Latest news with #DearDeidre
The Irish Sun
3 days ago
- Entertainment
- The Irish Sun
I had steamy holiday sex on a sofa then flew home to my loyal boyfriend – flings are what girls' trips are for
Plus, The Sun's Dear Deidre team shares their response to Bridget's brazen cheating NO REGRETS I had steamy holiday sex on a sofa then flew home to my loyal boyfriend – flings are what girls' trips are for MUM-OF-TWO Bridget Zyka, 43, has spent the last two weeks in Ireland. The most spontaneous thing she has done with her two favourite males during her two-week break is taking her sons, Mateo, four and Conor, two, to soft play. 3 Bridget believes "if your other half goes on holiday without you, you can't be surprised if they're unfaithful". Credit: Bridget Zyka 3 Bridget admits to spending her 20s and 30s cheating on partners Credit: Bridget Zyka Advertisement But that wasn't the case when she was single two decades ago. Bridget admits that faithfulness and fidelity were two words she crossed out of her vocab whenever she was on holiday. She says: 'There is something about boarding a flight and leaving work and your everyday world behind that means you get a free sex pass. "I was travelling round the world in my late twenties when I ended up in New Zealand. 'Before long I found myself loved up and in a long-term relationship with a Kiwi bloke. Advertisement 'We'd been together for a year when this guy I'd had a flat share with in Canada got in touch and said he would be in Australia. 'The weather was crap in New Zealand at the time, so I went to meet this certain platonic mate on the Gold Coast in Oz. 'I also knew he fancied me but nothing had ever happened – before now. 'I booked a flight for a weekend and we arranged to meet up on one of the nights. Advertisement 'We went for a drink and one thing led to another and I ended up back at his apartment. I'd bought a bottle of something strong at duty free and we started doing shots. 'It was a spur of the moment thing but we ended up having sex on the sofa. Spotting the signs your partner is cheating 'Would it have happened after a day in the office when I was back in London and working in IT? Of course not.' Bridget, today a body positivity coach, is happily married to Aldo, 39, a builder and they live in Hertfordshire. The couple met when they were both single in Covent Garden. Bridget, then 36, confesses such was the sexual attraction between them that they slept together on the first night. Nine years on Bridget reckons they're still 'very loved up' as a couple and faithfulness is the bedrock of their marriage. A fair cry from her younger self. Advertisement 'When I woke up with my 'platonic' friend I was shocked with myself the next morning. I'm not someone who cheats and I don't have one-night stands either. But the sex was incredible. We were so compatible - it was like fireworks going off. 'When I flew back and saw my boyfriend waiting for me at the airport I did feel a bit guilty. 'But there was no way I was going to tell him. I can see now it was just a 'meh' relationship. I did end things with him not that long after. 'I'd like to say it was out of character for me but back then it wasn't. Cheating is what girly holidays were invented for! [And] if your other half goes on holiday without you, you can't be surprised if they're unfaithful. Bridget 'When you're single and have zero responsibilities you can do what you want – and I did. Advertisement 'I have absolutely no regrets about being unfaithful while on holidays throughout my 20s and early 30s. 'If us women are honest with ourselves it is a rite of passage for all of us. 'I made sure I did everything I wanted to do before I settled down and left no sexual stone unturned.' Indeed, Bridget worked hard, played hard and travelled hard in her 20s and early 30s. She reckons she cheated on at least three boyfriends while on holiday during that time. 3 Bridget with her husband Aldo, who she has never cheated on Credit: Bridget Zyka Advertisement 'Look, if you are fully committed to your soulmate, then it's never going to happen. But if the relationship isn't strong then of course the lethal ingredients of distance, sunshine and being in a different country means any temptation that comes your way is going to test even the most committed couple. 'You're coming face to face with gorgeous men on beaches and in bars; they often don't have many clothes on. Unless you are rock solid, then the odds of sex with someone who isn't your other half are very likely. "It's what girly holidays were invented for," she admits. 'It's why I cheated on another boyfriend while I went interrailing around Europe with a girlfriend. 