I've come clean about my sex addiction and now my wife's degrading routine is pushing me to the edge
DEIDRE AFTER DARK I've come clean about my sex addiction and now my wife's degrading routine is pushing me to the edge
Click to share on X/Twitter (Opens in new window)
Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
1
DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER years of cheating on my wife, with different escorts and women I'd met through secretly dating and indulging in every sexual scenario you could imagine, I finally woke up to the fact I'm a sex addict.
Perhaps I deserve it but since I confided in my wife, she has subjected me to a daily humiliation.
At first I went along with it because I was so keen to prove to her that I was sorry and had turned over a new leaf. I've even been going to counselling to ensure I don't stray again.
But it's been months now and she still insists on this degrading routine every time I get home.
Do I deserve this or is it time that she gave me a bit more credit?
If I'm honest, the way she is behaving makes me want to go out and hook up with a stranger again.
I'm 43 and she's 42. Now, as soon as I get home she insists that I strip to nothing and then she literally inspects my body to make sure that I haven't played away.
I'm so fed up and the last time she asked me to take off my clothes I refused.
Later that night she refused to have sex with me saying there was no way she was touching me unless she knew I'd been faithful that day.
We always used to have a good sex life but after having our first son nine years ago, it felt like she shut up shop.
Looking back, she was exhausted and I could have helped more with all the sleepless nights but at the time our relationship really fell apart.
I felt like the spare part in my own home as she was so focused on our baby.
Dear Deidre: Cheating and can you get over it
I ended up turning to porn which quickly developed into hooking up with random women who I met through various sites.
The whole experience was so depressing and as soon as I'd finished having sex, I never wanted to see the woman again.
Then I started going to sex parties, always arranging to attend with someone I'd met on a hook up site.
One night I had a threesome with two women, and was pleasured by three other women. As I walked away I knew I had to stop.
The next morning I came clean to my wife who was devastated. I was so grateful when she said she wanted to give me another chance.
My counselling has finished now but it was helping me understand how I became addicted and also how to avoid falling into the same old routines.
But the way my wife is pushing me, I'm worried that I might not be able to hold out.
Help.
DEIDRE SAYS: Many men who go on to develop porn and sex addictions live with very controlling partners.
While they are at home they are model fathers and husbands, doing all the DIY, helping with chores, pitching in with all the childcare, working hard and providing.
But their addiction is how they release their frustrations and insecurities.
You cheated repeatedly and will have seriously damaged the trust in your relationship.
It's good you both want to rebuild your marriage but your wife's daily check ups are in danger of blocking any healing.
Talk to your wife and explain how these checks are making you feel.
Her behaviour is very controlling and so far away from building trust that something has to change.
I would strongly recommend getting couples therapy - with a sex and porn addiction specialist if you can. The Laurel Centre (thelaurelcentre.co.uk) can support you both.
They will be able to help you both establish a more trusting connection so that your marriage has a real chance.
Dear Deidre's Sex Addiction Problems
From compulsive hook-ups to secret visits to escorts, sex addiction regularly surfaces in Deidre's inbox.
One woman feared her marriage was beyond repair after learning her husband was addicted to sex and repeatedly cheating on her with other women.
Another reader was haunted by the risk of STIs after a secretive pattern of paying for escorts spiralled out of control.
And a third man admitted his obsession with porn and multiple affairs had left him desperate to save his marriage before it completely unraveled.
SEX ADDICITON: THE SIGNS
Sex addiction — sometimes called compulsive sexual behaviour — isn't about enjoying sex a lot. It's about feeling unable to stop.
People with sex addiction may spend hours seeking porn, arranging hookups, or fantasising, even when it causes distress, damages relationships, or gets in the way of work or daily life.
The key feature isn't the amount of sex — it's the loss of control.
Common signs include: Feeling anxious or depressed when you're not engaging in sexual activity
Trying (and failing) to cut back on porn, sex, or risky encounters
Hiding behaviour from partners or friends
Using sex to escape emotional discomfort
Neglecting responsibilities or loved ones in favour of sexual activity
Where to find support: 12-step programmes like Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA)
like Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) Therapy , especially CBT or psychosexual counselling
, especially CBT or psychosexual counselling NHS referrals for compulsive behaviour or addiction services
For many, healing begins with recognising that sex addiction isn't about lack of willpower — it's about pain, coping, and the need for support rather than shame.
