Who the Fork Are You?

India Today

16 hours ago

Zohran Kwame Mamdani, the American political wunderkind with a Gujarati Shia Muslim father from Uganda, a Hindu mother from Indian Punjab, and a middle name from Ghana, is deeply divisive, like politicians are. I have zero qualms about dragging him for eating with his hands during an interview. Savage. Uncivilised.The cardinal rule of civilised dining is simple: don't yammer while you're stuffing your face with biryani. Talking with a mouthful is a culinary crime, and I would curry ninda anyone committing it, be it in Mumbai or in Manhattan. But some Americans, particularly the MAGA brigade, aren't clutching pearls over his chatter. No, they're apoplectic about his hands. Eating with fingers? Heathen! To them, cutlery is the hallmark of sophistication, and bare hands are for cavemen.advertisementFood isn't just fuel, it's a sensory orgy. Thank the lord for blessing us with the food on the table and our body with the five senses: sight, smell, touch, taste and hearing. Traditional eating was a five-star experience for all five senses. You gazed at the dish, caressed its texture with your fingers, inhaled its aroma, savoured its flavour, and relished the crunch or melt.
Forks, knives, and spoons? Those were born in grim, water-scarce lands where icy streams and filthy paws made hand-eating a hygiene horror. But in cultures where hand-washing was a sacred prelude to anything worthwhile, fingers were the ultimate utensil. Enter colonialism: the fork-wielding masters branded their ways 'civilised' and the hand-eating colonised 'savage.' The cutlery supremacy was born.While Mamdani was busy committing the sin of talking through his meal, he waxed poetic about his 'Third World sensibilities.' Oh, please. The Third World doesn't endorse mid-bite monologues. We offer our food to the cosmos, whisper a verse for universal nourishment, and then dig in with reverence. Chatting over dinner is a Western quirk, born of their obsession with 'table talk.' We didn't even have tables until the Brits showed up, and we only use cutlery for foods that demand them. Like a spoon for soup or forks for spaghetti. Never for self-respect.Zohran says his worldview is inspired by the 3rd world while eating rice with his hands pic.twitter.com/FDaQfcNSJv— End Wokeness (@EndWokeness) June 29, 2025advertisementKnives, those primal tools of hunter-gatherers, were Europe's early claim to culinary fame. But while Asia was living its spice-infused golden age, Europe was slumming it with bread and stew. Spoons slurped the broth, knives hacked the loaf. Basic, boring, beige. Meanwhile, in lands of abundance, rice ruled. Spices danced, cuisines dazzled, and clean hands were all you needed. Why trust a fork that's been in who-knows-whose gob when your own washed hand is a known quantity? As the saying goes: you can't pick your fork's past, but you can scrub your fingers.Even medieval Europe was a hands-on affair. Knives sliced, fingers or bread scooped. Spoons were the soup sakhas, forks a later cameo. But as dining became a flex of class, forks crept in, promising cleaner, posher meals, untangled from the plebeian paw. By the 19th century, the four-tined fork and blunt table knife were Western dining's dynamic duo, with fish forks and butter knives arriving with a 'look at us, we're fancy!' Colonisation and trade spread this cutlery cult worldwide, but many cultures stuck to their guns, or rather, their hands. West of India, hands. East of India, chopsticks. India had the eating hand, thoroughly washed, before and after.advertisementYes, India has an eating hand. Because, we have a washing hand, equally pristine. Thoroughly washed, before and after. Americans, still strangers to the bidet, might want to sit this hygiene lecture out. The nation that loves 'cutting red tape' still clings to paperwork to finish the job, calling desis unwashed while their own behinds stay, ahem, unfinished. I don't shake hands with suspected paper-users. Principle.Mamdani's hand-eating isn't just practical, it's a vibe. Touching food gauges its temperature, sparing you the 'ooh, aah, ouch' of a fork-shovelled scald. It's intimate, intentional, a middle finger to the fork fetishists. So, Zohran, keep eating with your hands. Just shut up while you're at it.(Kamlesh Singh, a columnist and satirist, is director of news with India Today Digital)- Ends(Views expressed in this opinion piece are those of the author)Must Watch