'You get to reinvent yourself and do things you wouldn't do. Advertisement 'Loads of friends have had flings, too. If your other half goes on holiday without you, you can't be surprised if they're unfaithful." Bridget says her cheating past is NOT something she discusses with her husband and she wasn't bothered if anyone posted about her antics online. 'I was too busy having fun to worry about whether anyone was taking sly pictures of me with someone's arm around me. I definitely wasn't stalking anyone's posts on social media. Life was – and still is – too short to worry about what other people say about me.' The Sun's Sex and Relationship Expert Dear Deidre's advice By Sally Land, The Sun's Sex and Relationship Expert There are plenty of reasons why people cheat and being in an unfulfilling relationship, feeling limited by our regular lives, having low self-esteem and simply not feeling ready for real commitment are likely the most relevant here. And while it's true that plenty of young people stray when they go on holiday, the same can also be true for older men and women also. Cheating on a girls' or boys' holiday is certainly not a given. It's true that long distance relationships are challenging to maintain and no matter how strong the relationship they often end when one partner meets someone who is geographically closer. But a holiday or mini-break isn't the same, if you're giving into temptation every time you pack your bags, you need to ask yourself if you're in the right relationship. Needing constant attention and being hooked on the thrill of the chase is another driver. If this sounds familiar, you'd do well to work on your own self-esteem and sense of security, otherwise this could develop into a lifelong pattern. And most people who have betrayed a partner while on a break do feel guilty. Often it's through behaving in a way that on reflection, we are uncomfortable with, that we learn about who we want to be and what our values are. For many it's only when we meet someone we truly love that all ideas of an exciting fling disappear - because the thought of jeopardising such a precious relationship is terrifying. If you'd like a second opinion email me and my team of counsellors for free and personalised advice: deardeidre@ Having waved goodbye to her hedonistic past, Bridget reckons that she will give the talk to her sons when they're old enough to have a relationship and start travelling independently. Advertisement 'I will absolutely warn them to be careful and not take risks. I gulp at a lot of the silly things I did. You try to be responsible but it all goes out the window when the plane takes off. 'I will warn them about contraception being a man's responsibility, too. The last thing I want is for them to become a father in their late teens. And at the very least, I will tell them, 'If you can't be good, be careful.'"
The Irish Sun
4 days ago
- Sport
- The Irish Sun
I was thrilled my wife took up sport after moaning about being a golf widow – until I exposed lesbian affair with coach
Every Saturday read our new, even racier, Dear Deidre advice column only in Sun Club... DEIDRE AFTER DARK I was thrilled my wife took up sport after moaning about being a golf widow – until I exposed lesbian affair with coach 1 DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife takes her netball very seriously, training hard and keeping herself in top form and now I know why - her relationship with the coach was far from professional. A simple gesture gave their game away and now I'm not sure I can forgive her. The worst part is that apparently the whole team knew what was going on; it was an open secret. I feel so hurt and humiliated. To be honest when she first got back into the sport two years ago I was relieved as I am a golf fanatic and when I'm not playing, I'm watching the game on TV or following the tours. She was getting pretty ticked off with the amount of time she was spending alone at home and had started to put pressure on me to cut back. I was the one who encouraged her to try out for the local women's team. I'm 31 and she's 30. Almost overnight she became completely obsessed and I thought I'd been let off the hook. She started training at least three times a week and then there would be the matches on top of that. We were still getting on and had a decent sex life - enjoying sex at least once a week. Then her team got to the regional finals and I'd thought I'd surprise her by going along to watch. Dear Deidre: Spotting the signs your partner is cheating I was so impressed with how athletic the whole team was and in particular, my wife. I noticed the coach, an