Michelle Obama: The No. 1 parenting strategy my mom used to raise confident children—‘it prepared me in ways I couldn't imagine'

CNBC

15-05-2025

Former U.S. first lady Michelle Obama says she inherited her confidence from her mother, Marian Robinson.
During Obama's childhood in Chicago's South Shore neighborhood, Robinson dedicated much of her time with her two children to laughing at their jokes and listening to their ideas, Obama recalled on an episode of the "Good Hang with Amy Poehler" podcast that aired Wednesday.
Robinson's interest in Obama and Craig's ideas made them feel special, smart and capable at a young age, Obama said. In other words, Obama's mother actively listened to her children — paying attention to what they said, and asking thoughtful questions in response — which is an effective strategy for parents to help raise confident children, some experts say.
"That's where confidence began for me, sitting at my kitchen table, me and my brother with a mom who really, really loved our voices," said Obama, 61. "She liked to hear our thoughts. She thought we were funny."
The confidence Obama developed as a child helped her navigate challenges as an adult, she added. "[Her light] probably prepared me in ways I couldn't have imagined for those White House years, that time in the spotlight," Obama said. "I could handle a lot of the negativity. I could handle the stress and the pressure."Asking questions — from "How was your day?" to, when necessary, "Why did you hit a classmate at school?" — can help parents build trust with their kids, without necessarily letting them off the hook for bad behavior. Such questions can also help children develop more self-awareness, child psychologist Becky Kennedy told CNBC Make It in January.
"It's a really key part of raising children: Can we see them for who they are, accept them for who they are?" Kennedy said. "It's really core to helping a child become a decent human being, one who can handle themselves and have confidence in themselves."
Obama used another parenting tactic to help raise her own self-assured daughters: When her children Sasha and Malia fought growing up, Obama simply didn't get involved, she said in an April 30 episode of her and her brother's podcast "IMO."
"I don't want to play favorites," Obama said. "I'm not sure who's telling the truth. So, if I'm involved ... play is shut down, doors closed, computers off, it's over."
Learning to resolve conflicts without tattling to their mother helped the siblings learn how to solve problems on their own so they could keep playing, Obama added.
People with successful careers typically have strong conflict resolution skills, the Harvard Business Review reported on October 21. And the younger kids learn how to communicate, the more easily they can regulate their emotions and build relationships as they grow up, according to the Child Mind Institute.