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Scottish Sun
06-08-2025
- Scottish Sun
I moved to Spain for £10 3-course meals & £6 wine bottles – but no one warned me about hell of buying dream home abroad
Journalist Emma Kemsley reveals to Sun Club readers what no one tells you before buying a 'dream' home in Spain SUN, SEA & STRESS I moved to Spain for £10 3-course meals & £6 wine bottles – but no one warned me about hell of buying dream home abroad Click to share on X/Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) SANGRIA by the pool, long siestas and balmy evenings eating mouthwatering paella – I had long dreamed of swapping grey British skies for the good life in Spain. So in the summer of 2023, I decided to make my fantasy a reality along with my husband, James, 41, a businessman, and, after a year renting in San Sebastian, I finally bought a property on Spain's Costa Brava in July 2024. 6 Emma Kemsley and her husband James at their Spanish home Credit: Supplied 6 The pair moved in to find filthy, cobweb-covered textured walls Credit: Supplied 6 Emma says the pool was essentially a pond and the garden a mosquito-infested jungle Credit: Supplied While it seemed like a great idea at the time, I quickly discovered the process would be anything but simple. For starters, the admin is utterly relentless and I soon became bogged down by residency paperwork – the nightmare of trying to open a Spanish bank account, confusion over healthcare and administrative appointments. For the first six months, it became a full-time job, but it was essential to begin my new life in Spain. Moving to Spain is not easy post-Brexit. Visas are required for full time living. Fortunately, James has an EU passport which allowed me to secure residency via the family reunification visa. Despite the endless red tape, the perks of Spanish living are hard to ignore. Day-to-day costs in Spain are up to 50 per cent lower than in the UK. A bottle of decent red wine is only £6, a three-course meal can be as little as £10, a cinema ticket is £5 and some gym memberships charge only £12 per month. Every year, thousands of Brits leave the UK for Spain's sunny shores, lured by warmer weather, a slower pace of life and comparatively lower property prices. Currently, there are 275,000 UK nationals living there lawfully. Although houses inland can still be bought for as little as €50,000, prices are set to increase by 7.3 per cent by the end 2025, followed by a 5.3 per cent rise in 2026. To afford the perfect location, I bought a three-bedroom renovation project for €320,000, located in a beautiful pine forest, a short distance from a picturesque village and the beach - complete with lurid 1970s bathroom, cracked tiles, cobweb-covered artex walls and a leaking roof. The kitchen was too small for an oven and washing machine, the swimming pool was essentially a pond and the garden a mosquito-infested jungle. My septic tank remains the great unsolved mystery of the house. It's not on any plans, no one knows where it is and at this point, I'm racing against time before it announces itself in a much messier way. I quit my job and did a complete 180 moving to Spain - beer is just $3 a pint and my life is so much better As if the renovation challenges weren't daunting enough, one of the biggest shocks was the buying process. Timeframes and legalities in Spain are considerably different to the UK. A 10 per cent deposit is required, plus a 10 per cent transfer tax, essentially Spain's version of stamp duty. The tax is paid to the local government. The purchase was set to complete in eight weeks, but the process was delayed due to missing paperwork and complex admin. I got the keys in October, but didn't legally own the property until December. For two months, I lived rent and mortgage-free, feeling like a squatter with fancy candles in my own home. I'm not alone in my buying experience. Irene Milsome, 70, a retired Brit from Milton Keynes, who moved to Alicante in 2020 with her husband for better weather, faced a distressing three-year ordeal to purchase her property. 6 The depressingly drab bedroom Credit: Supplied 6 The timewarp bathroom that met the couple Credit: Supplied She says: 'Our land and the house structure were impounded by the Spanish treasury department because a dishonest builder left the project incomplete. 'We then had to fight and pay for the land ourselves from the treasury and then finish the house build with a different builder and at a further cost. 'We were angry that this was allowed to happen, even with safeguards in place in the building contract. We felt helpless in a different country.' No one knows where my septic tank is. It's not on any plans, and I'm racing against time before it messily announces itself. Emma Kemsley Irene advises people to buy a completed – or near-completion – new build from a reputable English-speaking estate agent only. Last October, as I pushed open the door to my new home, I was greeted with the previous owners' past life – piles of dusty, colourful furniture. Despite the house only having three bedrooms, I removed 14 beds, 45 chairs, five dining tables, 30 pairs of curtains and a variety of creepy animal skeletons - rodents, geckos and a cat. Quite often, Spanish houses are sold furnished. However, former civil servant, Janice Carter, 60, who moved to Alicante from London, got the surprise of her life when she walked into a decaying home. 