Trump-Zelensky: Wiretapped malarkey
The purpose of the meeting was for the two leaders to gauge and determine a path to a broader peace agreement.
The exclusion of Ukraine's president has been a point of concern for Kyiv and its European Union and British allies as it goes against the principle of 'nothing about Ukraine without Ukraine' mantra (Biden-era mantra) long enunciated by Ukraine's Western supporters.
However, Trump has been confident that a successful outcome of this initial meeting could lead to the end of the war and the killing.
According to his opponents, it would also provide him with an undeserved positive place in the history books and the Nobel Peace Prize.
This reported exchange, leaked by an anonymous insider, sheds light on
the horse-trading now unfolding over Ukraine.
Zelensky: Dobroho ranku, Sir.
Trump: Hello, can you please speak English?
Zelensky: Good morning, Mr President, Sir.
Trump: That's much better.
Zelensky: I was hoping that you can update me on your meeting with Putin. I have been trying to get through since yesterday. My staff say I have been put on hold continuously. You know, that is not acceptable.
Trump: So sorry about that, Volod. We have had the Russians trying to break into the White House lines, so Susie (Wiles, White House chief of staff) is being extra careful. Great gal, Susie. She tells me that the Democrats might also be involved. I don't trust (Gavin) Newsom (governor of California) and his boys. You are lucky to have me on your side, you know. How many Ukrainian lives has (Joe) Biden and the Democrat ba****ds
cost you and your country?
Zelensky: I need to know what you and Putin decided on. Can you please tell me what happened?
Trump: Putin! Great guy, tremendous guy. Just had the best meeting with him – by the way, very strong handshake. You'd love him. You know you should meet him ASAP.
Zelensky: Donald, you just met
with the man who is invading my country.
Trump: Exactly! But let me tell you, we worked out some incredible deals. The best deals. Nobody deals
like me. Putin said so himself. Said I'm the toughest negotiator he has had to deal with.
Zelensky: Deals? What kind of deals?
Trump: Well, first off, he said he would think about maybe not invading more. Maybe. Depends on the weather or something. But here's the big one – he is willing to give you parts of
Crimea back!
Zelensky: Crimea? Are you sure?
Trump: Yes, but now it is a two-for-one deal! You get Crimea and in exchange, you give up... let's say, Kyiv. Just for a little while. Temporary! Like a timeshare. Beautiful deal.
Zelensky: You want me to give up my capital?
Trump: Not give up, Volodymyr. You're thinking small. This is leverage. You let him have Kyiv for, say, 10 years – beautiful years, by the way – and in return, he throws in some oil and gas discounts. Maybe we can make him happy by cutting him in on our rare earths deal. Tremendous value. This will shake the world order, young man.
Zelensky: Donald, excuse me. I think you may have been... how do I say this... out-negotiated.
Trump: Impossible! I wrote The Art of the Deal. Putin showed it to me in the car and even signed the copy. In blood, he said. Very strong ink, by the way.
Zelensky: Was it his blood?
Trump: Could be! Very strong blood. Healthy guy. Doesn't drink, doesn't smoke – unlike some people. Not naming names but your approval ratings could be higher.
Zelensky: Donald, I'm in the middle of a war.
Trump: Exactly! And wars are expensive. Bad for the economy. Only good for Nato (North Atlantic Treaty Organisation). I know they will be pissed off. Forget about them. They want to fight to the last Ukrainian. Bloody hypocrites. Now, Putin's offering a peace deal – which, by the way, I came up with – where you keep, say, 60% of Ukraine? 55%? We can workshop the numbers.
Zelensky: This is my country.
Trump: And what a country! Beautiful borders. Or, well, they were beautiful. Now they are more... flexible. Like a yoga instructor. Very modern.
Zelensky: I think I need to call Biden or (Barack) Obama.
Trump: Sleepy Joe? Come on. Please. He wouldn't know a good deal if it bit him. And let me tell you, Putin's got great deals. The best. He even offered to build a Trump Tower in Moscow again – wait, forget I said that.
Zelensky: I'm hanging up now.
Trump: No one goes away until I tell them. Listen kid. I'll get you a better deal. You get to your Norwegian friend first – what's his name – and tell him I deserve the peace prize.
Zelensky: Jens. Stoltenburg (Norwegian finance minister).
Trump: Fine! And when you're ready to make real deals, you know who to call.
Zelensky: Okay. I will do it. Can we have them make us joint winners?
And your name will appear ahead of mine, Donald. Please. Hope this is OK with you.
[Call ends]
Epilogue: Later, Trump tweets: 'Just had a VERY productive call with Zelensky. He LOVED my ideas. Ukraine will be GREAT again – maybe even bigger! (Or smaller. We'll see.)'.
Still later from another Trump tweet 'Just SAVED Ukraine! Zelensky called me a GENIUS (true!). Nobel Committee, you're welcome. Maybe I'll get TWO prizes!'
Moral of the story: Diplomacy is easy when you don't understand geopolitics. Or maps. When you see geopolitics as a real estate deal, every war is just a negotiation and every country is up for foreclosure.
Lim Teck Ghee's Another Take is aimed at demystifying social orthodoxy.
Comments: letters@thesundaily.com
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