Carolyn Hax: After snub in grandma's will, cousins snub the rest of the family
I know why they did this but I don't understand why this was their choice of action. Our grandparents had a sizable estate; when my grandma died, we learned she had changed her will to reduce the distributions to this family of cousins. I have no idea why, and from what I have been told, no one else was involved in the decision (she was still of sound mind at the time). My cousins hired an attorney and cut the rest of us off. The estate is not yet resolved.
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13 minutes ago
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Man Is 'Tired of Dealing with' Picky Family Members After His Birthday Dinner Plans Lead to 'Hostile' Interaction
The man says he's spent years adjusting every meal around his dad's wife and her son's extreme dietary needsNEED TO KNOW A man chose a restaurant he liked for his birthday dinner, upsetting his dad's wife and her son who have restrictive diets The family demanded he move the dinner out of state to suit their preferences — he refused The man is now facing backlash for holding firm, but says he no longer considers them real familyA man seeks support from the Reddit community for advice following a tense birthday dinner that reignites years of unresolved family tensions. In his post, the 22-year-old explains how choosing a restaurant for his birthday sparked backlash from his father's wife, Kathleen, and her son, Benjamin. 'My dad got married to Kathleen when I was 15,' the poster shared, noting that Kathleen has two children of her own, one of whom he has never met. The one he does know — Benjamin, now 18 — has multiple allergies and an extremely limited diet, which has long dictated the family's eating habits. 'Benjamin is allergic to peanuts and shellfish,' the man wrote, adding that the allergy is just part of the challenge. 'On top of that him and Kathleen are very picky eaters.' He recalled how meals were always restricted when he lived with them. 'His diet when I lived there consisted of pizza, fries and burgers and beef and cheese tacos,' he shared. 'He didn't eat fruits or vegetables. He didn't eat any meat except for beef.' Kathleen, too, has a long list of dislikes. 'I can't remember all the stuff she wouldn't eat but it included any kind of fish, any kind of potato, rice, pasta, bread and stuff like that," the Redditor wrote, noting that this limited nearly every family meal to just a few fast food spots. Ordering takeout or dining out as a family became an exhausting routine. 'The food was never great but could've been worse,' he added. 'I think the part that sucked was every time we ordered out for my birthday or went out for my birthday it was one of the two places we had.' Even simple options like tacos were difficult to manage. 'A taco place was out unless they'd remove all veggies and extras except for the meat and cheese,' he recalled. 'And some places still put 'gross s---' to quote Benjamin on them when they did seemingly comply.' As he grew older, he began skipping their 'family meals,' tired of being forced into their limited choices. 'Anytime still they want to do a family meal out they expect us all to go to their chosen fast food places that work for Benjamin and Kathleen,' he explained. 'And I'm tired of dealing with them.' This year, for his birthday, he decided to do things differently. 'A few weeks ago I had a birthday dinner with my girlfriend and some family and friends,' he wrote. 'Dad wanted to come and he expected Kathleen and Benjamin to be invited too.' The poster made it clear that they were welcome—as long as they were willing to eat at the restaurant he picked. 'I told him that was okay if they'd eat where I had chosen,' he shared. But soon after, he was met with resistance. 'I got an email from Kathleen and calls from dad where I was told my restaurant of choice did not meet the needs and requirements of Benjamin and Kathleen," the Redditor explained. The pair even suggested that he and his guests travel out of state for a more suitable dining option for them. His response was firm. 'My answer was no and I told dad he could still come but I was not changing where I have MY birthday dinner," he wrote. However, Kathleen did not take the refusal lightly. 'Kathleen sent another email asking why I was being so hostile like her daughter and I should care about my family's health and interests,' he noted. The message struck a nerve, especially since he's never even met her daughter. Tensions rose further when his dad and Kathleen learned that other members of his dad's family traveled to join the birthday celebration. 'Dad and Kathleen were more upset to learn some of dad's side flew out to join us for dinner when they typically won't accept plans from them to eat out," the original poster continued. Now, he said, he's facing even more backlash for simply choosing a restaurant he liked. 'So now I'm facing more of their anger for my choice of restaurant,' he shared. But as he turns to Reddit to ask if he's in the wrong, the support he receives is clear. Never miss a story — sign up for to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. 'NTA,' one commenter wrote. 'It's your birthday. And it sounds like she is fully just your dad's wife. Not any kind of stepmom.' In response, the original poster shared what seems to be the heart of the matter. 'That sums it up,' he wrote. 'I don't consider either of them any kind of real family. Only people my dad chose as his family.' Read the original article on People Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
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Forbes
an hour ago
- Forbes
Deportations Are Landing Pets In Animal Shelters And Rescues
