've dealt with visa mix-ups, broken washing machines, language barriers, food poisoning, lost luggage, and a phone that got stolen on the metro on our first day in Paris. We've also had more conversations with strangers, more spontaneous dance parties, and more 'I can't believe this is our life' moments than we can count. The hardest part isn't travel; it's the distance. I won't sugarcoat it. Being away from our kids and grandkids is the hardest part. We've missed birthday parties and baby teeth and all the little in-between moments you don't realize are sacred until you're watching them on a screen. I've cried in hotel rooms and on train platforms. I've questioned whether we're doing the right thing more times than I can count. But I've also learned that presence isn't just physical. We send voice memos and pictures. We read bedtime stories over Zoom. We send postcards from every city we visit. We help with piano practice over FaceTime. We tell them about the world and how big and beautiful it is, and that they can be part of it, too. And when we do visit home, which we plan intentionally a few times a year, our time together feels richer, deeper, more present. Because we're not exhausted. We're not running on empty or counting the minutes until the weekend. We're showing up as our fullest selves. There's this myth that by 50, you should have it all figured out. That reinvention is for the young. That it's too late to start over. But the truth is, this chapter, the one after raising kids, building careers, and checking all the boxes, can be the most freeing of all. Success used to look like a paid-off mortgage, a big career, and a packed calendar. Now, it looks like a morning walk through a market in Bali or working from a quiet French café in a town square. It looks like having time to think, to connect, to breathe. It also looks like learning to trust myself again. To make decisions not based on expectations, but on intuition. To be OK with not knowing what comes next. And the most surprising part? The more we've embraced uncertainty, the more certain we feel. If you're reading this and thinking, That sounds amazing, but I could never do that, I want you to know: I thought that, too. I also know what a privilege it is to be able to choose this path. Not everyone has the flexibility, resources or support to travel the world full time, and I'm deeply grateful every day that we get to live this way. We didn't have it all figured out. Honestly, we still don't. But we did it anyway. And that's what made it meaningful. You don't have to sell everything and move abroad to reclaim your life. But you can say yes to something that scares you. You can want more, even if your life looks full on paper. You can choose yourself, even if you've spent years choosing everyone else. This isn't a story about travel. It's a story about permission. About listening to the little whisper inside that says, 'What if?' and then daring to find out. We're still figuring it out, one country, one mistake, one unforgettable moment at a time. But if there's one thing I know for sure, it's this: It's never too late to live a life that feels like your own. A travel writer, blogger, and grandmother of nine who has lived in 15 countries, Shelly Peterson shares honest travel stories and tips at and runs a flight deal service that helps travelers chase their own adventures When she's not exploring a new destination, you can usually find her playing the harp, trying new recipes or soaking up the sun by the ocean. Do you have a compelling personal story you'd like to see published on HuffPost? Find out what we're looking for here and send us a pitch at pitch@ Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
8 hours ago
- Yahoo
Help! My Husband Says It's Unfair He'll Never Be a Dad. But Having Kids Could Cost Me My Life.
Our advice columnists have heard it all over the years—so we're diving into the Dear Prudence archives to share classic letters with our readers. Submit your own questions to Prudie here. Dear Prudence, My husband and I married somewhat later in life and agreed that we would not take extraordinary measures to have kids if it came down to it. Well, turns out we would need them. Aside from being in the 'geriatric' pregnancy age range, I'd need extensive tests and procedures and likely many rounds of IVF to get even close. And it would still be medically dangerous in some ways. So, having shared this with him, I made a kind of sad peace with it a year or so ago. I'll be OK if it's just us and the pets, and I'm open to adoption. Tonight after his regular therapy session, though, he said his therapist told him to tell me how sad he is over it. 