Bernard O'Shea: Five things I learned from letting horoscopes guide my week
As all questionable decisions do, it started with a biscuit and a scroll. I was halfway through a pack of fig rolls, casually flicking through my phone, when I saw it:
'Pisces, this is your week to finally let go of that toxic situation.'
I'm an Aries, but I kept reading for some reason. Maybe it was the fig rolls talking. Or I wanted to believe that some celestial body 93m miles away gave a toss about whether I emailed my mobile phone provider back. But the more I read, the more I realised: this wasn't advice. This was a vibe (I couldn't think of a better word, OK … dude?)
I don't know when horoscopes became part of my daily inner monologue, but I've realised I treat them the same way I treat voice notes from friends (I'm trying to start a 'no voice notes' movement — more on that next week): I may roll my eyes at them, but I absolutely listen to every word.
They've become little micro-coaches. Pocket-sized philosophies. Emotional Google Maps. And they've been doing it for decades — long before 'wellness influencers' told us to hydrate, journal, and build a vision board shaped like our higher self.
It got me thinking: are horoscopes just the original influencers?
Did the stars walk so the affirmations on Instagram could run?
So, in the name of science — or at least column-writing — I decided to live by my horoscope for a week.
We like to think of astrology as a modern indulgence. The Babylonians were at it 2,400 years ago, tracking planetary movements to predict the rise and fall of kings. Then the Greeks got involved, giving us the zodiac signs we now know and use to justify our worst behaviour.
'I'm not being difficult; I'm just an Aries with boundaries.'
But it wasn't until the 1930s that horoscopes really got their glossy breakout role. The Sunday Express published a star chart for Princess Margaret's birth, and boom — the British public was hooked. Soon, every paper had a daily astrology column, written with just enough vagueness to cover everything from heartbreak to bunions.
Fast forward to now, and we've just… rebranded it. Today's horoscopes are Co-Star apps, TikTok astro girls, and Instagram tarot pulls set to lo-fi music. They've gone from newspaper margins to full-blown lifestyle branding. If the moon is in Leo, you'll hear about it.
At their core, horoscopes have always done what modern influencers claim to do: Offer bite-sized wisdom. Give people something to believe in and suggest you buy a candle. And like all great influencers, horoscopes don't tell you what to do — they mean, hint, and gently nudge.
'It's a good day to reflect.'
'Don't overcommit today.'
'Your energy is low — be kind to yourself.'
I know what you're thinking: horoscopes aren't science. And you're right. But here's the thing — they don't have to be. Because the effect they have on us is real.
A 2020 study from the University of Toronto found that people who read daily horoscopes reported feeling more 'in control' of their emotions — even if they didn't believe in astrology.
No matter how cosmic, just checking in with a message grounded them. Horoscopes work not because the planets know your mood, but because they give you a moment to reflect. And in a world constantly screaming for your attention, anything that encourages you to take 60 seconds to ask: 'How am I actually doing?' can't be all bad. So, with that said, here are …
Five things I learned from letting horoscopes guide my week
1. Vague advice can be weirdly helpful
Yes, 'something unexpected may happen today' is basically life. But once you start your day with that kind of warning, you find yourself more tuned in. You're watching out. You're more aware of your mood, reactions, and the potential chaos of accidentally leaving your phone in a Dunnes Stores trolley (yep, did that!)
2. Horoscopes give you permission to feel things you're already feeling
Most days, my horoscope told me to 'slow down', 'reflect', or 'give myself grace'. Which, frankly, is the same thing my body's been shouting at me since 2019. But there's something about seeing it 'written in the stars' that makes it feel official.
3. Modern wellness is just astrology in designer tracksuits
Today's influencers — with their palo santo sticks and sunrise journaling — are doing what the Babylonians were doing, just with better lighting and discount codes. 'Tap into your feminine energy' and 'Mars is in Gemini' are two sides of the same vague coin.
4. It's All About Micro-Moments of Pause
Reading your stars makes you pause. They interrupt the scroll. They create a beat between thought and action. And in a week where I followed my horoscope religiously, I noticed I was slightly — just slightly — less reactive.
5. I now blame mercury retrograde for everything
Lost my keys? Mercury retrograde. Emotional for no reason? Mercury retrograde. Did something awkward in a WhatsApp group? Definitely Mercury's fault.
Do I believe horoscopes are real? No. But can they be useful? Yes.
Sometimes, we just need a gentle narrative to carry us through the day.
Something to make us feel like we're part of a bigger pattern — even if the pattern is mostly nonsense. So, if you see me sitting in the car, quietly muttering: 'It's a day for rest and self-compassion', I'm not being lazy; I'm just taking advice from the planetary system.
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