‘I chose uNelisa': Married at First Sight star reflects on customary marriage discovery

News24

9 hours ago

Married at First Sight: Mzansi stars Nelisa Ntabeni and Palesa Mphaki face unexpected marriage dilemmas.
Nelisa is grappling with revelations about her husband's previous customary marriage, while Palesa struggles with mismatched expectations and challenges like polygamy talks.
Despite setbacks, both women explore love, boundaries, self-worth, and the rollercoaster of being thrust into the spotlight.
What would you do if you found out your new husband was previously customarily married to someone else, and it's unclear whether they followed due process to dissolve their union?
That is the dilemma Nelisa Ntabeni found herself in on Married at First Sight: Mzansi after hearing that her new husband, Themba Khosa's, ex was not happy that he married a stranger on a national TV show.
She posted an out-of-context image, leading fans to believe that she had already left Khosa; however, many said she may have been referring to an ex when she shared a photo of herself holding luggage with the caption: 'I packed my bags [and] left him. Never looked back. I chose uNelisa.'
When congratulated for her decisions and quizzed by fans about what she thought about the revelation, she wrote:
'Ndisacinga girl! Ayilulanga. Mara, how many South African men pay Lobolo even for multiple women [and] never marry them? Then sonke sikwi sthembu mos... singooo 1... noo2... noo3!' she wrote, letting fans know that she's still thinking about the matter and that it is not okay.
She also questioned the definition of marriage if several men pay lobola or customary fines (colloquially called 'damages') for the mothers of their children. Ntabeni argued that several people are effectively in polygamous marriages if paying lobola for a person you have a child with is considered a customary marriage.
'My baby daddy paid Lobolo partially for me but, when he married someone else, I had to accept... sivana ukufa today nomkakhe coz I had to get ready for the fact that my boy was about to gain a 2nd mom,' she added, explaining that the father of her child married someone else even though he paid lobola for her.
'Ewe siba hurt, but we need to be bigger than that for the sake of abantwana.'
In what fans viewed as a veiled comment directed at her husband's ex, she said she developed a good relationship with her child's stepmother despite being hurt about not being the one getting married because she had to do the right thing for her son's sake.
When another fan asked her to give her marriage with Themba a fighting chance, Ntabeni commented:
'All I can say is... he's a good man who made mistakes... and the mistakes were not against me... they were actually before me. Lots to consider here, but I'm letting God guide me.'
Another contestant facing a similar dilemma is Palesa Mphaki, whose journey with husband Tshepo Miya has been anything but smooth, especially after last night's explosive episode, where suspicions of infidelity left fans on edge.
Showmax shared the answers from a Q&A with the star to give fans more insight into her journey and what life has been like now that everyone is watching events filmed months ago as she reintegrates back into everyday life outside of reality TV.
'I said yes to Married at First Sight: South Africa for the experience, with the objective of discovering affection through an unorthodox approach,' she says.
But nothing could fully prepare her for the whirlwind of emotions that followed, from walking down the aisle with a stranger to navigating the complexities of a televised marriage.
She also says watching herself on screen has been surreal.
'It's been a peculiar experience, yet I am grateful for the occasion to observe myself from a distinct perspective,' she admits.
Public scrutiny has also intensified as her face becomes more recognisable. 'People are beginning to take notice of me. I'm gradually becoming accustomed to the stares and whispers that surround me. It's quite amusing to observe,' she says with a laugh. The recognition is gratifying, and I'm slowly becoming more comfortable with it.'
First impressions become uncomfortable truths
When Palesa first locked eyes with Tshepo at the altar, her initial reaction wasn't what fans were hoping for - a couple happy to see the stranger waiting for them at the end of the aisle. However, her feelings about what she got seem to echo those of Portia Baloyi, who has been pretty unkind to her match, Bongani Luvalo.
'I was slightly shocked. I mean, I had said I wasn't into super skinny guys but I hadn't anticipated meeting a pretty chubby dude at the altar,' confesses Mphaki. 'But hey, I know that looks aren't everything, so I was still willing to give it a shot.'
However, the challenges of marrying a stranger quickly surfaced.
'The most significant challenge is discovering their darker side, as well as gaining insight into the reasons behind their continued single status,' she says. One of the biggest red flags? Tshepo's unexpected stance on polygamy.
TikTok/@nelisa_ntabeni
'The polygamy question truly took me aback. I couldn't understand why he would even bring up such a topic.'
Despite the disappointments, she says the show has been a crash course in relationships and self-discovery, which reinforced valuable lessons about self-worth.
'Being on the show taught me that not everyone is completely honest in their actions and movements. It was a real eye-opener. It has taught me the importance of setting healthy boundaries and not allowing others to take advantage of my good nature. I have learned to stand up for myself while still being respectful and considerate of others.'
Though her marriage was rocky, she said she enjoyed watching fellow cast member Makoto's journey.
'I am truly savouring and relishing the journey of Makoto and Nkululeko. There is something incredibly compelling about focusing on those who are frequently misunderstood or misjudged by society. Especially because I know the show is not scripted.'
Although her TikTok account makes it apparent that she developed a strong friendship with Makoto, her off-camera bond with the rest of the cast varies.
'I have conversations with Makoto nearly every day, and I engage in frequent discussions with Nelisa. However, Portia's communication with me is dead.'
Married at First Sight: Mzansi airs every Sunday at 18:30 on Mzansi Magic and is available on Showmax directly after the broadcast.