'Some people can be satisfied with just their pets as their kids. I'm not,' he said, and then said how unfair it is that he doesn't get to be a dad because he'd be great at it, and he'll always feel like he missed out. I asked him, kindly I thought, if it's wrong for us to stay married then, that I'll always feel like I did this to him, held him back. He said he told his therapist that I'd say that, and that I'm the love of his life, it's not my fault, and he can't imagine life without me. But if he'll never be fully happy, what do I even say to that? I already made some peace with this, but clearly he hasn't, and I have no idea what to say or do next. —Not Child-Free By Choice Dear Choice, One open question seems to be whether your husband would consider adoption—you know he wouldn't be happy with just the pets, but it's not clear whether he'd be interested in becoming a father through adoption. That's a significant potential solution! Since your husband seems to have drawn a lot of clarity and support from his own therapist, it might be helpful to see a couples therapist together for a while as you struggle to have difficult-yet-loving conversations about your future. You've just absorbed a lot of new information, both about your own ability to safely get pregnant and about your husband's feelings, but while much of this is time-sensitive, you don't have to make any urgent decisions or arrive at permanent resolutions in the next few days or even weeks. I hope you can both grant yourselves a great deal of flexibility and compassion on this subject; I might wish your husband had not said, 'I'll always feel like I missed out' to you, but I can certainly understand an imperfect attempt to communicate something profound and powerful on first blush. You don't have to figure out whether it's right or wrong, fair or unfair to stay married to each other. It's not a question of right or wrong, but a question of what kinds of regrets one is prepared to own and live with, to work through together. —Danny M. Lavery From: Help! Is It Wrong for Us to Stay Married if I Can't Have Kids? (March 10, 2021). Dear Prudence, How do you tell someone they're bad at something they think they are good at? My friend is a terrible baker and she thinks she's great. Her baking is inedible. She instigates cookie exchanges and offers to bake for parties. Her stuff is frankly embarrassing to serve. Do we tell her, and if so, how? Or let it go since it's mostly innocuous and throw it all out after she leaves? —No More Cookies, Please Dear Cookies, I think you're free to follow your heart on this one! In the grand scheme of things, you're right that it's mostly innocuous to occasionally take a polite nibble of her cookies, offer her a white lie, and then get rid of the remainders; it's not going to ruin your friend's life and if the most embarrassing thing that happens to her is she occasionally goes home with more leftovers than she'd planned on, I think she'll be fine. I certainly don't think you should tell her that her baking embarrasses you. If you want to tell her this latest batch is too salty, or tastes like the ingredients have gone off, by all means do so, but you don't need to tell her she's somehow humiliated you, since I do think that's a step too far. I'd really lean toward one-off honesty rather than, 'You're a lousy baker and we've all been mortified on your behalf.' Stick with 'Thank you so much for bringing these. But I think you might have mixed up the salt and sugar, because they're overpoweringly bitter!' She'll feel a little bad, you'll feel a little relieved, and everyone will survive. —D. M. L. From: Help! I've Realized After 20 Years That I Was Abusive to My Partner. Is It Too Late to Apologize? (Dec. 29, 2020). Dear Prudence, I noticed a few months ago that one of my co-workers seemed to be nodding off at her desk, but I figured she was just listening to a meeting or something on her computer with her eyes closed. (She had on headphones.) But one day, after she didn't respond to a message, I got up to speak with her. She was literally startled from sleep. I didn't tell my other co-workers or boss about the interaction or what I have been noticing. The woman is in her late 20s and was at the company before I joined. She was recently promoted to a more senior role. I figured our boss must feel she's getting her work done, and there could be more at play—like a health issue—than I realize. We recently moved into a new office where I can more clearly see her nodding off. Other co-workers have started making similar observations and commenting to each other about her behavior. I'm concerned she's going to either get in trouble or end up being ostracized. Should I talk to my co-worker or boss about this? Or should I just stay out of it? —Co-Worker Openly Dozing Off in Open Office Dear Dozing, I think you can trust your boss will handle this with her, if and when it becomes a problem affecting her work. If your co-workers try to bring it up with you, you can just say something like 'I don't think this is any of my business' and make it clear you're not interested in gossiping about her. I think this is a real opportunity for nonaction. If you see her fall asleep and it doesn't affect your ability to get your work done, don't worry about it; if you see an opportunity to encourage others to leave her alone, take it. —D. M. L. From: Help! Way Too Many People Have Seen My Boyfriend Naked. (Dec. 31, 2019). About a year ago, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Her dad and I were not married, had dated briefly, and ended up being friends more than anything. We were great co-parents and were fairly happy. About three months after my daughter was born, he gave the indication that he wanted to get back together. So we started dating. He had even hinted that we should get married in 2018. Fast forward to just a few days ago, when he drops a bombshell that he is gay. He says he has only been with me and 'entertaining' our relationship because he wanted to make sure he was gay. Solve the daily Crossword