Denver resident Aribela Arrieta felt her heart breaking as a woman handed her a little dog named Gigi. The woman's husband had been deported to Venezuela, so she and her young children were about to self-deport to be with him and couldn't bring their beloved dog. She put her trust in Arrieta, founder of the nonprofit We Matter 2 Pet Rescue, to find Gigi a loving home. The bilingual animal rescuer had pledged to text her when she was adopted. But as Arrieta reached for Gigi and the children started sobbing, she suddenly felt like a bad person. 'They were scared and very sad,' she said. 'It's heartbreaking to receive a dog in my arms and kids start crying. I just hugged the kids and reassured them that she's going to be OK. That I will send updates. It still doesn't erase their pain.' Gigi is one of over 85 pets Arrieta has helped after their families were deported or self-deported since the Trump administration's immigration crackdown began. Arrieta is trusted in many Hispanic neighborhoods in Denver because in 2012, she started going door-to-door to speak in Spanish about low-cost spay/neuter clinics she organized for the community. She's also rescued over 1,000 dogs since then. Now in 2025, she often fields phone calls from community members asking her to take in dogs left behind due to deportations. 'It's becoming very common for somebody to call me and be like, 'My neighbor got a dog because they deported so-and-so, and they left him with her, but now they don't know what to do with the dog and they don't have time to take care of it. Can you take it on?'' she said. 'So I'll either take on the dog and find him a home myself, or I have to find a Humane Society or another rescue if I'm too full.' She found Gigi a new home with a loving family, and is currently caring for four foster dogs in her home. But she's very concerned about how many animals are being left behind when their families are deported — and the stress that separation causes both the pets and the people. 'A lot of times families are scared to go directly to a shelter because they don't have an ID,' she said. 'Not only that, but they have this perception about a dog shelter that your dog is going to killed the moment you drop it off.' Shelter Concerns Nationwide Pets being separated from their families due to deportations comes at a time when many shelters across the country are already struggling with capacity problems due to economic issues and slow adoption rates. Last month, Animal Care Centers of NYC stopped accepting owner surrenders of pets because for the first time — with over 1,000 pets to care for — there simply wasn't enough room. The 2025 Mid-Year Analysis Report from Shelter Animals Count, a nonprofit that maintains a database of U.S. sheltering statistics, found that 290,000 dogs and cats have been euthanized in shelters so far this year. Stephanie Filer, executive director of Shelter Animals Count, said large dogs are most at risk in shelters, but it's not isolated to them. 'We're seeing both species — cats and dogs — and dogs of all sizes and ages staying much longer in shelters than they ever were prior to the pandemic,' she said. 'We're continuing to see shelters closing intake or limiting intake as attempts to get ahold of the number of animals coming into their shelter. It really is a continued and sustained crisis across the country.' The easiest way to help is to adopt a pet from a shelter, she noted. 'There's an urgent need,' she said. 'Literally every hour can be the difference between life and death of often healthy, adoptable animals.' Preparation Planning Prior To Deportations Marcia Mayeda, director of animal care and control for the County of Los Angeles, which operates six shelters, agrees that adopting and fostering shelter pets saves lives — and is urgently needed. To help keep pets from entering the shelter system due to financial issues, the department created Pets Are Family programs help keep pets at home, such as providing vouchers of up to $500 for veterinary treatments, and free 'Vet at the Park' mobile clinics for free exams, deworming, vaccinations, pet food and other supplies. But the L.A. shelters are still seeing a concerning uptick in intakes. As of June 10, when the department started tracking surrenders due to deportations, the county has taken in 25 dogs and six cats, she said. Breeds include Belgian Malinois, Chihuahua, English bulldog, Labrador retriever, boxer, Maltese, French bulldog, German shepherd, husky, shih tzu and Lhasa apso. 'They don't want to surrender their pets,' she said. 'They love them — they're family members — but they have no other option. Either they've been taken into custody or have to leave, and you can't just leave the country with a pet on a whim. They have to have medical exams by veterinarians and get a medical health certificate, and depending on what country you go to, they may have other rules and regulations. You can't just throw them in the car and drive across the border or get on an airplane.' It's emotionally difficult for the staff to see upset families forced to relinquish their beloved pets, and stressful for the animals to enter a shelter environment, Mayeda said. 'They don't know why they're there — what this place is or who we are,' she said. 'They get fed, they get medicine, they get petted, they get taken for walks, but we're not their family. And it's loud. There are other dogs barking at them. It's very disorienting for them.' To help these pets get adopted as quickly as possible, the department suggests people at risk of deportation make a plan like when disaster planning for wildfires and earthquakes (though she notes that unlike in natural disasters, pets can't evacuate with people being deported). 'We want them to write a full description of their pet's personality and what it likes, what it's afraid of, what it likes to eat, its favorite toys — all that sort of stuff. So whoever gets the animal knows some background and knows, 'Oh, it loves or hates to go for rides in the car,'' she said. 