Woman Is Upset Her Boyfriend Isn't Being 'Proactive' About Finding a Job: 'I've Been Covering Most of Our Expenses'

Yahoo

24-05-2025

A woman wrote in a post on Reddit that she is upset with her boyfriend because he isn't being "proactive" about getting a job
The man is a music teacher finishing his degree, but he lost his main source of income months ago in March, as students stopped booking classes
"I've been covering most of our expenses, including gas and outings, and I've even lent him money a couple of times," the woman saidA woman's relationship with her boyfriend has hit a rough patch because she said he isn't being "proactive" about getting a job.
Writing about her situation in a post on Reddit's "Am I the A-----" forum, the woman, 26, said she and her partner, 30, have been friends for over 10 years but only became romantically involved in February.
'In the beginning, things felt great,' she wrote, detailing that she and her boyfriend share similar interests in religion and family.
Further explaining that she's a lawyer with a stable income and a car, the woman said her boyfriend is a music teacher finishing his degree, but he lost his main source of income months ago in March, as students stopped booking classes.
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"He's applied to some jobs and had a few interviews, but nothing has worked out yet," the woman wrote, adding: "I've also sent him job listings, but I'm not sure he followed up on them."
"Meanwhile, I've been covering most of our expenses, including gas and outings, and I've even lent him money a couple of times (which he always pays back quickly)," she continued.
The woman said she is now starting to grow weary of the situation because her boyfriend doesn't seem to be 'proactive' in finding another job, and also isn't attentive to their relationship.
'We haven't gone on a proper date in a while, and I feel like I'm the one putting in most of the effort," she explained.
Then highlighting that she and her boyfriend "both attend church and are involved in community activities," the woman wrote, "I'm volunteering and teaching music to kids, even without a degree."
She continued, "I thought he might want to help with that or support me more, given his experience and our current dynamic, but he doesn't offer unless I ask directly."
"He used to drive me to church to help me rest, but lately he goes to his friend's church to play music and hasn't offered in a while to drive me," the woman further stated.
Concluding her post, the woman said, "We've had some tension because of this. I'm wondering if I'm being too harsh on him?"
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In the comments section, many other Reddit users pointed the finger at the woman.
'You're already propping up his lifestyle. You clearly have high standards for yourself in other areas of your life, please raise them in your dating life,' one wrote.
Another agreed that the woman should 'be less available, stop organizing things he can't afford.'
Others also weren't so quick to put all the blame on the boyfriend, reminding the woman that everyone goes through hard times.
'Three months in the current day is a perfectly normal amount of time to be jobless while actively looking for work,' one user said, then urging the woman to put more effort into the relationship and talk with her partner.
'Make sure he understands how you're feeling, that you understand he's struggling right now but you want a bit more effort towards you. As long as you both support each other, it should work out," they wrote.
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