Gen Z's latest obsession — coming out as ‘graysexual': What it means, and how they're discovering they're ‘gray'
A surprising number of people are choosing to identify as 'graysexual,' with many now sharing the moment they realized they were 'gray.'
Graysexuality exists in what many describe as a 'gray area' between being allosexual – experiencing regular sexual attraction — and asexual — experiencing none. Those who identify as graysexual may feel sexual attraction rarely, inconsistently, or only under specific circumstances.
Reddit users are posting in the r/Graysexuality subreddit — a growing online community of over 8,300 members — about their experiences dating and being intimate.
3 On platforms like TikTok and YouTube, videos exploring the term are gaining thousands of views.
georgerudy – stock.adobe.com
In one post, user @The_Archer2121 explained that they had spent much of their life assuming they were just a 'late bloomer.' Crushes came 'decades apart,' rarely lasted long, and they often didn't feel sexual attraction — even to their own boyfriend.
As Dan Beeson, a graysexual man from London, told Cosmopolitan UK, 'Graysexual… is not 'I just don't fancy it tonight'. For me, it's being completely devoid of sexual desire in bouts, which can last months, and then one day waking up and realising that instinct has returned.'
'I'd been aware my drive for sex wasn't as regular as others, but I just put it down to my own relationship with sex. That may still be true, but finding out others were having similar feelings and there was at least a community of some number of us was reassuring,' he added.
3 It's not the same as simply not being 'in the mood,' and it's not a phase.
lordn – stock.adobe.com
Others online chimed in with similar stories.
One user said they only ever felt 'true' sexual attraction once in their life, explaining, 'When I see someone attractive, I don't have that 'I'd hit that' internal feeling. I just want to be near them.'
Another recalled being pressured to experiment with sex in college, confused about why their peers seemed to experience desire so intensely and frequently. 'Ended up getting married (not a good life choice), and things didn't go well in the sexual department.'
'I was constantly ridiculed and pressured into doing things that I didn't want to do.'
That mismatch in sexual expectations eventually led the person to discover graysexuality through online communities.
One person wrote that their attraction would 'turn on' only every few months, making them flip-flop between identifying as allosexual and asexual, until they found graysexuality — and a sense of peace.
Interest in graysexuality is growing rapidly — especially with Gen Z.
On platforms like TikTok and YouTube, videos exploring the term are gaining thousands of views. Creators like podcaster Mark (@notdefining) have helped bring nuance to the identity, describing it as 'a bit of sexual attraction… but to a low degree.'
Many assume that graysexual people don't want romantic relationships or are simply repressed. But as psychotherapist Jane Czyzselska explains, 'It can be hard in both queer and wider culture to confidently own a sexuality that acknowledges desire differently.'
She encourages those exploring the label to reflect on what contexts spark or suppress desire, and to trust their own changing boundaries. 'No one should tell you who you should be or who you are,' she says.
3 Those who identify as graysexual may feel sexual attraction rarely, inconsistently, or only under specific circumstances.
Koegelenberg Coop/peopleimages.com – stock.adobe.com
The term graysexual first appeared on the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) in 2006 and has since become an important identity for those who never quite fit into the binary of sexual or asexual. Some people who identify as graysexual may also relate to terms like demisexual — sexual attraction only after a strong emotional bond — queer, or pansexual.
As one Reddit user summed it up: 'I was so repressed in this regard out of pure confusion… It was such a relief to finally have a word for how I feel.'
The rise of identities like graysexuality comes amid what researchers are calling a 'sex recession' — with younger generations reporting fewer sexual partners and less interest in sex overall.
But rather than a simple lack of desire, experts like writer Carter Sherman argue it's more nuanced, involving social media pressure, body image issues, and political anxieties.