'Also make sure they get all their pets' vaccine records and health records together. Whatever you can do to make the transition smoother for the animal.' She also suggests having emergency contacts and backup caregivers in place ahead of time. 'If a person is detained at work and taken into custody, who's going to know about your animal that's in your apartment — and that it needs to be fed and watered and everything? So make sure you have some sort of arrangement with friends or neighbors that you check on each other every day and know if you're there or not — whatever signal or check-in process works best for them. And if your neighbor notices you haven't come home, who can they call to come get your pet out of the home? And would that person know what to do with it?' It's possible that some strays brought in that go unclaimed by owners might be pets of undocumented people who are afraid to go to the shelter, where animal control officers wear uniforms and badges. 'When you feel like you're being hunted, anybody with a badge in uniform is scary,' she said. An Adopter's Perspective In February, a Chihuahua-greyhound mix named Luna landed at Austin Animal Center in Austin, Texas, due to deportation. The family had adopted her from the shelter a few years prior. Alondra Solis and her sister Cinthia Solis, co-owners of the clothing company Cuídate, fell in love with Luna and adopted her. 'She's really sweet,' Alondra Solis said. 'She takes a while to open up to any new person she meets. She'll watch you and observe you before she lets you carry her or pet her. But after she opens up to you, she is just very loving.' The 'dainty' dog loves playing in her new home with Bubbles, a 5-year-old corgi, under the watchful eye of Taco, a senior Chihuahua. Solis made a TikTok video with Luna in the hopes that her former family might see it and find comfort knowing their dog found a loving home. She doesn't know much about the family other than they had kids. 'I would love to let her family know that they don't have to worry about her. She ended up in a very loving family,' she said. 'I think of myself and if my family was in that position and we were facing deportation and then I had to give up my dogs. I would always just wonder, 'Where did they end up and how are they doing?'' If she knew Luna's family, she would be happy to send them photos and keep them updated — or even more. Her voice broke as she grew emotional and said, 'We love her. And if her family ever wanted her back — it's upsetting — but we would give her back to her family.' Border Separations From Deportations Back in 2012, Texas resident Ruby Montana founded the nonprofit Bridge Pups Rescue in El Paso to care for stray dogs and cats inadvertently crossing the international bridges over the Rio Grande between her city and Ciudad Juárez, Mexico. Her brother, a U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP) agent, alerted her to the situation and soon other agents reached out with requests for help with strays, too. But when economic and political turmoil in Venezuela led to an influx of migrants in 2022, her focus shifted to caring for pets brought in by migrants while they were processed by CBP and later reuniting them. Now it's shifted again to helping pets of families when they're deported. 'Where we're at now is focusing on helping these families — either meeting them across the border in Juárez and taking their pets there, to sometimes, sadly, having to rehome the dogs because they're not allowed,' she said. Recently she took in a yellow Labrador retriever mix from a woman named Neimar who told her she was being forced to self-deport and couldn't take her dog. It is one of the worst situations Montana has heard: several years ago when Neimar fled Venezuela with her 10-year-old daughter and their dog, her daughter drowned while they were crossing the Darién Gap between Columbia and Panama. 'I couldn't believe such a tragedy,' Montana said. 'The little girl went under and so did basically all her belongings, and the mother had nothing left of her little girl except her dog, Perris. It's a reminder of her daughter, and now I have to rehome Perris. It's devastating.' European Deportations Causing Pet Separations Alisha Vianello, executive director of Gateway Pet Guardians, a nonprofit that operates an animal shelter and pet resource center in East Saint Louis, Illinois, hadn't seen any pets surrendered due to deportations until earlier this summer. She answered the door to a crying woman who was an active volunteer for the nonprofit, bringing in strays and a litter of puppies, fostering and even adopting. The woman is originally from Germany and has four children, some born in the United States, but went through a divorce from her American husband. 'She was just bawling, like, 'I need you guys to take my dogs.' Basically ICE showed up at her former home and was coming to get her,' she said. 'She said she's better off self-deporting because if she didn't, I guess people are ending up separated from their children. They might be sent to a country that's not their home country. So she was devastated. She loves these dogs.' Sometimes Gateway Pet Guardians asks people surrendering pets if they can keep them for another month or two while the nonprofit tries to find foster families to take them in, but that wasn't possible due to the urgency of the situation. So Vianello immediately accepted the two mixed-breed dogs. 'We're just so sick and sad over it,' Vianello said. 'This is a good person who's a good community member who doesn't cause trouble, who is helping animals and helping her community. She's volunteering for a rescue. She's certainly not a menace or threat to the United States in any way.' On June 4, Temma Martin, founder of the nonprofit Operation Pawpulation, which provides low-cost spay/neuter, vaccination and microchipping services in Salt Lake City, Utah, received an email with the subject header 'Urgent humanitarian request – please read!' 