I moved to Malaysia in my 30s and struggled to make friends, so I started a club to make the community I needed

Business Insider

a day ago

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Joshua Webley, who founded The Expats Club after moving to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia's capital. It has been edited for length and clarity.
Ten years ago, I left the UK to travel.
I was born and raised in a small town about 150 miles north of London. It's one of those places where nobody ever really leaves, but I wanted to see more of the world.
For the next seven years, I lived the digital nomad life, traveling through various countries such as Indonesia, Spain, and Morocco, while working remotely for a health insurance company based in Thailand.
But when I got to Malaysia, I fell in love with the country, the lifestyle, everything. It felt calmer and less chaotic than other parts of Southeast Asia that I'd seen.
I ended up living in Malaysia intermittently over the years, spending several months at a time taking it all in. It was also in Kuala Lumpur, the capital city, where I met my now-wife, Rachel, who is Malaysian.
In July 2023, I was offered a job with a wealth management firm in Kuala Lumpur. The visa process took around six months, and by January last year, I was fully settled in the city.
I realized I didn't really know anybody
I'd moved around so much by then, and the longest I'd ever stayed in one place was two or three months. I didn't know who to ask about restaurants, or who to ask out for a drink when I finished work on a Friday.
Although I had been to a few networking events, they were all really professional. You'd go there, and then you'd come home with 10 property agent business cards and five health insurance pamphlets.
It came to the point where I thought, OK, I need to do something more.
I ended up joining an English society, but the problem with that was I'd be surrounded by other English people. I didn't come to this side of the world just to meet English people; I wanted to meet everybody.
Twenty-nine people showed up for that, and things just took off from there.
Now, we host the Curry Club
Here's how it works: Attendees make a small donation to a chosen charity, which serves as their RSVP, and we meet at a local restaurant. Everyone pays their own way.
The donation helps ensure people show up — it feels like buying a ticket. If 50 people RSVP without donating, traffic or rain might mean only 10 show up. I don't want a restaurant owner telling me they brought in extra staff only for hardly anyone to show up. This system keeps it fair.
Sometimes, we also host a volunteer event with the chosen charity. As we're here in Malaysia as expats, the idea is to try to give back to the community that has welcomed us.
Even though it's called the Curry Club, a lot of times we don't only do curry houses. We've also had Spanish tapas and Italian food. The next one will be German.
Over time, it has grown into something bigger
The Expats Club is a community for people who have moved to Malaysia. These days, it's a team effort — my wife handles the club's social media and digital marketing.
People in the community also organize their own smaller meetups now, such as to play golf or pickleball, or to go hiking. All I have to do is kick-start them by creating the first few events. Once they've all met each other, it becomes self-sustaining.
There are also dedicated groups for retirees, business owners, and women. Rachel hosts the women's group events. People can join whichever groups interest them and connect with like-minded individuals.
In addition to Kuala Lumpur, we've started hosting meetups in other parts of Malaysia, including Penang.
Beyond social events, the community has also become a resource for expats navigating their move to Malaysia, whether it's visas, housing, or other local know-how.
We made good friends — most are retirees
They come around our house, and it's amazing. They clean everything up, and they don't stay too late.
My wife and I got married early this month, and most of my guests were friends I've met through the Expats Club.
When my best man, who's the same age as me, wasarranging my bachelor's party, I had to tell him, "Look, here are the people who are coming, but just be careful because most of them are over 70 years old. I don't want anything too crazy."
When you move abroad, as much as you're gaining new insights about living in a new country, you are also saying goodbye to your network. It's especially tough when there's a big time difference.
Now, things are different. I've actually made friends and built a beautiful community of people that I can love and trust.