extremely fit and competitive woman, complementing my wife lots. But nothing prepared me for the team celebration when they won the whole thing; everyone was hugging and jumping up and down excitedly. I was going over to congratulate my wife when the coach also made a beeline for her. I stood back agog as she hugged her and then reached down with one hand and squeezed her bum. And my wife's reaction - she hugged her back as if it was the most natural thing in the world. But you could have cut the atmosphere in two when my wife spotted me standing by. It was awkward to say the least. Sensing something was very wrong I told her I'd see her back home. I didn't even have to probe when she got back, she admitted everything. She'd been having a lesbian affair for over a year and after most training sessions would go back to the coach's house for a shower and sex. She said she'd got caught up in the attention and would never have strayed unless she'd felt so lonely. She wants to make a go of our marriage and even wants to start trying for a family, something I've always wanted. What should I do? I can't think straight. DEIDRE SAYS: You've had a nasty shock and it's entirely natural that you'll find it hard to know what to do. You can start by telling your wife how let down and humiliated you feel. Explain it's going to take time for you to work out what next steps you want to take. It certainly sounds like you both enjoy your separate activities, and having your own interests as well as shared ones, is important in a relationship. It's certainly healthy to develop your own hobbies for balance but in your case it does sound as if those activities have taken over. Your wife was lonely so looked elsewhere for company. But it's not right to blame you for her infidelity. She needs to take ownership of her mistakes and apologise. If you do want to try again, you'll both need to be prepared to invest more quality time together. Could you cut back on your golf, go and watch her netball more regularly? One thing is for sure, it would be a very unwise move to start trying for a child until you both feel confident in your future. A relationship counsellor would really help you both pick your way through the issues here. Ideally you would attend together, but even going alone will benefit you. Tavistock Relationships ( can provide you with a reputable therapist. Dear Deidre's Cheating Dilemmas From secret liaisons to long-term betrayals, affairs regularly surface in Deidre's inbox. One man couldn't shake the woman he drunkenly slept with after a football match, despite her relentless pursuit. Another reader was devastated to discover her husband had been carrying on a two-year affair with their daughter's netball coach. And a third man found himself trapped in a gym affair that turned toxic when his lover demanded thousands to keep their secret. WHY DO PEOPLE CHEAT? Cheating isn't always just about sex. Someone may stray for all sorts of emotional, psychological, and circumstantial reasons. Here are few of the most common: Lack of intimacy – Feeling neglected, rejected or starved of affection can push people to seek connection elsewhere. – Feeling neglected, rejected or starved of affection can push people to seek connection elsewhere. Revenge – Cheating as payback after feeling betrayed, hurt, or undervalued in the relationship. – Cheating as payback after feeling betrayed, hurt, or undervalued in the relationship. Low self-esteem – Some cheat to feel wanted, sexy or powerful, especially after a confidence knock. – Some cheat to feel wanted, sexy or powerful, especially after a confidence knock. Opportunity – Alcohol, secrecy, or travel can lower inhibitions and create the perfect storm. – Alcohol, secrecy, or travel can lower inhibitions and create the perfect storm. Addiction – Sex or porn addiction can override judgment, even in happy relationships. – Sex or porn addiction can override judgment, even in happy relationships. Curiosity – Especially in long-term relationships, some people crave novelty or miss the thrill of the early days. – Especially in long-term relationships, some people crave novelty or miss the thrill of the early days. Emotional disconnect – If conversations have dried up or resentment is building, affairs can feel like a release. – If conversations have dried up or resentment is building, affairs can feel like a release. Validation – Some cheat just to be seen, heard, or appreciated, even if only briefly. – Some cheat just to be seen, heard, or appreciated, even if only briefly. Crisis point – Big life changes (bereavement, job loss, reaching your midlife) can trigger impulsive behaviour.