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Gen Z's latest obsession — coming out as ‘graysexual': What it means, and how they're discovering they're ‘gray'
They're not gay — they're 'gray.' A surprising number of people are choosing to identify as 'graysexual,' with many now sharing the moment they realized they were 'gray.' Graysexuality exists in what many describe as a 'gray area' between being allosexual – experiencing regular sexual attraction — and asexual — experiencing none. Those who identify as graysexual may feel sexual attraction rarely, inconsistently, or only under specific circumstances. Reddit users are posting in the r/Graysexuality subreddit — a growing online community of over 8,300 members — about their experiences dating and being intimate. In one post, user @The_Archer2121 explained that they had spent much of their life assuming they were just a 'late bloomer.' Crushes came 'decades apart,' rarely lasted long, and they often didn't feel sexual attraction — even to their own boyfriend. As Dan Beeson, a graysexual man from London, told Cosmopolitan UK, 'Graysexual… is not 'I just don't fancy it tonight'. For me, it's being completely devoid of sexual desire in bouts, which can last months, and then one day waking up and realising that instinct has returned.' 'I'd been aware my drive for sex wasn't as regular as others, but I just put it down to my own relationship with sex. That may still be true, but finding out others were having similar feelings and there was at least a community of some number of us was reassuring,' he added. Others online chimed in with similar stories. One user said they only ever felt 'true' sexual attraction once in their life, explaining, 'When I see someone attractive, I don't have that 'I'd hit that' internal feeling. I just want to be near them.' Another recalled being pressured to experiment with sex in college, confused about why their peers seemed to experience desire so intensely and frequently. 'Ended up getting married (not a good life choice), and things didn't go well in the sexual department.' 'I was constantly ridiculed and pressured into doing things that I didn't want to do.' That mismatch in sexual expectations eventually led the person to discover graysexuality through online communities. One person wrote that their attraction would 'turn on' only every few months, making them flip-flop between identifying as allosexual and asexual, until they found graysexuality — and a sense of peace. Interest in graysexuality is growing rapidly — especially with Gen Z. On platforms like TikTok and YouTube, videos exploring the term are gaining thousands of views. Creators like podcaster Mark (@notdefining) have helped bring nuance to the identity, describing it as 'a bit of sexual attraction… but to a low degree.' Many assume that graysexual people don't want romantic relationships or are simply repressed. But as psychotherapist Jane Czyzselska explains, 'It can be hard in both queer and wider culture to confidently own a sexuality that acknowledges desire differently.' She encourages those exploring the label to reflect on what contexts spark or suppress desire, and to trust their own changing boundaries. 'No one should tell you who you should be or who you are,' she says. The term graysexual first appeared on the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) in 2006 and has since become an important identity for those who never quite fit into the binary of sexual or asexual. Some people who identify as graysexual may also relate to terms like demisexual — sexual attraction only after a strong emotional bond — queer, or pansexual. As one Reddit user summed it up: 'I was so repressed in this regard out of pure confusion… It was such a relief to finally have a word for how I feel.' The rise of identities like graysexuality comes amid what researchers are calling a 'sex recession' — with younger generations reporting fewer sexual partners and less interest in sex overall. But rather than a simple lack of desire, experts like writer Carter Sherman argue it's more nuanced, involving social media pressure, body image issues, and political anxieties. Solve the daily Crossword
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I got a C in a course I originally had an A in because I didn't bother reading that a 10-point assignment was worth 20% of my grade, so I skipped it. Mistakes were made." –dumbest 3."Don't buy into the 'Cs get degrees' crap, especially if you're a STEM major or want to go to grad school. The job market for internships and full-time positions is extremely competitive." –Wajirock 4."If you're living on campus, budget time for exercise/sports. The freshman 15 is very real – make it 15 pounds of muscle, not 15 pounds of endless cafeteria food and booze." –ImAStruwwelPeter 5."Take your required English classes first. It'll teach you how to write better papers, which you'll do a lot of for other classes. Some classes make you better at their subject. English classes make you better at all subjects." –Smart_Ass_Dave 6."If you feel like your major is not for you, SWITCH OUT! 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Don't continue with friendships just because you feel like you have to." –I_am_the_butt 10."Buying books is a waste of your money. Rent them, take the notes you need (and save them if it's for a major-specific class), and send them back at the end of the semester." –localtrashgoblin Related: 11."Depending on your career, major, and future goals, college is a great time to network. Maintaining a good relationship with my professor and putting forth a lot of effort helped keep me at the front of his mind when people came to him asking for web developers. That's how I got my current job." –Raze321 12."When your teacher gives you practice test questions before an exam, copy them verbatim and search them within quotes on Google. They're probably using a test bank that you can find for free. Even if they change the exact questions on the exam, you still will have really good questions to practice with." –RugratsReruns 13."Take advantage of the office hours for your professors. Especially at large universities, that little bit of effort will help you stand out and be remembered. It's amazing how much 'benefit of the doubt' and leeway I received from my professors simply because I was known to them." –Dmnjuice 14."Do bring Tupperware to the dining hall. Even if they say it isn't allowed, do it. I would always sneak the extra food on my plate into a container and eat it the next day. Saved my ass when I was broke my freshman year." –Faith-Hope-TacoBell 15."Campuses have SO much free stuff. Especially during frosh week, there is usually free food everywhere." "Follow big clubs like the health/wellness centre, the student centre, etc. on social media and pay attention to when they host events or have tables set up around campus and go get the free stuff like food, tshirts, coffee, mugs, etc. (You're paying for it anyway with the tuition that goes toward that club/organization/group!)." –fliffers Related: 16."Join a sports team or a club. These people will be your crew and will stay your friends long after you graduate. I am still best buds with my teammates from almost 15 years ago." –fivekilometer22 17."Know your deadlines and stick to them. Professors have heard every excuse under the sun and won't take 'I didn't know when it was due' or 'I didn't know I couldn't copy without citing' as an excuse ever." –echelon_01 18."When you get a project/assignment/essay, just start it straight away !!!! Even if it's just googling your assignment, think about it and get the first paragraph or sentence down. If you do this, it's much easier to get it done a few weeks down the line when you've left it to the last minute." "Starting a project can feel so daunting and overwhelming, but even if you have the smallest of starts already done, you are both consciously and subconsciously thinking about that project when you're not doing it. Therefore, when you eventually get around to doing it, you're not arsing around wondering where to start." –namethannumbers finally, "Pass your classes and take an interest, BUT the most important learning at College and University takes place outside of the classroom. Learn how to take care of yourself. Take part in the community. Volunteer. Vote." –idonthavehobbies Do you have any advice that belongs on this list? Let me know in the comments! Also in Internet Finds: Also in Internet Finds: Also in Internet Finds: Solve the daily Crossword