'It was from a woman from the U.K., and she was having to return to the U.K. because her visa was cancelled, and they had this 9-month-old puppy,' Martin said. 'Through the program that they were using to find a foster home, they couldn't get him fostered until he was neutered. So they needed him neutered as soon as possible, and she only had days. She said she was ordered by a judge to vacate the property on Sunday, and this was on a Wednesday.' The woman told Martin she hoped to transport the dog, Rocky, to the United Kingdom once she and her family were settled. Rocky is particularly special because he's her young grandson's dog. Martin's team was able to neuter Rocky the next day. When the woman came to pick up Rocky, she asked if it was OK to give Martin a hug. 'She basically said this was a blessing that this was able to happen with such short notice,' she said. 'She was a very kind and sweet person, and I was really glad that we were able to help.' Planning For Pets Before Deportation Martin is concerned about the impact future deportations could have on an already overburdened shelter system, and for the welfare of pets left behind in homes when their owners are detained by Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) following arrests. Mike Alvarez, a spokesperson for ICE, said agents inquire about any pets at home. 'Like other law enforcement agencies, ICE always asks arrested aliens a series of questions to determine if they have any responsibilities such as animals in their care. If so, ICE makes contact with state, local or municipal authorities or agencies as appropriate. It is incumbent upon the arrestee to notify ICE and provide such information when asked,' he said. Still, Martin recommends neighbors help people who are fearful of being deported make a plan for their pets in case they are detained. (The ASPCA offers an online list of general disaster planning suggestions, including potential pet separation, such as giving a set of keys to a trusted friend or neighbor.) In late May, Stephen Miller, deputy White House chief of staff for policy, pushed for 3.000 daily ICE arrests, and the 'Big Beautiful Bill' signed by President Trump on July 4 allocates nearly $170 billion to bolster deportation efforts. So Martin is worried about what the future may bring. 'It's really alarming to think about the scale of the numbers of people and pets that are being impacted and who will be in the future,' Martin said. It's a concern shared by Jessica Miller-Ramirez, founder of the Michigan nonprofit Detroiters Helping Each Other. The group takes in goods people no longer need — clothing, furniture, appliances and other household items — and gives them to people in need for free. Several times a week the group hosts food trucks for people or pet food trucks. Through her network, she's also taken in 20-30 pets of people self-deporting, including dogs, cats, birds, hamsters and a guinea pig. 'These are all well-loved animals,' she said. She's also urging people to get to know their neighbors, and for people who are undocumented to make a safety plan in case they are detained, like writing down an emergency contact to keep in your wallet. She recommends putting a sign in the window with the number of pets in the home, like the ones used to alert fire fighters about cats and dogs in the home who may need rescue. Additionally, she suggests getting a fluorescent collar and using a black marker to write the dog's name and an emergency phone number. 'If you come across an aggressive dog but it hears its name being spoken, they calm down,' she said. 'Start preparing so your animals aren't suffering along with you.' Pets Left Behind Detroit resident Dulce Garza works with numerous animal rescue organizations and is bilingual in English and Spanish. She's helped find foster or permanent homes for 16 dogs since February. Recently she took in two dogs — a small bully breed and a Shih tzu mix — from a family she's known for nearly a decade. The family's 18-year-old son was a passenger in a car with co-workers heading to a landscaping job when the driver was pulled over at a traffic stop. 'The driver had documentation, but they asked for documentation for every person in the car. The only person that did not have documentation was the 18-year-old and he was detained,' she said. 'He was detained for about two months and then he was sent back to Mexico. Those kids have been here since they were babies.' So the mother and another son decided to follow him to Mexico and needed Garza to find new homes for their dogs — which she did. But she's sad that such loved dogs had to be separated from their family. 'I watched them love those dogs. Those dogs were love, love, loved,' she said. 'They're hardworking people. None of them are criminals. It's just the saddest thing.' Reverend Kyle Aaron Reese lives in Brooklyn, New York, and volunteers for the nonprofit Flatbush Cats. In February, he saw a friend's Facebook post about a man deported to Brazil whose English bulldog, Benny, needed a new home. So Reese and his husband adopted Benny. 'Initially, Benny was sad. He didn't have a lot of energy. He was just nervous,' he said. 'He didn't really understand what was happening. He was with strangers. That's going to be tough on any dog.' But now Benny is a 'happy boy' who loves playing with the family's basset hound, Holly, and annoying the 'cranky' senior Labrador retriever, Izzy. (The three cats have been forced to accept the new arrival.) Benny even has his own Instagram account as 'Benedict Pupperbatch.' While Benny's story has a happy ending, Reverend Reese worries about all the other pets who need or will need new homes due to deportations — particularly when animal shelters are already overcrowded. 'These deportations don't just affect the people who are being sent away,' he said. 'They're affecting everyone. They affect these animals.'