The Irish Sun
09-08-2025
- Entertainment
- The Irish Sun
My girlfriend is a secret OnlyFans creator – she says she only offers a ‘girlfriend experience' but I'm furious
Every Saturday read our new, even racier, Dear Deidre advice column only in Sun Club... DEIDRE AFTER DARK My girlfriend is a secret OnlyFans creator – she says she only offers a 'girlfriend experience' but I'm furious 1 DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend has shown me her OnlyFans account - to reassure me - but it's left me feeling even more unsettled. I knew something was up when I got home from work early one day and she shut down her laptop in such haste. She tried to dismiss me saying it was just some ugly photos of her but I insisted on finding out the truth and asked her to show me. Reluctantly she re-opened her laptop to reveal she'd just been interacting with one of her subscribers. As if it made it all okay she then showed me her content. Proclaiming 'It's so tame. I only do the girlfriend experience.' And it's true she wasn't stripping off or anything but to say there was no intimacy would be completely wrong. While she wasn't sending nudes or overtly sexual messages, all the interactions were deeply personal. She was sharing personal details - with me her real life boyfriend who'd completely erased from the scene. She's 28 and I'm 30 and we've been together for a year, during which time she told me she was an English tutor - hence why she needed a decent set up for her online classes. From reading some of the conversations, it looks like some of these men really believe they have a romantic connection with her. Dear Deidre: Spotting the signs your partner is cheating She doesn't just provide written messages, it's voice notes, videos, and sometimes even live interactions. It's creepy and sinister and apart from anything I worry about her safety - but she insists she never reveals any geography - so she is safe. She has told me to stop being so silly and says it's an easy way to make good money. She's admitted she's been doing this for five months and she says I need to 'suck it up' because she has no intention of putting a stop to it. DEIDRE SAYS: Your worries are legitimate. Even if 'the girlfriend experience' was genuinely harmless, she has not been honest with you about this work. You can't have a healthy relationship based on deceit. Added to which, now that you do know and have expressed your concerns, she's dismissing and belittling you. There is no apology or willingness to change, compromise or make amends. I'm afraid if she remains unbending, you have no choice but to leave this relationship. It's that or become completely downtrodden and unseen. And that's before I get on to the reality of 'the girlfriend experience' because many OnlyFans creators start on this level but quickly get drawn into making harder content. Subscribers might be happy with messages to begin with, but inevitably if they're going to keep paying, they start to ask for more. Your girlfriend is clearly enjoying the extra income but seems to be blind to the real cost - her real relationship. My support packs Looking After Your Relationship and Ending A Relationship will help you think about what is best for you. Dear Deidre's OnlyFans Files Deidre's mailbag is bursting with OnlyFans problems. One reader went off real life sex after signing up to OnlyFans; another from a different subscriber who struggled with the guilt even after a self-imposed ban, while one woman who created her account in secret. OnlyFans - The Reality It's easy to understand the attraction of becoming an OnlyFans star; unlike the rest of the sex industry it seems performers can control their work, their image, their destiny. Then there's the money, which can be undeniably good. Of course, lots of women who chose this way of life will talk about female empowerment, and I'd agree that anyone has the right to make their own choices, however there are some harsh realities that this narrative skims over. The truth is no one who makes OnlyFans content can retain control. Once it is published or shared, it's susceptible to being screen grabbed, recorded and posted to other adult sites. There is simply no way to stop this. The people paying for sexual gratification can develop a sense of entitlement over you. Some may even feel they own a piece of you. In their eyes you are a product. I have received several emails from troubled men who have become obsessed with OnlyFans stars, convinced their business transactions are in fact the basis of a relationship. There are people who research the public and private details of OnlyFans creators (called doxing) and then publish their findings making women extremely vulnerable. Former content creators admit that while they start off with their own boundaries, the pressure to keep their subs (subscribers) willing to pay, pushes them to engage in extreme acts they previously would not have considered. Once those videos and images are out there, there is no turning back time. So it's worth considering how in the future neighbours, children or partners may react. And finally, the money might be good, but I'm not sure that losing your family or security and privacy is a worthwhile price to pay. If you have a worry you can email my team of counsellors on deardeidre@ By Sally Land, The Sun's Agony Aunt.