'The house needed more work than we realised,' she says. 'The sellers gave us the impression they were living there, but they weren't. 'It was damp and the plaster just fell off the walls.' Janice had been sold by the beautiful, pristine swimming pool in the seller's listing. 'But the swimming pool was thick green algae and unusable,' she says. 'They'd sent us an old photo saying: 'You'll be swimming here this time next week'. 'We'd also purchased some items of furniture from them to see us through until our belongings arrived, but when we got there, nothing was left – only their cat.' 6 Irene Milsome, 70, left Milton Keynes for Alicante's sunshine - but her dream home, above, took three stressful years to secure Credit: Supplied When renovating in Spain, everything moves in slow motion. My architect disappeared for so long, I feared he might be dead. The builder said he was popping to the Spanish equivalent of B&Q, only to return three days later. After hiring my sixth architect in a year, I've learned to embrace Spain's slow pace. One quote was so overpriced, it would have been cheaper to become an architect myself. Building materials and furnishings can cost almost double what they do in the UK, too. While the wine and bottled water might be cheaper, don't expect the same bargain prices when it comes to housing supplies. Those tiles? Twice the price. That tap? Might as well be gold-plated. Building quotes have no limits, either. It's not uncommon for builders to add a few extra zeros onto the price when they discover you're an expat. Surprisingly, it is mostly British or foreign builders working in Spain who are the culprits. Most Spanish local authorities have strict building regulations. It's often a difficult and lengthy process to obtain permissions for builds and extensions. For example, I have a strict exterior colour palette to choose from of bold pinks, yellows and oranges, in-keeping with the historic village, and my perimeter fence can't be higher than 1.2 metres and must include an element of transparency. We'd also purchased furniture from them to see us through until our belongings arrived, but when we got there, nothing was left — only their cat. Janice Carter, 60 Finally, don't skip insulation. As Brits, we tend to think of Spain as having year-round warmth, but temperatures can drop below freezing in winter, even in the south. Spanish houses are built to stay cool, so in winter I could see my breath in the air as I snuggled on the sofa, under multiple layers and cuddling the dog for extra warmth – with a bucket collecting dripping rainwater next to me. Now, double glazing, efficient heating and insulation is top of my priority list. While life under the Spanish sun brings undeniable joy, from long lunches to laid-back living, anyone considering moving should be aware that this slower pace seeps into other areas – including property purchases and renovations. Learning to let go, slow down and trust the process (and the tradesmen) has become part of the adventure. Building in Spain may test your patience, and punish your bank balance, but the payoff is well worth it.
Scottish Sun
05-08-2025
- Scottish Sun
Join Sun Club for just £1 for 3 months in our summer sale and unlock stunning reader offers and world exclusive scoops
Enjoy even more world-class scoops, unrivalled analysis and Britain's best columnists - as well as exclusive promotional offers SUMMER SALE Join Sun Club for just £1 for 3 months in our summer sale and unlock stunning reader offers and world exclusive scoops SUN Club is the exclusive membership which gives you more of The Sun you love, with unlimited access to our award-winning articles - as well as access to the best promotions, offers and competitions. And for a limited time, our Summer Sale has launched, meaning you can get all our Sun Club benefits for only £1 for 3 months. 3 The Sun's membership service gives you exclusive access to unbelievable offers, unrivalled scoops and more The membership will give you the chance to enjoy the best of our world-famous showbiz stories, real-life exclusives, unrivalled investigations and original video - the likes of which saw The Sun crowned Newspaper of the Year at the London Press Club Awards. Our Sun Club content has featured an emotional interview with Liam Payne's girlfriend Kate Cassidy who opened up about the tragic singer's final days and, more recently, an exclusive chat with former MasterChef host Gregg Wallace - his first since his BBC sacking. You'll also have exclusive access to our top columnists like Clemmie Moodie, Jeremy Clarkson, Ally Ross and Jane Moore. Make it a summer to remember for less What's more, subscribers to Sun Club will be able to take advantage of Sun competitions and offers - including Sun Holidays from £9.50 and Sun Superdays - all at a cheaper rate than ever before. Sun Superdays gives readers the chance to get tickets to the UK's best attractions like Alton Towers, Chessington World of Adventures, Thorpe Park & SEA LIFE Aquariums for just a fraction of the standard retail cost. Plus, millions of our readers have enjoyed our fabulous breaks from £9.50 and, with over 250 holiday parks across the UK and Europe to choose from there's sure to be just the break that you're looking for. Sun Club has something for the whole family to enjoy, whether you are after a relaxing break, action and adventure or bowling and bingo. You can even book now for 2026 for the same price as 2025 on selected breaks. For a limited time only, Sun Club members can also get 50 per cent off selected tickets for the acclaimed river tour Horrible Histories' - Terrible Thames. 