Scottish Sun
09-08-2025
- Entertainment
- Scottish Sun
My girlfriend is a secret OnlyFans creator – she says she only offers a ‘girlfriend experience' but I'm furious
Every Saturday read our new, even racier, Dear Deidre advice column only in Sun Club... DEIDRE AFTER DARK My girlfriend is a secret OnlyFans creator – she says she only offers a 'girlfriend experience' but I'm furious Click to share on X/Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) 1 DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend has shown me her OnlyFans account - to reassure me - but it's left me feeling even more unsettled. I knew something was up when I got home from work early one day and she shut down her laptop in such haste. She tried to dismiss me saying it was just some ugly photos of her but I insisted on finding out the truth and asked her to show me. Reluctantly she re-opened her laptop to reveal she'd just been interacting with one of her subscribers. As if it made it all okay she then showed me her content. Proclaiming 'It's so tame. I only do the girlfriend experience.' And it's true she wasn't stripping off or anything but to say there was no intimacy would be completely wrong. While she wasn't sending nudes or overtly sexual messages, all the interactions were deeply personal. She was sharing personal details - with me her real life boyfriend who'd completely erased from the scene. She's 28 and I'm 30 and we've been together for a year, during which time she told me she was an English tutor - hence why she needed a decent set up for her online classes. From reading some of the conversations, it looks like some of these men really believe they have a romantic connection with her. Dear Deidre: Spotting the signs your partner is cheating She doesn't just provide written messages, it's voice notes, videos, and sometimes even live interactions. It's creepy and sinister and apart from anything I worry about her safety - but she insists she never reveals any geography - so she is safe. She has told me to stop being so silly and says it's an easy way to make good money. She's admitted she's been doing this for five months and she says I need to 'suck it up' because she has no intention of putting a stop to it. DEIDRE SAYS: Your worries are legitimate. Even if 'the girlfriend experience' was genuinely harmless, she has not been honest with you about this work. You can't have a healthy relationship based on deceit. Added to which, now that you do know and have expressed your concerns, she's dismissing and belittling you. There is no apology or willingness to change, compromise or make amends. I'm afraid if she remains unbending, you have no choice but to leave this relationship. It's that or become completely downtrodden and unseen. And that's before I get on to the reality of 'the girlfriend experience' because many OnlyFans creators start on this level but quickly get drawn into making harder content. Subscribers might be happy with messages to begin with, but inevitably if they're going to keep paying, they start to ask for more. Your girlfriend is clearly enjoying the extra income but seems to be blind to the real cost - her real relationship. My support packs Looking After Your Relationship and Ending A Relationship will help you think about what is best for you. Dear Deidre's OnlyFans Files Deidre's mailbag is bursting with OnlyFans problems. One reader went off real life sex after signing up to OnlyFans; another from a different subscriber who struggled with the guilt even after a self-imposed ban, while one woman who created her account in secret. OnlyFans - The Reality It's easy to understand the attraction of becoming an OnlyFans star; unlike the rest of the sex industry it seems performers can control their work, their image, their destiny. Then there's the money, which can be undeniably good. Of course, lots of women who chose this way of life will talk about female empowerment, and I'd agree that anyone has the right to make their own choices, however there are some harsh realities that this narrative skims over. The truth is no one who makes OnlyFans content can retain control. Once it is published or shared, it's susceptible to being screen grabbed, recorded and posted to other adult sites. There is simply no way to stop this. The people paying for sexual gratification can develop a sense of entitlement over you. Some may even feel they own a piece of you. In their eyes you are a product. I have received several emails from troubled men who have become obsessed with OnlyFans stars, convinced their business transactions are in fact the basis of a relationship. There are people who research the public and private details of OnlyFans creators (called doxing) and then publish their findings making women extremely vulnerable. Former content creators admit that while they start off with their own boundaries, the pressure to keep their subs (subscribers) willing to pay, pushes them to engage in extreme acts they previously would not have considered. Once those videos and images are out there, there is no turning back time. So it's worth considering how in the future neighbours, children or partners may react. And finally, the money might be good, but I'm not sure that losing your family or security and privacy is a worthwhile price to pay. If you have a worry you can email my team of counsellors on deardeidre@ By Sally Land, The Sun's Agony Aunt.
Scottish Sun
26-07-2025
- Lifestyle
- Scottish Sun
I've come clean about my sex addiction and now my wife's degrading routine is pushing me to the edge
Every Saturday read our new, even racier, Dear Deidre advice column only in Sun Club... DEIDRE AFTER DARK I've come clean about my sex addiction and now my wife's degrading routine is pushing me to the edge Click to share on X/Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) 1 DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER years of cheating on my wife, with different escorts and women I'd met through secretly dating and indulging in every sexual scenario you could imagine, I finally woke up to the fact I'm a sex addict. Perhaps I deserve it but since I confided in my wife, she has subjected me to a daily humiliation. At first I went along with it because I was so keen to prove to her that I was sorry and had turned over a new leaf. I've even been going to counselling to ensure I don't stray again. But it's been months now and she still insists on this degrading routine every time I get home. Do I deserve this or is it time that she gave me a bit more credit? If I'm honest, the way she is behaving makes me want to go out and hook up with a stranger again. I'm 43 and she's 42. Now, as soon as I get home she insists that I strip to nothing and then she literally inspects my body to make sure that I haven't played away. I'm so fed up and the last time she asked me to take off my clothes I refused. Later that night she refused to have sex with me saying there was no way she was touching me unless she knew I'd been faithful that day. We always used to have a good sex life but after having our first son nine years ago, it felt like she shut up shop. Looking back, she was exhausted and I could have helped more with all the sleepless nights but at the time our relationship really fell apart. I felt like the spare part in my own home as she was so focused on our baby. Dear Deidre: Cheating and can you get over it I ended up turning to porn which quickly developed into hooking up with random women who I met through various sites. The whole experience was so depressing and as soon as I'd finished having sex, I never wanted to see the woman again. Then I started going to sex parties, always arranging to attend with someone I'd met on a hook up site. One night I had a threesome with two women, and was pleasured by three other women. As I walked away I knew I had to stop. The next morning I came clean to my wife who was devastated. I was so grateful when she said she wanted to give me another chance. My counselling has finished now but it was helping me understand how I became addicted and also how to avoid falling into the same old routines. But the way my wife is pushing me, I'm worried that I might not be able to hold out. Help. DEIDRE SAYS: Many men who go on to develop porn and sex addictions live with very controlling partners. While they are at home they are model fathers and husbands, doing all the DIY, helping with chores, pitching in with all the childcare, working hard and providing. But their addiction is how they release their frustrations and insecurities. You cheated repeatedly and will have seriously damaged the trust in your relationship. It's good you both want to rebuild your marriage but your wife's daily check ups are in danger of blocking any healing. Talk to your wife and explain how these checks are making you feel. Her behaviour is very controlling and so far away from building trust that something has to change. I would strongly recommend getting couples therapy - with a sex and porn addiction specialist if you can. The Laurel Centre ( can support you both. They will be able to help you both establish a more trusting connection so that your marriage has a real chance. Dear Deidre's Sex Addiction Problems From compulsive hook-ups to secret visits to escorts, sex addiction regularly surfaces in Deidre's inbox. One woman feared her marriage was beyond repair after learning her husband was addicted to sex and repeatedly cheating on her with other women. Another reader was haunted by the risk of STIs after a secretive pattern of paying for escorts spiralled out of control. And a third man admitted his obsession with porn and multiple affairs had left him desperate to save his marriage before it completely unraveled. SEX ADDICITON: THE SIGNS Sex addiction — sometimes called compulsive sexual behaviour — isn't about enjoying sex a lot. It's about feeling unable to stop. People with sex addiction may spend hours seeking porn, arranging hookups, or fantasising, even when it causes distress, damages relationships, or gets in the way of work or daily life. The key feature isn't the amount of sex — it's the loss of control. Common signs include: Feeling anxious or depressed when you're not engaging in sexual activity Trying (and failing) to cut back on porn, sex, or risky encounters Hiding behaviour from partners or friends Using sex to escape emotional discomfort Neglecting responsibilities or loved ones in favour of sexual activity Where to find support: 12-step programmes like Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) like Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) Therapy , especially CBT or psychosexual counselling , especially CBT or psychosexual counselling NHS referrals for compulsive behaviour or addiction services For many, healing begins with recognising that sex addiction isn't about lack of willpower — it's about pain, coping, and the need for support rather than shame.