3 Get 50% off Horrible Histories' - Terrible Thames tour tickets with Sun Club 3 Save up to 60 per cent on theatre shows with Sun Club on The Big Summer Event and choose from lots of great West End shows With your membership you can also enjoy complimentary tickets to the races EVERY three months - that's four race days a year, on the house! Take your pick from events across England, Scotland and Wales such as Lingfield, Windsor, Chepstow and Ayr. Another fantastic perk is enjoying savings on theatre tickets with London Theatre Direct. And exclusively for Sun Club members, you will get an EXTRA 10 per cent off tickets - meaning you could save up to 60 per cent in total. The deal covers all your favourite West End musicals and plays – including Tina, Back to the Future, Clueless, The Play That Goes Wrong, Stranger Things, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and more. We even have monthly competitions exclusively for members - this month be in with the chance of winning a family beach break to Cornwall, a Texas road trip for two or a £100 Amazon gift card. Last but not least, Sun Club members can obtain free tickets every month on our own bingo site, Sun Bingo. At the end of each calendar month, all members can claim a unique code in the Sun Club Hub that entitles that reader to 20 free bingo tickets. You'll never miss a moment showcasing Sun Club's top stories and unbelievable offers with a weekly exclusive newsletter from editor-in-chief Victoria Newton. The summer sale offer will end on August 31. After that, Sun Club membership costs just £1.99 a month - less than the price of a cup of coffee. How to join Sun Club Readers can sign up via
The Sun
05-08-2025
- The Sun
Join Sun Club for just £1 for 3 months in our summer sale and unlock stunning reader offers and world exclusive scoops
SUN Club is the exclusive membership which gives you more of The Sun you love, with unlimited access to our award-winning articles - as well as access to the best promotions, offers and competitions. And for a limited time, our Summer Sale has launched, meaning you can get all our Sun Club benefits for only £1 for 3 months. The membership will give you the chance to enjoy the best of our world-famous showbiz stories, real-life exclusives, unrivalled investigations and original video - the likes of which saw The Sun crowned Newspaper of the Year at the London Press Club Awards. You'll also have exclusive access to our top columnists like Clemmie Moodie, Jeremy Clarkson, Ally Ross and Jane Moore. Make it a summer to remember for less What's more, subscribers to Sun Club will be able to take advantage of Sun competitions and offers - including Sun Holidays from £9.50 and Sun Superdays - all at a cheaper rate than ever before. Sun Superdays gives readers the chance to get tickets to the UK's best attractions like Alton Towers, Chessington World of Adventures, Thorpe Park & SEA LIFE Aquariums for just a fraction of the standard retail cost. Plus, millions of our readers have enjoyed our fabulous breaks from £9.50 and, with over 250 holiday parks across the UK and Europe to choose from there's sure to be just the break that you're looking for. Sun Club has something for the whole family to enjoy, whether you are after a relaxing break, action and adventure or bowling and bingo. You can even book now for 2026 for the same price as 2025 on selected breaks. For a limited time only, Sun Club members can also get 50 per cent off selected tickets for the acclaimed river tour Horrible Histories' - Terrible Thames. 2 2 With your membership you can also enjoy complimentary tickets to the races EVERY three months - that's four race days a year, on the house! Take your pick from events across England, Scotland and Wales such as Lingfield, Windsor, Chepstow and Ayr. Another fantastic perk is enjoying savings on theatre tickets with London Theatre Direct. And exclusively for Sun Club members, you will get an EXTRA 10 per cent off tickets - meaning you could save up to 60 per cent in total. The deal covers all your favourite West End musicals and plays – including Tina, Back to the Future, Clueless, The Play That Goes Wrong, Stranger Things, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and more. We even have monthly competitions exclusively for members - this month be in with the chance of winning a family beach break to Cornwall, a Texas road trip for two or a £100 Amazon gift card. Last but not least, Sun Club members can obtain free tickets every month on our own bingo site, Sun Bingo. At the end of each calendar month, all members can claim a unique code in the Sun Club Hub that entitles that reader to 20 free bingo tickets. You'll never miss a moment showcasing Sun Club's top stories and unbelievable offers with a weekly exclusive newsletter from editor-in-chief Victoria Newton. The summer sale offer will end August 31. How to join Sun Club
